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me and my ex boyfriend had a LDR for more than one year. We didn’t see each other much but we were both very committed and wanted to make it work.
Then after a fight with my parents he got upset, texted me goodnight and told me we would talk the next day but he completely disappeared after that last text. That was in July. I went crazy and became a text gnat even though he never replied, only a short birthday text in August. I went no contact on the 15th of August until the 15th of September, he never texted me during that period although he was looking at my Instagram stories (he blocked me on social media, not on whatsapp). He replied to that text and we both kept it very neutral and short. I waited another two weeks and texted him again, this time telling him that I had passed an important exam and he wished me good luck saying he was happy for me. After two weeks I texted him again and surprisingly he replied after 5 minutes and seemed to be very involved in the conversation, asking me questions about my internship and telling me that he had a lot of work and it was a bit hard for him. Then I tried with an inside joke and he laughed. I ended the conversation wishing him a nice weekend and told him to relax and that I was sure he would make it, he replied thank you 🙂 and ended the conversation.
I’m lost at this point. It’s the third time I initiate contact and I feel that if I don’t do it he will never do. He officially never broke up with me, he just told me once in July that he needed a stop from us because he was suffering and it was the best thing for him, that maybe time would heal him but I never understood what that means. I guess he broke up with me wit that text, and now it’s been almost 4 months.
I still have feelings for him, he was my first love and during our relationship I was sure that he loved me too.
I don’t know if the fact that he doesn’t initiate means that he isn’t into me anymore and he’s just being polite. One of my problems during our relationship was that I wasn’t patient, so now I’m really making a big effort not to screw anything up and ask him if he still loves me or not, I don’t want to put pressure on him, but I don’t even want to be friend zoned. I really love this guy, I’m texting him because I want to show him that I made progress during this break and that I can be better.
Any opinion? Do you think he doesn’t initiate because he has lost his feelings for me?
I understand the situations sense I was in LDR 2 times, i know things in your end might seems to be difficult, You are dealing with not just him, uou are dealing with time , lonleyness , and you are being confused about love and what is going on in his end.
Yes time will heal but the memories will still be there for as long as you breath, brain never sgop showing those pictures, missing someone kills like camcer, taking the body where it was full of happiness and so energetic to that sick old body that feels like the age of over 70.
First to let me be a part of your life and before I include myself to your problems and give my time for you. I want you to think about few things before we start talking and deeply and seriously.
Do you still love him, the love that real heros have in their heart, you love him a real love or just because he is your first man in your lifd that shared his life with you, cares and closed the door for your pain to disappear…
Why did you love him, and does he deserve to come back to your life, does he worth to be fighting for ?
hi,
thank you for taking your time to reply.
Obviously I’ve been asking myself this question. The things that made me fall in love with him were his personality, i really believed he was different from all the other guys. But the thing that made me understand that I love him, and the thing that I miss the most about our relationship, is that I wanted to take care of this person and I wanted to make him happy.
It’s like for the first time I stopped being the selfish girl that I always was when I was single and I understood that his happiness made me happy, I don’t know if it makes sense but that’s how I still feel about him.
During this breakup I put my pride aside a lot of times, and even though sometimes I feel like i am a doormat, I really don’t care as long as in the end I will be with him. Of course I think he knows that I care about him and this is what I’m trying to show him through my texts, hoping that he’ll realise that I’m different from any other girl because I genuinely care about his happiness.
So yes, it’s that kind of love that would make me move mountains and do crazy things.
Hey resilienza,
Your happiness doesn’t depend on others, you must be happy with yourself first. Pursuing your own happiness is not a selfish act at all. I understand you are blinded by love and you would do anything to get him back, but being a doormat for someone else is only self punitive and degrading, it will only make the other lose respect for you.
He doesn’t initiate the contact because he is not emotionally involved in this relationship like before, you need to give him more time to understand what he really wants and at the point trust me he will reach out to you. Don’t lose hope though, be strong and patient.FishingTheSky:
thanks for your words, but I kinda feel like somehow he has already made his decision and he’s the most stubborn person that I know.
I am not trying to convince him to come back to me, just trying to show him why he fell in love with me and that I can be the improved version of that person.
So what do you suggest? Should I stop contacting him? And for how long? He’s already used to not hearing from me for two/three weeks and the longest time was a month. Doesn’t this ruin all my chances to rebuild a solid connection if we don’t have those casual everyday conversations that couples have?
resilienza,
your attempts to show him how much you love him or care about him won’t work right now. Telling him you can change or you have changed when little time has passed doesn’t convince him to jump back in the relationship. He is stuck on his own mindset, especially if he’s stubborn.As I’ve said, give him time and space. He doesn’t seem interested in even having those casual conversations and you can’t push him to. Also if you got him to talk sporadically and his answers would be short and detached, I bet you would become frustrated and angry.
ONLY if he shows the will to communicate you should do as well.I Do agree with @FishingTheSky
@resilienza you only make others happy when you are happy, first you have to begin with yourself, positivity will surround you and everyone involved in your life will be happy as much as you are.If someone choose to be sad that his choice you’ll never change it unless he changed his self
Nothing have to do with stubborn, after relationship end he has no feelings for you, but he still loves you, so even of uou ask him if he loves you or not , he will say yes, bit he has no feelings no more.
LDR is going to make you go imsane, so you have to becateful now for you, not him not parents not friends, you need to make your self happy first, change the way you think and the prospective about the relationship, try to read more books that can help you relax.
And in 3 days, shot him text that change his mood not his mind.
I will still be around, I’ll do my best to help you go through the snow
thank you @JeanValins
I will try to follow your advice and focus on myself, ive been working on myself for the last three months and at least I can say that even if I’m not the happiest person in the world, I didn’t let this thing stop me from achieving my goals, at university or with my current job.
But I will not text him in three days, I need to let time pass and give him the chance to miss me after my last text. His response was positive, I made him laugh and I think I left him with a positive image of myself, at least I hope so even if it’s just a small step.
I have another question for you guys: if you were the one to break up with your girlfriend and never replied to texts for months, why would you reply after three months? Is it possible that you do it just to be polite? Or maybe you do it because you think the girl after three months is no longer suffering?
If I replied it would mean I’d be over with the negative feelings/memories about the relationship and her that caused me to decide to break it off. It also depends on how it was interrupted, in bad or in civil way. Regarding the feelings, I might be still in love or I might also be totally over the girlfriend too though, I can’t tell you which one would be most likely.
Thank you for your support. I guess that he replies only because the content of my texts is cordial and kinda reminds him of a friend. When I texted him to tell him that I loved him and felt miserable without him blablabla he would NEVER reply.
He never officially broke up with me, he just disappeared without a single word, he was tired with the situation I had with my family and it made him feel bad I guess, that’s why he broke up with me. The last text he sent me before disappearing says “good night, I love you” so I think he still loved me at that point.
Now it’s been almost 4 months, since I’ve never experienced any breakup before, do you think that in a one year relationship 4 months is too much time? I keep hoping but this hope is torturing me.
My ex disappeared too without saying openly “It’s over” but that doesn’t change the fact that she actually broke up with me. In your case it’s the same, in your ex’s mind he left you even if he didn’t tell you the words and you need to accept it.
Hard to guess what has happened in four months, I am sure he hasn’t forgotten you and your relationship. I understand it’s your first breakup and you are unsure about the future but only time will tell. Try not to obsess about this and keep on with your own life.
Good luck.I guess you’re right, I can’t force him to be with me if he doesn’t want to.
It sucks right now, he was really my soulmate and I would have climbed mountains for him, but this is life. Hope he will not wake up one morning realising what he has lost, I know this feeling and it’s terrible. Good luck to you too.
Hey, it’s me again
Yesterday he texted me. He said that something that happened at work made him think about me and wished me good luck for my graduation.
We both sent each other 3/4 texts, then he said “I’m happy to hear from you”. I replied saying that I was happy too to hear from him. He read my texts today which is like 24h later and then nothing.
I am confused. Maybe he thinks we can be friends. In 4 months this is the first time he ever initiates contact, and I will not let this thing mess up with my brain, don’t want to read too much into this. But what is going on?!
Hey resilienza,
That’s good news. I wouldn’t read much into yet either, because it’s too soon to speculate. Something triggered a memory in his brain and made him think of you. Sometimes when an event has occured that reminded me a particular situation or person, I’ve sent texts to people I’ve not been in touch with for long time.
Yes I agree with you, he must think you can communicate in friendly terms because you both are past the breakup ordeal. It’s definitely a good sign, keep exchanging texts with him in friendly way, be upbeat and don’t drag coversations. Start from here and see where this might go, don’t rush and ponder what you want from this.
I wish I’d receive a text from my ex too!you guys: if you were the one to break up with your girlfriend and never replied to texts for months, why would you reply after three months? Is it possible that you do it just to be polite? Or maybe you do it because you think the girl after three months is no longer suffering
I did talk to my ex after i brokeup with her, coz i just missed the time that wewere togather, but when i see thatshe did not change, i just keep it simple and leave the conversation , something should change about her or i m never gonna talk to her again
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