Jealousy Question

in my honest opinion, he’s trying to move on. i don’t think he’s trying to TELL you he’s moving on. but i do think he is embracing his new status as a single guy and trying to move on.

a couple red flags here. if he did want to reconcile, he would want to see you. its a really poor excuse that he is afraid of seeing you with someone else. if you go bowling im sure neither of you would discuss your dating lives (or lack of). i think if he really had intentions of reconciling he would want to see you. i don’t think he would try to make you jealous. why would he? he knows you want to reconcile and he’s the one who doesnt want to so him making you jealous would get nothing accomplished. it would only make sense if you ended things and he wanted to use jealousy to show you he might not always be there. this isn’t the case.

after living together for years and being close to an engagement, i think its impossible to be friends. i don’t think thats something you could possibly be ok with. to me, it seems like he’s using you as an emotional crutch while he moves on from the break up. i wouldnt be that for him. i would go NC for way longer than 3 weeks – maybe try 3 months and then if youre still wanting to reconcile you can reach out and feel him out. but its pretty clear he doesnt want to reconcile now and i think youre kind of assuring him you’ll be there and easing this pain for him by staying in “friendly” contact with no plans to reconcile. i would not be ok with that arrangement.

btw, 2.5 months after my break up, my ex told me he couldn’t bring himself to throw away my toothbrush at his apartment because it made him happy to be reminded of me. it did not mean he wanted to reconcile. don’t let him fool you by saying he doesnt know how to move on. if he still wanted to be with you, he would be.

ultimately i know the choice is yours but just to play devils advocate – my ex and i still both keep in touch with each others families. we were both extremely close to each other and have contact with each others families even though we don’t have contact with each other.

my ex also didnt want to close the door and was confused, but he recognized that he can’t bring me into that and he’s given me my space to move on if thats what i choose. he’s happy to talk to me when i reach out but he doesnt reach out so it doesnt confuse me. the last time we spoke 6 weeks ago he told me he is so confused and sees himself ending up with me but its not fair to drag me through his confusion and he wants me to be happy in the meantime and that he can’t guarantee me anything so whether or not i want to wait around is my decision. i think your ex is being kind of selfish honestly. its one thing to be confused but let him sort out his emotions on his own and contact you when he feels ready either to close the door or reopen it. otherwise he’s just kind of stringing you along. what if this goes on for another 6 months and then you find out he meets someone else?

ultimately you need to follow your own gut and do what feels right but i think you would both benefit from some real time and space. people told me this for months after my breakup and it took me about 4 months for it to sink it that what i needed to do was cut him out (for now) while he sorts out what he needs to and revisit in later in the future if thats what we both want.

of course – every situation is different. no ones are the same. im glad you haven’t sat there obsessing or waiting for him, but if he broke up with you and then gets pissed when you don’t respond to his emails right away and tries to make you jealous – that just screams selfish to me. im not even saying its intentional. he might not even realize it.

again its a personal decision how to handle every situation. if you want to wait it out with him and see where the situation goes you have every right to do so. i think it has less to do with sleeping with other people and more about putting your own life on hold. i know we are both different and if you aren’t sitting around obsessing over it or being upset then by all means keep doing what your doing. i felt it was impacting my happiness to hear from him some days and not others and trying to analyze what he was thinking all the time so i just to walk away for now. but im not saying thats what everyone needs to do.

from what you’ve asked though, in my opinion, it does seem like he’s trying to move on. i of course am a stranger who knows very little about your relationship, so obviously you know better and if you think he genuinely isn’t trying to move on then go with your gut. but if youre posting here wondering clearly you aren’t sure and from an outsiders perspective – it doesnt sound like he’s serious about reconciling NOW. who knows what will happen in the future. you just just do whatever it is that will make you happy now. and im sure seeing him liking those pics did not make you happy.