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oh wow this has had quite a few updates to your post 🙂 gimmie 10 mins to catch up haha 🙂
might i add, it might be quite cool to actually find some of you guys on facebook to be able to have kept in touch somewhat if you know what i mean? everyone has been too helpful in a very personal way. it might be nice. id understand if not but still 🙂
Yeah, that would be very cool! I’d happily give you my contact info. Also, take your time. I’m just antsy to hear.
The only thing you can do right now is let her know you don’t want to be friends, but that if she changes her mind she can’t get in touch. Say it and then move on and don’t contact her again!
Chin up fella!
Thargus I’m so sorry to hear this-it sounds as if she was leading you on a bit and loved the attention.
If you still want to pursue, I would say go no contact. Not just one month, but longer-do an “Amy” and go 3 months- let her know what life is like without you!
Thargus I definitely think you should move on. Not because there is no hope. But because she thinks you are just there and she can have you whenever she wants. Focus on you 🙂 Be happy to be able to give your 100% to YOU, so you can develop and spend time in your hobbies, in getting better as a person or better at a specific thing (like your boxing).
Also I have read many times you run into each other at the gym. Can you not go at the same time she does? She will definitely be wondering why you aren’t there. If you have to go at the same time, just say hi how are you, smile, and keep doing your thing. Keep headphones on, go to another machine or activity, say you need to make a call, just something to not keep on the same “always around for her” pattern. Don’t be rude, just treat her like someone you just know, not someone you have a friendship with.
Go out more, meet new people, and really start living your life as being on your own, and push her to the back of your mind. I know my situation didn’t end up well, but we DID get back. And this is what I did. Started dating, having my own life. He was always on my mind and my plan was still running. But I didn’t just sit waiting, I went out did stuff for me and was already living as if he was never coming back.
Don’t take any of this in the bad way, it’s not my intention at all 🙂 Also you might already been doing most of this, and of course it’s all just my opinion. There are no absolute truths. Although I just come to your thread from time to time I would gladly exchange FBs 🙂
@amy111 I hope everything is great with you! 😛 I’m still really proud how you handled everything. Maybe do pull an “Amy” @Thargus 😛 we should start using this term for 3 month no contacts eheheh 😀how would we go about finding eachother on facebook? 🙂
and ill post the string of texts here for you to see what i truley mean..
this was durying work and after i had sent multiple texts reminding her about the same day out. my point was i wante to go out without her asking em to do things for her etc.
Me: Look, cmon! i feel fed up of these games. im trying to make effort and feel like im having nothing in return, i offered you a nice day out and you cant even be bothered to reply. whats up?”
i felt extremely bad immediately and felt i had made a mistake. this was her reply.
Her: sorry.i left my phone in my locker all day yesterday. i know your being so nice with this offer and i know where it is. but the reason i havent said yes is becuase im just worried that me saying yes to come is a sign to you about something else. i would want to go as your freind but im not sure if thats an option for you.”
Me: why did you say this the first time? ultimately i just want us to all go back to being our normal group of friends. the honest reason i asked you to go out for a day last saturday and then monday (today) is becuase you didnt reply the first time, and becuase you had asked me to breakfast, lunch, taking you to drop cv’s to places etc and i took you to work because you felt down and even offerd to talk about what was wrong. i just wanted a nice day out, no strings attached. thats all. nothing else. i asked your sister because you didnt reply, no other reason. she didnt reply and it honestly frustraited me. im trying to be your freind becuase you told me that i am your best friend, and thats fine. becuase you are mine. id never want to ruin that. there are still some questions i want to ask but that will come in time. all i am trying to say is, i wanted to spend a nice day out together with nothing else going on because i feel it is something we need. i didnt mean to sound so blunt but i just felt that there was something seriously wrong. and how do you know where it is…?”
Her: my sister told me. actually when i realised it was something planned. i didnt say anything because i.. well if im honest with you i was a little mad at you. i thought we werent gonna say things to other people but you did. but it doesnt matter. when i get to work later, if im not rotad in tomorrow we can go.
Me: it does matter, and how could i blame you. it was hypocritical of me and im sorry. i owe you an apology for that in person at least. or you could take a shot at me in boxing if you really like.. (tried to make it less doom and gloom) if im honest i just wanted someone to talk to and that person should of been you. hope we are okay, and i hope we can go tomorrow still. it would be an awesome day.
her: It would be fun. but, there is a big problem. i want to go as your friend, is that okay for you?
Me: yes. honest and a promise.
Her: okay ill let you know.
After her shift:
Her: sorry, i only just finished. im working tomorrow sadly. still boxercise?
(i was extremely bummed out at this point.)
Me: thats okay, and yeah sure but only if you promise not to beat me too hard because of earlier haha.
Her: haha i promise. im working till close tomorrow, im gonna be crackered.
Me: i guess that means your not able to come to the doctor who show this evening ? 🙁
(this had been planned for a very long time, i even reminded her a few times but she genuinly forgot)
Her: oh crap oh crap oh crap!
i didnt reply becuase i had fallen asleep, this was at 1 am and had to be in work at 5am.
she replied again this morning.
Her: i totally forgot
Me: ah dont worry. nans not well again, ive just been sattalking to her and im in a right state.
honestly its okay about tonight, i dont think im gonna come boxing though, i will tomorrow.Her: its not okay. i should have remembered. im sorry. hope your nan is not too bad. you okay? i cant come tomorrow i have a job interview.
we talked for a little about this.
the convo went on and this was what was most recently said in the last hour or so.Me: would your sister like to come? she loves doctor who and plays too. (we are all great friends so its okay)
Her: she would love to go she said 🙂
Me: cool ill pick her up at half 6!
Her: yeah thats fine 🙂
she just text this to me:
Her: ive just got to work so my phones in my locker. hope you have a good time tonight 🙂
so.. i guess i just have to play it cool and stay like this for some time. @kaila your advice seems good. it seems i HAVE to keep LC though.. or something. i dont know what to do at this point..
You should just play it cool. The only thing I will say though is that if you’re continuing to wait around because you think things are going to change, I probably wouldn’t. I think they will change in time if you are LC or NC and don’t talk to her much, but she’s already played the “just friends” card so you can’t bank on that and will hurt yourself if you do. For now, I think the best option is to start moving on with your life. TRULY moving on. Hopefully, she’ll see this and she’ll follow, but it’s about you needing to take care of yourself.
If you want to find me on facebook, google “Carter Augusta facebook”. I should be the 5th link down.
I’m going to go read what you posted on my page now 🙂 I’ll respond quickly.
ive just added who i think is you 🙂 let me know if you had a freind request! it is from Joe 🙂
It’s me! I accepted. If you want to talk more, feel free to facebook me. Otherwise, I just responded to your comment on my post.
Thargus, I might have added you, not sure ahah. Please don’t post my facebook name here
I think if you saw each other once in awhile it could work. But I’m afraid you won’t be able to truly move on keeping that much contact, she won’t get a sense of how is her life with you completely out of the picture, and you won’t be able to show her you are moving on because well… you aren’t. because you see her too much. As you also said earlier, maybe you should have done no contact for longer earlier. Maybe now wouldn’t be a bad idea? I’m not too sure either to be honest.
I think since she does really care about you at least as a friend, if you disappear a bit from her life and start having a social life without her and without being under her radar she will notice. If you start meeting girls and going on dates might be good too. But do it for you. That is how you make an impact. If it’s real 🙂
Ive read this thread front to back as I was thinking finally a person posting is about to get their ex back and it gave me hope. But as a woman, who has had her ex pining to be with her for the past two months, your ex kind of reminds me of me. He is so available all the time to me and every time he is I just think to myself why couldn’t he do this in the relationship. But had he ignored me for months and then got back in contact with me I would have been more inclined to hear him out in a non friendship way. Also, no matter what I do, my ex hangs onto my every word, action breath. And because of it, I friendzoned him amongst other reasons of course. I just don’t see him romantically at all. But I am so use to him contacting me it makes me want to keep him as a friend but nothing else. I am sorry if this isn’t helpful I just saw a lot of similarities in you, him, her and I. The only way I could see you possibly getting her back is to do NC for a bit and then contact her. It is a terrible idea to agree to being friends. Once you do, it is very hard to see you as a romantic interest.
Also to note, this is not the ex I was on this site about. But this is the ex I have even felt comfortable to speak about the ex I am on this site about. As I see him as a friend, so I confide in him as one. Regardless of what the topic, as that is what friends do. As a friend, you are subjecting yourself to be the shoulder to lean on no matter what the topic, even if it’s about a new love interest. Do you want to hear about a new love interest from the woman you love? Friends isn’t a good idea unless you are willing to hear all of that and be genuinely supportive. That topic WILL come up.
Blue I think your exactly right. Do you think I should talk with her and explain I cant be her friend or should I just go into noncontact?
Im realising at this moment my feelings aren’t going to go away and it is really going to hurt more than it does now when she does find someone else. I dont know what to do.
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