met up with my ex, what do i do now??

So thargus how did it go?!

I’m feeling pretty crappy if I’m honest 🙁 I thought the meet up went really well but haven’t heard from him since, not sure whether to contact him or not! 🙁

Okay, soooo

1. The meet up went well because it wasnt awkward at all – we caught up on lots of things, talked about when we went travelling…a lunch outing turned into lunch/beach walk and hot chocolates (5 hours overall!) He would make jokes about my sulky dog, saying “awww shes sulky cos she misses me :P”, but then when I said about revising for my maths tests, he would say “yeah I’ll be your tutor! mates rates :P”…mates rates i was a bit like aww man 🙁 haha. We didnt mention the break up, which was weird, and when we said goodbye it was a little awkward ( soo…see you…later?! maybe?! bye!….)

2. I met up with his sister and she asked how it went : i said great, but it was a little wierd that nothing about the break up came up. she said that he had said the same, and that he was expecting/wanting a deep/serious conversation about something but she didnt know what.

3. I’m so unsure 🙁 i KNOW i shouldnt,but he is someone who is VERY bad at texting/contacting anyway. and i feel as though as he was the one who dumped me he should. but at the same time, i know he might be feeling awkward. or he jsut doesnt, or didnt give a crap 🙁 haha!

its annoying 🙁

My question about the texting/calling is this: If you’re really being honest with yourself, do you think he’s not in contact because he doesn’t want to be/has no interest in talking to you or do you think he’s not in contact possibly because you’re not contacting him first? Because he could think he’s going to look just as desperate or silly as you worry you’ll look? I’m not saying it’s one way or the other, but I’m wondering what you really think his reasoning is if you try and look at this from a place of no fear or need. A completely objective spot.

The meet up sounds like it went well to me too, so no criticism or argument there. I think you’re just in a hard spot where you have to give things time. Last time I saw my ex was on Wednesday when he lent me his car to take my cat to the vet, and the next time I’m guaranteed time with him (outside of work, which doesn’t really count) isn’t until Monday. I know waiting and taking care of yourself in the meantime is hard, but it’s only a week until you should see him again! And if things went as well at your meet up as you thought they did, that meeting in a week should be really good too! Just try to breathe.

At this point, I personally would take wanting to have a deep talk as a good sign. He’s already broken up with you and he doesn’t have to answer/see you if he doesn’t want to, so what could he say that’s negative? “Let’s break up”? “We shouldn’t talk anymore…”? He can’t break up with you a second time and if he wanted nothing to do with you, he’d just ignore you. So try not to automatically assume that’s a bad thing.

I know that he dumped you so he technically should have to initiate this stuff. But unfortunately, sometimes guy are just dense or they’re scared like we are. The world isn’t fair and so if you want to see him or talk, you may just have to go for it sometimes. I don’t know if that’s the right decision right now, but you can’t let the fact that he ended things stop you from doing what you need/want all the time.

If I’m being really honest, I think I’m agreement with most of your feelings. Like I said, there’s really not much point to having a serious negative talk. He has broken up with you and he’s made the personal choice to continue seeing you or talking to you. Unless he’s a complete drama queen and the type of guy who has to have a “serious talk” to let you know you shouldn’t be in contact anymore, that just doesn’t make sense to me. I mean, don’t get your hopes up that immediately wants to get back together or anything. That would be just as bad. I just don’t think there’s a point to assuming his talk will be negative because I can’t really think of any scenario in which it would be.

My ex has always been terrible at being in contact. He’d text me or call me when we were apart or when I asked him to because he loved me and wanted to respect me, but outside of that, he ignored a lot of texts and phone calls from people that weren’t me or his family. He was also terrible about responding if he didn’t do it right away – he’d forget he had a message or something like that. He literally dislikes texting and phone communication so much that he’s never upgraded to a smart phone or anything because he doesn’t want to be plugged in like that. If you guy is anything like mine, that could be part of why he hasn’t been in contact. It’s also possible that there just isn’t much to say. As much as I hate that, sometimes there’s just really no reason for a conversation or something to continue, so it doesn’t. My ex’s last message to me was about arranging time to go see a movie. I texted him back and told him a movie sounded great and I’d keep a particular day open next week. As much as I wanted him to text me back or for us to keep talking, I realized there’s really not much to say and that’s probably why I wasn’t hearing from him. It’s also possible that he is just waiting to hear from you. Again, I’m trying not to put too much faith into either of our situations but 99% of the time when I text my ex, he’s responded within two minutes and he’s sent more than one text message. He NEVER used to do that. I think sometimes they’re just waiting to hear from us because they know texting us would just look like a ploy for conversation. This may not be the case, but it’s at least a positive possibility to keep in mind.

I personally would skip it unless you feel certain you’re sending a message that there’s a purpose of responding to. You’ll see him on Friday and not talking to him until then isn’t going to kill either of you, and it’s not going to make or break whatever is going on in the long run. I’m just as guilty of this as anyone but I’ve come to the realization that I think most of us just send way too many messages and are communication way too much, to the point we don’t realize how unhealthy it is. As much as I hate not sending every message to my ex that I want to, it has made me realize how much crap we used to talk about on our phones that wasn’t important at all or could’ve waited until we were together in person. If you really feel the need, go for it. But in the long run, you can tell him the same thing and everything else that happened to you when you see him in person. And since that takes time, I know I’d rather do it in person.

Ahh thanks so much, that’s literally the best advice!

We did text a lot about crap. I guess I’m so used to it now it’s crazy!

Okay, I’ll leave it until I have something to say 🙂 I guess I know he’s away visiting his friends at uni this weekend and I’m scared he’ll meet someone haha :S

I’m glad my advice is helpful! I don’t want to give you too much hope, but I wasn’t lying whatsoever when I said that is how I see things.

Haha we ALL text way too much. It’s so unnecessary and I feel like it actually prevents us from really having much to say that’s meaningful when we’re together. Like I said, I’m TOTALLY guilty of this. Being broken up has been crappy but it has opened my eyes to a lot of things.

He’s not going to meet someone in one weekend! I mean, he could meet girls. He probably will. But that’s not enough time for it to be anything meaningful or for him to replace you. Don’t worry about that one bit.

My ex just longboarded past my house and blatantly looked to see if I was home… He totally could’ve gone a different route to get home. That was odd.