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Well just to give you a background we broke up mutually about a week ago. We dated for 2 and a half years. Both cried and said that we loved each other but werent happy together. Today I asked her in text about getting back together, saying i can change and pretty much says no. We havent seen each other in person since the break up
So I am going to start NC. Couple of questions
1. I still have her stuff at my house, she wants to come get it. What should I do? I can drop it off at her house but she lives an hour away. Not sure if I should see her in person so soon.
2. Today she also officially changed her status to single on Facebook and Instagram. I have yet to change mine but will soon. But on her instagram she left a smiley face which used to be next to my name.
3. She still watches my snapchats but as of today I have stopped looking at hers and liking her photos.
4. If durring NC she texts me that she wants to get back together what should I do?
Thanks guys!
1. Not giving it back will make you seem petty and could aggravate her, decreasing the odds she’ll take you back. Communicate with her as necessary to get her stuff back, but talk about nothing else – you can exchange shallow pleasantries but nothing more substantive (feelings, desire to get back together, etc.) If she wants it, you don’t have to make the effort to drive her way. Make her come to you, or have a mutual friend pick it up, etc.
2. This isn’t a question? Looks like she’s trying to move on; but, if she truly cared about you, though she may be “single” she likely won’t start dating, at least not seriously, for a little while.
3. This is probably a good sign that she’s checking up on you to an extent. And good on you for not reciprocating, it’ll help keep your sanity and make it seem to her you aren’t obsessing over her. If you are, you shouldn’t be – take some time for yourself to improve.
4. For most contact from her (other than logistics of getting her stuff back) you should ignore. But in this case, you should respond, albeit cool and aloof. If she texts you this, don’t respond immediately saying “OMG YES I LOVE YOU LET’S GET BACK TOGETHER” but rather reply a few hours later arranging to get a cup of coffee and talk it out. When you see her, also discuss what went wrong and why it won’t go wrong again. My concern about jumping right back in sight unseen that it makes you seem needy and unattractive – her emotions are all over the place right now so she could change her mind a day later, you need to continue building up the suspense. And, you actually do need to have this chat, otherwise whatever problems caused you to break up in the first place will come back. If these problems cannot be fixed, as painful as it may be, you two are better off without each other.
Thank you for the Help!
A couple things I just realized.
My NC ends about a week before her birthday, Should I use that to initiate conversation?
Also I know Im not going to contact her on valentines day in a loving way but should I even text her at all? (IE normal things, like whats up, how you doing ext)
Also, I feel tempted to say something along the lines of
” I feel our breakup was rushed and didn’t try to fix anything and the easiest solution was to breakup. I think I can change and fix what was wrong but if you don’t think this will work out this is for the best then. I know where I went wrong and I know I can fix it.”
when she comes to get her stuff.
Should I say something like this? I feel as it will get her thinking the same thing. It is my fault that she doesn’t want to get back together, I didnt appreciate her enough and thought that I could be without her.
I am 100% not going to beg her to take her back but Idk if I should even say something like this.
One more also that I just thought of. We technically broke up as friends, so Im assuming she is going to reach out to me or shes going to expect me to reach out to her.
When I see her should I tell her that Im not ready to be friends yet and I need time?Or Should I wait until she texts me first (if at all) and then tell her I need time?
She will not take no contact well, I can assume that. I think she will think that I am ignoring her if I dont give her a reason as to why Im not talking to her and probably will begin to have bad feelings towards me.
Well just an update and some of the before story. So one of the reasons I broke up with her was because she was putting one of her guy friends above me. Durring the break up I asked her about it and she said that she wasn’t doing anything with him.
New Years she was at a party with him and I didnt think much of it as I was on vacation and I didnt go NC yet.
Today She posts a picture of them cuddling. Well I guess I was right, as much as that sucks.
Should I still contact her after a month of NC even if she is still with him?
@the5 – Set a convenient day for her to come over to get her belongings. Don’t say a word about the breakup, but you could tell her you’re not ready to be friends yet and need time. Just be polite. Since it seems she might be dating another guy now, just send a simple short happy birthday when the time comes..
I don’t know why you were so quick to initiate the break up if she was just friends with the guy and told you she wasn’t doing anything with him. But when you stated you weren’t happy together, that’s a good reason for a break up if you two could not work things out together..
Thank you!
Through Social Media she has seen that I am Home, as of today. She still has not contacted me about getting her stuff. I want to go complete NC but cant until she gets her stuff from my house.
@the5 – Maybe write a brief note asking her when it would be convenient for her to pick up her stuff. The whole idea of no contact is to give you both time to cool down and make improvements concerning the issues that occurred during the relationship and then after no contact, to talk these things over and come to a mutual agreement about how to make things better for both of you so you can possibly have a happier relationship in the future. If it’s apparent that she doesn’t want to try and work things out, you accept the break up and move on.
Well couple of weeks later, End of NC approaching looking at ways to establish contact again and when. We broke up around the 25th ( month ago from today). Didnt talk for a week, and she texts me on New Years. I thought this was her reaching out to get back together, But as the conversation went on I found this was not the case. Started NC Jan 1-2nd, She got her stuff on the 11th and thats the last time I saw and talked to her (didnt say much when she got her stuff just Hi and bye).
So her Birthday is the 7th Of February, Should I wait until then and use that to re establish contact or do it before Around the 1-2nd ? If so what Should I say? My two options were either “Happy Birthday :)” or “Happy Birthday :), How have you been?
Also after re-establishing contact how should I go about asking to meet up? We nevr would just go get coffee since we lived an hour from each other so I dont know what to do/say without it seeming like a date.
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