No Contact Annoymous – Share your struggles with keeping NC

@Martin

Same boat again. I treated her like gold, and if we had a problem I was the one working to work it out and be rational. I did make mistakes, but she made mountains out of molehills. However, I don’t think my ex is in a relationship at this time, but there is a girl after her hardcore. It’s amusing because my ex is throwing compliments her way and hanging out with her almost daily, saying things like “Prettiest girl at the ball” to her but that is not something typical of my ex to say to someone like her. I know better, and I know she would not go for someone that NEVER smiles, has serial killer face (so I’m told), and is essentially a Justin Bieber wannabe as far as hair/dress style goes (per my bro).

I know my ex has hit a resentful/angry stage with me and wants me to know it. She goes out of her way to try to suck me into her vortex of ick, but I’m a better woman than that. It also seems like she’s trying to compete with me. I’ve been following Kevin’s advice to change my fb profile pic each week and not post anything negative. Anytime I post something, I get lots of likes and comments. Well, she’s taken to trying to do the same and her most recent profile pic is one of those smug smiles that seems to scream “I don’t need you.” But again, I know better. The grass is not greener. Despite looking somewhat happy in her most recent profile pic, she has MAJOR dark circles under her eyes, more so than when we were together. She’s also been using my gaming account and playing games until after midnight, so I’m guessing she’s a bit lonely and trying to fill her time.

Awfully funny for her to be acting this way when I have not done anything to her and made sure the break was at least ending on a good note. For someone who loved me, but was no longer in love with me, all this anger seems to suggest that perhaps, just maybe, she is still in love with me and fighting herself. Who knows.

@ThePhoenix

Something tells me your ex will come around. I think she just needs a cool off period really.

@confusedbutok

Well it shows that your ex is ready for commitment and she probably wanted more attention from you. I think in your case is once you rekindle things with him show her some affection and she will be all yours.

@Martin

I think you’re right. She’s the one that’s initiated breaks and the breakups, but never had enough time for herself to really evaluate things. She’s in a situation right now where she has no choice but to stick to her guns, but with time I’m sure she’ll come around again. The longest we broke up before was a month before she came running back, but I did make the mistake of pressuring her then. Not going to happen this time as it’s critical we both get our lives in order.

I really love the link you posted, and it gave me a lot of insight and hope. I truly believe with time apart, we will both work to improve ourselves (and everyone else here too)! If nothing comes from it, nothing comes from it. But knowing what I know, I’d say odds are good with reconciliation down the line.

@ThePhoenix

“The Universe tends to unfold as it should!”

We all are at our lows right now, hopefully things get better!

@confusedbutok

Do not start with the flowers, take it slow and gradually build up.

First you need to make sure you two can reconnect; once that is established and her guards are down, you can start being romantic.

@Nell and @confusedbutok yes, i understand what you may be saying and I kinda agree in some ways. We were together for almost 4 years and she never seemed like that, I mean it. She always was way more mature than normal girls in her age. I mean, she would talk about the future, she would make plans, etc and she never shaped herself into me or something, she was who she was truly and I took her with all her ups and downs. She had childhood troubles, I shouldn’t be saying this but something happened to her 2 years ago (you can imagine) and I flew to be with her. I cared and I know she did too. I find it hard to believe she changed so much. She would always love to have pictures of us on fb, normally we would like a album with over 20 pictures in there, and with the guy she just has 1 and that’s it.
I know im over thinking this and that I shouldn’t and I know she’s gone for real, maybe but she’s still here all the time, even in my dreams she won’t go away and I still cry for her and meanwhile I bet she’s fucking him and my mind goes crazy. Anyway, NC still goes strong. I wanted to tell her I still think about her but I won’t. I won’t 🙂

Actually I’m not sending her anything. I helped so much with her house and car. Sometimes going home achy. And she’s really going to say things like if you cared you would have paid for dinner and surprised me with flowers? Get out of here. I didn’t have to break my back working on a house that’s not even mine. Did that because I cared about her and liked making her happy. If anything she should send ME flowers.

Going NC forever.

@Martin Love Harold and Kumar! And you’re absolutely right. If you want to reconnect with your friends, I say go for it. But DO NOT say anything about your ex and if they try to bring her up, ask them not to. I’ve had to do this with a mutual friend for my own sanity.

@archola I’ve found that people don’t really change, they merely reveal themselves over time. I think any of us that had a long, deep relationship with our exes probably know them the best. How they act right now though, that’s debatable. I don’t think they like that we know them, so they try to give off the appearance of having changed. In my ex’s case, she’s doing her best to act like a socialite, be super flirty with others and outgoing, etc.. I’ve known her since 3rd grade, so I know it’s a bluff and a way for her to try to ignore her feelings. She’s the shy, quiet type; I’m not fooled.

@confusedbutok I get where you’re coming from. I bent over backward to make things nice at our apartment, make sure she stayed happy, and provided so much for my ex. NC seems to be the only way for us to keep our sanity and possibly shake our exes back into reality. When we’ve done so much for them and we’re suddenly not there doing all those nice things, it’s going to make quite the impact. But again, all things take time.

@Carmine828 A little bit of patience goes a long way for sure! I had waited 2 years for a chance to date my now ex. I carried on about my life though, and it got to a point where I said to myself “screw it, done waiting around.” She had led me on for too long and was hot/cold about being with me. Funny thing about that, when I let go, she came running.

Today started off good for me, but I hit a point of momentary sadness and fear. It’s strange because it came out of nowhere and left me feeling like I needed to cry, but could not. I know rationally my ex is hurting just as much as I am, if not more because I am not chasing her. I’m sure it’s pissing her off and making her feel like I don’t care about her at all (which is not the case), and that stirred fear that it might push her to look elsewhere. I realized though that my fear was just my brain still having to adjust to the changes. Emotionally, I’m good, but after 5 years of living together my brain as to rewire itself. So I cried, accepted the emotion at that moment, wrote a letter to my ex and burned it. I felt better afterward, had a cup of coffee, and am now watching Netflix with a friend.