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True, I have decided to move on and rebuild my future. It is hard but I feel little by little I am getting better. I do wish now that I have not broken NC twice previously but at the same time I might regret it even if I didn’t. I think it is good it listen to your heart and mind equally then make the most effective judgement.
Anyway my ex got the G.I.G syndrome and it is unlikely that she would ever comeback. I will never accept her friendship but I would end it with saying I am leaving her for her own good (taking the role of a good guy.) The next time I speak to her would only be if she ever contacts me. Day 8 of NC round 3.
Though I live in one of the least friendliest cities in the world…I will attempt to make one less stranger everyday.
@Martin Which city would that be and what is the G.I.G syndrome to which you refer?
G.i.g syndrome is the grass is greener syndrome. It is when the guy/girl leaves you for someone else because they feel that they are more suitable with that person or that they can do better. The one that they leave you for would most likely be someone they are already friends with.
http://www.enotalone.com/forum/showthread.php?t=265952
^that website has a good description about it.I live in London. How about you?
Hello guys, I was wondering if anyone could help and advise….??
Right. I feel i am at the stage where I am considering sending my first txt or email since about 40 days of NC and was wondering what anyone thought?
me and my ex split up back in October, and for 2 months after that i would still see her as we were sorting out the flat we shared together.
During this time i did everything you’re not supposed to…I pleaded, begged, told her i would change, txt her, sent flowers, spoke to her friends etc, etc untill about the beggining of December when I broke contact and havent spoken to her since. Now i really want to re-connect and i came up with the below “first” txt and was after a bit of feedback to see if its a good idea? Also i was wondering if i should ask a question at the bottom of it or not to try and get a response or just leave it as it is……..“Hiya!
I just wanted to tell you that you were right about the
breakup…. I guess we did need space and I do believe sometimes when things happen, they happen
for a reason. Maybe this was good for both of us. Since I’ve had time to clear my head, a lot
of exciting things have been happening in my life recently and things have a funny way of working out.
Again, I apologise hugely about the way I acted during those weeks. You weren’t crazy, I was the one that was crazy and needed it, so I kinda thank you as well. You were right, your always right and your an amazing person and I wish you all the best”I was considering adding….. “Did anything happen with the deposit from the letting agency at all?”
As when we broke contact there were a few issues with our deposit on the flat we were sharing together and she wanted to sort it all out….Any form of feedback would be greatly appreciated
Thanks
Tom@Tommy83
Although that’s a nice genuine sounding text, considering you said you pleaded, sent flowers etc. I honestly would not send that. If anything id wait a lot longer because she probably still has that image of you and even if that text is coming from a better place I don’t think she’ll buy into it this soon. She could see it as just another one of your attempts to get her back and it might annoy her that you won’t leave her be. Trust me I’ve done similar things in the past.
Wait longer. Another month maybe. See how you really feel because right now I can tell you’re just still trying to get her back from the wrong mindset. I’d even suggest waiting out as long as possible to see if she contacts you. Even if she does you can still say what you wanted to in that text and move on from it. No reminders of previous actions or talks of the relationship unless she brings it up first.
Keep your message simple otherwise her shields would come up immediately.
If I was you I would text saying: “Hi, How are you doing?”
If she just replies back saying “Fine” then don’t text her back. Give it more time and restart NC.If she asks you back about your well-being then start and prolong a simple, pressure free conversation.
Whatever you do! DO NOT BRING BACK THE MEMORIES OF THE BREAK-UP! PUT THAT IN THE PAST!
your goal is to rekindle the lost connection.
Also remember to not give her too much attention and the same time give her just the right amount for her to want more.
Thank you SO much, I think you are right, I think i am going to leave it a bit longer, however..
I know you say to not bring up memories of the break up but…
After reading some other websites and advice, some say to Acknowledge that the break up has ended so that you show your strength and confidence again as the last contact we had was pretty much me txting her saying to her that shes pathetic ignoring me and life is too short to hold grudges.what if i was to send a simplified version of the txt acknowledging that she was right and then start another month of NC?
Thanks again though, your replies are a great help 🙂
I see how you messed up saying things like she’s pathetic etc. bad move but it happened, no worries. Just remember, time does heal all and she won’t remember the words only the feeling they caused her to feel.
I’d say don’t even bother. There are conflicting advices on what to say and what not to. In your case I’d just let it be. Just forget her. From your behavior she expects to hear more of you so even if you apologize/acknowledge the breakup she’s only going to read it from the filter of “ugh here we go again”
Just move on man. I know it’s tough but give her enough time and distance so she starts only remembering the good times. It’ll also help you as well. Remember women react emotionally. So don’t use logic. If anything make her feel something positive if and when you do reach out.
@Tommys83 I think confusedbutok and martin gave you some pretty solid advice and I will agree with what they said in regards to your text, keeping it simple, etc.
To add to it, I would avoid saying that she was right. Even if it’s true, it won’t help you or change anything. If anything it’s going to solidify her feelings for wanting the breakup and it also comes across disingenuous (based on your previous behavior) or like you are trying to get on her good side, which she will not be open to.
I honestly don’t agree with “acknowledging the breakup” or agreeing to it or whatever. I know not everyone will agree with me on this, but I feel it shows more strength and confidence to not bring it up. Silence, is in it’s own way, acceptance. Just by doing NC and not bothering an ex, we show that we have accepted it and have started to move on. Just my two cents. 🙂
Hey everyone,
How long does a rebound relationship’s honeymoon period last for?
Also if she waited just about 2 months after break-up from a serious 4-year relationship to start a new one, would it be a rebound?
How are you coping buddy?
Thank you, you are so right. The No contact should be enough to show that i have accepted the break up. I think you guys saved me from doing something stupid and i am now just going to wait and let time try to heal things.
Nell, I hope things are going ok in your situation.
@Martin
You have given me some great advice, so I’m not sure if i can help with your questions but all i know is that when it comes to your ex going into a new relationship after 2 months….. thats still pretty quick after being with you for 4 years so it has all the signs of a rebound.
The thing is, I feel my ex has also started seeing someone else. she is on all the dating sites actively seeking a relationship. I just think there’s nothing we can do about it, the best thing is to try to stop thinking about it and to try and avoid it all together. ignore it and try to get on with your life. I know its extremely hard, but the busier you are, doing things that you enjoy and getting stuck into new things the easier it will be to try and forget about it.
If it is a rebound relationship, from what ive read, it only realy lasts the honeymoon phase…..
I found this link quite helpfull….http://www.exbackguide.org/what-if-your-ex-is-dating.php
All the best and thanks again guys for your help and advice
Thanks for your response. Well she got the G.I.G syndrome.
She is 22 years old and I am her first and only ever lover; so she left me when she got the chance to be with someone else. She is really pretty and nice.
Anyway I am trying to move on but my heart keeps fluctuating. For the next few days she would spend it non-stop with the new guy as her exams ends today. They are in the same course.
Maybe at that age she feels she needs to see what else is out there and is kind of experimenting idk? if this is the case and you and her had a very good emotional relationship, she will realise this and realise she had something better and stronger than all that with you but it may take time. try not to force anything. Hopefully the guy she is seeing is a douche and doesnt treat her like you treated her when things were going well. Maybe she just needs to get it out her system and its up to you to think if thats the type of person you really want to be with? You sound like a good guy Marin…Go out and do what she is doing, find someone yourself, its not as hard as you think but that is the best way to move forward for the time being.
It sounds in some ways its similar to my situation. My ex was the first real long term relationship i have had and i am 31! i was in and out of short term “bit of fun” relationships during my 20’s and so was my ex and its the first time both of us have had a serious relationship where we lived together.
I slacked off at the end, I myself kept thinking the g.i.g syndrome while i was with her and slacked off! the frustrating part is that its the first time in our entire relationship it got like that and shes not willing to work through it, when i most definately am….I hear about lots of good solid relationships which at some point went through a tough patch and then got stronger as both people worked through it and it baffles me to think that after time apart from each other, giving me the time to realise I do really want to be with her and make her happy and get out of the rut i was in, shes not willing to give it one last go!? She really truly Loved me untill the last few months of the relationship and her friends even told me they’ve never seen her so into someone as she was with me. This probably didnt help as after a while i took it for granted but i have most definately learnt from it!
i really need to know the reason for why shes not willing to try again, so today i messed up a little and messaged her friend asking if we could meet up for a quick chat so i could try and draw a line under things. I know im not supposed to do this but i really need to know the main reason so that i can truly try to move on myself.I am also holding out hope that my ex is in a bit of a G.I.G syndrome and is meeting up with people on dating websites and soon she will realise she had something good with me…… I did everything for her, i just didnt show her enough love and attention at the end, i lost my motivation and ambition as i got too comfortable towards the end, but now i have got my ambition and motivation back, she is in a completely different city and theres no way of her seeing how i have changed for the best and i am back to the Tom she once fell in love with, thats whats making this whole situation so much harder for me.
Guys,
Would really appreciate a quick response.
I accidently sent my ex a thumbs up on Facebook messenger.
I didn’t want to do that!!!!!!
I was messenging another friend and while multitasking that happened.
She replied saying “hey”
Does this mean I have broken NC?
Was it really an accident? Lol
Just ignore the “hey” and log off. It’ll get her wondering and confused. Could be a good thing.
No more accidental contacting 🙂
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