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Posts
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@hayz: dont wait for the break up, it will be just too logical to him u waited to break up with her, so you would try your chance to get him back.. wait 30 days, you can even more… and work on yourself meanwhile.. there had to be a reason he broke up with you..change urself, improve anything u can 🙂 and when u are ready not to be clingy and needy and beging him to be back again u text him.. and start about interesting things, something he will be curious about u, but dont tell him everything about how u have changed and what is new… just make him curious after the NC is over… also if he text you.. dont text him back right away… wait some time. this NC is for you so u imrpove and change, and get stronger…and grow 🙂 its hard… im doing NC for 12 days and i wanna break the NC every second day … but i dont want to ruin it. im contacting him on his birthday wishing him HBD… and idk.. it will kill me inside if he wont respond anything..i want to also ask him that day to go grab a coffe as friends but i feel like he will ignore or dont wanna go..he is probably thinking i will have some evil plans behind wanting to get, like giving him a gift or idk asking him to take me back or begging, clinging being needy… idk really idk… what to do.. im so scared since things are broken..i wanna fix them he thinks i will ruin it, or he wants to ruin everything totally himself… god…
@tami420
well at the moment we are in different countries so I can’t go grab a coffee or anything. He will go home soon to his home country either before or after Christmas and then I will move there sometime in January I think.
Maybe once he is home I will contact him a week or so after.
I dont think the girl he is seeing can afford to go there so that might make them break up or have to go long distance too.We were always happy together the only thing that stressed him occasionally was me wanting him to message him more so I am working on that and improving myself and I look quite good now too.
He also mentioned he may not want the same things as me (marriage and kids or not at the same time, so don’t know if that’s an issue still or just something he said because he never mentioned it before)
He never mentioned any problems with our relationship before, he just kissed her then broke up with me, think being apart for 6 months was hard on him and he was lonely and him and this girl got on well and now they are together and I am in a different country, if I had been there I don’t think it would have happened.@Cass its hard. I broke up with my ex 6 months ago. Its horible to hav that same feeling 6-7 months down the line. Be strong.
Day 5. Luckily, I had therapy today. It helps me to not contact on these days. I wish I had it everyday to keep me feeling like this. I know tomorrow I’ll want to contact again.
@hayz: oh ur not in the same countries, yah then you really cant gog rab a coffe lol…oh the mariage thing doesnt really matter imo, if you have different aspects on it,he just wouldnt marry you – or is that a big problem for you? you can be a couple, you can have a life together,kids,house etc..and dont have to be married… me and my ex didnt wanna get married ever in life lmao, but i kind of hoped that in soooooome years he’d propose or smthn xD …… ya do contact him when he is home, that u remembered he came home and if you two can go hang out a bit 🙂 but dont talk about ur break up/relationship.just a friend hang out
i see… so u didnt really have any problems during the relationship, or did you just think you didnt have them? cause guys actually dont speak about whats bothering them, at least my ex never did… then when he broke up he told all that was bothering him on my personality… in your case idk… the message thing is good that you are trying to improve. 🙂 he may see it..also messages arent really a big deal..one text in morning wishing good morning and a heart wouldnt hurt him to do..when i asked my ex for a morning text, he sended me one almost everyday and when he didnt i did :).. i see him everyday and he sees me… but hmmm i wonder why he istn saying even hi or anything, tho he said he desnt hate me or dislike me… im just a normal person for him. then why the ignoring? could it be he is hurt cause of the break up and isnt ready to talk to me? i also told him for being friends… and he didnt say no.. i will contact him on friday to remember him of something.. we tried to win an audi idk if he’s forgotten but i will either way just remember him. maybe we will talk a bit…or go on a coffee(hopefully)..
@Nell: keep it up, you’re doing good 🙂 what was the longest NC for you? and yah i think therapy helps, i have another meeting on 22.12… hopefully i will last till then lol.@tami420 My longest NC was 10 days I think. Then I messed up, haha. I’m committed to it now though. My next therapy isn’t until end of the month, my therapist is taking Christmas week off. It’s going to feel like a long time! I hope you can hold out until yours. 🙂 It really is helpful, I feel that everyone should do therapy even if they haven’t had a breakup.
In your comment above you mentioned your ex not talking about problems. Mine was the same. He never said anything until he broke up with me, then he exploded! Everything came out, even things that were not true, he was very angry. Who knows how long he bottled up.
@Nell:oh 10 days.. well you’re half way there now and now really be strong and dont give up ! im day 13. i will write him on friday,nothing personal just a reminding text of something we tried to win.. ya indeed 🙂 and also i have to go to another therapy meeting for my previous problems i had in life, cause if i dont clean up the mess i will always be a mess cause of consequences…. ya therapy is really good. i also suggest a bit of medtitation, it keeps your mind off a bit and kind of helps u getting peace inside you.. its hard when u start but, progress is seen and helpful !
Ya i know how that feels.i asked him what was bothering him so much that he wants to break up.. and he first said i dont really wanna critisze you now.. and then i said,just tell me and he started i was like omg…his mind played tricks with him and i was fault all the time… saying i was fake and so..but he was the fake one, keept pretending all is ok and then ignored me for 2 days straight. ofc i seemed needy and clingy texting him whats wrong and so until he responded and agreed to talk about things. Do you think now he ignores me cause he is also hurting and in pain cause he had to break up? he really did love me and he still does and cares.. he said he doesnt hate/dislike me, that im a normal person to him…but why ignoring then….. i just need an asnwer. and i feel like he is trying to make a contact somehow uncounciously but refuses cause he is stubborn…
Yeah I think I’ll contact him when he goes home, not sure when that is but I’ll try and find out from his family.
He never mentioned any problems in our relationship when we were together and in the same country and when he emailed to confirm our break up he didn’t say there was any real problems just he realised he resented me for asking him to message me more, especially when he was at a difficult end week of uni. I was going through a tough time and missed him like crazy and I saw he had time to hang out with friends and do stuff but not to message me much, we had a few text messages about it but he was ok and said sorry and I said sorry to I didn’t realise how bad things still were and stressful and I apologised many times and told him I felt bad, I said this too just a few days before we broke up. But apart from that he said he had just fallen oyt of love with me which I dont believe is true because of everything he wrote in messages and said on skype all up until 1 day when he kissed this girl he is now dating.
He said I had changed his life, I am amazing and unique, he loves me so much, this was all the day before and he had bought his visa too. So I think its bullshit and he is just giving shot reasons to justify this rebound relationship.
It makes me so sad he is with her. Its been 3 weeks today.
I just hope they finish soon, and if he goes home soon he may think more about what’s happened and hid family are mad at him for what he has done to me so at least they are on my side.
I do believe he still loves me deep down and I try to believe we will get back together, just will be strange to want to be his friend after he cheated, he may wonder why I want to be his friend.Hope your doing well with the nc, you going to make it to 30 days? Stay strong. I will do 30 days or more, I know I can do it. It’ll be worth it rather than break it and start over again.
Maybe your ex his still hurting from the break up.give him space and time, do the 30 days, you’ll be pleased and maybe its better. Hope it all works out.
Dreamt about her again last night, though this time it was post breakup and we were hanging out as friends, asking each other about our (though really just her) new partner(s). Didn’t stop me from feeling pretty low (again) upon waking up, I’m still a long way off from being able to handle a false friendship whilst she’s in a relationship with this guy.
I wonder if she has dreams about me often too.. though I doubt it, wouldn’t surprise me in the slightest if she’s moved on already.
@hayz: okay i see… maybe he just used that thing about messaging as something wrong so he could break up with you…. maybe he feels quilty about kissing a girl when he was with you…. 3 weeks- rebound,, just wait and see how long they will be together…
if u didnt have any other issues that could have been ruinning ur relationship then u do have chances of getting him back… just some rules need to be followed… the NC is as usual a great ideaa 🙂 and ya also try to find out when he comes back, so you know when you should write to him… but dont be needy and clingy… just write as a friend and no talking about getting back together… hopefully he will not come with his new gf….ya believe the same,, my ex that he loves but doesnt want to let his feelings get in the way of his decision, and he rather ignores them, i was his first love ever, also in kindergarten he was in love wtih me… and the next time he was in love with me this time. and no other love before in his life -we talked about it, he didnt believe in love and relationships. and he still commited himself to me cause of love.. so ofc he still lvoes me but surpresses his feelings. even if he doesnt, there is a chance he might love me again. in some time…
yaaaaaah i dont know… i will write him on friday, nothing about us going out or missing him, just reminding him that on 19. he wan cin the prize we were trying to win 🙂 idk if he will respond, even if he doesnt no problem… but if he does i wont write anything back like… ok i told you what i had to, thats it, bye, talk to you in a week or two three xD 🙂 im trying to be strong i almost broke the NC few times, but managed not to…
i wish you good luck ( and all of us struggling to getting our ex back)!!
Dear Everyone,
On Monday I broke No contact with the fear that my ex would try get physical with the other guy she kind of likes. The reason what made me think this is:
1) When my ex broke up with me the previous time (Jan 2014) I tried to have rebound sex to get over her…but I couldn’t do it. Later in sept 2014 she finds out that as she snooped through my emails.
2) When I went into NC, 2 weeks later she tried to contact me which I ignored. The same night but prior to calling me a friend of my got in touch with her and she asked him about 3 times if I was seeing anyone; my friend ignored the question the first 2 times and later said he does not think so.
3) After snooping around a bit I found out that my ex and this other guy (they are not dating) were planning to hangout coming Friday night at his place to watch a movie. My ex has a small crush on him and he likes her too. Well this crush on him triggered her to break up with me. The Friday is the day after their exams and just before the start of the Christmas holidays.
4) Don’t ask me how I know but I found out that my ex had purchase some matching lingerie, she has only done this once before for a my Uni ball so this indicated to me that she was planning something.
This gave me the feeling that if I stayed in NC she would have gone ahead and slept with him. My ex has only slept with me so far.
After breaking NC I felt really terrible as I started to lose hope if we could ever get back together. Some of the things that my ex said are:
“I like him a little, but it is too soon after our break. I want to like him more because he is a nice guy”.
“I can’t be your girlfriend because we are unsuitable”.She thinks we are unsuitable because we had a few arguments…it is only about 2-3 times over the span of 4 years.
Anyway yesterday we exchanged a lot of messages with me talking about the relationship and how I felt and etc. In the evening I went over to her place with her consent and told her that I feel disappointed by this whole incident and it has been really painful for me because one moment we were happy and the next we are not. During the conversation she cried a bit. I could see from her face that she was upset. There were a lot of mixed signals where she was a bit cold and bit warm. We exchanged a really long hug before I left. I couldn’t stay long because she was also stressed about her presentation which she has this Thursday.
Traditionally we have spent the last day before the Christmas holidays together. I do not know if should give it a shot and try and meet up with her to ignore it. There is a good chance that I will be reject but I might be able to persuade her to it.
I have started NC again today.
What should I do now? Also should I change it to LC?
@Martin I don’t think you should be trying to persuade her of anything. You are going to look needy and clingy or push her away. It has to be her decision, you know? How long were you doing NC before you broke it? If you choose to do LC, at least ease off until after she has her presentation.
@tami420 I had a similar situation with my ex. I knew something was wrong but he wouldn’t say, was avoiding me, etc. I kept pushing him to talk to me. He was also lying and standing me up, when I called him out on it, then everything blew up and he broke up with me. Your ex is probably ignoring you because he is hurt and angry, probably confused too. I wanted answers from my ex but never got them. I know you feel like you need them, but be okay and understand that you may never get them either. I don’t mean that in a harsh way, just that it’s rare to get answers, or the ones you want after breakup anyway.I’m on Day 6 NC. I’m actually feeling more and more that I don’t want to get back with my ex. He didn’t appreciate me and was disrespectful. I’ve been thinking a lot about what I want and I don’t want to go back to that. I’m sure I’ll flip flop, haha, but that’s where I stand right now.
@Nell
I did NC for 18 days before breaking it. I was thinking of doing LC until tomorrow then starting NC.Give her a bit of attention before taking it away from her.
@tami420
Yeah I will just message him about something casual nothing clingy or needy. I have been feeling better and getting on with doing things and enjoying things. I quit my job I hate tonight so will feel happier and have free time to do fun stuff. I bought some boxing gloves today, I find it can be quite good for exercising and getting rid of stress, I suggest them for everyone, can help when you are having a bad day.
Should I send a text message or write the magic letter from relationship rewind?? I think my relationship is at death doors as we are broken up, so sending a text message is best isn’t it?
Hope it all works out for you if you break nc.
Don’t let it get you down if he doesn’t reply and don’t reply back.Hope he is still in love with you and realises it soon, think men need space and time sometimes I guess.
what is relationship rewind and where can I find some information regarding it?
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