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Posts
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I am doing fine anthurium,thanks for wishes.I do miss her but I guess it is ok she is happy without me,so in my mind I want to see her happy.
Its been 4 months I saw her and almost 70 days before I talked on an email which I sent her and she replied with one line response.(that she is ok and I should not worry about her)
Its all good.Hope you are well and please focus on your life and well being.
Thank you. I really hope for you. But whatever happens with our exes, I am sure we will find a new happiness soon 🙂
Again,what could be the reasons that my ex changes her cover and profile pictures in every week or so.Mostly love or hurt quotes.
I stalk less but I see she is been active on facebook with hidden timeline.
She was not a facebook person and had no facebook or less friends for a while.
What is she trying to achieve by changing cover and profile pictures,keeping in mind that those pictures are visible to everyone even you are not friend.
Does she puts it for me or for some other reason or may be new b/f,I am not sure and very very confused on this action.
fyi :- I haven’t seen her for 4 months and spoke in one line email approx. 70 days back.So I am not NC and its been 1/5 years…I am waiting for her.
Hi Elana :
Do you still come here,i think you are 100 % right on your posts,i have questions I am working very hard as guided by you as being friend first and than girlfriend and than wife.
Also I have accepted that I am getting punished but it is been 1/6 months already and things are just pretty much the same where she contacts me once or may be twice in 2 months timeline.She talks normal stuff and same talks about life work health etc.But she is not willing to come back into relationship or give me time to meet up for coffee or atleast 10 min of her time.But she have called me and met me in person twice this month but both of the times she came in and her available times and surely I welcomed her.
Also she became permanent at her job,where I went to her house with gift card for her a flower and gifts which she happily accepted and also I met her father.
Very confused what is in her mind and why she is taking soo much of time,i am very tired but not giving up as everytime she comes in I get HOPE.
Do you think I am doing the right thing ?
Can we talk I want to see if I am on right track ?
I am very glad to hear that you are not giving up. It is normal to feel tired. It takes so long time because you need to rebuild trust but you should feel also happy that she actually lets you do it.
Being a man you are in a very good position. Men can chase and that’s acceptable and desirable. Unfortunately it is not the same the other way around.
Do what your heart tells you and your love will win. You can pass this test. Make your own luck!Thanks Elanna,i hope you are doing well.Appreciate it very much.
Here is the current situation :-21st Nov
I wished her happy bday on email but she never responded to it. Keeeping in mind i sent small gifts thru her sister, which she took and put it in her closet.24th Nov
Called me after 3 days and asked what I am doing and said ok she is coming by and brought some food.Spent 30/45 min at my house and spent time with my daughter,looked at all small things like my hair,bedroom,shoes etc etc,keep in mind there are changes and whatever was not done I took care of it next day for example my hair.Then there is a silence.
13th Dec
Wished me happy bday on 13th at 8pm(email) by just saying happy birthday(that’s it)I responded thanks of course.18th Dec
She became permanent at her job,called me was very happy and we talked for 10 min and I said I will stop by at your house,which she insisted but later after requests she said OK.
I took one rose,$100 gift card,sweets,lot of food for family.She invited me to her house and I met brother,mother which I know from before and than father came in,i met him the very first time and everything went fine,later after spending 30/45 min I asked her permission to leave and she said ok.At night she emails me (thanks for everything) and I replied that you deserve the best.
Again silence.
I asked her yest in email that if she wants to come by and I can cook pasta but with no response.So not sure that there is activity all of sudden with her schedule and than huge silence.
What is her mind and that is been going on back and forth from long long time now.Everytime I think of giving up she comes and give me hope to continue.Very confused and tired but I just love this girl,my friends say me I need to move on and give up on her as its not worth my time and I am getting old,she doesn’t seems to be serious and not respecting time.
But this was the girl who was desperately wanted to get married and bugged me every sec to get married and now she is just running away and showing no interest to settle or atleast go for coffee date.
Please advise and thanks again ELANA,hope you are holidays are going well.
Do you think she is seeing someone else and I am just back up for her ?
She is very stubborn and very mysterious girl(scorpio).She don’t listens to her sister and mom at all,makes her own decisions and standby at them with full confidence and few times told her sister that you don’t know ME have given her very hard time for soo long and she cried every day and I use to fight for small small things like shoes she is wearing and so forth so on.
But,now I am changed myself very much and put lot of serious efforts.
I think that you are doing great. You are very patient which shows your consistency too. You should realise that the outcome is mainly in your hands. It is up to you to decide what steps you will take because you know her best. I think that you should not stay in the friends zone for too long time but become more assertive, and at the same time gentle and delicate since you don’t want to scare her off. Don’t let her think that you keep in touch just because you want her friendship.
You shouldn’t be bothered if there is someone else in her life. She’s had strong feelings for you and these feelings can’t just disappear. You need to show her that she can trust you and she will open her heart again.
If you find out that there is someone else, keep calm and maintain your confidence. Do not show any jealousy because it will ruin everything. Ignore any thoughts about someone else. In order to succeed you must believe in her love to you too.
You shouldn’t stop believing in the happy end.Hi Kalicooldude
Great to hear from you – does it sound strange to say that I was wondering if she contacted you on your birthday (given we have never met)?!!! I think this is a really positive sign that she is open to more contact with you. I get how difficult it is though with things taking so long, I have had some contact with my ex the past few weeks but he seems so distant, so I have given up. Maybe I have given up too easily, in reading your story! I do think for you, the recent contact is a big positive sign – if you really don’t want someone in your life you wouldn’t have this kind of contact (some of it has been initiated by her – that’s the major plus). I think you should keep doing what you are doing – steadily rebuild the trust. Fingers crossed for you and Merry Christmas!
AnthHi My both dear Elana & Anth :
Thanks for responses,yes there is some positive signs of her calling and coming to my house and even I went her house also.
But I want to tell you that this kind of acts is been going on from long long time.
Yes I have been very patient but this girl is very stubborn and tough,but I cant get her out of mind,simple.She comes gives me hope and then go on silence,i mean cmmon I have been like this for so long now and been waiting.
If she is punishing me I don’t deserve soo long of punishment which is 1/6 months now.I didn’t marry her because I also had my situation with my ex wife and I was in court all this years.
I have no clue how to move forward if I tell her I want to marry or want to go out she wont respond and I cant call or text her,just email her and wait for response which she doesn’t do or if does calls it is on her terms and timeline.
Very frustrated and sometimes seriously think that I am wasting time and I need to be out of this mess !
I am just taking as the day it comes !
Thanks again to both,hope you have merry Christmas & new year.
Anth : – If it is your fault than you don’t give up,if it was from his side than you should still try a little bit more if you are really in love and feel you have a future with him.
Thanks Kali – in my relationship there was fault on both sides – him initially and then me. I find it too painful to keep hoping now when I get nothing back. He only contacts me on our admin that we need to sort out. If he comes to me and asks to talk or even just to spend time with me, yes I would. But I am living my life for me, not waiting any more nor hoping nor even trying to build a friendship. There is only so much you can take. For you, its hard to know where your ex’s head is at – she seems to initiate contact with you now which I had thought was a small step forward after the long no contact. If you can bear it, it seems worth trying to gradually increase the contact and time spent with each other. My slight concern for you is that it has been a long time and you have tried quite a lot – lots of NC, lots of small gestures – and you are divorced now which removes what was a major stumbling block in your relationship. So I am not sure why she isn’t coming around a bit more. It may be as Elana says – she needs to be really convinced. But its so long 🙁
YES,it is a million dollar Question that I have worked very hard during this 1/5 years on myself and proving that I have changed myself and will work on her terms and tried everything it can be NC,or small gestures,gifts and so forth so on.But it has produced none results I still stand at same position as I was last year,hoping that she will come back and everytime,she comes I get hope that now it will be better and she will come into relationship but NOPE she won’t.
Anyways,Anth just take it easy on yourself and its ok to get hurt in life but it is not a good idea to not try or put efforts because if you put sincere efforts and it doesn’t work that will not regret in future.
So, I will suggest take a deep breath,take it easy and move slowly towards your target,worst case scenario it will not work out and I said earlier it also depends how much you have loved him or he to you during your relationship.I try it very hard because my ex really loved me during the phase,when I was going thru really hard times with my ex wife and she stood by all times and waiting all this years to get married.
For me she was more like a angel but I am not sure what happen to her now and why she is acting so weird….:((
Thanks Anth & Elana….wish you the most in this coming new year 2016
Hi Kali
Happy New Year to you! I have thought a little about your situation. I think it has been going on so long, perhaps it is time that it goes one way or the other for good. Perhaps it is worth having a phone conversation saying that you can’t do this any more (seeing her) because you still have feelings for her. So you either would like to make some progress towards a relationship again or cut contact for good. We just don’t know how this would go – but I think for your own life, it needs to move one way or the other. I feel for you caught up in the hope and rejection cycle for 18 months now. If she is punishing you then its gone on too long and she is being cruel (I struggle with believing this scenario, as she loved you). If she is testing how committed you are, then surely you have proven this by now and talking with her would take it on to the next level. If she just isn’t sure, then it is time she decides and talking with her may help that. If she does not want to reconcile but quite likes occasionally seeing you then you will keep getting hurt and never reconcile anyway. In any of these scenarios, you are better of saying to her that it needs to move one way or the other. You need to be prepared to cut the contact for good. But if you talk with her and she says she has not interest in reconciling, then cutting contact is the best thing to do – and it is better to find this out now than another 6 or 12 months of hurt.
You have tried everything – apologies and promise of commitment, followed by months of NC, casual reconciliation.
Its just my view of course and only you know how the situation is and whether there is any increase in affection / warmth from her.
I wish you much happiness for 2016hey, I really think you should talk with her about exactly where you guys stand like anth said. cause it comes off to mii as I read what you write that she is using you. you are doing ALOT for her and she only tosses you a small bone -so to speak once in a,while- and ignores all your kind loving words. I know you said before she loved for both of you but how long will she make you pay for something that was not in your full control .. if she needs time she should j let you know. . she doesn’t want to lose you but seems like she doesn’t want to b with you right now which can always change but you should discuss if somewhere down the line she sees a future. like are you guys friends or more or working on friendship to later be more and then you should equally put down the same effort maybe you reduce the amount of stuff you do and get for her and she increases her so you can bother have a middle ground.. cause it seems like she is having her Cake and eating it
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