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We are in our early 40’s. We were together for 2 and a half years. I broke up with him 21 days ago. I mailed him his things (car key, suit jacket) and today, I received a box in the mail from him. The break-up is excruciating but our relationship was verbally abusive during conflicts. I miss him terribly. Should I continue with no contact. I imagine he thinks I never want to speak to him again since I mailed him his things. And I have not reached out obviously during NC.
I understand the rules of NC and I am following them. My question is in mailing his things back to him. Should I not have done that? It’s done now and he has followed my lead and mailed my things back to me today.
I did not send a letter or text saying I needed time to myself. I sent nothing other than an empty box filled with his belongings. If I were him? My thought would be ‘she wants absolutely nothing to do with me’. And thus, he mailed my things back.
I wonder if I should send an email stating I mailed his things to be respectful and right now, I need time to myself OR just leave it as is – day 21 of no contact and keep moving towards the 30 days of no contact.
You dumped him, and you’re doing the NC? If you want him back then maybe you should contact him at least once and tell him you just need some space? Or else he might think that you want nothing to do with him..
maybe @a.z or @cassie knows better
Yes I broke up with him but it seemed very mutual. We were arguing all the time. The arguments were getting so cruel. My father passed away the same week I broke up with him so I am grieving the loss of my dad. He was yelling at me while we were sitting at an outdoor patio for dinner (ex). I told him that I just think it is so unhealthy – the conflicts between us – and I ended it. I have considered emailing him to say I mailed his things to be respectful and that I do wish him well. I have no idea how to handle this. I miss him like I would miss my arm but I don’t want to go back to the way things were.
Also, he had a google phone number for TWO years that I didn’t know about – that is the core of the breakup. He says it was dormant but that he is now using it for work. I don’t believe him so there is a trust issue.
I imagine he thinks I want nothing to do with him as you are saying.
I am either going to 1). Contact him after 30 days or 2). Email him that I just need time hence while I mailed his things.
I am day 21 of no contact so do not want to blow it.
Everyone has conflicts once in a while, if you truly loved him you’ll give him a chance. But only if you feel like he has changed, so maybe tell him you want a break? And that both of you need to fix yourself before you can try again? If you don’t want him, then probably letting him go is the best thing you can do..
I agree. I just don’t know if I should break the NC. Trust me, it’s so hard and I don’t want to break the no contact if Kevin or the people you copied think I shouldn’t.
I want Kevin to respond to this b/c I don’t know what to do since NC has been established. You know how hard no contact is – I cannot believe I have made it this far so want to be able to get to 30 days if I can.
Breakups are torture. Thank you for responding!!!!
Oh, I also think it is pretty awful that he hasn’t called once to see how I am doing since my dad passed away.
I agree, he could of called and asked you how you were doing, but he also did respect you enough to give you space don’t you think so? This situation is making me a bit confused, if you want him back then contact him. If you’re better off without him then stay on NC.
The relationship conflicts were unhealthy which is why I broke up with him. I mailed him his things. He mailed me mine. It’s not just a matter if I love him, I want a healthy relationship and a healthy life.
Kevin, do I wait the full 30 days? I’m on day 21 of no contact. I’ve asked Kevin this so many times on the main site. I know he is busy though.
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First of all, I’m sorry for your loss.
If I were you, I’d wait. Sending his belongings and him doing the same is a matter of respect towards each other.
You’re doing well, coping with the tough situation in your life.
In a week or two, you can explain why you did it. And that you are willing to do what you can to be back.
Just hang in there.
Thank you about my dad.
Thank you via advice!!!! Following!
I think we both have a lot to learn and although the 30 days is hard, I’m realizing how beneficial it is.
I don’t see my ex taking me back/ He is switching churches due to our breakup, I imagine telling his kids (he is divorced with two little ones), etc.
I’m going to take your advice and run with it. And I appreciate you taking the time to share it!
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