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So, I’m here again with a longer post! 😀
Now, it is confirmed that I’ll go to the youtuber-thing event and to the concert as well :3 I’ve got the tickets for both. At the event I’ll be with the boy and the girl (best friend) with who I made the film in April, and to the concert I’ll go with my classmate, and after these I’ll sleep at my sister’s place. And no, the girl doesn’t have videos in english 😀 I don’t know how it happens in other countries, but here, YouTubers only make videos in native language.
Few days ago, I had a conflict with my ex. There is a recruit for the group of writers, we are looking for new members. I sent out some questions to the people who may be the new members. When I told the group what questions I’ve sent out, my ex said things like “this one is shit”, “that one is stupid and useless”. After that I made a ‘rage quit’ from the chat, then of course, a few seconds later an other member of the chat took me back. After that my ex said that I am childish because I’m escaping, but then the others (2-3 people) told her that she is the one who is childish. Later I explained that even though some questions were not written in the best possible way, it’s very bad to hear these offenses, and she could have written it in a much more cultured way. She did not really replied anything.
However, after this everything was fine again. We usually have a good time while we are talking with each other on the group chat – but actually we do not talk too much, only sometimes. Today she even asked me to say my opinion about her writing… because I’m always honest to her, she said. Hmm.
About the other guy – who may love my ex – there’s nothing new. Haha, I’m sure that he is attracted to girls 😀 And no, he hasn’t had girlfriend yet.
Actually, nothing more happened recently. My ex is at a camp right now, but she has internet access, and I don’t really have any programs until July 4th.You’ve said in one of your previous post that your ex told you that she is uncertain about the idea that you should visit him. The reason for this is very simple: she is afraid of getting too close to you emotionally again. She is building bricks around herself again. She wants you as a friend, as someone to lean on, so she loves to talk with you about everyday topics, but at the same time, she doesn’t let you closer, cause she still has feelings for you (you may have known that before but it’s an other obvious sign).
At the moment, she thinks that there is a competition for her. And the truth is that she is right. Both the other guy and you want her. She is in a very hard situation, she has lot of feelings and she is totally confused, but at the same time, she is really in a comfortable state. Just imagine it for yourself: two pretty girls want at the same time, and they even travel to an other country to see you! Well, I’m sure it’s really good, but unfortunately it’s not your case 😀 What you have to do with your ex is to win the competition out of the competition. I mean, you don’t have to prove that you are better than the other guy, instead of it you have to prove that you are the only one good choice for her and she shouldn’t even consider any other possibilities!
During the time you are with her, try not to be pushy, and try to make her feel herself comfortable beside you. Don’t try to recall the feeling that was present in the relationship, because she will associate it with the break up, which will summon bad feelings in her. Instead, try to make an atmosphere for a new relationship. She has to think that “how good it would be to have a relationship with the NEW himself”.Curious to see how things are going in London! 😀
Hey, so.. right now things look.. well.. interesting.
I was more or less allowed to sleep at her place last night but i know that right now her feelibgs for the other guy either remove the feelings for me or she just doesn’t have any for me anymore. Anyways.. i think it’s time to finally stop fighting and focus on other stuff again. Who knows what happens in the future@Nedim
Alright.. now i am at my histel waiting for my bus to the airport.I now stop trying to get her back. She is happy right now and i dont want to destroy that by doing something bad.
right now i still love her but i need to forget that again. It’s for the better of all of us.
maybe i can be friends with her but i’m not sure about that.. i’d really really like to but i think if i meet her again in a few months or a year ir something i will have all those feelings again.
For now i’m nit sure what i’ll do. I think i might keep the contect but keep it low until i feel confident enough to write her as a friend again. Also i really want to use the time and focus on school and hobbies.She cried when i gave her back the shirt i still had from her and told her that i’d stop now trying to get her back.
I kept my emotions low and didn’t show them a lot.
When i left her appartment to get to my histel i got some wet eyes and i had then for quite a while but i think everything will be fine. There’s a saying that says “everything will be fine in the end. If it’s not fine yet, it’s not the end”. I really like that saying because it keeps me moving. There were a lot of bad things in my mind in the last years and she helped me to get rid of thise bad emotions. Now that she’s gone i’ll just try to keep thinking positive for myself and also get some energy back into my body. I couldnt eat for like a week now. I was feeling sick 24/7 because of her. I just need to find balance in my mind and everything will be good.When i am at home i’ll reply to your text since i am still on my phone now.
Good luck with your ex!
-Andi
I truly agree with your decision. If you think you are fine with it, then do it. Maybe during the time you let your ex live her happy life, you will find someone “better”. Using this word is strange, because we can’t compare people to each other, and it may seem impossible to you to find someone who is better than your ex. But as one of my friend says, only a new relationship can completely erase the pain from a previous one.
But who knows, maybe you two will reunite in the future, as it was planned 😀Hmm. To me, strange things happened in these days. I wrote several times before that what I think about my ex: that she is irritating, annoying, etc. I thought I am the only one who thinks that, because of my strange relationship with her… But I was really surprised when it turned out that I was wrong! Tonight, the girl, my best friend texted me, and told me that “I don’t know about you, but I find her (=my ex) really irritating. She is constantly talking about how good is her life, how many boy friends does she have and etc”. It was a very good feeling to find out that it’s not only for me. In the following days, I’ll ask other members from the group chat. I’m curious.
I don’t know what will happen. I’m going further and further from her, but I’m still suffering. Can I be honest? At this point, I feel that the best would be to kick her hell out of the group and to never see her again in my life.
But who knows. Life is always strange. Something unexpected turn could happen at any time. Maybe we will be a perfect couple again. An even more perfect one that we used to be. But it won’t happen tomorrow or today…Looking forward your longer post! 🙂
so about your previous message:
sounds really cool 🙂
i’m glad that you’ll be having such a great time 😀wow it is actually quite rude to act like that. i don’t know either why she didn’t say that in a nicer way but I don’t think it was because of you. Maybe she was just annoyed by something. who knows..^^
As long as you had a good time again afterwards it’s fine! 🙂was there anything else while I was away? 🙂
Yes she was uncertain. I was too but I knew that if I don’t visit her there is no chance. This way I took a final shot .. and shot myself – it was the easiest way to get rid of this whole situation.
“She is building bricks around herself again.” I love you for that sentence.. I can’t explain you why since it would be the whole history of me and my ex but believe me.. this sentence is golden and on spot!
…Maybe one day I’ll grab the sledgehammer again and demolish those walls again brick for fucking brick but right now there’s just no use to do it.
Haha well I wouldn’t call myself exactly pretty .. or a girl 😀 😛 but yes i know what you mean. The “problem” is that emotions > looks/effort/anything. That’s why I stop now doing anything.. it won’t change a thing. Now I could try and outrival or always show her the mistakes he makes but .. meh.. I’m a nice guy, why change that, right?She asked me if we could be friends… and … I just don’t know..
I never saw her as “just” a friend of mine.. she was always more to me. From the day I met her and started to write her.. obviously we were friends. I’d say we even grew to being best friends but in my heart, she was more than that.
I don’t want to lose her as a person I open up to. She told me that she doesn’t want to lose me as a friend. But as I said I never saw her as a friend. She doesn’t want me to look at her as I used to and she removed herself out of my life by deciding so.
She will always be special to me but I really don’t know… In my brain it’s like all my friends are cubes and stacked on a shelf but she is a liquid, the only place where I can put her is the bowl that has written “love” on it.Anyways.. now I have time for myself. Let’s use that! The things that needed to be changed to create a healthy new relationship were changed. I’ll now just do what I want again and keep a healthy mindset. 🙂
-Andi
It’s totally your decision, but I would recommend not to be “just friends”. Of course, you can have a good relationship, and you can talk rarely, but not like you used to. I think it would be bad for both of you.
The metaphor with the cubes and the liquid is really good! 😀
Now, you have a summer in front of you. Make the most if it! It doesn’t matter if you don’t go to parties everyday – just be yourself, and try to find happiness in some ways 🙂 And about your ex… Just remember: if there is one thing in the universe that is full of unexpected things, it is the human life. Literally, anything could happen!And, well, about my ex… Today was the first day when I called her “a bitch”. Of course, not anywhere in public (I mean group chat, etc.), but when I mentioned her in my mind I’ve said that.
It turned out that last night she slept with two boys. Actually, “it turned out” is definitely not the right expression, because she herself boasted with it on the chat. And as I’ve mentioned yesterday, that was the point when the girl, my best friend texted me, and we started to talk about my ex. We both think that she changed in a very bad way since the break up. She boasts with how many things she does, how well it is going for her, and when she is not boasting, she is complaining about something. So basically, we said that we both find her very irritating. And what’s more, this girl talked with an other girl from the group recently, and she said the same! You know that I thought I am the only one who finds my ex irritating, and I thought it was because of my special situation with her, but now it’s a really good and powerful feeling to know that I’m not the only one. Tomorrow I’ll talk with two boys about it.
One other thing: Today I visited the ask.fm profile of this girl (my best friend), but for no reason at all, I was just bored, and because she is a YouTuber, she gets a lot of questions from her fans and friends, so I though I may find something interesting. Well, I’ve found: there was a question, asking “If you could only talk with one person in the remaining part of your life, who would he or she be?”. At first, I was like “meh, I don’t know who the hell he/she is”, because in the first some paragraphs (yeah, paragraphs – she gave a really long reply) she talked about people who I don’t know. But in the last paragraph, she said: “But despite of all these great people, I would like to emerge one, who really helps me in the hardest times, and really showed me who are my real friends [=people from the group chat], and I am very grateful to him…” And it was me! You know, I don’t really have a lot of friends, but she is kind of famous, knows very many people, and… she still answered that! I was like “wow!”, it was very heart-warming to read that!So, to sum up, I think I’m going to let my ex go and… well, live her bitch-like life 😀
It’s a pity that she changed in this way. We could have been a beautiful couple. Anyway, she has her own life, and I have my own life as well, and maybe I’m not happy with it always, but I appreciate what I’ve got and what I have, and I can only dream about high hopes for the future.Yeah.. I guess.. I tried to not answer her for a day and it went fine. Then in wrote her and as soon as she wrote me back I felt weird again. I don’t know.. Maybe it’s really better to just stop the contact (again) and maybe in the winter or autumn when I finished school get in touch again. Right now I feel like that’s the best that I can do. Still feel weird about not loving her anymore in the future..it feels so wrong..
Already now I know that I’ll miss our conversations about absolutely random shit. Those were the best…Yeah… I didn’t know how to put it.. but I guess it turned out fine haha 😀
Now that you’ve said it, I’m really looking forward to my summer break ^^Hmmmm do you think she really did it? Maybe she’s just seeking for attention. Girls seem to be likely to do so 😀
Oh that’s so nice of her.. you must be really important to her! 🙂
If you like that decision, go for it! 🙂
Are you going to kick her out of the chat then?“Shoot for the moon because even if you miss you’ll reach the stars” is scientifically completely BS but it’s still a nice quote and as long as you get the point and it makes you happy it’s fine.. so.. yeah… shoot for the moon and dream big! 😉
-Andi
Unfortunately, I can’t kick her her out from the chat. It’s not that simple. But I will take steps in order to remove her. Maybe I won’t be successful, but… I don’t like what she is doing, and the point is that I’m not alone with that! I know two people (beside me) who find her really irritating, and one or two who are somehow okay with her but they also realized the same thing.
In the last few days, I’ve talked with other people from the group chat about this situation, and we discussed if we will ever make some gathering in the future, we would not invite her. The meeting on 26th July is a big one, and she already know about it, so unfortunately we can’t exclude her.
At the moment, I just fear that there will be something wrong during the meeting. I mean, something wrong between me and her. You know, I haven’t seen her for almost half a year! And I don’t know what “wrong” could happen, but maybe some bad feelings, or some minor conflicts… These meetings are such a good experience, I don’t want it to be spoiled because of her.Have you totally stopped talking with your ex, or do you still text each other sometimes? 🙂
@Nedim
Oh okay.. I was about to say that it might not be the best idea if you just go ahead and kick her out because you want to but since the others seem to be weirded out by her aswell, it might be a group decission 🙂
I understand that you are worried about the meeting but I think it will be fine. I don’t think you two will really talk about relationship stuff with the others around you.. Are you still in contact with her?No I don’t have any contact to my ex and I think I won’t have any for quite a long time. I’m thinking about winter to maybe write her again. I want to make time pass and let all those thoughts and feelings between us fade away slowly and then get to know her again. Right now there was A LOT going on for me (finals, surgery, friends,..) so I didn’t really have time to think of her or miss her but from time to time when I am on FB and I glance on the right side of my screen I always see her… she is ALWAYS on the very top of that “chat-friends”-window. Most of the time I just look quickly away again to not make me think of her and it works quite well..
That surgery I mentioned.. JESUS… such a fuck up…. they removed a part of my skin around my tailbone. quite a lot and quite deep.. there was something that had to be removed but they couldn’t remove all of it since it’s quite big and it wasn’t possible to give me a general anesthesia since they didn’t have a bed for me.. sooo they gave me a local anesthesia and removed a part of it as i said. Well.. the part that they didn’t remove now gives me troubles and it hurts.. a lot.. I have to take painkillers like freaking gummy bears to do anything. As you can imagine sitting or laying on my back is a pain in the ass … quite literally ^^ But even though I had that pain and was on painkillers I managed to get a “B” on my English final which I am quite happy about 🙂
gosh.. that pain..it’s agony. Even worse now that my summer break starts my parents are actually gone for a few days now.. well guess what.. I have to be in hospital like every second day to check the surgery wound. argh… and even worse.. my summerjob (sry.. don’t know the actual term ^^) starts on the 13th and if I have my second surgery not long enough before that I might have to shift it back a week which would suck. this pain is killing me.. it’s the worst.. and the main problem is that the painkillers that I take don’t even remove the pain anymore. they just make it somewhat bearable. I can’t even sleep at night because of it.. argh.. I feel like dying.
But hey.. other than that I’m great.. so yeah.. yay..
Actually I got interested in airsoft a lot resently and I’d really like to get into it but it’s really quite expensive.. but also a lot of fun 😀
anyways.. see you soon.
-AndiBreaking news!!! I’m shocked!
My ex will go to the event on this Saturday! 🙁 I’m terrified. It could be the best day in my summer because of the YouTuber event thing and the concert, and now there are high chances that my ex will spoil it.
I can’t stand her. I just simply don’t want to see her. I don’t know what to do. I was already very excited about this event because this time I will make interviews with some YouTubers, and you know, I’m a kind of shy guy, so it’ll be a little difficult for me 😀
For you, what have you felt when you first saw her after the break up? And what did you so? For example, how did you greet her? Because I always greet the girls from this group with a hug (the girl who is my best friend sometimes even gives me a kiss on the cheek), but I don’t know what to do with my ex, because last time when the break up happened we did not even hug each other.Huh. I’ll reply to your message soon, but I had to write down what happened 😀
hey, don’t worry.. if you don’t want to see her, just stay away from her. Or just casually talk to her if necessary. OR it might even be fine to be with her for you and maybe you two have a great time.. just look forward to it! 🙂
I hugged her .. and we didn’t let go for quite some time.
sigh…it sucks to try to get over someone when you know that you can’t and won’t :Isure. no worries 🙂
-Andi
just a quick update..
Still having a lot of pain but i got somewhat better over the last days. Painkillers still seem to make it just bareable but hey.. atleast I can sleep now with them ^^Tonight was the shittiest night since quite a long time. I went to bed at 1AM because I felt incredibly tired and woke up for the first time at 8AM. Since it’s so freaking hot here now I decided to not get up but rest for some more time and sleep again.. and again.. and again.. in the end I finally got up at around 1PM or something because I felt like melting 😀
BUT everytime I fell asleep again I dreamt of something new while storaging the previous dream in my mind like it really happened. I think I dreamt about 9 different things 5 of which were about my ex 🙁
So.. every new dream felt like reality and during my dream I remembered the previous dreams like they really happened. Can you imagine the pain I felt when waking up and realising that nothing of that happened? We did so much and such a fantastic time together.. in my dream. And in reality I can’t even write her..Oh well.. guess that what you normally call a feaver dream since it was so incredibly hot which made it feel so real.
Hope you are doing great!
-Andi
Huh, I’m here again with the news.
The “big day” (4th July) was terrible!!! As I’ve said, my ex decided to go just two days before the event. And not only she wanted to do interviews – she wanted to do interviews instead of me! At first, she wanted to convince my best friend about it, and she said things to her like I’m too shy, I would not be able to do that. Of course, my best friend told me everything, and I was shocked.
When both my best friend and I refused the idea of my ex, she was freaking out that what the hell are we thinking that we left her out of everything and etc. At first, what everything? I can’t understand her. That’s the only thing that she has missed. And to be honest, we would have involved her, but she told this idea just two days before the event, so we couldn’t really do anything.
It’s extremely annoying that she wants to be involved in everything and she wants to be around everything. She has to understand that the world is not spinning around her!
These last few sentences were said by my best friend, and not by me, but actually I think the same. And I’m getting more and more confidence now that I know that I’m not the only one who finds her irritating.
And why was that day was really terrible?
Because we didn’t do the interviews in the end -.-
I think I don’t need to tell what my ex reacted to this.
As I’ve told you, my best friend is a YouTuber, and she would have been the one in the team who would have invited other YouTubers for interview. She called me and the other guy 2 times via phone. At the first time, we were having lunch at a reastaurant nearby, and at the second time, we were making a mini video about the event, so we were busy. After that we called her, and she told me that she is not available, and it’s too late now because almost half of the YouTubers have already went home, which was strange because half of the event was remaining. She was really angry and really crossed at me. It was a very bad feeling because we have never had a quarrel or anything before 🙁
There was a time when it seemed like there is still chance for interviews at the end of the event. The event was about to finish at 7 PM, and my concert started at 8 PM, so… Close, I know, but we still had the chance. There was only one “tiny” problem: the event ended at 8:15 PM in fact… I had to left at 7:15 PM because I did not want to miss the concert of course (the other guy left even before me because of his last train (I slept in a hotel on that night)).
Before I left, I called my best friend because I wanted to say goodbye to her, and to tell her how sorry am I. She hugged me like three times, and she said she is not angry at me, she is just really frustrated because of the event (however, I believe that she was angry, she just didn’t say it). Then we said goodbye, and I ran rapidly to the scene of the concert 😀Despite all of these miserable things, the event itself was great, and the concert as well.
And beside all of the mentioned part of the events, there is still one more about which I haven’t talked about: meeting my ex for the first time after the break up!
Shortly: it was okay. Okay, I mean, it was good. We were not together for a long time, I went everywhere with the other guy, but we met sometimes, and if it happaned, we talked a little. I expected it to be awkward, but she was just simply irritating in real life as well, just like on the internet 😀
The feeling when I saw her… Well… Very strange. I mean, very very very veeeeery strange. I’m sitting here for 5 minutes now, and I can’t find the words. I saw the pretty face that I loved so much, the beautiful big eyes into which I loved to stare, the mouth that I kissed so many times with so much emotions, the body that I saw naked in a really erotic situation, and well… She did not changed a lot on the outside. To be honest, she did not changed at all. Still I felt like she is totally different. Her face was not so pretty that it used to be, her eyes were not so beautiful and I did not felt like I would stare into them for hours, and her mouth was just an average mouth, but I know how much I loved to kiss it. So basically, yeah… It was really strange. I knew during the whole time while she was with us during the event that she is the girl, she is the girl who was my only one, one was the most special person in my life, she was the one with who I felt myself loved, I kissed, hugged and cuddled with, but now, I can’t do anything with her, she is just an averaga girl. Most weird feeling I’ve ever felt.
In the weeks before that day I felt like I’m finally getting over her, and I’m fine again, but this day… Eeeeh. I’ve got the “down period” again. A really really down period. I think about her very often. And I don’t know why, but the intimate part of our relationship comes to my mind very often. She was the first intimate partner of mine, and I was the first of hers as well. We discovered each other, and she is the first with who I experienced this in my life, and I just can’t imagine it doing with someone else. And it’s so bad that we stopped there, in “half way” – I’ve mentioned that we did not have sex, but we had petting. And I don’t know why, but I get bad feelings when it comes to my mind that she will have her first sex with someone else. And my fear is that my future girlfriend will be more experienced in these fields than me. Anyways, these are my little stupid things 😀To make things worse, the “1 year aniversary” is coming (12th July). Tomorrow I’m going to travel to Croatia with my family, and my ex was about to go with us when we were together, and we planned to celebrate our first aniversary in Croatia at some exotic place.
Jumping back to the previous topic: my best friends told me that my ex told her how excited and afraid she is because of the meeting with me. Hmm… I don’t know what to think about it.
After that day, I talked a lot both with my best friend and both with my ex.
With my best friend, we found out that my ex was freaked out because during our relationship, she was the first person who knew every little ideas and plans of mine, and now, her role has changed, and this came to the surface because of this interview thing (because it was my idea, and she hasn’t knew about it).
When I told this to my ex, she said she is really hurt now. I don’t remember what I wrote to her, but it was something like: “that’s life. You are neither the center of the world, nor my life”. After that, she repeated that she is hurt really deeply now by this. I did not reacted anything, but I told myself that it’s okay, even though I feel a little sorry for her, she should learn through pain if I have really hurt her.
Then she said that she was only depressed for some days after the break up (I doubt it!), and she said some other thigns like this, and after that she became irritating so I stopped talking with her 😀
My best friend is at a camp right now, and she doesn’t have internet access, but when she comes home, I really want to discuss these things with her.In the last 2 days, I had very strange dreams. On the day before yesterday, in my dream I was with my ex, laying on a bed. We were in a bedroom in my house – but now this room is a “gym room”, it was the bedroom of my parents like 5-6 years ago. All that I remember from this dream is that she did not really want to kiss or cuddle or anything, then she made some noise for some reason, and then my parents came in from the other room, and I can’t recall what happened after it. By the way, that bedroom in which we were laying was the former bedroom of my parents, and in my dream, they were coming from the place of their current bedroom.
In my next dream, I was laying on a bed – again -, and this time, it in was the current bedroom of my parents. And I was not with my ex – I was with my best friend (just for remimder: she is a girl, haha 😀 ) !
We were laying very close to each other. I don’t know what we were exactly doing, we were just talking I guess. But after we stopped talking, we looked into each others eyes really deeply for 5 seconds (I don’t know why, but I exactly know that it was 5 seconds), then she kissed me on my face, really close to my mouth. After that, I wanted to kiss her (on her mouth), but the dream ended.
I think I don’t have to say, but when I woke up, I was like… what the hell my dreams are wanting from me?! I don’t really believe in things like seeing the future, but three times something that I’ve dreamed happened in real life after at least 1 or 2 months (one of them was the break up). Anyways, these are just dreams. But still very strange, and somehow scary.About your dreams… They might be the worst things in your situation :/ You try to avoid her all the time, but she appears in your dream even if you don’t want. A lot of poeple say “try to concentrate on remembering the good things”. I think those who say this never had a real break up. Every little good memory and good feeling from a past relationship could be a huge pain at the same time. It’s a fact that a memory is good, but you know that it’s the past, it won’t happen again, and that’s why the pain is bigger.
Whatever… Try to occupy yourself, at least when you’re awake. I know it’s hard, and you know it too, but remember: once you’ve alredy managed to get very separated from her and from your feelings towards her.A fast solution if you don’t want to see her on the top of the chat bar: on the bottom right part of your screen, click on the gear wheel, then click ‘Advanced Settings’ (second option from the top), and tick ‘Turn off the chat for some friends’, and then write there the name of your ex. It’s not blocking her, it’s just being “invisible” for her. She can’t see when you’re online, and you won’t see when she is online as well, and she will also disappear from the chat bar. It worked for me, because I had the same problem 😀
Oh my god, that tailbone surgery sounds horrible 😮 I have problems with my backbone, but I really hope I won’t need any sugery. Are you doing better now?
damn.. that’s a lot! 😀
alright.. let’s seeoh man. I’m sorry for you. That sounds quite bad. :/
I think she might have been angry as you said but didn’t want to be so she played it cool 🙂Yes.. the first meeting is definitely very strange. I can confirm that ^^
“she is just an average girl” really? I felt even weirder because if my ex would have been like an average girl to me I would have been able to say some kinky stuff or behave like such. but obviously that was not an option 😀
Well.. actually.. now that I think about it… the first meetings I actually did that.. huh.. wow actually nearly forgot about the first meetings after the breakup. London is the most memorable right now and it sucked .. A LOT ^^
Damnit.. I had forgotten how we had a great time.. now I know it again.. ffs… anyways.. let’s continue 😀I know how you feel.. Did you also nearly stop to eat? I think last month I lost about 10kg in 2-3 weeks… I couldn’t eat anything. I felt sick after half a pizza.. actually I felt sick the whole time in London and the days before ^^
I hope you don’t/didn’t feel like that.Hold up right there.. don’t you ever be afraid of your first time! Especially not if your future GF has experience. Personally I am glad that I had my first experience with my ex and she had someone else before because well… uhm.. how do I put it… She had a lot of pain her first few times and I would have blamed myself and felt really really bad. So yeah.. Also hey.. a experienced partner is always a plus ^^ Also I guarantee you that if you put the slightest effort into getting “better” you will get better VERY VERY quick! 😉
Hm.. I think you can have a great time there and maybe even get in contact with some new people! 🙂
Since you haven’t been there with her before I don’t think you’ll remember her as much as you think you will.huh interesting.. maybe that’s why she acted so weird before the event. I could imagine that she is actually thinking a lot about you and your relationship. If you wanted to you could try and well.. get closer to her (more).
It’s the same with my ex. Imagine she wouldn’t have found someone new that quickly. She would have and has thought a lot about me and the option of a second relationship with me. That’s also why I’d definitely try and get in contact with her again in.. idk.. some months, maybe a year? Your ex doesn’t have a new person to share the feeling with that she shared with you so there is still a very big bond between you two. The longer she stays “alone” the more she will think of you. I think..So to recall your dream:
The first time you are in a bedroom with you ex and she makes some weird noises and the second time you are in a different bedroom with your best friend and you look into each others eyes and she kisses you and you want to kiss her… Could you please tell me again how she’s just a friend for you? 😛
No but seriously.. what kind of relationship do you have with her? Do you write a lot and about everything and anything? AND would you theoretically be interested in a relationship with her?Luckily the dreams with her stopped. Could be because I don’t get a lot of sleep recently 😛
Anyways.. I don’t think of her often but when I do it’s quite painful and creates this feeling of “love” in me. It sucks -.-
Actually the worst thing was 2 or 3 days ago when one of my best friends sent me a image of a text of her. She thanked him that he integrated her so quickly in our circle of friends and that he is such a great friend for me even in such bad times. Reading this text was a lot of pain because it meant that she doesn’t care about a new relationship anymore right now and wishes me that I find a different person to be happy with… well… I felt sad after that as you might be able to imagine ^^
It was interesting though because the day before I liked her image on FB (she changed it into the rainbow colors). Maybe that put me into her mind again and she decided that she writes him.. I don’t know.. just a guess..I don’t know.. it’s just… I don’t want to forget her >.<
I did it before and after that I decided that I would never want to do that again… Obviously I slowly don’t think of her anymore but.. actually making me forget her by removing her from the chat window is something I don’t feel like doing. :/
Now that I am writing you I really wonder how she’s doing… If she’s really happy or if she has any problems with something… I care about her but since I’m not able to take care of her I have to suck it up and deal with it.Yes it was/is extremely painful -.-
Wasn’t able to leave the house to do something entertaining for 2 weeks now… I am slowly getting quite bored ^^
I am glad that my friends showed up a few time and since it’s such a nice weather right now we were in our garden and just.. well.. idk.. chilled 😀I do write a lot with other girls and it’s a lot of fun ^^
Since schools over now for most of them aswell I’ll even meet up with some of them. Will have to work around my surgery stuff though 😀
On monday I’ll start working for 5 weeks I think. Last year I was writing with my ex all the time.. I have no idea what to do this year because I’m always done with the things I have to do so quickly but have to stay at my desk ^^
I bet I’ll miss her a lot again during that time if I don’t find something to do.. -.-God damn it.. so many memories.. I hate it
I feel fine when I do what I do but when I think of the things that happened I know how bad I am doing right now.. -.-One more thing. Normally I don’t post a lot on Facebook but now that there was/is this trend to color your picture I decided to write a post regarding same-sex-marriage. I wrote that I won’t change the color of my picture since I simply don’t like the colors and that it doesn’t change anything in your/our country. I made it clear that I fully support gay marriage but making your picture a different color won’t legalize it. So I put in a link that gets you to a website that collects signatures in order to make our government legalize it. Very few people knew about this action and I hope I was able to get them a few more signatures so our government actually does something. BUT that’s actually not that interesting for this blog, is it? ^^ What I want to say is that a very good friend of her (and I met him quite some times aswell and got along with him really well aswell) commented. Actually it was the only comment this post got. It got liked and shared a lot though.. BUT he commented and I answered.. just FB stuff obviously.. 😀
But still.. just the fact that he commented is quite interesting and I felt .. idk.. happy 🙂Alright.. It’s been an hour.. I think that has to be enough for now ^^
Don’t want to flood you with words 😛-Andi
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