Much needed advice on my hopeless situation

Hi guys!

So I purchased Relationship Rewind the other day as a last resort. I feel like achieving the goal of getting back together with my ex is absolutely impossible, as I have done a very good job of everything I’m not supposed to do after a break up. I was hoping to gain any insight to my current situation with my ex which I believe is somewhat unique.. This is my full story. It’s a lengthy read, but any advice at all you guys(and hopefully Kevin), would be able to give would mean the world to me. I truly have nowhere else to turn. Thank you in advance if you take the time to read this as I truly do not know what else to do. I love my ex-girlfriend with all my heart, and I want to do whatever it takes to make this work out in the end. I have read Relationship Rewind, but my reason for seeking help is because I am finding it hard to gauge which to do of the techniques I’ve read about because my situation is so tricky.

This is a really long post as I feel the full story is necessary to advise on, and should you read it all, I thank you for your time, and for giving me a last hope in achieving my goal. I hope that the sheer length of this shows you just how dedicated to my cause I am..

So for a little background, my name is Jason, and I am now 26. I currently live in the U.S. but am originally from London, U.K. I’m 6,3, look just like a bodybuilder, and have long hair. I come from a very wealthy family, which has allowed me to live a great life, with lots of love and support (despite usually family problems everyone has). The wealthy lifestyle resulted in me becoming very lazy, I rarely needed to work, and I am still in university, having not really cared much for school. I was a personal trainer at the time I met my ex. Despite my laziness, I was always confident in my future success, deciding to focus on enjoying life at that time. This all changed of course when I met my ex. At my time of meeting her, I still lived with my parents. While that was a negative point to me that her mother used against me constantly, I saw it as okay at the time, as my mother’s house was so grand, I had my own section and barely even saw her, so I could save money and practically live alone. My experience with women has been terrible from the moment I was born. I was a traditional “nice guy” which ended up getting me walked all over by all types of women, having my heart broken over 5 times since I was 16, even with women who I was never actually with. As I have been through all kinds of terrible experiences with women, I am someone who would never do anything to hurt anyone in the ways I was hurt (cheating, lying etc.). In a relationship, I am extremely loving, loyal, and giving. To my discredit, I always put women I’m with on a pedestal, putting their needs well before my own.

My ex-girlfriend is 26 now also (we got together at 24, so 2 years total), blond, and drop dead gorgeous. She is slightly on the heavier side of perfect, body-wise (just my type). She is also still in university currently, and is as unhappy about that fact as I learned to be. My ex-girlfriend is a very damaged person. She has a very dysfunctional family which resulted in her life lessons being very skewered, mostly from her mother’s extremely negative influence. Whenever she is with her family, which was/is all the time, she is always miserable. My ex is insanely family-orientated. Her lessons from her mother have led her to be an extremely judgmental and insecure, resulting in her cutting people out of her life and burning bridges at every stage in her life, dictating that they weren’t going anywhere in their lives and could not help further her (or at her mother’s recommendation). Despite being the most attractive I’ve ever laid eyes on, is one of the most insecure people I’ve ever met, needing validation and attention from those around her and constantly seeking it from her mother. When I first met her, she had just gotten out of a 4-year long distance relationship which she hated, yet stayed in due to her mother liking the guy, solely due to the fact that she liked his job title.

Her mother has a power over her which defies all else, and could make her think the sky was red if she wanted. My ex lived to please her mother and to gain her approval, which of course she never got and never will. As I started hanging out with her, her problems became very apparent. I am someone who has had a very loving upbringing, and as I’ve come to find out, I love to “save” damsels in distress. I am someone who exudes positivity all the time, which is the exact opposite of her. Every time I saw her, there was always some kind of issue. In the first times we hung out, she would always end up crying after drinking, leaving suddenly, or opting never to see me again without reason. Even after our first time hanging out, most guys would have run in the opposite direction, despite her beauty. Yet I knew deep down that the person she is on the surface is not who she really is, but a mask which her entire family has, and prides themselves on. I knew that she would act this way to me due to her mother whispering in her ear, as at the time, I was a student just like her without a fancy job title. Her mother saw me as a dishonest playboy simply on how I looked. Before we actually started dating, I went through long periods of not seeing her for this reason, totaling about a year before we actually started going on dates.

I was instantly connected to her from the first time I saw her, and she felt it too. This scared her, resulting in cancelling on me last minute and making up fake reasons to not see me, trying to convince herself that her mother was right. I always used to call her my deer in the headlights. Her mother would tell her that she liked me for looks alone and nothing more, and because I wasn’t a manager or CEO, and was a student, I was worthless to her. This is why she kept leaving but coming back, she obviously wanted me for more than that, but her mother’s influence kept ruining any shot I had. Eventually, the reality of the person that I am shone through, and we started dating, at least (not together, just going out etc.).

Dating her was the happiest yet most miserable time of my entire life. I was so in love with her. When she was in a good mood and it was because of me, I was overjoyed beyond belief, yet when she wasn’t, she would direct it all at me, and it was the most miserable I’ve ever been. This cycle happened almost every time I saw her. I like to think of myself as very intuitive, yet sometimes she would show up and accuse me of things that never would have even occurred to me. She would randomly accuse me of cheating in the most elaborate ways, dating other people while I was dating her (which I would NEVER do to anyone), lying to her compulsively, and a plethora of other things I couldn’t even dream up in my wildest imaginations. As I said before, I am someone who has had horrible experiences with women, and I never have and never would cheat on anyone (I would mention it here if I did). Furthermore, I always prided myself on being a good person and never hiding anything. It got so bad at one point that she refused to see me again unless I admitted to cheating on her in some way while we were dating. Since there was nothing for me to admit do, I was in agony.. do I make something up so we can work through it and continue, or never see the woman I love again? I ended up in tears and somehow we got through it.

During the dating process, I was her only beacon of positivity. I didn’t realize until this point just how much she needed somebody like me in her life. I would help her through every single situation. When she was moving into the dorms away from her family for the first time (which is something I recommended she do for space and happiness), her family wouldn’t even help her move in, so I did. Her family would randomly cut her off, so I paid for most of her expenses. Every time she had a situation with her mother, I would show her perspective on how her mother feels and advise her how to act, and it worked every time. Literally, I was responsible for her continually improving family situation and her general happiness by holding her up with all my strength, my reward being her mile at the end of the day. When she was feeling down and angry, I would take the brunt of all her negativity directed toward me, and throw positivity and love back at her until she felt it. When she was feeling happy after all my work, I felt overjoyed… Just seeing her smile because of something I helped with was no greater feeling in the world.

During the dating process we must have stopped and started again at least 20 times, because every time she would go back to her mother, she would start believing every wrong thing her mother said. There is one fact about my ex as a person: she is someone who is as the worlds mercy, that is, she goes the way of every external force acted upon her. For example, her mother would influence her and she’d believe her words, then she’d come to me and then realize the truth. My advice and my love, and even being around my family (who are so positive to be around, and adored her) was the only thing that made her happy and got results, whereas her mother only made her miserable all the time. I knew that in order to be with her, I needed to be a big force in the mix. And finally, it paid off and we were together a little over 2 months later.

What preceded that was the greatest year of my life. I finally gained her trust, which was honestly the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do, and it paid off more than I ever imagined. I was so loving to her, that her insecurities (which are huge) were nullified, as she got all her validation and attention from me. During this time, I had a full time job: keeping her happy. And I loved it. Almost every single day, there was always some kind of issue to unbalance her, be it if she just went to her mother’s house, or an internal issue based on her learned insecurities. Yet I was always there to hold her, teach her the right way to handle the situation, and throw all my positivity at her to overpower her negative nature. I thought to myself that yes, It was a lot of work, but there was nothing I liked more that helping the woman I loved, and when she was happy at the end of the day, there was no greater feeling for me.

I thought that if I continued to help her like this, she would eventually become the positive, happy woman I always knew she was deep inside without her skewered upbringing. As time went on with my loving influence, she was becoming this person more and more, losing her judgmental side, looking at her problems with reason and logic, responding to negativity with love instead of anger to cover up hurt (taught of course by her mother). I thought I could sustain the effort needed forever, and I really thought that the end was in sight with how much she was improving. However, I was wrong. I discovered that my supposedly infinite amount of positivity and ability to handle any situation with positivity in the face of adversity was, in fact, not infinite.

Over one year together, she changed so much for the better, and I thought that this was proof that I was right about her. I was proud of her. I was proud that I was able to help the woman I love and support her so unconditionally, and I was seeing amazing results. Yet out of nowhere, her family came to agonize her even more, she randomly had a massive insecure phase for no reason, and other things I don’t even know about somehow manifested themselves to imbalanced her, resulting in a person even more unstable than when I met her, and even more work was required of me each day just to keep her baseline. I was giving and giving all the time. She was always there for me in small ways, getting me loving cards now and then, always making me feel like I was on her mind, but since I was always able to handle most of my own issues, she never truly had to be there for me, or sacrifice anything for that reason, thus it was me doing all the work. At first, she was so grateful to me for my devotion to her, yet over time it faded into her expecting it of me, even without her knowledge. I realize now that this was my fault, as I allowed this behavior against me constantly. At this point, after a year, relationship breakdown occurred. That amazing feeling I used to get from helping her each day diminished, and it started to feel like real work, slowly pulling me into depression. At this point I tried to change the dynamic. She would come home regularly from her mother’s house, and instead of telling me the situation, she would direct her anger at me. At the end, once I helped her into happiness again, she would apologize to me, always explaining exactly where she went wrong, understanding that it was not fair to me. And I would tell her its ok, I understood why she was acting out based on the situation and my understanding was enough in my own mind to make her behavior okay.

Then things changed for me. Her coming home angry and lashing out at me, which continued regardless of her constant apologies and realizations, was no longer okay despite my understanding of why it was happening. I told her this many many times after the argument was over and she would calm down. I had always been there for her, and finally I was asking her to be there for me by controlling her resentment toward her mother and not lash out at me. I asked her to do her best to try and deal with the problems herself to help me out of the place I was falling into. She would ALWAYS apologize at the end of the argument, explaining exactly where she went wrong, telling me how I was right and that she knew it wasn’t okay what she was doing to me. Every time she said this I was over the moon. She understood exactly where I was coming from! Yet every single day, it was like she forgot everything we talked about, and the same thing would happen all over again, including the apology and admission of wrongdoing. I forgave her every time. It must have happened over 100 times before I started changing.

I was getting angrier and angrier to the point that I started to become a different person. My positivity exhausted, I became a wreck, depressed, bitter, angry, and started arguments with her when I noticed even a slight negative change in her. I started getting cluster headaches, my face numb, my vision blurry. I couldn’t stay in a room with her without feeling on edge, opting to be alone all the time. She had been living with me at my mother’s house for quite a while by this point (we were so happy and perfect together and she moved in very quickly). I talked to her openly every step of the way. Every single day I had to tell her how I was feeling and asking her to help me. She would always agree and forgot the next day.

Eventually, things got so bad, I changed my stance. I asked her to help me reset by giving me one week. We could stay together and do things together during this week, the only thing I asked was for her to give me NO issues for one week to help me feel back to my normal positive self, then I could be there for her again. If she had a problem during this week, she would deal with it herself. If she was angry, she had to calm herself down. If she couldn’t stand to not get at me for something, she should leave and cool off until it died down, and if it was important, we could talk about it after the week was up. This, I felt, was not so much to ask considering everything I constantly did for her. She completely agreed with me, and apologized for it getting to this point. She never lasted even one day. I tried this method again over 100 times, no exaggeration.

By this point I was so distant and angry, that I became very distant, not taking her out as much or putting her up on a pedestal like a princess as I usually did. At this point, her trust issues returned with a vengeance, and she started accusing me of cheating again. I literally was so angry, I could not have sex with her. We usually had sex all the time. I told her why, and that things needed to improve. She also wanted to move out together to our own place. At first I loved the idea, but now, I told her I wanted things to improve first. I was hoping this would inspire her to help me fix things. She never understood that due to her insecurities. She knew exactly the kind of man I am, yet her insecurities inbuilt into her made her forget all about who I was, again thinking up elaborate ways in which I was cheating on her which were actually quite comical (I actually laughed sometimes when she would accuse me). This all accumulated into her accusing me of cheating on her with my best friend’s girlfriend. I never even spoke to my friend’s girl, yet because she had a boob job, my ex assumed she must be the one. This was the biggest insult to me. It called in to question who I was as a person, which was the one great aspect of me that I was truly proud of. I would ask her, if you believe these terrible things about me, why would you be with such a horrible excuse for a human being? At first I tried to convince her, show her proof, logs of when I went to the gym and of who came into my gated community at her request. I know now that this was the wrong thing to do. She never believed it anyway, even when proof was in her face. I knew her mother was influencing her too.

We decided finally that It was best to live apart, but still be together, hoping that the space would help us. But eventually, after another period as happiness and misery similar to when we were dating, she told me that unless I admitted to cheating with my best friend’s girl, she couldn’t be with me. I was faced with the same situation when we were dating. Do I lie, and admit to something I never did in order to work through it and be with the woman I adored, or suffer a parting with the love of my life over nothing but a falsity? By this point I was so done and so hurt and offended, I called her bluff and we broke up. I believed that the truth would come to light and she would wake up at some point and we would be able to look back at all this as a bad dream. I had faith in her.

Over the next 6 months, we talked every day. We longed for one another. We were dying to be together and we had lovely days together. However, it would always boil down to the cheating topic in the end, her asking me to admit it so she could come back and work through it, and me refusing to admit to something I never did. It tore me apart. I wanted to so bad. I almost thought of admitting to something, anything even, just to be with her, but I couldn’t. Besides, I knew deep down that she was probably lying – she was probably only saying we would work through it to get me to admit to it anyway. It was now that I decided to be a man and set boundaries. I was no longer going to accept this behavior and dismissed her every time she brought it up, explaining that if she had nice things to say I would love to be around and talk to her, but that if she was going to continue to insult me, I would exit the conversation. Then things took an even worse turn. My ex was regularly taking Adderall. This is an intense amphetamine prescribed to people with ADHD, and while my ex really thought she had it, she certainly did not (people in America get prescribed anything, I’ve found). I knew she took it occasionally when we were together, but now it was every day. On people with this condition, the medication calms them down. For people without it, it gives you an intense high, boosting productivity. Adderall is the chemical most closely related to Meth, and the side effect is terrible paranoia, seeing/hearing things that aren’t there and general psychosis. This started happening to her.

It was so bad, she would request logs of where I was, pin drops on my phone of my location at all times, show up at my house because she *knew* someone was over at my house, and call my friends accusing me and asking me where I was and if I was with them. I know now that this was truly the sole reason her actions and subsequently, our parting.

At first, I was compliant with her requests, wanting to build back our trust. The only thing on my mind was being back with the one I loved. Yet eventually, I couldn’t take her ridiculous accusations anymore, my family and friends sharing my sentiments. Every time I tried to prove my innocence (the truth), I was slowly losing the respect of my family and friends, and even worse, I was losing respect for myself, of which there was precious little to begin with. Despite my love for her, I couldn’t do this anymore, the person I loved was gone, lost in brain damage from drug abuse and her mother’s influence (she was living with her mother again, who would confirm all her wrong beliefs). It goes without saying, but from the moment I met her, I never once even looked wrong at another girl. This all accumulated into one final night, which, to this day, is the last time I saw her. This is an unbelievable story, and it goes like this:

It was a Thursday night. She calls me at around 10pm. She tells me that she forgot our joint Netflix password and asks me for it. I told her that she was the one that set it up and I didn’t even use the account, so I didn’t know it. She then asks me what that one password I used for everything was. I smiled. I knew what she was trying to do. I went on Netflix, tried the password and it didn’t work of course, which I told her. She still insisted, so I came to a crossroad. Do I give it to her, to help gain some trust back, or call her out? I decided that if I wanted to gain her trust back, I should give it to her, as I have nothing to hide anyway. So I told it to her, explaining that I knew what she was doing but that I trust her. So I gave it to her. She thanked me and I went to sleep. I awoke to around 30 text messages, all sent to me around 5-6am. She had hacked into all my email accounts, my Facebook, and other account based platforms. She had sent me thumbnails of my locations via the Facebook location feature or places I had been dating back to early 2014. The problem, is that Facebook only logs these things when connected to Wi-Fi, so it would show places I passed by, saying I was there for 30 min, and places slightly off of where I actually was. For example, it showed me JUST OUTSIDE my house for 4 hours, when I was really IN my house. She literally asked me: “were you having sex with someone outside your house for 4 hours?” It was unbelievable.

I was furious. She tried to call me. I picked up. And she started saying “Firstly, I’m not calling to apologize…” and I hung up. I ignored her calls and harsh texts the rest of the day. Eventually she sent me an email saying that she knew what she did was wrong and if I was open to it, she would like to apologize. A few hours when she called me, I picked up and we proceeded to have the greatest conversation of our relationship. She admitted to taking Adderall and Clenbuterol (an intense weight-loss stimulant that bodybuilders use) at the same time at 10pm the night before and admitted to her paranoia. She then told me that she couldn’t believe how she had been acting the past few months and admitted to everything I knew was wrong about how she was being toward me. It was amazing. Here I thought that she didn’t know about everything I was feeling and how wrong she was acting, but she explained it all, and told me she knew who I was and that she was so sorry for all that she’s done. She then told me that she would love to get dinner with me to talk about how we can move forward together (something I had been asking her to do with me for MONTHS, in which she’d sometimes agree and cancel a few hours before). I was over the moon. I was still angry, but I told her I forgive her and that I was so happy with everything she said. I told her we could schedule it on Monday, as tomorrow night (Saturday), I had to help a group walk into a nightclub (I knew a lot of people and I would do this all the time, I used to work as a promoter). She agreed and told me she couldn’t wait.

A huge problem we had during our relationship, was that she would always make me drop my friends and plans to accommodate het last second. At first, I usually complied, but I later fixed the issue, and told her that it wasn’t okay to ask me to do that as anyone that loved me would not want me to look that way to my friends. That a little background for what happens next. My plans for the next night were as follows: my best friend from England had cousins in town and he asked me to walk them into a free table. I would walk them in, have a drink with them, and leave early, as I usually did. I agreed, and had this plan for around 1 month in my schedule, which she always knew about. So the next day comes around and I’m still over the moon about our conversation. Then she calls me. I know her well enough to know that something is off in her voice. So I ask her what’s wrong. She asks me angrily why she wasn’t invited out with the group. I explained that it wasn’t my party to invite anyone to and that I was only walking them in, then I would leave and, if she wanted, we could meet up and hang out together. This wasn’t good enough for her. She said that I have to drop them and all my plans to get dinner with her that night, in order to prove I loved her. I told her I couldn’t do that as they were counting on me for their good time in another country, and they were my best friend’s cousins. I assured her that we could hang out right after. She then started accusing me of doing things untoward, spiraling right back into how she had been over the last few months. I begged her to stop.. I told her that we could stop this right now and it wouldn’t erase the lovely conversation we had before.. If she showed me her strength right now, WHILE she was feeling paranoid, not after the argument, we could still have a lovely night together and I would overlook it. It got worse and worse.

I tried to talk her down and help her stop for around 4 hours non-stop. By this point, I had a cluster headache, I felt sick, and I felt weird… so spent I could have slept for a week. She hung up on me and I decided to go to my happy place to calm down, the gym. So I put my gym clothes on and left the house. Just as I was turning into the gym, my mother calls me. She had let my ex in through the guard gate as she thought that’s what I wanted. I immediately turned around and drove home in a rush. When I reached my house, her car was not there, so I figured she came then left straight away (she is THE most indecisive person, cancelling last minute etc., so this was common). So I thought okay, I’ll just go back to the gym. So I turned around and passed her on the way out. We both stopped and rolled down our windows. She then demanded where I was going, and demanded to know who was just at my house and where this imaginary girl in question was now.

Then she asked me why I didn’t prepare for her coming, two contradictory questions. I told her I was on my way back to the gym after I saw her car was not there, and that I had no clue she was coming – If I knew I would have not gone. She swore at me and sped off ahead of me. I followed her, and she turned into where the community tennis courts were. I followed her and parked next to her. She didn’t get out, so I got out and into her car. I hadn’t seen her in a few weeks, so I told her that it was so amazing to see her, but asked her what’s wrong and why she was acting this way, thinking these things. She then told me she knew someone was here with me and how horrible I was. I was in agony now. I asked her how she thought I had the capability for these things as a person, especially considering all my efforts to be with her and how much I loved her. She knew all about my past and all my horrible experiences with women, as well as the person that I am, how could she think these terrible things about me, especially when I did not even act in a way for one to thing those things? Then, she drove off with me in the car, and we proceeded to check the ENTIRE neighborhood for a stationary car that had supposedly just my house to hide from her and was waiting for her to leave so she could come back to my house. I couldn’t believe it. I told her that this behavior was not normal and I told her that I would help her get better and even go with her to my neurologist.

From the moment I met her, I knew she must have a chemical imbalance or some kind of neurological condition, but obviously never mentioned it. I was begging for her to stop, it hurt me so much to see the woman I loved acting this way, and to see her completely wrong perception of me. When we found no one, she took me back to my car and burst into tears, telling me I was the worst thing to ever happen to her. It tore me apart. I had spent our whole relationship and beyond, giving everything to her, showing her love and devotion any women can only dream of receiving, putting up with things that most men would have ran in the other dirction for, and yet here she was, blaming me for everything I did not do. What hurt the most, was that while she was completely wrong, her perception was that it was me doing all this to her.. Even though I never did anything at all, the result was that she was in agony, and it was over me. My heart broke. She shouted at me to get out the car, and so I did..

She then drove off. I followed, NEEDING some me time at the gym. My gym is close to my house and we both passed that way. On the way I could see her crying in the car and it killed me. I tried to call her, I tried hooting the horn, lowering my window to get her attention. She ignored me and drove off. By this point I was on my last leg, close to passing out from stress. So as we passed my gym, I made a choice for me, and turned into the gym to calm down. I got a call immediately. She demanded to know why I didn’t follow her. I tried to explain how I was feeling but she hung up. Over the course of the next 20 minutes, I tried to work out, but she would call me and hang up on me every 2 minutes. I did not have the heart to not pick up, as I loved her so much and felt so terrible that I had anything to do with her tears. Each time I picked up, another person was on the other end. First she would be crying cursing my name, then she would be angry telling me how bad I was, then she would be fine and ask what my plans were that night, then she would act indifferent but tell me to drop what I was doing, then back to crying. I left the gym. I was in such a bad place. My nose was running freely, I couldn’t see through blurry vision, I could barely walk. So I went home.

As I got home my mother saw me and was shocked at my appearance. She saw my ex calling and took my phone. She gave me tea and calmed me down a bit. I then decided that I would shower, have a drink and relax then go walk these people into their table and get an early night, dealing with my ex in the morning. So I had a shower and started to feel better. Some friends called me and wanted to come with me out and come over for a drink. I said yes and was looking forward to it. She called me again and I picked up, cursing me and then saying she was coming over. I said I wasn’t in a position to see her and I had to entertain guests and walk the table in, still offering to see her after. She refused and hung up on me. I let it go and tried to be happy my friends were coming over. After my shower, I went to talk to my mum again, when we all heard the door open to the house. She had entered the house. I went to my room, and she had locked herself in my bathroom. She wouldn’t speak to me, so I waited 10 minutes until she came out.

I asked her why she came in unannounced and she feigned as if she thought she was. I told her I knew that she was only here to check that someone else wasn’t here with me. So she stormed out and I tried to stop her, asking to talk calmly. She drove off. So, feeling bad again, I tried to calm myself. At this point my friends arrived, and I instantly felt better. As we were having a drink, my ex walked into the room. We were all shocked. She mumbled something I couldn’t understand then ran off. I couldn’t run after her, I had reached my limit. She then came in AGAIN 10 minutes later, asking why I didn’t follow her. I told her she didn’t ask me to and this time, she stormed off, breaking a few things on the way out. I was angry now. I was running late for the table so we all left the house, and as we did she pulled up right behind my car. She got out and stumbled, clearly drunk and on Adderall and Xanax. She was a complete mess. All my anger melted away. I tried to hold her and talk to her, but she pushed me away and got in her car and drove off. I ran after her, there was no way she could drive and I was sick with worry. She parked awkwardly outside the front of my house and I ran over to her as she got out. I told her that she should stay here with me, and that I would take her inside now, prepare a nice meal for her and put some Netflix on in my bed for her. I told her that as soon as I walked the table in, I would rush back and cuddle with her and be with her, and that we could hang out and talk through everything in the morning. As I tried to take her hand to lead her to my room, she started hitting me viciously. I backed away and asked her to follow me instead. I started walking, and as I turned around to check that she was following, I narrowly missed her keys flying at my face. I was at the edge of what my anger would allow. I pushed it down and asked her to follow me again. She then got on her hands and knees on the street and crawled toward her keys. I turned around, wondering what to do, in disbelief and agony. As I turned back around, her shoe hit me square in the stomach. That was it. My anger exploded. I stormed off toward my car, not caring anymore. I got in and drove off. She somehow managed to get to her car before me and was driving in front of me.

I witnessed her swerve left and right. My anger evaporated again, replaced by worry. I shouted through my window for her to stop, flashing my lights and honking the horn. Before we left the community, she called and I begged for her to stop. I told her I couldn’t let down my best friend and his cousins I was walking In, but that she could come with me and I would take her home and be with her all night. She then told me yet again how terrible I was and screamed at me before hanging up on me. That was it. I had reached my limit. I didn’t care anymore, months of repressed anger coming to the surface and overcoming me. As she left the community, I turned the other way, going toward my obligation.

I didn’t answer any calls or text until I got there. I looked at my phone, and saw the horrible things she was saying to me just then, knowing that she had at least got home ok. At this point, my friends had had enough, at which point one of them grabbed my phone and held on to it. I decided to forget everything and try to have a good night with my friends for myself. I had a wonderful time with my best friend’s cousins, people who I hadn’t seen since childhood, finally having let go, and resigned myself to fixing things in the morning. When I woke up, I still had not checked my phone, as I didn’t want to read the horrible things she was saying about me. I went into the main room, and my mother was there looking tired. She asked me if I wanted to know what happened. My heart sank.

After I left, my ex had tried to break into my house. At which point my step-father let her in, worried. He then had to take her into every room in the house, because she was convinced I was there hiding. He told her that my car wasn’t even here, but she wouldn’t listen. My step-father also told me that she cured me, explaining that she has tons of guys getting at her and that I didn’t deserve her. Who knows if she was actually faithful. Right now as I write this, I have my doubts, as based on her need for attention and her perception of the things I supposedly did, I think now that she cheated in order to get back at me, though I have no proof of this. My mum came in and they all argued, my ex accusing me of terrible things to my mother. My mother wouldn’t have it, and they argued. My mother eventually convinced her to let them take her home. When they walked her out, they saw that her car was totaled. They had to drive her home at 4am, barely managing to drive her car back with them. They waited outside her house for 30 minutes to make sure she wouldn’t leave again, and then went home, with my ex calling the house until 5am. I was heartbroken. How could I have gone and had fun while my love could have killed herself?

All my anger was forgotten and a terrible sadness settled over me. Apparently, her mother tried to come to our house to talk to my mother, but my mother refused her, saying she wasn’t in a position to receive her right now. So I called her mother. I told her that I had no idea why my ex thought the things she did about me and that I never knowingly did anything to hurt her. I told her that I loved her daughter with all my heart, and that I would do anything to help her get better. She told me that I was very sweet, but that the best thing would be for me to not contact her and that despite my hopes, we could not work out together right now. With a heavy heart, I agreed. I knew that it had reached a point, and that I wouldn’t see her for a long time, and it tore me apart.

The next week, I was invited to Laguna Beach for a wedding with two friends who would come with me. I thought it would be perfect for me to go and try and forget. On the drive down, I get a call from an unknown number. I answer. It’s her. She told me that she was in a specialized hospital and that she had tried to kill herself. I couldn’t believe it. Before I could say anything, my friend grabbed my phone and hung up. She tried to call, but he kept my phone, convincing me that I needed this time to not think about her and recover. I wanted to call her back, but couldn’t, as I did not have the number and her phone was now disconnected. I felt terrible. How could I have a good time, while she was in a hospital? That was the last time I heard her voice, and that was around 5 months ago.

After that, I managed to reset myself. I found my positivity again. And I was hoping that she would get better soon so that I could talk to her again.. be with her again. She was all I thought about. Plus, if she truly got better, she would surely realize that all those things she thought of me were false. My hopes for this rose, as a little time later my mother called her mother to check in on her, as they had a conversation when she tried to come over about how my ex needed help, and she wanted to know how she was doing. She told my mother that they had gone to a doctor in LA for a brain scan, and that she did indeed have brain damage similar to psychosis due to the Adderall abuse. This was obviously bad news, but I though, if she knows this now, surely she would realize that the way she was acting was due to that? However, she never contacted me with any such realization.

Now we are two months later. She had left her favorite teddy bear at my house, and I thought that it might help her get better. So I met with her brother to give it to him, telling him how much I loved her and wishing her well. She contacted me that night via Facebook messenger. She was cold. She simply asked me to take down our photos on Facebook. I was crushed. Here I was dying to be with her and talk to her again, how could she be so cruel? I told her how much I loved her and that I did a nice thing for her by giving her brother her teddy bear. She became very angry when I said this. She said a was so low, and that was just what she would have expected of me. I told her I thought I was doing a loving thing for her. She then simply said “I’m seeing someone.” I asked her why she would say that just to hurt me. I told her that if that really true, it would kill me, but I wish her nothing but the love and happiness. She said “likewise” and blocked me. She had got a new number and so the only way I could talk to her was over Facebook of email.

I tried to reach out, each time getting rebuked. What followed after that was agonizing. She would randomly message me telling me she missed me and calling me “baby” and “my love.” The whole time, I was telling her how much I adored her and tried to see her. She would eventually ignore me. She would randomly message me sweet things, and as soon as she got confirmation I was still there, she would block or ignore me. It was horrible. I was obsessing over her, and she was playing with my heart like a fiddle. Seeking validation and then tossing me aside once she got it.

Eventually, I broke down, emailing her non-stop, begging with her to see me. I told her how miserable I was without her. She simply stated that she always knew we were never compatible and that I wasn’t a welcome presence in her life anymore, among other things that cut me deeply. She said that her family didn’t know about me messaging her, but that if I continued, she would tell them and it would become a family affair, and that I didn’t want that. She destroyed me inside. After this, I sought my Dad’s advice, someone who knows women very well. He told me to send this email:

“(ex’s name)

I’ve re-read your messages and emails as the real me would, and I’ve decided that you’re right. I’m done.
Love,
Jason”

She responded within two hours. She simply said “I understand. Love, (ex’s name).” Then she sent me another email 10 minutes later: “Also, I want to apologize for sending mixed signals. Being lovey with you comes naturally, I think because those are the waters we swam in. I think that’s what makes being apart feel so awkward, almost. Against the grain. I’ll always love you xx.”

On my Dad’s advice I did not reply. Then that night, she emailed me 3 loving pictures of us. I still did not reply. The following night she unblocked me on Facebook to message me, asking if I got her email, then saying she happy with the decisions we are making, and wishing me well. I then reply, telling her that I was busy but that I would love to talk to her over phone. She kept evading my question, asking me why I sent a mean email to her. I kept telling her that I would love to talk about it but that messaging like this was childish. I told her that I would love to hear her voice, I love her, and I would love to talk about anything. She simply said no thanks, and blocked me on Facebook again! I was in tears, sobbing. I called my dad, and I believe that my conversation with him was the only thing that kept me from driving off a cliff. Over the next few weeks, I would follow my Dad’s advice, yet still cave into my own way of talking to her to points.

Every time I listened to my dad, it got results, and as soon as I admitted I loved or acted nice, she would block me. At one point, she asked me what I was up to, told me she missed me and that she missed cuddles. I played it cool and told her I missed them too. She then asked me how long I’d be busy for, because she has an early day the next day. I was over the moon. I said I’ll be home in 15 minutes, but Facebook didn’t deliver my message! So I send her another, and finally an email. She never responded. I believe now that she turned her Facebook chat off. She texted me in the morning and said “sorry love I fell asleep.” My dad told me to disengage, so I said: “no worries, love and miss you x.” She didn’t reply, and an agonizing week of no contact followed.

Then, I caved. I wanted to invite her to dinner. So I sent her a short message inviting her for dinner the following night. She “saw” it (on Facebook it tells you when someone viewed your message), but did not respond. The next night around 10:30pm, I was as a lounge working by her house, and she must have passed by and looked for my car to see if I was there (she knows I go there a lot). She sent me a message asking me if I was there, completely ignoring my question from the night before. I ignored her and “saw” the message on my Dad’s advice. Two days later, the messaged me at 4am (we used to stay up until all hours of the night together, so she knew I’d be awake). She said exactly this:
“Do you dream of me?”
“I dream of you.”
“Love?”
I did not reply, feigning that I was asleep on my dad’s advice. An hour later, at 5am, she sent this:
“I’ve dreamt of you three times this week. I wake up to the sound of myself calling your name.”
“:(”
And then not 1 minute after she sent that, the nicest most loving thing she’s said to me since our breakup, she said:
“Bye baby x”

I woke up the next morning and my dad told me to wait until lunch time to reply and that I could reciprocate the feelings. When I finally went to reply, I saw that she had blocked me on Facebook messenger! Not on Facebook itself, but I now couldn’t message her (we were not “friends” on Facebook anyway, so I could not see her profile posts). I was dumbfounded, she literally blocked me right after saying something so nice! I sent her an email. It reciprocated the feelings, but also called her out on blocking me. She never responded. Another agonizing week went by, with me obsessing over it all of course. My dad continually told me not to say anything. Finally, after a week, I caved. I didn’t like playing these games with her, I am an open person that likes to be upfront and honest, and I thought that these roundabout methods were not who I was. I now know that this view is completely wrong.

I decided to send her a long email, with every single thing I was feeling. This email had everything: my intense feelings for her, why I thought it didn’t work out, how much I miss her and want her by my side, super romantic yet cheesy phrases. It even called her out on stringing me along, asking her why she would knowingly do this to me. Then I asked her for dinner. I told her that if what she’s been saying is true, then to come to dinner with me where we could talk like adults, instead of blocking and messaging over email, which felt degrading to me, especially since she let me know she had a new number and refused to give it to me (I think her parents got her a new number specifically for me not to have it!). I told her that regardless, we can talk and move forward in whichever way we choose, together or apart. At the end, since she had not been responding to me recently, I said “if you choose not to respond to this, I’ll know exactly where you stand, and which path to take.” After this, I thought, I’ll know for sure one way or the other what I’m going to do, and it’ll be black or white, so I will have the strength to follow through with whatever was needed. I was wrong. I regret sending that email more than you know. Now I know that by sending this, I gave her all the rocket fuel she needed to stay away from me, boosting her confidence.

She replied 25 minutes later. She said exactly this:

“Choose the other path, my love. Our ship has sailed. I miss you xo”

I was gutted. Plus, she literally did the exact same thing I called her out for in the email, saying it’s over, but calling me “my love” and telling me she misses me! I was just as angry as I was upset. I did not reply. The next day around 4pm, she sends me another email. It doesn’t say anything. It is simply a picture. It was a close-up picture of the chocolate scented teddy bear that she bought me for valentine’s day, which she knew I adored. I thought that she had thrown it away or ripped it up that fateful night I detailed before, but she had actually taken it back. She was sending me this for one reason. To provoke my feelings for her even more, showing me an example of the love we had. Attempting to make me feel love for her, while she knew she didn’t want to be together. It was cruel… Evil if you will.

Here I was trying to be open and honest, on top of the fact that this is the girl I gave EVERYTHING to! And now, not only does she think the worst things about me for NO reason, she’s trying to stab me in the heart. I wondered, does she know what she’s doing, or does she simply not know what she wants? Does she love me and have moments of weakness, or is she trying to manipulate me? My ex and I had more love together than any relationship I’ve ever witnessed. We were so incredibly happy for the first year together; it must have made people sick to see us. Based on what I knew about her, I concluded that she was as indecisive as ever, and knows not what she was doing to me, succumbing to moments of weakness, but then being reinforced her decision to stay away, and of course, by her mother.

I decided to not reply, and wait for her to contact me again. I waited 1 month, still no contact. By now it was December 18th, my birthday. She will message me on my birthday for sure, I thought. She did not. I ended up crying most of the day on my birthday. When Christmas came around, I emailed her. I said:
“Merry Christmas (ex’s name)!
Wishing you and the fam an amazing holiday and a happy new year!
Thinking of you 
Lots of love,
J x”

I got no reply to that. I send her one final email on the 2nd of January this year. It said this:
“Happy new year (ex’s name)!
I wish you and the fam all the best in 2016 and all the years to come. Maybe one day we can meet for coffee as friends 
J”

I sent this message in order to provoke a reaction in her. To surprise her at my ability to be her friend. I got no response to this. 4 days after this email was sent, she randomly blocks me on Facebook so that I cannot even search her name. That was the last thing that happened. Since then, I was a mess. I am MUCH better now. Yet there was one thing that made me falter. I ended up looking at her Facebook page on my best friends account (he is still her Facebook friend), and I saw all her updates. It was all about moving on and being happy, new beginnings etc. It all hurt. Yet the worst one, was a picture of her looking GORGEOUS, having checked into a luxury living home development similar to the one I live in. This told me one thing. She’s on a date with a rich guy. If she was on a date with someone who lived in that community, it would be everything her and her mother ever wants, a husband for her with money (that was the only thing they cared about before I met her, and I assume it changed right back to that without my influence).

It tore me apart. I was in tears, and had to sit down with both my parents to calm me down. She was clearly moving on and is already possibly dating her next husband (she specifically told me after our break-up that she would only spend time on a man if she saw a future with him, and consequently asked me why she would waste her time with me, her ex). And that’s it.

As it stands right now, these are the facts:
– Her and her family think that I am the reason for her drug and alcohol addiction.
– Her and her family have the very worst perception of me, thinking I am a bad person who treated her like shit, despite the opposite being true.
– She seems to have forgotten every single nice thing I did for her (which was a LOT), and every positive change I provoked in her.
– Her families influence is at an all-time high, very much against me.
– She still thinks I did all these terrible things to her, and that I am the worst sort of person.
– It should be clear at this point that both her and her mother are mentally imbalanced somehow, through substances and/or naturally.
– My ex went for a brain scan in L.A. and the test came back that she has damage from the Adderall. I thought that when she found this out, she would realize she was being ridiculous, but to no avail.

I learned one valuable thing from this relationship. And that is this:
Even if you try your very hardest at something, putting your all into it, not only can you still fail, but you can be blamed for every reason that it didn’t work out. It would be the equivalent to studying 24 hours a day, 7 days a week for a test, then not only failing the test, but getting minus 100%! That’s how I feel.

I have made a TON of positive changes in my life since then. I am taking 6 classes, graduating next semester. I started a company while we were together (one positive thing in the relationship, is that I loved her so much, I wanted to show her the best life possible, so I decided to stop focusing on enjoyment and started on the career path I wanted), which is now developing multiple computer softwares. I hit the gym even harder, and look better, and I am currently interning at a very prestigious company. I even moved out into her dream apartments that she wanted to move into with me. Yet still, I cannot escape the misery. Still, she haunts my mind, my dreams, and I think of her every second. Everything reminds me of her, even my own bed. All I can think about is ways to get her back. I worry that she is now indifferent to me, that she doesn’t think of me at all. I wonder if I can ever change her perception of me, while her mother is possessing her like a demon, controlling her feelings and her thoughts. Or maybe it is no longer her mother, but the person she is now, completely resolved against me. I wonder if there is any hope for someone like me: A great guy with everything going for him who gave all of himself to the woman he loved, helping her with all her problems at the cost of who he was, only to then be blamed for all her wrongdoings, not only by her, but her family too. Forgive me is I sound sorry for myself, this is simply the reality of the situation.

After reading this, you may ask yourself.. why? Why would anyone want to be with someone like this?

I’ve only told you about the bad times. The good times were the best in my life by far. The love, connection, sex, everything… It was all spectacular, she would even brag about it to everyone, about our love. I’ve never had a connection with anyone in my life like I did her, It was like deep down we are the same person. I love her even more than family, and I felt every day that she felt the exact same. We would always think of each other and do little things for one another, I would leave little gifts on the bed for her most days. We went through thick and thin together. I dealt with all those problems not only because I loved her, but because the good times were so good, I knew it was worth it and I knew that if we just got through the difficult times, we would emerge as the happiest couple alive and be together forever! I even asked my mum for the diamond ring my father gave her (a tradition in my family) that I was planning to give to her as soon as we pulled through. I couldn’t wait to marry her. I never ONCE thought of breaking up with her. She was the only one in the world to me. In her, I saw not only all the qualities I wanted in a woman, but qualities I didn’t even know I wanted until I met her. I do not use the term “soulmate” lightly, but if I were to have one, I know it would be her. I always believed that true love, is love in spite of everything. And that is exactly what I feel for her, and what I truly believe she felt for me. I had never known such reciprocated love in my entire life.

I used to say this to her.. “I have a long way to go, I may not have achieved the things in my life that I should have at this age, but at least I can say that I achieved the most important goal, I am with the woman of my dreams. So no matter what happens, I am successful.”

And now, the thought of her dating some rich asshole in a country club makes me think that she has forgotten me and moved on. I don’t even know for sure that is the case, it’s just where my mind goes! The only reason I am even trying still, the only reason I think I have a minute chance to be with this girl again, is two simple reasons:

Firstly, me. The qualities I have as well as the person I am. I know that in her eyes, I was the greatest man alive. On top of the fact that I believe no one will ever give her love and affection like I did, ever (my dad said this). No one will put up with the things I did either.

Secondly, her feelings she had for me. She loved me like no other. She felt things for me that she didn’t feel with anyone else in her life. She depended on me like no other. She thought I was the best in bed, loved every quality about me, and knew I would be very successful among other things.

But even these will probably mean nothing now. I am not hopeful or optimistic… how could I be? I fear I’ve messed up this situation too much to repair it. I shouldn’t need to repair it really… I did nothing wrong what-so-ever. The only things I can think of that I did wrong during the relationship were these:

– treating her too nice every day, setting the bar at my best effort all the time.

– not setting boundaries for what was not okay with me sooner, as I thought that she had enough problems to deal with, I didn’t want to give her any from me.

– Trying to convince her that she was wrong in her beliefs instead of outright not playing into such ridiculous accusations against my integrity.

– My lifestyle: while this changed drastically halfway through the relationship (during the tough part my lifestyle was much more in line with what she wanted), I still liked to go out once a week with friends and was still not interested in school. Minus the work on my company, I did not have a paying job.

– In the last 6 months of the relationship, I barely took her out anywhere at all, but this was only because I was so resentful and angry toward her. I would not reward her bad behavior. For example, the night before Valentine’s day, she argued with me about me cheating all night, and as such I refused to buy her flowers or take her out on valentine’s day until it was resolved.

That’s all. There is nothing else that I did, short of lovely, extravagant things all for her and helping her every single day. If there was anything untoward that I did what-so-ever, I would be truthful here, as I need real advice. My faults have come after it was over, doing everything that your book Relationship Rewind has said not to do. Am I too far gone here? Is there any hope for a guy like me? I want this more than anything, and I know with the changes I’ve made to myself, I can definitely make it work, even if she never changes. I am happy to take any form of her, I just need to change my ways in order to accommodate her and give her the iron support she needs to grow, which I have done already. I was a boy in the relationship, but now I finally feel like a man. She will sense this, I know. I feel like I am in a better place now to take action if you think it’s the right thing to do. Currently, the last time I send her a message was January 2nd 2016, and the last thing she sent me was the teddy bear picture on November 28th 2015.

I am truly at “Death’s Door.” Maybe even worse than that. But I’m willing to do ANYTHING to have the love of my life in my arms again.

Do you guys(hopefully Kevin too) have any advice at all to offer me, in terms of the next step I should take to get her back? Or do you think it’s a lost cause? If anyone has any advice for me, I would be eternally grateful. If you guys have anything at all to say, no matter how small, I will gladly listen.

I want to thank you again for taking the time to read this, and for giving me even a shred of hope for being with the woman I love – the advice from the 5-step plan has already helped me, and given me a shed of hope, even if just a little.

Thank you!

Jason