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Dear everyone,
lately I have been feeling broken. I had a wonderful boyfriend who cherished me like no one before. He always made time for me and always wanted to work on our relationship. The relationship was long-distance during the last 6 months of our 1 year relationship. We studied together and he had to move back to his home country after finishing. He was planning to come back here once he gets a position at the uni for his master. Unfortunately, there were some issues out of our control with paperwork and money, and he had to postpone his plans without a specific date in sight. I got really upset and couldn’t handle the uncertainty. Paired with my own issues at uni and work, I decided it would be best we broke up. He expected me to work on our relationship and visit him for the 3d time in 6 months. The pressure got unbearable, he chased me and I broke up with him. Initially he was very upset, cried, but a few minutes later he agreed it would be for the best, since he suffered due to my uncertainty. We kept in touch for 2 months after the breakup and kept eachother updated and occasionally even flirted with each other.
Until one day 3 weeks ago he told me he is too confused about us and he needs to take care of himself and focus on his life. It surprised me, since he had been initiating contact with me and still calling me “baby”. I got upset and yelled at him for wanting distance between us, since we had talked about getting back together once he moves here. He said he never gave up on me, but it can’t be the center of his life anymore. He says it’s my fault we broke up and I didn’t fight for us, despite the distance. I cried and got emotional. He said that he is sorry for hurting me, but he needs to remember who he is without me. The conversation ended with me saying I believe we need time on our own to process everything and that i wish he takes good care of his health (he had said that after the breakup he was really reckless and had gained a lot of weight). I also added that i would be happy to hear from him.
He answered immediately abd told me i am right and that we need time for many things, but mostly to sort our thoughts out. He said we never know what time will bring but in the meantime we need to just take care of ourselves. He is also glad to hear fron me. This was 3 weeks ago, since then radio silence… he keeps checking my social media and watches my instagram stories everytime I post something, but no word.
I realised I made a mistake by letting this man go, he was so loving and strong. I miss everything about him. Is there a way to fix this? I am scared that letting time pass in silence will make him lose any feelings left and he will never contact me again. I m also scared he will get close to one of his female friends, who has a crush on him. Is there a way to fix the broken trust? He said he can’t trust me to have enough energy for a long distance relationship and it would only be possible if he came to where I live…We were very compatible, with similar outlooks on life and opinions on matters and always connected on every level. He even mentioned a future together where we would live together, even after our breakup.
I m sorry for the long message, I hope my ranting makes sense… I feel lonely and I can’t talk to my family about it, since they wouldn’t accept him based on his nationality (our countries are historically and politically speaking not on good terms, which was never a problem for us, but my family is not so open-minded) .You need to get control of your emotions and behaviors. You need to learn how to be more patient and how to interact appropriately when things don’t go the exact way you want or expect.
It’s also difficult to maintain a relationship your parents don’t approve of..
He was hurt by what you did and said. He wants and needs to focus on his own life now! He told you that you both need time to sort thoughts out and to take care of yourselves. To me this sounds like he does not want any communication between you, but to focus on life independent from each other for awhile.
The way to fix broken trust is to stop doing what you did before. You were too impatient and quick to anger. You thought only of what you want, not understanding what he was going through with his studies etc.. Maintain no contact and for heaven’s sake, do not become jealous of his friend! You can’t stop him from dating anyone else, but if he has the slightest interest in reuniting with you, he will at some point, let you know. Don’t obsess and get busy focusing on living your own life..
Why would you give up on the relationship? He didn’t do anything wrong and seemed like the relationship was good. So what it was long distance at the time?
Best now is to do no contact and then reach out to him after that.
So basically I couldn’t see a future based on the information we had at the time. He would have to apply to come here in February and it is uncertain if he will be accepted. I had two jobs at the time, uni, and my student funds stopped. The tickets to go visit him were extremely expensive and we were still talking pretty much like a couple even after the breakup. So i kept hoping that time will tell and maybe if I found a cheap ticket go visit to make things clear between us. When I finally saw cheaper tickets for October (now) he initially agreed to a visit but then we talked about our breakup and he expressed how upset he still was and that a long distance is out of the question now, since he saw that i can’t handle it. I was devastated but couldn’t go against his wish… now we haven’t talked in a month, with the only exception a week ago, when I told him about a movie he had suggested me a month ago. He filled me in on his life and asked about mine. He told me something about a story i posted on instagram but sincd then nothing.
He keeps an eye on the stories I post and is always under the first people to see them… Is it too silly to think this means something positive?
We used to talk everyday, all the time. I miss him, and i mean really him, not the idea. The person he is with everything that comes with it… Our relationship was very smooth, except the last month before the breakup, so there is nothing bad to remember about him.Leave the poor guy alone and get on with your own life. If it’s meant to be, something will work out in the future. It’s obvious you couldn’t handle long distance and he doesn’t want long distance! No guy prefers distance over closeness.
Stop contacting him and let him live in peace..I agree you need to get your emotions in check. I applaud him on wanting to rediscover himself. That’s what we all need do regardless if we get back with the ex or not. The most important relationship you can have is the relationship with yourself. The Law of Attraction, what we dream is what we create. Take this time to work on your issues (we all have issues), become the better version of yourself. Look deep and evaluate why do you respond the way you do? What causes you to become angry? We tend to blame the other but regardless of what the other does at the end we control our own response. Viktor Frankl (read up on him) stated that “Between an event and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.” I’ll keep you in my prayers.
Hello everyone!
The update:
Turns out him wanting to focus “on himself” meant himself and the girl he wanted to get closer too, who was by his side during our break-up. He jumped into a relationship with her. I on the other hand have stayed single the whole time, haven’t gotten close to any man and have focused on myself. I’m the one who ended up rediscovering herself: I made a choice to stay single and recover emotionally by myself. No other person is responsible for my well-being! So I got into painting again and go attend courses at the gym 5 times a week. I also went to concerts, museums and exhibitions by myself. I started reading more books and have new friends, who reintroduced me to my spiritual part, which had gotten lost somewhere years ago. I’m now planning a trip with a friend and my sister this year, whom I have gotten closer to as well. In general, I’m more honest with myself and others and live with a new purpose: to make life easier for myself and people around me. I have grown a lot in the past 7 months and I am sure, everything happens for a reason. It hurt when I found out he actually wasn’t honest as to why he wants to stop our contact and that he kept me on the side the whole time he was getting over me, while getting to know her better romantically. I have not blocked him or anything and he has made some attempts to communicate, but I have kept it short and wish him the best.
Thank you everyone for putting in the effort to answer! I appreciate your time and good intentions 🙂
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