maybe no contact is working..

im just sharing my experiences my experiences for those who what to read and to vent. At first, obviously we broke up. i did some shit stuff, made things worse. she said after what i did there was no chance of us fixing things or being friends. it was difficult as the reason i blew up was cause she saw her ex before me, ended up telling me they were living together. i didnt know for sure, but i thought it wouldnt last.

i sent her an email 8 days later. should have known the response would be negative. she didnt give me much that time. just told me to leave her alone.

i can still see what she likes on facebook. i cant remember why exactly but i saw something that made me think she was having a hard time. i texted her telling her that i love her and i hope shes doing well, once again about a week later. this time she blew up at me telling me that i didnt love her and all this and that. this is were she told me she was living with her ex. i told her id send her the chat logs we had over the last 4 years. she said she wouldnt read them, but i still sent them in an email. i was never negative after the first night we broke up but i was still showing her that i cared too much and let her know that id always love her and be there if she needed. once again, it ended in her telling me to leave her alone. of course, i did. she emailed back telling me she read them and that they were stupid and she wants to forget me. i said i see i must have really hurt her. once again, resulted in her telling me to go away.

a week later or so again, she sends me a text asking about stuff she found on a usb she didnt know about and accused me of hiding stuff from her. told her what they were. she said K. texted her later (the next day) telling her that ‘i miss you buddy ol pal’. she responded that i was making things harder and what not. i apologised for doing so and told her that i hope she understands why im like that, because i care obviously. and that ’til next time’. she told me there would no next time and that she was blocking my number and that she loved me.

again, a week later-ish, always give or take a few days, she sends me an email. Just with an ‘X’. I didnt reply. she sends me another email an hour later telling me i have mail at her old house and where it was. i didnt respond at first. i waiting a day and told her thank you and asked if she knew what it was. it was junk mail. i offered to grab it, or she can throw it out or whatever. she said i could drop by the old place and grab it and told me to touch nothing else. since i said id grab it, thought i better not go back on my word and thanked her and this time i put an X on the end of my email. she responded saying it was okay… X.

i then decided enough was enough and i didnt want to play games anymore. i sent her a huge email, telling her i had been thinking. i told her how i felt, that i loved her unconditionally and i understood this was the best thing for us, and just cleared up everything, saying i understand she may not care, love me, yada yada yada and it didnt matter because all i want is for her to be happy. then i got to the main reason i messaged her. i told her i wanted this to end. that i dont want to play these stupid games. that we need to stop this. that things werent going to get better.

she responded a day later telling me it was cute but she doesnt feel the same and that shes started a relationship with someone else. dunno how true that is, i think she wants to hurt me. but we spoke for a bit through emails. she said she made it clear she wanted me to leave her alone but i told her sending me emails and stuff suggests other wise hey. i asked her why she sent them, especially the X. she said that she was fighting with some guy and she was off her face and she regretted it. i said i can understand that, but what do i have to do with you fighting with some guy and why she sent me the email after. she just said she knew what i was doing and that i could stop. i asked about my stuff. she said a lot of it was ruined. i told her i wasnt angry but disappointed. she said the other stuff went missing and that she thought i picked it up when she wasnt home. i asked how that would have been possible and how i found that difficult to believe, especially without anyone knowing. she said that i was funny and knows i have a spare key. i asked what kind of person she thought i was. she said a horrible one. she told me she didnt love me, didnt think about me or anything. i know its bull as i can see the stuff she likes on facebook. i know it doesnt mean much but it sure is circumstantial evidence.

i said i thought you said you didnt feel negative. and explained myself again for that night and that anyone could be that way given the situation. mentioned that we know each other and have for a long time. she tells me that we only thought we knew each other and told me to stop talking to her. I mentioned what bullshit that was and told her i understood the situation a whole lot better now and goodbye.

a day later, she sends me a text, which is surprising since she blocked my number. i know she can send them but still, she must keep the messages. telling me i have more mail and that its a fine and i should pick it up. I found it difficult to believe as to be sent to that address it must have been old. it was and it was a duplicate of one im paying off. someone had opened the letter. i left it there, after taking a picture to make sure it was the same as the one im paying off. I havent replied and i had blocked her on facebook.

i can still see what she likes on facebook and she liked a post saying, dear heart, there are other men out there, sincerely brain.

maybe it is starting to get to her.