February 21, 2023 at 12:34 am #116426ulazulaParticipant
- Total Posts: 1
I’ve been with my ex for over 5 years. During this time we broke up for 1,5 month and came back together. After that our relationship became stronger and more stable. Due to my past, I had problems with emotional stability. I’ve always loved him, but in arguing I could say that I hated him. After that breakup, that changed and I was working on myself a lot. W started talking about marriage and wedding. We disagreed in many ways – I wanted a little ceremony, he wanted the whole family to be there, I am not a believer, he wanted a church wedding. We also had problems with physical proximity, which was largely related to my use of antidepressants. My ex was very supportive of me and he didn’t blame me for it. However, I was wondering if it was the fault of the tablets. And yet he proposed, and of course I agreed. However, I did not feel joyful excitement. I was afraid that all these problems would be ignored, that I would have to give up my opinion and adapt, because I am alone with my parents, and there is a huge family on his side. I was so scared that after 12 days I broke engagement off. That was 10 months ago.
At that time we already lived together in my apartment so he had to move out one month later. I quickly got involved in a different relationship. I was still taking antidepressants, so I didn’t even confront my feelings about breaking up. We texted a bit, we met once 6 months ago and it was nice. He wanted me to come over for the night, but he wasn’t ready for a relationship and I was not ok with that arrangement. We lost touch shortly thereafter.
I found out later that at the same time he met for a coffee for the first time with a girl we met through a friend. As it turned out, he started seeing her, at first casually, but they have been officially together for a month. I found out by accident when I wrote to him about a friend who was looking for a job. I found out by accident when I wrote to him about a friend who was looking for a job.
I do not hide, it was an excuse to speak to him, because after giving up antidepressants, long suppressed feelings began to emerge. We cleared up the breakup issues a bit, he assured me that our problems in his eyes were solvable at the time, that he still needed contact when we met, but he was also withdrawn and hurt. When asked if he felt something for me, he replied that while in a relationship he did not want to think about it, because the most important thing for him is loyalty and trust. For this reason, he did not want to meet or talk on the phone.
After three weeks I reached out again saying that I don’t want to interfere with his new relationship, but I’m asking him only to consider that maybe what we had was special. My ex wrote back politely, but to all texts that I miss him, that in my opinion we are destined for each other, he only replied that he did not intend to consider his feelings for me while in a new relationship. He didn’t want to talk about the past because he had closed this chapter and moved on. He also said that it is possible for us to be friends, but more time has to pass.
After reading numerous articles, I begin to fear that his relationship is not rebound and that there is no hope for us. I try to work on myself and analyze everything that I did wrong and how else I can improve.
I know it’s been a long time, and probably if he’s thinking of me, it’s just how I broke off my engagement and gave him the ring back.
On the other hand, I also know that only towards me, out of all his relationships, it was he who came out with the initiative of the relationship, and he has only proposed to me so far. We’ve been through a lot together, but I’m afraid it’s not enough to get him back at this point.
At the moment I started NC and unless he contacted me sooner I will write him some light message in 1-2 months. That’s the plan, but I’m not sure if in this case, since so much time has passed since we broke up, I shouldn’t try to stay in touch.
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