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And this morning he read my last night msg but he didnt reply. I saw him online and he read it but he just remain silence. Hmmm
@aryyan It’s probably not a case of how important you are to him. You haven’t communicated with your Ex for a while and even if he has been in another relationship that will have hurt him. He may be lost for words at times and scared of opening up too much or upsetting you again himself.
Try to only focus on the positive. You haven’t spoke in a while but he still messaged you back several times. That’s quite a good start believe it or not. There are a lot of people who post on these forums who might wish that they could just get that far in communicating with their Ex.
You have to realise that things will not go back to what you felt that they were overnight. Just remain positive, focus on yourself but keep reminding your Ex that you are still there for him and that you want to keep the lines of communication open.
Good luck and Merry Christmas to you x
Thank u! Thats very sweet positive and supportive words from u. I feel better a bit now. Thank u so much. I hope everything will be alright. For me and for u too. 😀 cant wait to hear ur situation going on
U too! Merry xmas and happy holiday!
There’s been a noticeable change in my ex too, both in attitude and appearance (for the worse, imo). I’ve been trying to read her actions recently and I can’t tell if she’s really as happy as she’s making out to be (with her new guy) or if at least some of it is just for show (she still follows/is followed by most of my family on facebook, instagram & snapchat). On christmas morning, like literally first thing, she send my mother a private message on facebook wishing us all a happy christmas. Not much to read into I guess, but the fact that she reached out to my mum at least shows that I/we are still in her thoughts.
All I can suggest is we just keep going. We may grow to dislike the change(s) in our ex over time and simply start not caring, but either way we ourselves just need to play it cool. Early January will mark the end of my second attempt at NC, but I plan to go much longer than that!
Hey all,
It has been six days since I last contacted my ex. I approached her with the idea (after seven months of being broken up) of dating and getting to know each other again. For those that havent read my story, my ex would spend nights on the phone with me, text me like crazy, say she lives me as more than a friend etc. The last great convo we had lasted for four hrs. she had been seeing someone for a little less than a month and expressed some concern over her relationship hopping but said overall she wants to see where this new relationship goes. She likes this new guy but doesnt have hardcore feelings like butterflies or anything like that. She became emotional over some things we talked about and I thought I made some progress with her. A friend told me to ask her to date me before she became exclusive with this new guy. So I did. It didnt go well. Mostly she said “idk. Im pursuing Eric. You know that. Idk. I dont want that relationship. Etc etc etc” she became somewhat hostile and stressed out. I knew I made a mistake. It was too soon for her. She said she doesnt have a negative perception of me but it was extremely apparent she does and of our past relationship. It was like even though im only asking to date, shes only heard RELLATIONSHIP. So I told her that I cant be her friend and that Im choosing to move on. I also put slight blame on her for not trying to fix anything. Then I said good luck. It was through a facebook message. She sent a thumbs up emoji back. Lol I think I pissed her off. She texted me later saying she was bothered by what i said.
Here’s my struggle: In past conversations she would become agitated and stressed out if we talked about what she contributed to the downfall of the relationship. She would alsobsay a lot that ill be better without her and that she isnt good for me. She’s said that so many times, I couldn’t begin to count them.
I am trying to provoke her missing me through NC because just after two weeks of NC she would be dying to talk to me and has had the fear I will disappear from her life. My last resort is indefinite NC. I just hope my last ‘moving on’ message didnt reinforce her thinking that we shouldn’t be together. But I cant write or text her (especially after her not sending me a merry xmas text) because I want her to know what it’s like without me. To know that I wont just sit back and let her say and do things that show she still very much loves me but yet dates others to explore life outside of me.
Im sorry if this is all over the place. Im struggling a bit today. I havent been positive at all. Im working on being positive and thankful to receive great things back. (Universal Laws type thing).
Idk. Just playing the same old record. Again. Im sad. And yet numb.
Hi guys, Idk if this is the place to share my back story (which turned out to be incredibly long and complicated? sorry about that ^^’)
or just my struggles with NC.. but since this is my first post i thought i should share my story as well..
well.. we have been dating for 5 years and it has been incredible .. we loved each other so much (i gotta admit he was more into this relationship than i was at first) but the more time we spent together the harder i fall in love with him and the more time i want to spend with him.. we have talked almost everyday during these five years.. i was difficult to get along with.. i took out my frustration and anger on him, i yelled at him over stupid things, and attacked his personality, i cheated on him and he forgave me.. but i still couldn’t appreciate him.. but i wasn’t a b!@# all the time, i mean i did love him sincerely and i think most of those years were happy times.. since he stuck around through this abuse.. (i sometimes used to threaten i would break up with him and he threatens to kill himself.. ofc both of us knew we couldn’t live without each other)..
we used to study in the same area but different faculties.. so we saw each other everyday.. but i graduated a over a year ago and he’s now in his final year.. ever since this year started, he had less and less time for me, and i understood that.. but .. even when i was in my final year i used to call him everyday for at least 10 minutes to ask about his day and just hear his voice.. (damn! i can’t get through this post without crying).. but he was way more busier than i was.. until i was kinda upset about that and on the phone i told him that you don’t call me as often..and that was it.. he just hung up and he never was the same after that day… i called him again and again and sent about 300 texts (no kidding) but he didn’t answer.. this went on for two weeks.. until i went over to his house and txted him that i won’t move until he spoke with me.. (i now realise that that was a terrible mistake) he agreed to meet with me in a coffee place.. and when i went there he acted as if nothing happened.. i asked him why he did that.. he told me i was sick and i need help..(he said i had bpd) i have heard that before and denied it.. now that i thought i might lose him i accepted what he said and i said i want to get better but he needs to help me.. he told me that he can’t help my unless i help myself and something about standing on my own feet and being happy for my own happiness.. honestly i just wanted him back at the time (august) so i just said i will do whatever it takes and i assumed that everything would be like normal while i work on myself.. but he got colder by the day.. and one day we made plans to meet up at college but his phone was off for a week so i didn’t get to confirm the time and date but i went anyway.. i called he didn’t answer.. i told him i was waiting for him at (…..) he said he can’t meet me today.. i told him it was now or never, he said don’t force me to meet you.. and then i panicked and started sending him really crazy texts.. and he didn’t answer any of them.. ( i had other than him two friends one really close who told me two years ago that she was in love with him but she wasn’t going to do anything because he’s not available and because she loves me more) anyways she was very supportive during that time.. to some extent.. anyways.. i kept sending him texts like just asking how he was, and happy holidays etc.. and just random stuff but nothing obsessive.. his responses were sporadic, and very distant.. i tried to show him that i am really working hard on myself.. and i really was.. and he seemed to be coming around.. and we agreed to meet sometime soon.. we met at the mall .. and he felt like his old self.. he told me he loved me very much and he wants me to be happy and to find true happiness that shouldn’t be dependent on my being in a relationship with him ( i interpreted that as a way of gradually breaking up with me since he knows i will go insane without him… there were other “signs” that he didn’t want t future with me.. but i might have imagined those) anyway it was great it felt like we were finally back together until i call him on the phone and he doesn’t answer.. he said he doesn’t like talking on the phone and that it causes more trouble than it solves.. i kept calling him because that’s how things used to be.. we would talk each other to sleep, but his conversations were cold and brief.. that made me sadder and more confused.. i asked him to meet again and this time he came over to my house and it was the new version of him, the one that was indifferent to me.. i wanted to have sex with him but he said he didn’t think it was a good idea.. i felt rejected and cried a lot.. he didn’t even hold me.. or look at me with that love in his eyes.. only that empty stare.. *sigh* after that it went the same way.. i call him, he answers sometimes and is very brief on the phone.. i tried to be very positive and talked to him about things he liked.. but still it wasn’t like always.. i would sometimes mention that.. that he doesn’t love me like he used to.. and he would say “yes it’s a different kind of love right now.” and i would say ” what kind of love” he said ” you are like my family now, i love you with tremendous amounts, i just can’t express it the way you want me to” and i say “but you used to, you used to show me so much love i would actually worry how am i going to return it” he says nothing to that .. when i pester him about the subject again he says he is sure he won’t be in another relationship ever, but that doesn’t mean he will stay in this one.. and that a relationship is not something he “needs” to be happy and i should realise that too.. but i disagree what do you think ? .. anyways… after that we met and it was hard because he changed so much, i was prepping for weeks for what i am going to talk about. but to my shock when we were on the date he actually said at one point that what i was talking about was boring him.. and he went back very early saying that we don’t need to stay together for that long ( we used to stay out very late and wonder when did the time fly by) but this time he was always checking his clock.. after that day i was talking to my friend about this and she sent me a screencap of their conversations on whatsapp.. he didn’t even tell me he had whatsapp.. i felt so betrayed and asked her to send me their entire conversation.. she weaseled out of it and i felt that their conversation was warm and quite a lot compared to our recent conversations.. he seemed to enjoy it “from what i saw” i never spoke with her again, then i remembered that my other friend actually was in love with him so i asked her if she talks to him on whatsapp too and she said she didn’t want to answer.. at that moment i sank into a bottomless hole and felt my whole world crumble.. i called him and told him about what happened between tears and he told me to sleep now and that he will call me in the morning to talk about it, but he never did.. i txted him and he said he didn’t want to talk to me.. and then i found this site (two weeks ago) i sent him a message telling him i am going to stop contacting him because i wanted to work on myself ..”no answer ofc” .. and now it has been fourteen days.. not a day goes by that i don’t think of him or wish i had a time machine so i could act less like a child..
oh one more thing i forgot.. he has given me a puppy, but now where i live i can’t have a dog and i was given a deadline to get rid of it.. i told him about that (before that fated day) and he said ok bring her over.. now i don’t want to give her to anybody else because he said he wanted her, and because i want to see her again, but i don’t want to contact him about it, my mum called him to ask him when she could bring her over, his phone was off she texted him saying “hi i called you to ask you when it would be okay to bring the dog over” the message didn’t reach him.. because his phone is still off.. now i have to give her away.. do you think that my mum shouldn’t have contacted him ? ( when his phone is switched on he’s going to see missed calls and probably a text) i wonder if changed his phone number, what do i do after NC is over, and how long do you guys think i should keep up the NC?
anyways i apologise again for the ridiculously long post, but as i have stated, i don’t even have friends to discuss this about.. thanks for listening/reading.. etc ^^ i would appreciate any thoughts ^-^@LAbound I have kept up to date with your story and you are in a very similar place to whete I am.
My Ex told me about a rebound relationship that she was in during October. She ended that relationship during the NC period that I had with her in November.
I believe that this was the 2nd rebound relationship that my Ex had been in since I dumped her 6 months ago now. I currently fear that she could be looking at getting in to a 3rd rebound, as it seems like she is afraid of giving it a real go at patching things up properly with me (ie: arranging to spend some quality time with me) yet she also comes across as being unable to cope on her own.
She tells me that she really, really wants me to stay in her life, that I have a great connection with her and her daughter, that I meant everything to her, that I still manage to sweet talk her etc. She has also asked recently if I say some of the things that I do because it’s what she wants to hear?
All very confusing when they tell you all of this stuff. Approach you before anyone else when something is bothering them yet seem unable or unwilling to take the next step by allowing you to spend some time with them.
I have even been told “hopefully we can share that cuddle sometime in the New Year” by my Ex and she has hinted at meeting up in the future more than once.
In October I gave her a choice between us simply deciding on being friends and no more. I asked her if she would be upset if she never saw me again but I became like a modern day pen pal and stayed in touch by messaging her every so often. She replied that she would be gutted if that happened. At the same time she seemed unable to let me know if or when we might be able to arrange to spend some time with eachother again. Her rathet unbelievable response was something along the lines of “I’m not admitting anything but you mean too much – of course I’d be upset. We talk nearly every day and I miss you a lot.”
I am sure from what you say @LAbound that your Ex is missing you tremendously already. It’s a tough call to make. I myself feel like another long period of NC is best for me, but after a recent conversation with my Ex I am not so sure it would be the best thing for my relationship with her or her daughter. Therefore, perhaps I just need to remain strong and carry on with normal.contact or LC? I just hope I can handle it and I am not making the wrong call again though.
For your info @LAbound my Ex recently told me that what upsets her most about is that I just assume things and get things wrong. That I have assumed the worst of her since I dumped her and that I am often not right. She also told me that it upset her that we had been unable to continue speaking to eachother for longer than a few weeks without having another bust up since I split us up. I can therefore understand why she is afraid and why she might be testing me to see if I get angry or intolerant again.
Anyway, hope some of this helps and continue to update me on how it is all going for you.
I feel you. The last couple of days I haven’t beem too sad, amd yoday I seem to be going through a rollercoaster of thoughts and emotions. Ive been numb..trying not to concentrate on anything to do with my ex. Ive been through anger…not understanding why I am not worth the fight when she has told me, even after the breakup, that I am amazing amd she lovese like crazy. And Ive told myself a few times tonight that my ex is not worth it. That she doesn’t really love me and if she ever came back.. how could I ever trust her with my heart again. Then, Ive been through acceptance in between. Lol im a mess today. I just looked at my ex’s facebook. A friend tagged her in a pic that was taken about 30 min ago. I cried. She’s so beautiful and I just sat there thinking “I should be by her side”. Ive decided that I am staying off of social media and all that. It doesn’t help.
I need to fill my time up. I have too much time to sit and think. Ive also decided that I am getting a whole new look. Ive let myself become a bit plain.
NC. Day 7. I want love again. I want to be sharing my life again. She’s fine without me it seems. Good for her.
@LAbound, i have been following your story closely and i really thick you made the right decision, no matter how hard it is. i don’t think you need to think of it as NC indefinitely (i think anywhere from 3-6 months you can maybe reach out to check in), but for now she needs to sort out her feelings with this new guy and figure out what she wants. if i remember correctly she has said maybe in the future a reconciliation could occur but she isn’t ready yet. she knows how you feel that you still love her and want to reconcile, but i think she is respecting your decision for space and that is the most mature way to handle this situation. she might be back and she might not, but unfortunately only time will tell. this will probably be one of the most painful things to go through but i really do think it will help your chances in the long run. try to think of it was as win-win situation: either after some time she will really miss you and realize she wants to resume the relationship and she will be back, or you will move on and find someone who appreciates and loves you. good luck 🙂
@atea,
Thank you. That uplifted my spirits a bit.
I think what you said is what I need to do.
Hows your situation going?
so i actually broke NC yesterday – needed to text my ex for a password for a website we both shared. i was very upbeat and friendly – didn’t bring up the relationship at all. he asked me a lot of questions about how id been, how finals went, and how my weekend away visiting friends was last weekend (he must have seen photos on Facebook). i answered very positively and asked how he’s been to which he said he’s been good working a lot and this week on vacation with his family. there was no talk of the past relationship or of meeting up but i was happy to see him making an effort to keep the conversation going and being very friendly. the conversation ended with us talking about a tv show we both love in which we said we should discuss when it starts in a few weeks. i don’t plan on breaking NC again right now but i think the friendly, light and breezy conversation might encourage him to reach out to me in the future. I’m trying to take a day by day approach – if i have something to discuss with him, i will, but i won’t reach out for no reason and i have promised myself that i will not bring up the relationship or discuss his thoughts on it until at least the end of march – any convo before then i will just keep light and upbeat. my birthday is end of april also so i know i can count on contact from him then if i haven’t had some before so if we haven’t re-evaluated or met up by then, i will ask him to meet up. however, i will not ask him to meet up until at least march and see how i feel then. one day at a time. i am not over it by any means but starting to feel more back to myself and let things unfold naturally and be patient (something very hard for me!). I’ve had the realization that i don’t really think it matters so much my approach for getting him back – the lines of communication are open between us and he will come back when he’s ready. as long as i don’t beg or ask i don’t think texting him occasionally and being friendly would push him away. just hoping he’s ready sooner rather than later but realizing now he must come to this conclusion on his own without my help
@atea
You seem to have it all figured out. 🙂 good for you.
I am bouncing back n forth between wanting my ex and yet not wanting her. When I really think about things, I dont see how she could say she loves me. Other times, I try to understand that ppl go through things and she’s confused. Not just about me but even about who she is.
Can I really blame her?
i feel the same way as you @labound. i have resentment over the way things ended and sometimes i feel like i should want to be with someone who has no doubts and who doesnt let me go to “explore”. but on the other hand, i really do think we have a very special connection and we did meet very young and i understand some people really do feel the need to look around before settling down. especially in my situation. he doesnt want another relationship, but wants time to be single and just look around to confirm if I’m the right choice. part of me can’t blame him and i know if we do come back from this our relationship will be stronger. people go do through things. for me, i think it will depend how long it takes. if he comes back in less than a year i think i will forgive him but longer than that i think it will be too far long gone.
I feel the same.as both of you @LAbound and @atea1234
I really don’t know what to do for the best and more NC really does seem like the easy option, but is it the right one for me do you think?
She has specifically pointed out that what has upset her about me most is that since I dumped her I have made assumptions and been unable to continue speaking to her for longer than 5 or 6 weeks before we have an argument and find it difficult to speak to eachother for a while.
We have been speaking again since I ended NC on the 30th November and yet again I am finding it difficult to continue talking to her. I get the impression that she is perhaps testing me to see if I will start mistrusting her again but everything points to a lacÄ· of commitment from her and that she is looking to see somebody new again at the minute. I feel like she just wants me on standby until she finally fully wakes up to herself and I can only see more heartache.
I don’t want to jump to any more conclusions though.
I don’t know which way to turn.
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