Just started No Contact, Thoughts?

Well, here I am…not the place I wan’t to be but this site has been helpful.

Here is my sitch, my GF called it quits on our relationship two days ago. We have been together exactly 1 year and have basically been inseparable when time allows. Probably too much as I think we became dependent and lost ourselves a bit in the relationship.

I kew it was coming as she had given me the “I just don’t think it’s fixable talk” at the beginning of the week, and then the closing bomb drop on Friday night. I think I played my cards right, remained calm, didn’t beg or plead, didn’t cry or say I Love you…etc. Basically I had prepared myself through the week while I was giving her space to think.

We didn’t end in a fight, I accepted that she needed to break us up. But I told her I thought our relationship was worth working on, and wish we could have found a way through the hard stuff.

She told me she loves me and is attracted to me, and that I am her best friend and she knows she will regret losing me. But also that “it doesn’t feel right,” that she needs more fun and laughter in a relationship, that things had gotten too heavy. She said she doesn’t think we bring out the best in eachother, and that maybe we are too similar to keep things exciting and fun.

Our relationship started off hot and heavy, she went on the pill after a few months and her mood and libido flipped. She was becoming depressed so she went off the pill, but the spark never returned. We were like good friends, snuggle buddies, and when we;’d have sex occasionally it was good, but few and far between, and she wouldn’t initiate anything. I started to feel like she was losing her attraction to me and feet rejected, and became more emotionally withdrawn. She felt like I was disconnected and therefore didn’t feel like being physical. A downward spiral.

We both have children from other former partners, she has 3 year old daughter and I have 4 and 5 year old daughters. ( we are both 37) We had introduced the kids pretty early on and they had become good friends and we often did things together as a family. We were both wanting a long term committed relationship and were making plans to move in together sometime in the future.

We rarely fought, only a few times in the course of the year, and they weren’t bad fights, just differences in the way we saw things, and we were able to work through them together. We are both conflict avoiders and she told me that she felt afraid to talk to me about how she was feeling for fear of hurting me or making me upset.

I love her a ton, I have so much respect for her as a mother and felt lucky to find a woman who could be so good as a mother figure to my girls. I wcan see myself in a life long partnership with her.

So I don’t know, I think she is dealing with personal indecisiveness and insecurity. She felt like I didn’t appreciate her passions and what she is doing with her life, and that she always felt compared to my X-Wife. (Although I never once compared them, I love her for her differences from my X), and she told me she just felt like a “placeholder” in my life. That really hurt my feelings, as that is not at all how I feel about her. I tried to tell her this during the breakup talk but I mostly tried to listen and could tell she had her mind made up and her breakup speech prepared.

She said, “lets be friends and have playdates with the kids.” I just kind of shrugged and looked away ignoring that comment. Said goodbye and left.

She was crying terribly through the whole talk, to me she doesn’t seem checked out or really done with us.

The next moring she sent me a text, “I am so sorry, I love you and the last thing I want to do is hurt you, but you deserve someone who is all in.” I replied with a simple “Take care of yourself.”

So now it’s been 2 days. Going to be a long 28…I am not terribly broken up as I am kind of in denial about it really being over between us. I feel good and happy besides missing her and worrying about her. I know I will be ok if she doesn’t come back.

I’d love to here from the ladies especially on this board, do you think she is just going through some personal stuff and needs alone time to reconnect with herself? Or does she really sound done?

Thanks for listening.
lambchop