Long Distance Relationship

@Andi

Yeah, make her missing you is the second aim of NC (the first is the changes and improvements in yourself). And to be honest, you’ve realized it a little bit too late. But keep in mind that it’s never too late! 🙂 You still have chances in my opinion.
I think you’ve talked too much with her. She knows that you want to get back together, and that makes you vulnerable in her eyes. You have to accepts that there will be unsaid words and thoughts, and unanswered questions – even if it’s really hard to cope with it. You can’t talk about anything with her, you should make borders and limits. We’ve been broken up for one and a half month, and I’m just having more and more questions. But that NC for you will definitely be advantageous. You may know that I personally prefer long NCs, but the shorter one, until 18th will be good enough.
What you said about new relationship is really really true. Consider the possible reuniting as a new relationship, not as a restart of the old one. If you get back together, it will be funny to say that you had one girlfriend and two relationships 😀

My ex sent me a picture a picture of her new hair, on Snapchat. It’s a little bit shorter, and she has a very tiny highlighted part (light brown), so nothing extreme. And yeah, it will be rude to say that, but as I could see it from the picture… Her attempt to lose weight is not really successful >.< Actually, it was the first picture of her since the break up in which I could see her full body. However, she can still melt my heart, and the feeling when I realize that this pretty, beautiful girl is not mine anymore is killing me inside. It’s especially bad when my phone shows up pictures of me and her, in which we’re hugging, making silly faces, etc. (If I open the gallery, it randomly put some pictures to the top) Yes, I should delete these pictures, but there are so many, and whenever I start to select them I must see all of them, and because of it I always end up crying. And I’m also lazy.
Actually, that’s all what happened today. I’ve finalized my changes, and I’ll put them in practice tomorrow in school.
And the nights are very bad for me as well 🙁 I still remember how I walked into my room after showering, and how she waited for me in my bed… Oh my god, the way she looked at me at those nights, when I pulled the blanket onto ourselves and then I lay beside her, and I could see the love, sweetness and sexiness in her eyes…I’ll remember that look forever I think.
I still love her so much and I want to feel these things again soooo badly. But I’m very afraid of how can we get back together. I don’t even know that whether she believes in restart or not. The story of my sister is always in my mind. She was 16 when she started dating with her boyfriend. He was her first love. They were together for one or two years, then they broke up. They were separated for half year. They absolutely didn’t talk to each other. It was something like a half year long NC. And then, the plot twist comes: After that half year, they successfully reunited, and they had their wedding 2 months ago 😀 Ten years passed since the first date, and eight years passed since the reconciliation, now they’re both 26 years old. So I absolutely believe that getting back together can be successful 😀
But, about that wedding… I think I haven’t mentioned it, so, storytime comes again.
There were two things that literally killed me mentally after our break up.
The first is the night after the break up. I’ve said that I was the one who traveled to her city. The break up happened early in the night, okay, no problem with that. I could have reach the last train to my city. But she wanted me to stay!!! She said that she doesn’t want to worry for me, because traveling at late night can be dangerous, etc. (I always traveled with a transfer, so by the time I would have reached my second train, from the capital to my city, it would have been late night).
So, she wanted me to stay there and sleep with her. It was the worst and the most awkward sleeping ever. Imagine that you are sleeping with a girl, in a common bed, and under separated blankets. But that girl is the girl you love so much, and she’s just your ex now! And you can’t even hug or touch her.
I did not sleep at all, of course, I was awake all night. That was the worst suffering in my life. Thoughts, memories and unsaid words were running through my head all night. I was crying and shivering all night. There was one friend of mine, who helped me (on Facebook), but she had to go to sleep at 1 AM, so I was there with no help until 6 AM. I think I’ve mentioned her before. She was the one who helped me through the hardest times, the first days of the break up, and I can’t tell how grateful am I to her. By the way, she will be there at the film shooting, on the weekend.
And yeah, that was the first thing. The second is the wedding. It occurred exactly two days after the break up. She was invited to the wedding, and that would be the time when I would have introduced her to my whole family (except my parents of course, they knew her before). Going to a wedding with a broken heart is bad enough. But imagine that it’s your sister’s wedding, and all of your family members are waiting for your girlfriend, asking questions where is she, why didn’t she come, and you have to answer that she’s sick, because if you tell the truth it would be really embarrassing, and you would end up crying. And what’s more, when my sister walked down the aisles, to her husband, that song was played what was our favorite song with my girlfriend. I know, it sound like a bad movie or a tragedy, but it’s actually happened to me.
Ugghhr. These were the darkest days. She can’t even estimate or guess about how huge pain did she cause to me. It’s like she stabs me with a knife (=break up), then she rolls the knife in my heart (=last night and wedding).
So, yeah… I hope it’s easy to understand why I need a long period of recovery 😀

@aqua

Hi there! 😀
NC is very hard, I know. Especially in the beginning. But use this time as a chance to live your life and improve yourself. Both your personality and your look.
Also keep in mind that if he misses you, he won’t tell it. What’s more, it’ possible that he will say that he doesn’t miss you at all. But it’s a lie. If he ever says things like that, he misses you in the inside, he just doesn’t want to be seen as vulnerable, and he wants to hive the feeling that the break up was absolutely a good decision – however, it might be not.
If you follow the suggestions in this webpage, it’ll be more and more easy to get her back. I’m a very pessimist person unfortunately, so I have to tell you that you have to prepare yourself, because the hardest times are yet to come. Yeah, it will be hard as hell. Coping with NC, try not to think about him, etc… But if you’re successful, and you’ll manage to get your ex back… You’ll think that it definitely worth it! 🙂
Just see the aim in front of yourself. He means a lot for you. There was something wrong in your relationship. You have to improve yourself, became a “Better You”, to be able to reignite that spark.
I wish the bests for you! 🙂

P. S. Sorry if this long post was boring ><

Hehe yea you could be right about good decisions part but I still feel like this could have worked by talking out our issue and ofc fixing it Iam stubborn type but if it’s serious I always tend to listen and resolve it but I think it’s good to have space between us both since we been smothering one another towards bad parts need a chance to cool off I guess and yea he means a lot to me since he been there through my other brake up I had and he was the one I trust to talk to about it saying I am worth a lot he always worries about me and trys to make me smile when I was sad we never met in real life like you guys have with your ex’s cuz we are very apart but we did Skype a lot (i don’t ever show myself how I look like to just anyone and he first bf online to see how I look like ) let’s say we met in an online game but feelings and trust was important to us and ofc we both had big plans to see one another in real life was hard for him to visit me yet due to being a foreigner from Brazil I haven’t meet anyone that strongly towards how I felt for him so yea it’s hard after the brake up but th feelings and trust we had are very real. I am jealous of you guys at least you met em in real life tehe but don’t worry not saying it’s bad just keep trying to fight for the one you love just shows you love em but ofc build a bond slowly so won’t push em to hard they be annoyed. I hope my little story wasn’t to bad on the meaning to this.

Ahhhggrr. My s*** computer crashed and my post that I’ve started to type was deleted 🙁 I’ve almost finished it.
I don’t really have a lot of time, so only a really short post for now:
Today I have my birthday. My ex greeted me in the group conversation at night (just right now). The first to greet me was a very close friends of mine, however, the girl that I’ve mentioned that how grateful am I to her, said that she wanted to be the first to greet me but she didn’t manage to stay up until midnight. We have something like a game: we always try to be the very first to greet each other on our birthdays 😀 She was only successful once, and I’ve been successful for 3 years in a row. 😀

Aaaand the worst piece of news for today: The video filming was postponed :((((( One more week. One more week of NC. I’ll die. And my ex will meet a suspicious guy on this Friday. The situation is getting tighter and tighter.

I’ll come with a longer post, but maybe only tomorrow.
Keep on fighting guys!!! Don’t give up your dreams, don’t give up on your only one!

Huh. I finally have time for a longer post.
To be honest, I don’t know. I may never know. But if I had to give a straight answer, I would say that she’s obviously not. But she is my very best friend. Once I deactivated my facebook. I wanted to stay deactivated for 4 days, but after one and a half day, she was the first one who started worry about me so much that she called me on phone and asked me what happened and what’s wrong. Actually, a few more people missed me and worried about me as well. That was the point when I realized who are the most important people in my life, who really care about me.
Actually, 2 years ago, that girl was my crush >< But I’ve heard that she doesn’t support long distance relationships. And I’ve also heard that she finds it hard to express her feelings, for example if she is in love with someone.
I still find her attractive, but I’m no longer in love with her. But there’s one thing I know for sure: she’s definitely my very best friend 🙂

Considering the picture, I don’t know to who else did she send it, Snapchat does not show it :/ But it was just an average, girly “omg new haircut” picture. By the way, I think she looked better with longer hair.

The book was a pretty good idea for you. I actually bought Relationship Rewind >< I’m not that kind of person who buys things like this on the internet but I was very afraid right after the break up, I had to grab every chance. But it wasn’t a bad decision overall.
It might sound weird, but if she has negative feelings, it’s much better than having no feelings at all. If she has emotions, you can influence them, but if she is totally insensitive, there’s nothing on which you can make an impact.
I think you shouldn’t talk about the relationship with her. Neither before the meeting, nor at/after the meeting. If you mention it, she will think about the old relationship, which is associated with bad things in her mind, and then she will put up her defenses, and push you away from herself. You have to get really close to her again as a friend, and a soulmate – but not as a lover yet. You have to make her think about something new, associated with the “New You”, the “Better You”, and the good experiences after the break up. But of course, it doesn’t work in a conscious way, she won’t say to herself at a random time that “hmm, there should be a new relationship”. You have to be the one who gives her that feeling. It’s hard to explain but I hope you understand it. It’ like: You don’t have to reignite the old fire, you have to make a new spark.

I don’t know whether I should be afraid of that guy or not. They’ve been knowing each other for one or two years, and there was nothing between them. And it would be a long distance relationship as well. Not as much distance as ours was, but still an other LDR. The boy lives in the capital, my ex lives 100km away and 1,5 hours of traveling from him. However, it’s much fewer than ours. We had 250km and 5-6 hours of traveling.
Actually, I don’t know what to think or what to feel. I’m afraid of everything. Especially of this guy.
The situation is so tight and I’m so frustrated. The film shooting will be on next week’s Saturday. I hope it won’t be too late. I have to give the very best of me on that day.
This page and the daily mails say that I should only end NC if I’ve accepted the fact that I might lose her forever. But actually, I absolutely not accepted that. So if the worst possible case happened, I would be at least as broken as I was after the break up. But I have to end NC, because I feel like I’m running out of time. And the risk of end NC is so high. But if the best possible thing happens… I’ll totally think it is worth it. But i can’t see the future unfortunately 🙁
Keep hoping for the best.

Stay strong! We have to cope with hard times. Keep fighting for the aim! For her! 🙂

P. S. If you’ll meet with your ex, we’ll both have our “big day” on the same date 😀 (18th).

@Andi

Did you mean Rebound Relationship? 😀 Well, if she was in a rebound relationship, it would kill me as well. Personally, I feel that I wouldn’t be able to start a new relationship. Not even with my ex! Of course, I want to start one with her, but I still have some things to improve. The filming will be just the very first step. She will only watch me, not meet with me or having interactions with me.
And yeah, the long term NC is the future plan, If I’m not successful. Actually, I’m able to make her leave the group conversation. I could have do that, I just didn’t want to be so cruel, because she loves the people there, and they like her too.

I think if you annoyed her, it’s just a temporary feeling. Her main emotions are still about the break up and the relationship she had with you. On 18th, you obviously have a chance to get her back and make the best that you can do. Just remember that don’t be pushy or needy. Just be cool, act like a great friend, and give only yourself – but the New Yourself! 🙂
By the way, are you successful in keeping NC? Do you know anything about her? (what she is doing, where she goes, etc.)

So, about today’s happenings. My ex sent me a picture of herself on Snapchat, and… SHE DYED HER WHOLE HAIR. Not just a little highlight like some days before, no: she completely had her hair dyed! On the picture, it was written that “#blonde”, but it’s definitely just light brown (it used to be dark brown). She looked a lot more better with natural dark brown hair. And what’s more… She had make-up on her face. A lot. Not that extremely, but still a lot. She has never used make-up before.
Unfortunately, as I’ve said, on Snapchat you can only see a picture for some moments. It was visible for only 4 seconds, so I couldn’t investigate it more. And I can’t see who else get this picture, but Snapchat says that I’m among her “top friends”. It means that I’m among those 7 people with who she contacts the most on Snapchat. And she’s among my top friends too, but I don’t know why, I don’t contact with her often. Sometimes I just send regular pictures. Actually, Snapchat can be a great “weapon” for me, with these pictures I can show her what am I doing, and that I’m really fine 😀
Of course, when we were together we were our number one top friends.

I’ve said that I’ve finalized some of my changes, and I’m trying to put them in practice this week. I don’t want to tell that too early, but I think I’m successful. Not that very huge changes, but little, more solid steps may lead to the same goal 😀 I have to appreciate every little thing.
Huh. Nine more days until the filming. I’m excited. We have an exact date, an exact place, and I’ve started to plan the whole process. Actually, only 3 of us will participate: me, a good friend of mine, and the girl I’ve talked about the last posts.

That’s all for today. See you next day, looking forward your update! 😀

@Andi well what caught my attention is part about friends with benefit well that’s is totally up to you but even if your ex did slept
another you don’t need to do the same like she did don’t need to lower yourself like that you are worth a lot than
that but as I said that’s your choice just careful not to feel guilty after do what makes you awesome =) take your time later on your ex will miss you since its hard to forget ones we did fall in
love with. Good luck !

@Nedim well I noticed you have tried to do your best for now it’s best to just be happy for you first that’s your priority. I hope you guys feel better soon for myself still have a long way to go I don’t know yet what’s
going on with my ex if he thinking about me or not I been trying to distract myself but it’s hard than I thought I been keeping myself
always from Facebook but got curious if he text me but going to keep with NC but its
driving me crazy at the moment if he has text or not I don’t wanna make him think I don’t care but same time can’t let him think I can be pulled in like a fish I guess
he needs to see I am not a toy but it’s hard we been together almost a year and in
a day poof from one another he does know I love him dearly but will that count? So we will see …