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Hi there,
My boyfriend and I broke up almost 2 months ago. We were in a long distance relationship for 15 months. After spending three weeks together, and after he went home, he broke up with me. He said we were really different and that he couldn’t see us growing together. Instead he saw us growing apart. I was so devastated. He would send me links to articles and videos he thought i’d like, but when I would respond he would take 24 hours to reply or never reply. About a week or two later I contacted him and told him I wanted to be friends. This was a moment of desperation. I just couldn’t cope with not having him in my life. He said he absolutely wanted to be friends, but then he would just send links to articles and videos again, and again take his time to respond to my comments or never respond. Each time he sent a casual link I would get excited and hopeful, until I realized how unhealthy the yoyo was and so I told him I couldn’t communicate with him anymore. He seemed to understand and we agreed that I would contact him when I was ready. About five days after this difficult (but brave) discussion and decision, he sent me a link again! I commented and responded politely to the message, and he never answered me.
What does he want from me? Why did he break the code? I feel so stupid that I answered him so politely, when he just totally disregarded my wishes. But I was also kind of happy that he felt compelled to break the code. I’m so frikkin confused. Should I just resume no contact? He said he wants me to be part of his life– he’s friends with his exes… But I really don’t think I’m ready to be just another girl in his life. Help please. Why would he send me these links? How should I respond the next time he sends me on?
And he sent another link just yesterday… I haven’t answered the message. Or even opened the message. What should I do?
After he sent a few articles and videos, you told him you wanted to be friends, and now you’re confused? That’s what friends do. What does he want from you? He told you flat out, just friendship. No contact doesn’t make any sense with friendly exchanges. And you told him you would contact him when you were ready? Ready for what? I can understand the difficulty and heartbreak going from girlfriend to friend, but he sounds like a nice guy who is being very kind to you. If you really just want to be friends with him, then be a friend. If you want romance, look elsewhere. Sorry to be so blunt, maybe I’m wrong, but that’s just my impression. Take care and best wishes..
Patricia,
He is kind. But I told him I wanted to be friends at a time when I thought I could be friends with him. He started sending me links with no real communication. No “how are you?” He barely responded to a question if I asked him something as a follow up, or if I commented on what he sent me. So, after a while of getting these casual links, I realized that I was getting super excited every time I got a message from him and then I’d feel really bummed when I didn’t hear back. So I told him I couldn’t take the yoyoing and that I didn’t know what to expect from being friends, but that it hurt way more than I thought it would.
Trying to get a handle on this break up hasn’t been easy and I’ve been really sad about it (hence the flip flopping). I want to move on girl, but I can’t seem to shut my feelings off and just accept this. But getting messages from him just makes me feel like there’s hope when there really isn’t 🙁
He is just trying to be nice, but not too nice so as not to get your hopes up. He doesn’t want to ignore you completely or want you to think he has forgotten you. It does seem there’s no hope, so I suggest if you don’t want to hurt or agonize even more for now, block his phone, email etc…until or unless you can actually be a good friend. You could even send one last note to let him know you are blocking him, not ignoring him, until you can handle being just friends. I know it’s heartbreaking and I’m sorry you’re going through this. You are not alone.
Dear, i am very sure he will send u other links again, please just ignore them all. I am not sure of his intentions to be honest. It might be that he is checking if u are still interested which is abit selfish in my opinion. If u are an honest person and u break up with someone and this person still has feelings for u, you just do not play this yo yo game. Its just emotional torture for the other person.
I am not sure how things will follow between the two of u but for the moment i strongly advice for u not to reply to him for anything. He needs to sit down and thinkg of his actions and he will only do it when YOU ignore him. Trust me.Thanks for your replies. He has sent more links and he wished me a happy birthday… First message I received, 6:00am, while sleeping, and I cried before I ever got out of bed.
I am so terribly sad about this break up. It’s 2 and a half months and I cry at least once a day. I can’t understand how a person goes from loving you, wanting to marry you, wanting to have kids with you, spend holidays with you, to suddenly deciding that life would be better without that person. I feel so sorry for myself. Like I have nothing to offer anyone. I believed there was a hopeful future with him–that someone finally loved me, for me. I was willing to work on our problems, but he didn’t even try.
I want him to want me back. I want him to regret him decision and pine for me.
Please help me. I’m so sad today. I’m about ready to send him a message to ask him how he could just give up on us, although I know that is not the right thing to do.
You have much to offer someone! It’s just that he doesn’t seem to appreciate it enough. Maybe he wasn’t the right guy for you, but there’s someone out there who would love you very much and want to share life with you. I understand your grief, but trust me, over time it will slowly subside. Are you still long distance? You probably already know long distance relationships are extremely difficult to maintain and both have to be dedicated to it. You could send an email asking why he decided to break up with you, but he may not be totally honest because he might not want to hurt your feelings and knowing reasons may not make you feel better either. But at this point, it couldn’t really do any harm to ask. Don’t say, “How could you just give up on us?”. Be casual and just ask him to please be specific as to some reasons he decided to break off the relationship.
I’m sorry you’re going through this and I know it hurts. Take care of yourself..Hi ??
What happened in the end. I am experiencing the exact same thing as you. When I say exact, I mean literally THE EXACT ! I don’t know what to do. I feel like I should tell him to stop sending me them because like you I get happy and excited, but I only reply an “lol” or emoji and always end my responses with a full stop. But I feel like if I was to tell him to stop he will not ever come back. I wish that one day we could be friends, but I know that right now I can’t because my feelings are still very much intact. I just don’t know what to do. I don’t want him to see that I’m still hurt by how it ended also. Should I just let him send me things but not reply ?Hey there,
Well, whatever happened? So, my ex continued to send me links, tried to have casual conversation, and tried to keep me posted on new things happening to him. At some point I got fed up with him and laid it all out on the table, and told him that if we couldn’t be together, to leave me alone and let me heal. He hasn’t messaged me since. He is dating someone else. I am not over him. But, I am dating and trying to move on, even with the hole left in my heart.
Those messages killed me. Everytime I heard that ding notification my heart stopped and I felt hopeful and when I realized, over and over again that there was no hope, it would destroy me. Even though I am not over him, I knew I couldn’t heal, even an ounce, unless I cut ties. I kept him on Facebook, but I unfollowed him. A good day could easily turn into hysteria when I saw he was living his life naturally and even on holiday with another women 🙁 It could have been an otherwise decent day for me hadn’t that post suddenly appeared on my feed.
To be honest, I think about him every day. I miss him like crazy. BUT, I am also furious with him and walk a fine line between believing his is the most selfish person I know or the most amazing… every day it’s a different feeling and every day I just run with it.
I wish I could be more helpful. I’d say to cut your ex off. It is really hard to heal in any capacity if he is constantly knawing at the wound.
Lots of love and light to you.
J
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