Is there still a chance for us? (I could use some help)

Hey everyone!

I’m a girl (22) and I was in a relationship with my girlfriend (19) for 6 months. We broke up a month and a half ago. I didn’t want this break-up at all. Sure, we had some discussions from time to time but we really loved one another and we always had so much fun. This was my first relationship with a girl (I have been with boys before) and this was her first relationship ever.

We met on Twitter (even though we live really close to one another) and we talked for like a month before we started dating and she always told me she wasn’t ready for a relationship but then we fell for one another so we decided to go for it anyways. She said she didn’t want a relationship but she never had one so she didn’t know if she actually didn’t want one. She is a really chill person, she doesn’t like talking about feelings and I know she needs her space and stuff. I’m way more emotional and I need to talk about my feelings way more than she does. We also saw one another too much during our relationship to be honest (we’re both still studying at university, but at a different one).

Every month or so (usually after we had some sort of discussion, she never fights with anyone so she always got really upset when we had a discussion) she told me she still thought she wasn’t ready for a relationship but every month I reassured her we were fine and that we would just take things slow and that we would get there. After 5 months of dating she wanted to break up because she still wasn’t ready. We broke up for like a day but we decided to give it another shot because we loved one another. I promised her we would give one another more space, but we didn’t actually do that.

So then after 6 months we actually broke up. She told me her feelings were slowly going away because she wasn’t ready for a relationship and because she kept trying and trying and she just couldn’t do it anymore. She wants to do things alone. She’s not ready. She doesn’t want to have to worry about anyone else but herself. I begged her not to end things but it was too late. She said she had kept trying but that she couldn’t anymore because she still didn’t have enough space and stuff.

So she broke up with me about 6 weeks ago. She wanted to just stay friends and then we could see what would happen. She said ‘If we’re meant to be, we’ll find our way back to one another. We’ll see.’ But I couldn’t be just friends, not now anyways. I’m still crazy about her. My friends told me I should ignore her for a bit so she would know what she would miss. I couldn’t just ignore her because I was scared she’d just be happy without me. So I did the worst thing ever, I started begging her to give us another shot. That’s what I did for like a month. Even though I knew it wouldn’t help. It completely drove her away. She got so angry every single time and she told me she was so done with me trying to get her back. I stopped for like a week but then I started doing it again and I just messed everything up. I’ve been so emotional and I kept begging her but she just doesn’t want a relationship right now. It kept driving her further and further away. I made everything worse. It just drove me crazy that she was out doing all these things with her friends and that I was crying all day. I shouldn’t have begged for that long.

We had the the same conversations (via text) almost every single day for like a month. And she’s so irritated and done now. She has threatened to block me multiple times but I kept saying that I would stop begging. I was always able to just be casual for a like a few days, but then I always asked her to please give us another shot. I always told her that everything would be different now. But she doesn’t want us to get back together. My head knows I shouldn’t have done that, but my heart always took over.

She told one of our mutual friends that she missed our good moments but that she doesn’t know if she ever wants to get back together. That gave me hope. So last Monday I asked her if we could hang out on Tuesday and she agreed. We met up at her dorm and we talked about everything again. She told me that she doesn’t have feelings anymore. She told me that right after our break-up she thought we would get back together eventually, but that she doesn’t want that anymore now. She told me that there has been so much drama and that she doesn’t want that in her life. She told me that there was still a possibility for us to get back together, but that that possibility is super small now because of everything that has happened these past few weeks. She says she can’t believe that everything would be different in our relationship if we gave it another shot, because I keep making promises to stop talking about feelings and getting back together now and that I can’t even keep those. So why would I be able to keep those ‘bigger’ promises then? I asked her if she could get feelings for me again and she said ‘I don’t know. I can’t predict the future. But with all this begging, you just made everything worse. And now I don’t want an us in the future anymore either. I might get feelings again, I don’t know. But if I want something, I’ll tell you. It will be my decision. If I don’t want anything, then it means I just don’t want it. But now you have to stop fighting.’ We texted a bit yesterday but I’ve decided to not take the first step anymore. She hasn’t texted me today.

I don’t know what to do now? Where do I go from here? How do I get her back? Is there still a chance for us or did I mess everything up? Do you think she still has feelings for me?