Long Distance Relationship

“that feeling you get when you haven’t seen your significant Other for a that time.. it’s just.. wow… every first kiss at the trainstation felt nearly as special as the very first kiss when we got together!”
Oh my god, these two feelings… I can truly feel what you’re speaking about 🙂 It was so wonderful. And I get so much pain when I start to think about the fact that I won’t feel it again.
Actually, I had my very first kiss with my ex. I can still remember every tiny moment of that day. It was August, last year, there was a meeting with those guys who are in the mentioned group conversation. Her parents forbidden her to go to this meeting (she has very strict parents), so she had to come in secret, and for this, I had to travel to her city and left alone the others for some hours. It was so adventurous. It was like a scene from a romantic film or a book. And when we finally met, the first kiss happened at the bridge of the train station. And after managing to cope with all these difficulties, that was the point when we both knew that we are meant to be together forever….. Sigh.
Ahh, I don’t want to forget these memories or recall them with a heartache 🙁
(*Okay, boring storytelling ends*)

Andi, what you’re saying is very strange, it’s a really difficult situation and unfortunately, I have no personal experiences at all in this, but based on what I have learned from this site, NC is the best choice. I think she has a good and fun time with you because she still loves you as a friend. And actually, it’s a pretty good thing – not just in general, but also in the process of getting her back. But you want her as a girlfriend, not just a friend. I haven’t tried it, but I think I could talk with my ex like this (having a good time and have a lot of fun together), I just took the NC too seriously.
I can truly understand that you want to meet with her. If you decide to do this, and nothing will happen – I mean you won’t get her back – you must continue NC. And if you get her back… Well, it would be surprisingly fast, and basically, in that case, you won 😀
“she said that there is just not enough love for me in her for a relationship”
That’s the main problem. And that’s why NC exists. You can’t get back her back if she doesn’t have enough love for you. The aim of NC is to make a perfect plan how to get her back, and to make yourself a better man, who she can love again – and maybe forever.
Remember that she still loves you more than a friend. Not as much as in the relationship, but feelings couldn’t be erased so easily, even if they have faded. Because they have faded a lot for sure – basically, that’s why the break up happened. It’s so hard to explain and express. Both of you are in a very strange and new situation now, right after a break up, and keep in mind that she is broken too!
Well, whatever you’ll decide to do (meet with her or not), good luck! 😀

It happened, and that’s the only thing that matters, absolutely true! 😀 It must be very good even if it was awkward a little bit.

It is totally easy to understand why you didn’t change during the relationship. Basically, because you didn’t know you should have changed – similarly to my case.
It’s really important – not only at relationships, at the whole life as well – to learn from your mistakes, and not to get to the ground after you’ve made a mistake. Learn from it, improve yourself, become a better and wiser person.
According to my theory, she loved the man who you were, but she lost the attraction. Once she fell in love with you, so why can’t it happen again, but of course, with a “Better You”?
If you decide to talk with her, be aware that you must not be too needy, overly attached or pushy.
Actually, you have good changes of getting her back until your birthday, or get really close to get her back. It would be the best birthday present ever, wouldn’t it? 😀
My birthday will be on 8th April, so I don’t really see a chance to manage to do this :/
I think you shouldn’t give anything to her at her birthday. You’re just friends. Post “Happy Birthday” to her Facebook, like in the case of any other friend of yours. In my opinion, giving something would be a too obvious sign that you want to get her back. And you don’t want her to know that you want to get her back. You would seem vulnerable in her eyes.
And maybe it’s just my radical ideas, but sometimes you have to be a little bit rude. Or, not exactly rude, but… You have to be appear strong and confident, and not too (I mean not overly) kind.

Yesterday, there was some happening in my case finally.
She texted me on facebook, in private (we haven’t talked in private for more than two weeks before that). We were talking about a writing, and competitions about it (writing is the hobby of both of us). After that, we started to discuss general topics. We did not mention our relationship and the break up. Actually, we haven’t talked about this since it happened (except the first days), and I don’t know if it’s a bad or good thing.
So, we were had a general conversation, except for two things. First thing: she talked about – again – how much programs does she plan, and to how much events and places will she go. This is not a new thing, she talked about it before too, but I’think it’s worth a mention that it occurred again.
However, the second thing is much more strange. She said the following: “If disappointments happen to someone, it’s very s*** enough, even if the friends try to occupy his mind and help him through” It was a reaction to her own sentence, in which she explains that she has became more active in social life, thus having less time for writing.
And actually, I’m very confused concerning its meaning. I don’t know whether she thought about the break up by saying ‘disappointment’, or not. And basically, I was too afraid to ask that. It would have been very awkward if I had asked her, and she hadn’t thought about the break up by saying this.
I’m really confused about this. It’s not a big deal, I know, but every little thing is important in these times. As I’ve mentioned before, I still don’t know anything about her opinion concerning our relationship and the break up. All I know is that in the first days of the break up, she was very insecure and broken, she didn’t know whether it was the right decision or not, and after a week, I heard from one of our mutual friends that she is said to him that “I’m fine, and I think it was totally the right decision”.
So, to sum up, basically, there are no significant changes, just more and more mysteries. And we talked a little. And I have mixed feelings about it. Actually, the atmosphere of the conversation was good, and there were no awkward moments.

@Andi

I have a story with a shirt as well 😀 At the meeting before the break up, I left my shirt under her pillow. Unfortunately, I don’t know what she did with it, and of course, I don’t think that she wears it. I remember she said how much does she likes to wear my shirts (even pajama shirts).
Oh, and about the smell. I got a little blue box from her, in which I store the letters that she wrote to me. I don’t know what the hell she did to that box, but when I remove the cover of it, I can exactly feel her smell in it very strongly. And yeah, the word “smell” is strange, because I’m talking about good smells of course 😀 (It’s even more confusing for me, because in hungarian, we have two different words for good and bad smell).
And one more thing about smells. I don’t know whether you’re subscribed to the daily emails of this page or not, but the topic of today’s mail was “smells” (what a coincidence!). To sum it up, it says that you should get a new cologne or deodorant before meeting up with her, because your old smell is may associated with bad feelings in her mind. This is a very little thing, but every tiny little change counts if you want to be successful, in my opinion.

I really hope that your meeting will be successful! 🙂 In the remaining time, try to change more, and improve yourself as much as you can! Remember, she will have to get the “Better You”. Your situation is getting better, and you are getting more and more chance, but keep in mind that for some reason, she lost the attraction to the man you were. And you really have to think about the other possibility: what if things take a wrong turn, and you don’t get her back? I know, I’m really negative and pessimist, but there’s a chance for that well, you have to prepare yourself. And life is unpredictable. And girls are too. (I don’t know which one is more, lol).

I definitely want to keep NC. But on the other hand, it would be good to talk to her about the break up, and maybe get some answers. But I’m afraid that I’ll only get more questions.
Yeah, I’ll go to some places. But this spring vacation is very short, so I would rather concentrate more on improving myself. But I’ll also have some programs beside it.
Maybe you’re right, and she just goes to these places to have something else in her mind… Maybe, but unfortunately, it’s jut an other question without any solution :/ Maybe she tries to improve herself as well. Or she feels more freedom in herself, and thus she goes to more places… I have absolutely no idea. But sometimes she really goes to somewhere, that’s sure. I know it’s a bad habit, but sometimes I check on Facebook messenger that how long ago was she active (she doesn’t have mobile internet access, so she can be online only at home).
After few weeks since the break up, I’m sure that she was depressed. She stayed up very late in the evening, and one of our common friends told me that she was writing on these evenings, and I know that if she writes a lot, especially in the evening, that’s because of she has some problem (I mean writing poems, short stories, etc., and not writing to someone).

P.S. I’ve totally understood what you wrote, as I’ve explained it above 😀
Actually, the blue box which, was mentioned, is in the attic now – with all the other stuff that she gave me – so I can’t do the same thing. But trust me, I can really understand how much does it mean to just smell the other’s shirt 😀 All these little things were so beautiful and so good to do – even if my significant other was far away.

@Andi

Wow, that’s a pretty huge thing! 😀 I mean that she said that, not that she feels that, because I think even my ex misses me sometimes even if she doesn’t say it. But I don’t say it as well, so I’m not expect her to do that. Actually, one month before the break up she said that she doesn’t miss me. That was the very first bad sign. Not exactly with these word, but she meant that. Uhhg. Bad memories coming up…

You definitely have good chances. Just be aware that keep up with chancing and improving yourself, show the “Better You” to her (especially when you’ll met in person) and don’t be too needy or even too kind before the meeting. Don’t be too excited during the meeting, but keep in mind that it’ll be ‘All or nothing’.
To be logical, I think it’s okay to use that one which you used when you first got together. However, it is a part of the “Old You”, to which your ex is no longer attracted. Honestly, I don’t know, but in my opinion you can use that.

I will definitely talk with my close friends about her. It’s a part of my plan 😀 But i think they would have told me If they managed to get to know something.

Actually, I feel like the pressure is growing, and the situation is getting tighter and tighter. I’ve noticed that she mentions a boy often – for example, what did they talk about, what ideas did he give to her, and he will also go to an event with her. I’m nervous and afraid as hell, even if I shouldn’t be. It’s a real sign that indicates that I’m simply not able to get over her, not even a little bit. If she will do something “more than friends” thing with that boy, I would be more damaged than I was after the break up.
And the first thing that could help me to get her back is coming later than I expected. A promo film shooting (for a webpage) was scheduled on next week’s weekend, but the date doesn’t fit for one person, so we had to change it to the week after next week. It will be just a short, 5-10 minutes long film in which me and my friends talk about our webpage, but I think it’s a huge opportunity to show the “New Me” to my ex. She will watch the video for sure because she is in the editorial team of that webpage as well (and she was not invited to the film shooting, lol).
She will see the changes in my appearance, and also in my communication: I will be very dynamic, confident, and energetic. I have high hopes. And of course, there’s a chance that it won’t affect anything, but it’s still a huge opportunity and actually, the very first real step on getting her back. By real, I mean a step that she can see. I’m improving myself at the moment as well, but she doesn’t see that.

Ahhggh. Times are hard right now. But I’m just about to start my “Big Spiritual Changing”, so… Let’s hope for the best.
In the next days, I’ll also make some attempt on leaving NC. But I don’t know how to do it: get out of NC slowly step-by-step, or immediately out of the blue.
Oh my god, I have so much to plan and think about.
But at least it’s spring vacation by now! 😀

Today was a quite boring day. We talked a little in the group conversation with a good atmosphere. It seems like she is not rude to me anymore. The amount of strange behavior decreased. However, I haven’t left NC actually, in my opinion.
100% NC is impossible due to the group conversation. Those guys there are like my second family, I don’t have the heart to leave them, even temporarily. I think I’ll continue this “kind-of-NC” thing for one more week at least. The biggest changes will happen next week, tanks to the film shooting. Actually, it means that I have one week to make the best of myself for the filming. It’ll be hard work.
I don’t exactly understand what you mean by doing a lot with her, but if you mean that do a lot of things and go to lot of places… Uhm, relatively :/ During the most part of our relationship, it was winter, or really cold. But actually, once we spent a whole day in a park when it was 5 degrees cold 😀
In the summer, we only met 3 times, and these were only one day long meetings.
After that, when there was too cold outside and there were longer meetings, we went to some places, like cafe, cinema, restaurant, stand-up comedy show, etc… So not that much, but we went out sometimes. That’s what I’ve meant by saying “relatively”.
If the break up would not happen, we could say that “The best is yet to come”.

About changes, there’s one thing that I think I have not mentioned (but if I did, sorry for repeating myself 😀 ). My ex is changing as well. She told me that she tries to lose weight (however she is not fat, just curvy, and… uhhm, I loved her body :3). I don’t know whether is she successful with it or not, but she has said it several times. And she also changes hairstyle. Sometimes she sends pictures of her on Snapchat (not especially for me, I guess) and I saw that her hairstyle is different than it was. Not very huge changes, but it’s easy to notice.
Basically, I have no idea why she is changing. Deep inside I have a fear that because of an other boy, but a friend of mine told me that maybe she is changing because of me… But I don’t see any logic in this. But who knows, girls are strange sometimes. What I believe is that she is changing because she needs something new after the break up. She did not changed at all during the relationship (just like me).
To be honest, I would be upset if she manages to lose weight. Not because I didn’t like how curvy was she, but because she wanted to lose weight during the relationship as well, and you know… It would be disappointing if she manages to do something without me what she was not able to with me.

And what about You? 😀 Are you still talk constantly with your ex?
Does she give any sings or does she say something?

@Andi

No problem 🙂

Damn… She slept with someone else?! If my ex have done it, I would die from the pain I think. Okay, not literally, of course, but that’s something that I don’t even want to imagine.
I think you shouldn’t talk with her about getting back together. You will be vulnerable and weak in her eyes, which is not attractive. And you want to be as attractive as possible to get her back.
According to this page, getting back together should be her idea. But if you have already told her, it doesn’t mean that you’ve lost all the chances. It’s never too late. You just want to make as few mistakes as possible, to get higher and higher chances to get her back.
I think it’s kind of normal that she didn’t talk about it with others. It’s her very private thing, and she is insecure. Or she may lies. That’s rude to consider, but there’s always a possibility that she lies.

Be strong! See the aim in front of yourself. And remember that unfortunately, it’s always can be worse. But you have to keep fighting for her whatever happens. It’ll worth it! 😉

For me, nothing suspicious. Except one thing. She was drunk last night. She sent an Instagram picture to the group conversation, with a hashtag that says “#onlygirlsparty”, so… At least, she wasn’t with boys. I have to appreciate little things 😀
Actually, I’m curious about what will she do on my birthday.
Right after the break up, she told me that what would have been my birthday present, because she had said that it will be something very special. She told me that on my birthday, she would have traveled to my city in secret, and greet me after school, at my place, or something like that. She didn’t said that part exactly. What is important, that it’s a huge thing. Travel 5-6 hours in secret, in school time… :/
I hope that I’ll get good presents despite of it 😀

Be strong! Looking forward for your new update 🙂

@Andi

The fact that you want her back means that you are in love with her. The fact that you are in love with her means that you’re going crazy. Love can make anyone crazy.
It’s okay that you want to stop contact with her if you won’t get back together. I have a longer plan, but I will do the same. I don’t know what will happen to the group conversation, but maybe I’ll ask her gently to leave it. Even if it’s very rude to do.
Oh, London… I’ve mentioned before that we also planned to travel to London. And in May, there will be a quite hard period, because all of her close friends will go to London, except her, and she isn’t going because of me. I have no idea about in what stage will we be in (concerning the reconciliation), but this situation will definitely go against me.

I have a few friends who are girls, but the relationship with my ex started very specially… I won’t tell the whole long story because I would end up really depressed (and also it might be very boring, lol).

What happened today is a “mini war” in the group conversation. We (the whole group) were talking about outside changes (how ironic, what an actual topic!). Whenever I said something about my changing, she also said something about how she is changing ant wants to change, and vice versa as well. I have one example: when I said I’ll try to grow my hair a little bit longer and try out new hairstyles, she said that she wants highlights in her hair. But we did not talk violently or rude, so this mini war was… kind of funny 😀
What’s more, she hasn’t been rude to me for a long time. She acts normal even when I’m not really kind to her.
Tomorrow will be the last day of the spring vacation, so I’ll try to… kind of finalizing the changes in/on myself. Both the changes in the inside and outside. I’m just a step away from the filming on the weekend, I’m really looking forward it. My first big chance 😀 But actually, its date is still insecure. I can only hope that somehow we’ll to manage to schedule it on this weekend and I don’t have to wait one more week to… to show myself 😀