NC vs "Silent Treatment"

I posted this originally as a comment to the article, but I guess wasn’t approved. I hope this is a good place to make this post.

Kevin,

Thanks for these articles. I was just wondering in my situation, my relationship had a lot of occurrences of “Silent Treatment” I believe; I have been both giver and taker of silent treatment, granted the ex would never admit to giving it, so maybe it is all just me.

Can you elaborate on the difference between “No Contact Rule” vs. “Silent Treatment”… the latter seems to be considered a negative behavior that is destructive to a relationship, but physically speaking I don’t see the difference between the two behaviors.

And more specifically to my case, I hated it when I would ask her questions or talk to her, and I know “under normal circumstances/mood” she would reply right away or at the very least respond/acknowledge I said something, but under “silent treatment” conditions, I would never get a response or a strange indirect answer or a non-answer… I hated that, and it made me feel ignored, under appreciated, and very insecure.

After she broke up with me (of course, I did all the classic begging for forgiveness, needy puppy behavior, that is until I started to read articles like yours that advocate a NC rule), since I started to apply the NC rule, and she is texting/calling me, I feel like such a jerk not responding, because I used to hate it when she didn’t respond to me. How do you justify or explain this approach? I am making her miss me artificially because she doesn’t miss me otherwise when I am around? Isn’t it manipulative and akin to “silent treatment”?

And in my specific situation, we live together, so to apply your recommendation, I put some geographic distance between us. But now she is asking what message I am sending by sleeping somewhere else? I am not responding, but I worry that she will think I am being mean to her and decide to move out on her own, and once she does, I will most likely lose all contact with her. My ex’s personality is similar to the previous post by Divine, where my ex has a very strong personality where if she decides on putting up a wall, it is as sturdy and lasting as the Great Wall of China. Any advice on this situation?

Really appreciate all your articles and helpful responses by the way!