No Contact Annoymous – Share your struggles with keeping NC

@archola I read your story. I’m very sorry to hear about your relative. Did you end up contacting her about it? If you haven’t, I would say it is for the best not to. I don’t think she is going to offer any comfort and you shouldn’t seek that from her.

She told you a lot of things, but you can’t take what an ex says seriously after a breakup. They will say almost anything to not take blame, to look like a good person, or to try to keep you on the back burner. You really can’t focus on what they say.

This is the best advice I’ve ever received: look at what someone does, not what they say. She is with someone else, and that says more than any words. I know it’s hard. I was married for 6 yrs. when my ex dumped me. At first I kept thinking over everything he had said, but at some point you see that their words don’t match their actions.

I really think you need to avoid social media. It’s not helping you right now, probably hurting you even more. You need to focus on yourself right now, not her and her rebound. And I do believe that who she is with is a rebound.

I’m sure she will miss you eventually, they all usually do, but try not to focus on that right now. Your #1 priority is you! Come here when you are struggling and need to talk. Work on yourself. Stay strong in NC. It really does help and it will if you give it time.

Yes, yes I do. My ex said she wanted to stay in touch and still thought of me as her best friend. She said she could not stand to not have me in her life, yet she has made no contact aside from when I was in the hospital. Beyond that, nadda.

But I also think she might be looking elsewhere for a relationship, despite saying she did not want to be in one for quite some time.

Confusing times, eh friend?

@ThePhoenix I’ve had the same too. I am told by my Ex that I am her best friend and that she would be gutted if I decided that I didn’t want to have her in my life no more.

We shall see what happens in time!

Hey Guys,

Was wondering if you guys could advice me on a few things.

I am on NC day 14 Round 3.

My ex has been seeing this guy now and totally then have been on approximately 4 long dates. They seem to be taking it slow.

My ex still has not told me that she is seeing someone else? (Why do you think she has not yet?)

Is there any way I can somehow to win her back?

true. I thought of that.

But she already told me that she likes him, being the trigger of our break up.

Sometime in December she investigated if I was seeing someone and when we spoke she asked if I slept with anyone.

I wish I could read her mind. I am not sure if she is still confused or she has made up her mind.

@Martin

The dumper is the one who usually rebounds. They ended things so they feel more empowered than the dumpee but they still hurt and they want to fill the void. This is why they say rebounds don’t work usually unless the person needs someone around and trick themselves into liking them.

That’s one of the perks of being a dumpee, while the dumper tries to hide their hurt feelings with a rebound the dumpee is already healing.

So when the dumper ends the rebound relationship they have to deal with those hurt emotions while you’re already healed.

Stay strong

Thanks for answering my question everyone. I get the feeling my ex isn’t leaving me alone out of respect for me or my boundaries. He never did it in the past. We’re going on almost 30 days of NC from him which made me think perhaps he is doing it to me.

@ThePhoenix Hmm that is interesting, her words and actions are not congruent. Yes, confusing times indeed!

@Sparky It does seem like she was waiting up for you. Does she normally stay up late like that? If not, I’d say it’s definitely a sign she was waiting up. Did you two chat after you messaged her?

@archola I’d agree it doesn’t seem like your ex is starting out her new relationship in an honest or trustworthy way. It could come back to bite her on the arse, but that was her decision. I wouldn’t worry too much about dating yet. It sounds like you are dealing with a lot right now. I hope you can get through your finals okay. I’m having the same problem, I’m very behind on my studies. I’m going to talk about it with my therapist this week, I’ll let you know if I find out any good tips. Running sounds like a great idea, btw. Hang in there!

@confusedbutok I’m not ignoring your question, but I need to think on it a bit and roll it around in my head, I don’t want to give you knee-jerk advice.

As far as I go, I’m on 38 days NC. I’m still trying to decide if I want to go 60 days NC and then try to talk about things, or just go NC indefinitely. I’m sure it will become more clear in time. I had a productive weekend and made a new girlfriend. It helped to boost my confidence to talk to some strangers and I ended up with a new friend out of it. I’d say if anyone feels that they are not ready to date yet, at least getting out and talking to people and making friends can really do a lot for your self esteem. After a breakup you can be left feeling unlikable but that isn’t true at all.