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same goes for me i guess haha 😀
finals are quite a lot of work ^^did you show it her yet? 🙂
good that you have some contact to her did you try to write with her/think about writing her something or did you just keep this kind of NC?
so the party will be in a few days? i’m sorry but i forgot… is she going there too now?I still really think that you should somehow get in contact to her and find out if you are actually interested in her new self because I don’t think it’s possible for you to change her in some way in order to like her again. I hope this doesn’t sound mean.. :I
I don’t think that it’s good to suffer that long my friend. If you are not sure how you like her behavior at the moment I really think you should find out. Do you think a lot about her how she behaved back then when you two were still together? Because you must not think of her like that (my opinion). She is somewhat of a new person with a kind of new mentality and that is the girl you are trying to get together with – not the one she was. It’s the same with us. We changed in some or many ways, mostly in order to get our exes to love us again and to make us feel better about ourselves.You should get your phone to a shop. They will most likely be able to recover some of those pictures (hopefully) if it wasn’t a lot of water. 🙂
If it isn’t possible to recover and you are going to have contact to her again in private, you could ask her if she has any pictures left and if she could send you those. It will make her go through all those memories again which might be quite helpful. 🙂that’s really cool. I was always interested in getting into photoshop but it was just too complicated for me to learn it by myself 😀
What kind of stuff do you design? Also feel free to show me some pictures you drew I would really like to see them ^^
Sports is always great to do! I myself started going to the gym back in april but had to stop because of my finals but I really want to start now again 😀
Are you going to study there or just work there while living there? 🙂Well, I have quite a “lot” of contact to my ex again although I wish it was more but we have a lot of good times when we write and I really enjoy it and I think she does aswell – I hope 😀
When I met up with her it was just great. We were at the lake late in the evening and talked a lot and also made out. Then we went to a bar for some drinks and then we went to her grandparents house at 2AM. The funny thing was that her grandparents mustn’t know that I slept there and they were just 8 or 10 meters away or something in a different room. 😀
We shared the same bed and well… guess what happened when we were in bed..^^
She was so happy and I was aswell. Being that close to her again was just great!
I left the house very early at 5 or 6 AM so nobody would notice and then took a bus home. She left the city the same day and the next day she told me that she thinks it would be a good idea to not have contact until she is back at home again (2-3 days). But guess what.. after 1 day of not having contact she wrote me again that she misses the contact and we started writing again. She still has and had contact to that other guy and he also goes to London with her for the first few days (10.-14.). Obviously I don’t like that but I also can’t change it so I just have to deal with it. But we said that I would visit her in London so I have that going for me, which is good. I hope I can stay longer than that douche (did I mention that I don’t like him and find him very annoying? ^^ ).
Right now she just doesn’t know what she wants and she can’t make a decision which is making me crazy but I can handle it. Things seem to get better but I still have to work hard to get her back. Yesterday I told her in a love letter that I would like to come to London from the 15th or 16th and in the morning she told me that she would write me in the evening but well.. we wrote a little bit but nothing about meeting her or the letter itself since she went to a party with her best friend (girl) who has just broken up with her BF. I don’t know if the fact that she broke up with him now helps me or not because either she sees how much she means to me / I mean to her or they just hook up with guys and “have a good time” now. I don’t think they will but who knows.. She is beautiful and a lot of guys want her… I don’t know what will happen. I really hope she finds love for me because right now she’s like “I don’t know if I want anyone as a BF right now and if so if I want you or him”. I need to meet her in person to make a lot happen. Just writing with her a bit over the day is not enough to make a difference in her life. I need to show her what fun she can have with me when going to parties and when drinking or just hanging out in parks or what not. To this day I was never able to do that with her. I put a lot of hopes into London and being with her for a few days. I really love her. Not just her new personality but her in general. I love the way she is, the way she behaves – even now that she has changed. I’m just crazy in love with her. I want to live with her, do everything we want together and just make her happy. There is nothing better for me than to see her smile and being happy. She told me that she needs to find out who she wants to share her life with and for whom she would do anything because right now we both (me and that guy) proved to do anything for her. The fact that even though she sees him nearly every day but still has interest in me although we obviously don’t shows me that I have more than just a chance with her but I need to be with her so I’m emotionally more there for her than him.
2 days ago a girl that I’m talking with said that I’m greedy.. now I’m afraid that I actually am and don’t notice it. Fact is I can’t get enough from her but now I’m not sure anymore what is right and what is wrong.. Am I not grateful enough that she went to a bar with me and even slept with me and all that? Am I too needy to be her BF again so now I don’t appreciate the things we did enough? I don’t know.. It makes me feel weird because I want her to be happy but is it bad that I want her to be happy because of ME and not someone else (him)?
I think being crazy in love is the perfect term for me right now.. maybe I’m literally crazy… I don’t know.. it makes me feel sad that I can’t be there for her like I used to.
I still have her shirt right by me when I go to bed every night and it actually makes me sleep better and also fall asleep quicker.
I miss her so much and I want make her life more awesome. I want to make her proud to say that she has ME as a bf. I want to be perfect which I was absolutely not back then.. I could kick myself for being so dumb back then.Anyways.. I’m writing way too much.. sorry for that. I hope you are doing great at .. well.. everything! ^^
Looking forward to your next “letter” haha 😀-Andi
oh one more thing..
when i write her she answers with a heart emoticon when i write something like “I miss you” which is also quite nice but she doesn’t write it back so i guess she is actually quite confused and doesn’t know what to doI don’t know why but today I’m really down.. today I feel like she is moving herself away from me again. I tried to write with her about London and meeting her but she only wrote like 1 or 2 messages every few hours although FB said that she is online. She didn’t read my texts and didn’t reply. Today sucked -.-
I was talking about how much progress I made with her and right now I feel like I’m starting at the bottom again. Hopefully tomorrow is going to be better.-Andi
I was about to write to you, but when I opened the forum my ex texted on me, and it’s really late now, and I have to take every chance when I can talk with her.
Tomorrow I’ll come with a much longer post, I promise! 😉My feelings are very mixed about this conversation right now. She texted on me, but not because of the webpage or anything related to this… She asked me how am I doing, and what’s up with me. It’s the first time since the break up. I’m happy that it happens, but my stomach is shaking… okay I don’t know the expression for it in english, but I hope it’s understandable 😀
We’re just talking about general, everyday stuff, like school, summer job, etc. But I doubt she has nothing else to say.P. S. Nice to see you again after these busy days/weeks! 😀
Yeah sure no problem ^^
Nice to hear that! Tell me how it went 🙂
Really looking forward to your text since I’m a little down..
Great to see you doing good though! :))-Andi
Huuuh! Finally here, finally having time, and finally my ex is not disturbing me! 😀
Basically, there was not so much happenings recently – I was so busy that I did not even have time for my own private life 😐About last night’s conversation, we did not get so far. She asked me if everything is okay with my soul, I replied yes (of course I lied). Then she said that she misses the happiness, and she haven’t been happy for a long time, after that I said my opinion about this happiness thing (how relative is it to be happy, etc., so mainly just general stuff). In the end, she said that “Well, a girl will come and you will be happy 😀 😀 😛 “. With exactly these emoticons – what is interesting because usually she doesn’t use that much. After that I wrote “well, we’ll see it :D”, then she replied “xddd”, and the conversation was over.
On the group chat, she is friendly with me as well.
Actually, I don’t know how to break the NC. We’re still in this semi-NC state, but… Start to talk her out of the blue after almost 4 months would be quite weird. What you wrote is definitely true, but… I don’t know :/ I thing as the summer holiday begins, I’ll set up a plan and I’ll try to make a few steps instead of sitting and crying in one place. But as I’ve mentioned I did not even have time to think about things deeply.
Maybe one of the meetings will bring some improvement as well.I’ve tried to show her the new video but she was not interested in it 🙁
About the party and the meeting I am confused. The party is still uncertain, and the meeting will be in late July – which is not exactly what I’ve planned. But anyway, at least it will happen 😀
I’ve found out a really strange thing. I’ve mentioned Snapchat, the social media through which she is sending pictures to me. In this app, you can’t see that who else got the picture that your friend sent you, but you can see a “score”, which shows how much pictures has a certain person got and how much has he sent (of course you can see your own points as well). I’ve started to do a really weird thing: I write down the score of my ex after a certain period of time again and again. Actually, this whole writing down thing may sound very crazy, but I was very lucky! Once I wrote down her points, and 5 minutes later, I’ve got a picture from her, with herself on it. I opened it, then I checked the score again – it was only increased by 4! Which means that she might have sent that picture only to me, and she received 3 others from her friends during that time, or she might have sent the picture to 3 people beside me – which is strange, because she has a lot of friends on snapchat, and why would she send a picture only to four of them, including me? I’m not sure which case occurred, but it’s really strange. Maybe it’s crazy, but I’ll keep on checking her score.To be honest, currently I don’t know how to feel about getting back with her and wanting her back. If she is still a good person inside, who would be a great partner for me, I’d consider a reunion, but I can’t really get closer to her. Maybe during summer. But summer, ehh… I don’t know what to expect.
I’m doing graphic stuffs in photoshop, for example, a header for a webpage or a blog, some logos, a picture with some cool-looking elements, or I can even design a whole webpage 😀 Actually, I would really like to share some drawings, but at the moment… Well, let’s say that I’m not on that level 😀 During the summer I hope I’ll improve, so if you’re interested you may see what I drew 😀
At first, I’ll move right after high school I think, and I will get used to the environment until the university starts. After university, I think I’ll stay there to live and to work.Wow 😀 What happened at her grandparents’ house sounds exciting 😀 You must have had a good time with her. And I think you’re very lucky that you and your ex have the physical attraction at least. To be honest, I have no idea why she is hesitating too much.
It’s hard to accept, and it’s even harder to avoid it, but I think your friend is right: you are too needy.
Ahh, I have much more to say, but I’m so tired. I’m taking little notes to remind myself what I wanted to say about your case, so I will be able to express everything next time 😀 (maybe tomorrow).
In this post I’ve only talked about happenings and facts, but an other post will come with discussing my feelings more deeply 😀 (Actually, for me it’s really good to do that in this forum).P. S. I think I made a lot of mistakes in this post. To be honest, I don’t know why I am so tired :/ Next time I won’t write at night! 😀
P. S. #2: Breaking News: Me and my ex are going to the same cam in early August. Hmm-hmm-hmm.*camp. I misspelled the word in the last sentence 😀
So, I continue.
I find it very strange that your ex wants to keep close contact both with him and with you. If I were you, maybe I would try an NC, because due to that she would know how bad it is without you. But with this, there is a really dangerous thing: at first, you have to be sure that she is really really happy with you right now, because if she is not, then she won’t have bad feelings because you don’t talk to her, and she will spend more fun time with the other guy. However, if she thinks she is well-treated beside you, and you cut the contact, then she will realize how bad it is to miss you.
But I know, this solution may not work for you now, it was just a little thinking. But something like this should be possible after a time, if things won’t really change.
I know that it’s one of the worst things to hear now, but you should let the things flow for a little while. Now you’re in a transitional period, you are in between the school time and the summer. When summer finally comes, there’s a change in everybody’s mind and attitude – it’s easy to understand, because there a little difference between spending a half day in school while studying in the other half, and endless freetime 😀 (Maybe not totally endless but after school it feels like it is actually endless).
All you can do now is trying to keep your mind clear and clean, and think rationally. You have strong feelings, but you should listen to your brain more than to your heart. Feelings are not enough now – you have to strategize.The break up of a close friend is definitely influences the person’s view on relationships. Especially if it’s a really strong friendship.
But we unfortunately couldn’t tell in what way. You should ask your ex about it if you have a chance or if you want to.
I don’t know if I’ve already told it or not, but the best friend (girl) of my ex broke up with her boyfriend one month before our break up. And I’ve told you that one month before the break up I had already had a feeling that something is not okay with us. I definitely think that it influenced my ex in a way that breaking up is right. Okay, maybe it was not like a main reason, but it did some effect, I’m sure.
What’s more, my best friend (the girl I’ve mentioned in the previous posts) broke up with her boyfriend when I was in relationship with my ex. It was a relatively good time in our relationship, so of course it did not bring break up feelings and ideas to my mind, but it had a huge impression on me (by the way, I did not considered her as my best friend by that time. Hmm, I feel bad for not helping her after her break up as much as she did after mine).You’re lucky that you like her new personality. Because as I’ve said, I don’t like my ex’s >< And it just gives me more confusion. She drinks regularly, however, she was very anti-alcoholic before. She boasts with her things on the group chat often, and she also complains too much. Despite all of these, she is very friendly with me recently. We talk more on the group chat, and I’ve told you what happened in private in the previous post. She even asked me on the group chat to draw a dragon with my tablet 😀 She is madly into dragons. One wall in her room is full of drawings of dragons which she got from her friends. There are some very weak ones, but some of them are just… wow. I remember how I stared and admired those when I was at her room.
And about the camp: she said that her mom let her attend that easily, however, she always opposes these things. Of course, in most cases my ex manages to go to everywhere, but her mom always tries to hold her back 😀 I don’t know what to expect from this, it has been a really long time ago when I was at a camp for the last time – and of course, a person like her was not there.
Actually, I have a lot of things from which I don’t know what to expect. The party, the meeting, anything with my ex, the whole summer… I don’t know when was the last time when I felt so lost. On the other hand, there may be a lot of opportunity if I’m lucky enough, so… Meh. I have really mixed feelings. Busy period is over, I’m not a machine anymore, but now my feelings flooded me. To make things worse, I started to miss my ex again. Just the usual stuff: I recall the memories, and then I suffer, because they were so really good and beautiful and euphoric and everything, but I can’t feel them anymore with her. It’s so painful to realize that our beautiful story is nothing now, with its every element: the moment when I first saw her, when the wind blew our hair into our faces and we discussed how we could make this ldr work, when I traveled to her city from a meeting just because her parents did not let her go, when she first arrived to my city, when I introduced her to my mom… Okay, I stop listing it. Too long, too painful for me, and too boring for you 😀Ahhggrr. Confusion. Confusion everywhere. Summer vacation is coming rapidly, I hope we’ll both have some steps forward 🙂
sorry for not replying yesterday but it got quite late and my wi-fi didn’t work. that sounds like the most awkward excuse ever but yeah.. sorry for that
That’s definitely a lot of emoticons for such a sentence. She might fake the feelings she now showed to you but the fact that you 2 wrote and she started is really good 🙂
Well you just had a conversation. You can definitely use that and just randomly write her something. Maybe something funny you found on the internet or maybe just something that happened to you today. 🙂
Are you busy with school or with something else?She saw the other one which should be enough. Don’t worry too much about it.
Haha it really does sound crazy in some way but I completely feel you on that one. just keep doing what you want to do. ^^
Well, was the picture she sent in any way different from the ones she sent before?Well for now you can’t really do much. Summer would be a good choice to wait for and see what happens. Maybe you two meet up and do stuff together. I know it might sound weird right now since you just somewhat broke NC but in a month or two can happen a lot and as soon as you are talking again on a regular basis… why not meet up in person 🙂
It definitely was exciting ^^
Well on the one hand I do feel lucky about that but on the other hand it confuses me so much.
She is hesitating so much because she just doesn’t know what she wants. She told me she was very confused during and after our meeting (which is good I guess? ^^)and she also behaved very friendly, lovely and close to me but as soon as she was back in her city she behaved different again. I asked her if she noticed that and she told me yes, she behaved different on purpose again so I don’t get a false hope. I told her that she shouldn’t behave different on purpose but just be herself (which I think is definitely the right thing to do) and she agreed. A few hours later she was that really friendly person again and we had lots and lots of fun writing.
I’m not sure why exactly she behaved differently on purpose but it’s way easier and more comfortable to get closer to her when she is that friendly person instead of:
Me: “How are you doing sweety? :)”
Her: “Good”I hope you see what I mean 😀
Now about being “needy” how would you describe it? Because I feel like I want the relationship with her in order to make her lucky and me aswell. This is my goal. Anything else might make someone happy for a bit but in the end it’s not the goal I’m headed for. It’s like either that or nothing – either success or losing. Don’t get me wrong I am very grateful for what happened a few times until now like meeting her, being able to write with her and also that she still has some interests in me but still… none of these are my goal. They are all part of it but they aren’t it on their own.
Do you know what I mean?Don’t worry about mistakes here 😀
What kind of camp are you going to? 🙂
Actually this NC happened during the time after we met at her grandparents home. She told me 2 days after that, that she’d like to stop writing with me aswell as the other guy for 2 days so she can get her mind together and guess what the next day in the late evening she wrote me something like “I’m sorry that I can’t keep my own rules” and then we wrote about our feelings and that we miss each other and other things. 🙂
But I don’t think that it would be a good idea right now since she is now in London with that guy so… yeah if I don’t have a lot of contact to her right now she forgets me because of him. Atleast that’s what I think ^^
I might try that after I visit her and have a great time with her.. we’ll seeyou might be right. Actually right now I’m not really doing anything. I’m just writing with her and I don’t know how that will change now while she’s in London.
right now i don’t have time for more.. will write more later 🙂
-Andi
Alright.. finally have time for the rest of your message 🙂
Now that a few days have passed I don’t really think that the breakup of her best friend really matters in my situation. Maybe because she is in London right now.. I can’t tell for sure obviously but it doesn’t feel like it.
Don’t feel bad for something you didn’t know better. 🙂
Being sorry for the unchangeable doesn’t really get us far. Maybe it’s nice for other people if you tell them but for yourself, learn from it and do better next time! That’s also what I do… I’m sorry that my ex had to endure my behavior without me realizing that I’m doing so much wrong BUT the only thing I can do now is doing better next time!Hmmm.. I don’t know about you but for me I admire my ex. Like.. it’s hard to explain but the emotion I feel when thinking of, meeting or writing with her is just.. wow.. like.. literally. “wow”. that’s what I am thinking. To me it doesn’t really matter THAT much what she does as long as she loves it, I’m interested in it or at least I try to understand her joy for that. It’s like I want to help her move forward with her stuff and also show her the things I do and give her new, additional perspectives.
Cool, dragons are awesome ^^
I remember the first thing I saw in my ex’s room was a big poster with Marilyn Monroe on it. It was quite weird at first because I was just not used to posters since I never had any but yeah.. that was the first thing I saw. That was actually while skyping with her 😀
Hm.. weird.. now that you mention it… I don’t know why but I don’t recall a lot of memories with my ex. I could if I wanted to but I don’t just randomly recall them during the day BUT I imagine being with her, doing new stuff. It feels like there was a old system of myself with her and now there will be a new one. As an example, I never really wanted to go clubbing with her because I just didn’t like it… too many people, I didn’t know what to do, it was just uncomfortable for me. But now I really want to.. just for the sake of it. I bet I’d still have no clue what to do but I’d really like to get going and go to a club with her and have some drinks and just have a great time. .. weird ^^I can’t plan my summer vacation because it depends quite a lot on my ex.. 😀
We went to a small Island last year in the north-east of Germany and I’d love to go there again with her but well… guess what.. we aren’t together anymore.. so right now I can’t book a flight for my somewhere to go on a holiday but I also can’t be sure that I’ll go there with her ^^
I’ll just have to wait and see… wait and see. Maybe I know more after London.. who knows. I don’t even know yet if I can go visit her there for sure -.-‘…huh… 5AM… I think I’d better go to bed now 😀
hope to hear from you soon! 🙂
-Andi
I’m here again! 😀
It’s definitely good that you can make her being confused. If she wasn’t confused, she would have already chosen the other guy. It means that she is still considering you as an option. The problem is that this state won’t last forever. I think you don’t only have to show her that you’re better than the other guy, but you also have to make her realize that you are the only one right man for her.
By needy, I mean that you want to give too much to her, e.g. you talk about the relationship too often, and in return, you want her to do this as well, and you want her to want the relationship just like you do – but it will leave you with negative feelings. It’s a natural human response that you also want to get those given feelings back. It’ll make you vulnerable, and it’ll make her secure, cause she know that you very like her.
Hmm. To be honest, I’ve never admired my ex – but it’s a really good thing that you do yours! I always loved her as a person, as a human being, and always respected her a lot, but this kind of admiring never happened. You said that whatever she does you admire it, as long as she likes it – I myself kind of disrespected her when she went out to a party that was not really appealing to me, or drunk alcohol, even when we were in relationship.
Posters are great to decorate a room! 😀 Recently I’ve not only changed myself, I’ve also made changes in my room, and the main part of these changes are posters. Just like you, I have absolutely no posters at all before.
Finally, a decision was made about the exact date of the meeting: July 26th. Well, that’s not what I’ve expected. And I won’t see my ex before that, because it seems there will be no party. It’s a long time, and I fear that my ex will find someone else until the meeting.
And about the date, July 26th… Well, 2 years ago the very first meeting with this group happened exactly on July 26th as well. It was like the best day in my life, and thus I don’t want to link any bad emotions to this date just because my ex – cause I still don’t know what to expect. I’ll see her after half year. I’ve changed a lot, she’s changed a lot. But I still have bad feelings for her, coming from the break up, and I still like her somehow. Well, to be more accurate: I feel like I want to like and love love again, because she is my soulmate, even though I find her to be annoying recently.
So, I’m afraid of the feelings that may come during the meeting, despite the fact that now I feel that I can easily be around her without any pain. But being in a situation is very different from just imagining it.My ex started to do strange things on the group chat again. She invited the members of the group for a drinking in a camping. It would sound good, but 1) not with my ex 2) this is not that kind group which is really into these things. Only some people may go.
She also invited us to her house (for two days, actually). She mentioned that she would cook a traditional hungarian food (no english word for it, so here’s a picture http://erdely.ma/ujkepek/2013/10/nagy/1380719097_9569.jpg). This is my favorite food, and she must know that: once we were in a Christmas fair, and we were looking for a place where we could get one for me, and we were searching for almost one hour 😀 (We also had to wait an other 10-15 minutes in the queue -,-). I remember how we were sitting on a bench in the middle of the fair, and she watched me while I was eating. And during that, the snow started to fall. It was so romantic. Everything was so beautiful with her. Not perfect, because I had problems, just like now, but recalling that time period, it seems like those problems were so tiny.
So bad that I only have memories with her from autumn and winter.She stopped sending me pictures again. And answering your question, no, there was no difference between the pictures, just average pictures of herself.
The camp will be in connection with literature, and writing, but basically, there will be a lot of other things 😀On July 4th, there is an other event, similar to the one where I was after the filming in April (video games, things in connection with internet, youtubers, fantasy things, etc.), and of course, it was planned that I would go with her. Now, I will go with the other girl (best friend). She is a YouTuber, and this event put a lot of emphasize on youtubrs, so she won’t be just a simple guest, so it will be interesting 😀
It will be a very busy day, because right after this daylong event, I’ll go to a concert at night, and after that I have to go to my sister’s house and sleep there cause the concert ends very late, and there are no more trains at that time.I have a strange theory. I think that one guy from the group chat is in love with my ex. He had some strange and weird words to her before, but yesterday he told me that he feels like he is in love with someone, but for almost one year – he did not tell the person, but If I had to guess, I would definitely say my ex. It’s really bad to see it, because this guy is a really good friend of mine, and he lives even further from my ex than me.
Other clues that he loves her: When I talked with him before the first meeting with my ex, and I told him that we may be a couple after the meeting, he was neutral as hell, he showed no emotion at all. He said, “that’ okay”, “I could see it coming”, “good for you”, and things like that. During the relationship, he did not really said anything about us. And when the break up happened, he was very rude to me. Hmm-hmm.welcome back 😀
Yes! I think so too or hope so ^^
Now that he is gone I try to write a lot with her and make her laugh and smile and just everything so she feels great since that makes me feel good and I hope it also gets her emotionally closer to me step by step.Hmmm.. I see but somehow I think that what I am doing right now is correct. It’s really weird. My mood and the whole situation is like a big rollercoaster.. one time everything is perfect and a few hours later I’m quite sad again about something she said and then everything seems to be awesome again.. really strange as I said.. 😀
My ex always was a very extrovert and “emancipated” girl. I was used to her going to parties and drinking alcohol and all that stuff although I was (and somewhat still am) an introvert, very silent and liked to stay at home with friends instead of partying. I’m still not even close to used to go clubbing 😀 ….but I try my best and I really want to.
Well, actually I have 1 single poster in my room and that is from “The Simpsons” haha 😀
It just shows all the characters ever put in the series but that’s all I have in my room.. I don’t even know why I put it there ^^
Actually I changed the Layout of my room a few weeks ago, like where my table is and some of my cupboards etc.Hm.. yes I can understand that you are afraid but I don’t think you have to be. I bet she also still has feelings for you and even IF she finds someone new (which I don’t think) you can use her feelings. That’s something noone else can! And about the date (26th of july) I don’t think there will be a reason that this date will leave you with bad memories after this meeting. Even if it gets a little weird with her and everything I bet the whole thing should still be fine! 🙂
Maybe those invitations aren’t that random.. maybe she actually wants you to come to see what it would be like.. you know what I mean? Maybe she is also afraid of meeting you again for the first time on that meeting you all have so she wants to fake a “party” so you’ll also come. MAYBE!
I also recall some memories with my ex.. especially from our holiday trip to that island I talked about a few days ago… it was so nice there.. ahhhh… I want to go there again – with her!That’s cool! 🙂
Does she make english videos or in your native langugage?
Oh wow that’ll be one long day! haha 😀well how many other girls (or maybe boys? who knows for sure..) are there in your groupchat?
did he ever have a GF before? because if not maybe he was just unsure what to say so it was really weird for him..So.. the last few days were VERY intense. A lot happened between me and my ex. As I said my feelings about the situation were just.. I don’t even know.. like waves… one time I felt like I was flying and then I crushed again into rock bottom. BUT right now I am great.. like .. AWESOME.. let me tell you why! 😀
Yesterday started quite normal and some time around afternoon I started to write with my ex. It was the day that other guy left London. We were just fooling around and telling each other how we are doing and what we are doing and what not and it was all good. Then somehow we started to talk about our feelings. She told me that she’s not sure if I should come and visit her in London since it would be unfair for the other guy and she’d feel like she’d betray everyone. That made me feel horrible. I knew he was there with her now for a week and he’d come again in 10 days. I knew I just have to be with her or she might forget me because she spends so much time with him instead. I asked her how she wouldn’t betray anyone if I don’t come and she told me that it’s because we broke up and she somewhat started something new with him. She told me that she has feelings for him which is obvious but it still hurt a lot to read it… really a lot.. she told me that she thinks a lot about the whole situation and also of me but she needs to find out what she really wants. She got quite into detail and told me how she feels and what she thinks so I understand her situation. Although it hurt it also made me feel good because she actually told me what’s going on inside her mind which she didn’t do now for a long time! So.. that’s good for the cause but was bad for me ^^
Then we talked again about London and what she has to do and what she wants to do and we had a lot of fun again. Then I asked her if anyone said something bad about me after we broke up because I wanted to know so I can improve.. It was a bit weird but not too bad. It was .. “okay” .. to lighten up the situation I started to talk about fathers day and what I’ll get my dad and it was perfect again to talk to her. Then we came to the situation where I found out that the other guys comes to London again in 10 days which was quite hurtful but I told her how I feel about it and that I hoped that she’d be able to give me the chance to show her the new person I am and have fun with her in London and all that. She didn’t read that message for a few hours actually and then suddenly she wrote me something really impressive!-I try to translate as good as possible-
“Recently I forgot how unbelievable strong (mentally) you are and how long you are already doing this for me now – just for me.
I thought how incredibly hard that must have been for you when you told me the first time that you loved me but I couldn’t say it back to you but you just accepted it and told me again and again that you love me just so I know.
I question myself how you do all that. Where do you take that energy from to do that.”
——–end———-
When I read that I was like .. “wow” … like.. “how the fuck did I just do that.” .. “what the hell did i do right??” :DD
I answered her that I take the energy from her and my feeling that I am correct with me and her being perfect for each other. (something like that ^^)
I told her that she should know that I don’t give up that easily once I am convinced from something but I am very happy that she noticed it.
She then told me that she is incredibly sorry for what she is doing to me and that is really unfair for me. I then told her that there is nothing I wished for more than visiting her in London to have a good time. She asked me to give her time to think about it but she would also really like to see me. then i told her “Don’t you ever forget that i love you” and she replied “how could I ever do that”.
And then we kept writing for about two hours about some stuff that was on our mind and then she went to bed.
all in all.. perfect endingtoday was really cool aswell 🙂
we started writing in the evening at 5 o’clock or something like that and just kept on writing. and I asked her if she wanted to skype with me and she actually wanted to. so we skyped now for “just” 30 minutes but it was really great. Just the fact itself that she was willing to call me and talk to me.. just.. YAAY :DD
She showed me her new room in the flat she moved into now and it was a good day all in all. Today was not a single situation where I felt down! I am actually really happy ^^
I am still afraid that she might say no to me visiting her or that I just can’t anymore since it’s now quite a close call with buying the plane ticket and everything but I am still hopeful.
I feel like I am on a good way but I am also afraid that I think WAY to positive about this all and that in fact nothing will happen and I will crush on the emotional ground again :I .. that’s my biggest fear right now…I hope I didn’t write too much and bore you :I 😀
how are you doing ? 🙂
-Andi
about that “thinking WAY to positive” and crushing on the emotional ground again.. well.. guess what -.-
she is still very unsure if i should visit her and IF i visit her it MUST NOT be because of something else than FRIENDSHIP. Now.. on the one hand i am super glad that i might be allowed to visit her (if i have the time that is. more about that later) BUT i wouldn’t be allowed to do anything emotional to or with her. No kissing, No petting and obviously nothing more than that. Now it wouldn’t be a big problem for me to not have any intercourse with her. Seriously .. I feel like she thinks that’s the only thing i am after :I
But i would really like to give her a tender kiss from time to time or pet her when going to bed. It’s just.. argh… he is definitely able to do so with her and i am very afraid that if i am close to her but can’t do that she will “forget” that i could do that for me or she doesn’t need it from me anymore. like.. “oh well.. who cares if i don’t get a kiss of andy right now. in a few days i can have one from ‘him’ “. I am super afraid that might happen or something like that. She might remove me from her list in her mind that says “People I’d like to date” to the “People I am friends with and have a great time but not more” list 🙁
She litteraly told me that she loves him and me at the moment! I made it back to a kind of “I love you” after 3(!!) months. During one of which she even completely forgot me!! I don’t have the capability to see her every day not even close to that. Maybe i see her once every 3/4 month and STILL although he saw her every single day and they write a lot and talk a lot and have/had a very close bond.. I STILL made it to something that resembles a “I love you”.
I would bet my entire life that if i could spend a few days and maybe even less intimate moments with her, she would be interested in me again and not just “yeah.. well.. maybe but i don’t know for sure and i can’t really do it”.
she already asked me questions like “what would happen if we came back together” and “do you think we could live with the fact that i already had someone new and you had a few contacts with girls?”. So you can see she REALLY thinks about it. If I could just show her the future… I want her to decide what makes her happy. But i can only guarantee that i will try my fucking best to make it happen!phew.. now that needed to be said and i had to let that energy in me out.. 😀
okay.. so now about that i don’t know if i have time to visit her.
even if she finally says yes, i now might have to decline since it’s now a very close call and flight prices are now really expensive and also i have a big test on tuesday and my finals are coming up soon aswell… so.. IF she says yes, i don’t know what to do.. i guess i’ll have a look at how much the tickets are and decide based on the price and i’ll have to study on the flight, in london as much as i can (which won’t be much as i know myself :I -.-) and then also study here again and then hope for the best, which is 1st she likes me more that just as a friend again and 2nd that my grades are positive.. oh my.. those will be some very bad days coming up now – no matter what.. Let’s pray that it’ll be worth it..I love her…
-Andi (sry for any mistakes.. just quickly wrote it and didn’t even proofread because of time :I 😀 )
she told me a few minutes ago what she already told me a month or something ago.
“I believe that you have changed and I belive you can do all that but right now I am happy and I don’t want to give that up”
:'(this voice deep down inside of me that says that i want her to be happy also tells me from time to time that i hope he fucks up… am i a bad person?
like.. i would never want her to be sad but deep down in me there is something that tells me.. i wish he’d sleep with someone else or i wish they’d have a really bad fight.. stuff like that… is that making me a bad person? I’d do everything for her 🙁I`ve planned to wirte today but something happened to my computer ;-;
Maybe your ex says that, but it doesn’t mean that it is true. She just wants to somehow express how uncertain she is. And how the hell could she tell you such strong things if she is so uncertain and insecure? Remember that she doesn’t really know what to do, and what she is doing right now, you’ve seen the signs.
You are definitely not a bad person. It’s natural that you want to see them falling. And I think it’s a common thing in break ups. It’s like a competition. You want to see that your ex is not doing well without you, you wish her everything nice but at the same time, deep inside you want to see that she is falling down because she doesn’t have you.I hope that tomorrow I can come with a longer post 🙂
Hey, right now i am at the airport waiting for ny plane to london to visit my love.
Things have been a little weird in the last days but i hope i can make her laugh a lot and have a freat time. Weather will be crap but hey.. it’s london.. what did i expect ^^Let’s see what happens. Really looking forward to seeing her again though 🙂
I really do hope i can make her smile a lot and not worry too much about what is going on right now.
I’m mad in love with her but i’ll try my very best to not make her worry. I hope i can grad her hand atleast a few times when walking around ♡Will write as soon as i can. Have a good one and see you 🙂
-Andi
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