No Contact Annoymous – Share your struggles with keeping NC

@confusedbutok What you said made me laugh, I’d agree, I think she needs to send you flowers too.

@ThePhoenix I’ve had a lot of those moments too, feelings out of nowhere that just take over. Hate those. Great job on working through your emotions so well. 🙂

NC day 41. Today I was feeling angry, a rage almost. I wanted to message my ex and just rip him apart. I wanted to tell him that things he was saying about me got back to me. I wanted to tell him a million different hurtful things. I didn’t though. I’m trying so hard to stick to NC, to show some maturity and grace in this. It’s still a daily struggle. It’s really hard for me to let someone mistreat me and sit in silence. I think that’s harder for me to let go of than the relationship. My own pride I guess.

You know what I love? Most of the women I’ve been chatting with off online dating sites have all told me the same thing.

That the guys are whatever, pervy, stalker-ish, etc

I’ve even had one that I didn’t meet tell me she regrets that she stopped talking to me because of the “competition”

So let’s hope my ex regrets it too considering I never even met this woman and she noticed my value. But, my ex might have too pride to even let herself get in touch. She might just force herself into another relationship. She’s the type that will convince herself she doesn’t need something even if she does.

@ThePhoenix

Lol yeah my ex was similar. She’d always say she hates relying on people until she realizes ok maybe she needs someone’s help.

She’s the type with a strong intimidating exterior but deep down a bit insecure. Took me a bit to realize that. She used to tell me tons of guys would be intimidated by her personality and she liked that I wasn’t.

@Nell

Thanks. My ex was all those things especially intelligent and I knew how to engage her. She’d mentioned most guys didn’t have good conversation skills.

Last time we spoke I made a point to say I was also seeing other people but most of them couldn’t have any real intellectual conversations. It was a subtle way for me to remind her of the talks we’d have. Who knows if it worked or not lol.

If my ex does regret leaving me, makes me question if she’d reach out or just convince herself she shouldn’t to protect her ego.

@archola My friend put a boot to my head earlier about this, the fear and worry. I worry too, but for me I felt really ungrateful after my talk with my buddy. “Life is too short. We’re all in fortunate situations where we can worry about things like this as opposed to when our next meal is going to be. Now I’m not saying you shouldn’t be fearful of things or have emotions, but let the emotions come as they do, let them run their course, and then try not to cycle.” He can be pretty straightforward, but he has a very rational mind that helps to revoer quickly when I start to get emotional.

My ex is a good person, but she burned me bad too with lies, lead me on, and had I not been fortunate to have money set aside and get a bit of a promotion/pay increase, I would have been in a bind financially and she could have cared less it seemed. She told the landlord she’d pay for half of rent/utilities for this month. Did she? No, and I doubt she will as I’ve already paid it all. Despite all of this I still love her. I know that situations came up and she made the best possible decisions at whatever time. Now did she go about them the right way? The consensus would be no, absolutely not. However, I’ve done things too that have hurt others as well but were good decisions for me. I would make sure, however, to do my best to apologize/explain my situation and my friends/family understood. I think where my ex and I differ is I was brought up in a more stable family situation. My moral compass is more secure and I live my life with as much compassion as I can manage for others on a daily basis.

Is my ex happy? I don’t think she truly is, but a big part of me hopes that she is and is doing well after her decisions. I don’t want her to fail in her endeavors. I don’t want her to be miserable. I don’t want her to feel like the odd man out. I don’t want her to get kicked out of her new place, and I hope to hell she is actually taking care of her dog. I have faith that she is, as her not doing so is a worry for me as an animal lover, but I also know she has roommates around and she can’t afford to not take care of her. I’m thankful she’s in a situation where she has to grow up a little more and be responsible.

As odd as it sounds, something that really helped me a few years ago with a long distance “relationship” (wouldn’t even really call it that) that went sour was to talk to the person as if they were dead. It’s an odd concept, I’m sure, but in that moment this person was essentially dead to me. She cut off all communication instantaneously and told mutual friends “I’ve washed my hands of this.” It was incredibly weird for me at first, but I found the more I did it, the better I felt and was able to get a grip more quickly. Wouldn’t you know it, years later this girl crossed my mind and I reached out to her and we’re friends now. When I spoke to my friend about this girl from all those years ago, I asked if I acted like I am now with my ex. “Yup. Almost exactly, only you’re not chasing this time and that’s good.” To hear that, especially after I got over this girl, just made me cringe in regard to my ex. I remember full well how I carried myself then and now it just makes me want to do better for myself.

Time is a magnificent and precious thing, and I’ve found it heals many things. That being said:

“They always say time changes things, but you actually have to change them yourself.”
― Andy Warhol, The Philosophy of Andy Warhol

Found this thread…

I think this might help some of you guys,

http://www.enotalone.com/forum/showthread.php?t=199355

I also realized that being her first boyfriend we would not have worked out in the future as she will always wonder if the grass is greener in the other side.

@Martin

Find some girl to take pics with giving the impression she’s the new love in your life and upload them to your Dropbox.

Let her log in one final time then change the pw lol. If you want to have some fun with jealousy