Is feeling like you should give up normal?

Aw yay! I’m glad to see you here. I’ve missed you!! Please ask Kevin for my email? I don’t really know how that works but hopefully you will be able to find my picture!! I was going to put my name on here but then I realized that anyone could add me and say that they’re you 🙁 So I’ll just wait.
I’ve been working really hard on coming here less too. I still check maybe once a day just to see if you’ve replied and I sometimes comment on a few things as well because I really want things to work out for people better than they have for me.
I guess I’m glad that my ex (I just wrote bf ;___; maybe I still of him in that way, it’s just automatic for my brain). and I broke up before we had actually moved in together. I was going to move in with him soon and I guess it’s good that he it happened before all my stuff were in there as it would have just made everything so much harder! Maybe he never really loved me, but I know that he did. It truly does feel like he has moved on but I guess I’m not going to know for ages. I have to look at it this way and feel like he has. Otherwise I just hope that this is his way of dealing with it and numbing his emotions. He is not the type of person to sleep around, which I know is why he is in a relationship with someone. Maybe they will only be together for a little while. Only time will tell. Maybe if things fall apart for him in that respect he might realize that he has lost me. Hopefully then I will be far away and couldn’t care less, but unfortunately I know that I will always care what he is up to.
I found out today that my ex is actually moving. I have no idea where he is moving to – just that it’s with other people. I only know because he has messaged my mum as he has my grandad’s old fridge and was asking if we wanted it back. I don’t really know how I feel about the situation. I don’t know if I’m really sad about it or if I’m sort of relieved that he won’t be around the corner. If he still has the same job then he will only be moving somewhere around the area. It’s likely he may have quit his job and be moving into the city to do drugs more every night -_- I’m not sure but I really hope that’s not the case. I worry about him. I know it’s not really my place to worry and that he wouldn’t want me to worry about him but I do. I still love him so much tbh. That’s not going to stop. If he isn’t round the corner then I know that I won’t be able to run round to his house if I’m ever in a crisis. I know that it’s not recommended but I know he would be here for me and it’s just comforting to know that he would be there. Now I have no idea where he is going to live. He may be moving in with his gf which I feel is way too fast but I can’t judge. I hope things don’t work out between them which is really mean. I just hope that he isn’t moving 6 hours away or anything…. I’ve been kinda hoping that before I leave the country that I could say goodbye to him 🙁 but if he is far away then I will never get the chance. I don’t know how I feel about it it’s cutting me up a bit. My sister’s bf may be going to get the fridge off him but I’m not sure. My ex might tell him where he’s moving but I’m not sure I will want to know. I can’t remember if I said everything that I wanted to say about this! Haha. I wish I could text and ask him where he is moving but I don’t want to be nosy and I have vowed myself to silence. :((( If anyone has any thoughts on what I should do next then that would be great.

All I really want is for him to hold me in his arms for a really, really long time. That’s the only thing that will help me get through this :'(

Aw it’s okay moonbunny! You don’t have to rush back here for me!!! I know that you’re trying not to think about your ex and this is definitely a space that will bring back thinking of him. And I think it’s really important that you do cry and think of him sometimes but I don’t want to hinder the process of moving on for you. So just come on here when it feels right and when you’re in a headspace where you might think of him?? I think it’s wonderful that he is tagging you in videos. At least he is thinking of you, and in a positive light as well. I still feel as though my ex hates me :'(
I felt as though things had been getting better in my relationship just before we broke up as well? Like I’ve said before, he got me chocolate hearts and picked me up from work. And we had an absolutely perfect weekend the weekend before our argument that tore us apart. It just seems like he is focused on that argument and he doesn’t care about any of the good times that we had before that. Maybe one day he will finally see past the negativity. I can only hope so.
I personally don’t think that my ex is moving on in a healthy way. And if he is now moving in with his girlfriend then I don’t know what to say? But it all seems very rushed and like they’ll find out things that they don’t like about each other because you can’t know someone that well in just a few weeks or months. I honestly don’t know how long they’ve been together now (Which I guess is a good thing). He has been throwing himself into drugs and alcohol as well – which is never a healthy thing to do. So I worry for him and I feel as though he is screwing up his life. But there is nothing I can do to change his mind. He wants to go out and have this ‘crazy’ lifestyle and live his life without anything tying him to me. And all I can do is let him do that. If we are truly meant to be together then we will be together again in the future – and I will be stronger because of this heartbreak. Either that or I will find someone that’s far more worth my time. I know that my ex is really problematic and has his issues but love is blind and sometimes during our relationship I couldn’t see past the love filter and into who he really was. Maybe he wasn’t “good” for me, and I’ve been thinking more and more that we will probably never be together again – but I really hope that one day we can at least talk and maybe be friends. He is one of the most honest people I know and I would like to think that we could just have a raw and honest conversation without it affecting us emotionally once we have both got passed the hurt of the past. He will always be a part of my heart and I really value our time that we had together. He has made me the person that I am today. I am ten times more confident than what I was before we starting going out, so I definitely owe him for that. I hope he knows that he truly affected my life in a good way and I hope that he thinks the same about me. I will never regret the time that we spent together. And while I hope that our time isn’t completely up, I’m starting to accept the fact that he may be.
I’m trying to just relax and be cool and not speak to him about moving. I have to be cool like the Fonz (Kevin said this in one of his emails). Then if I hear from him in the future that will be great! And if not, hopefully I will have moved on and will be strong enough to live without him in my life. I got to go shopping yesterday so that was really nice (Unfortunately I heard about him moving AFTER I finished shopping so it wasn’t retail therapy!) But I had a nice day out with my mum at least. I truly do feel like I am moving on with my life more and more. I’ve now accepted the fact that we will not be together soon. Or maybe even ever. I’m trying to keep him out of my mind, but when things remind me of him then I try and smile and think of how lucky I was to have such a true and pure love. Some people never get to experience that feeling so I truly feel grateful. I will definitely listen to the Kodaline song! I love that band so I’m sure I’ll really like it 🙂
I’m not leaving for about a year or so. I’ve got to save up all my money. I’m going to try and live there 🙂 I realize that you are right about not saying goodbye! Maybe if I leave without saying goodbye to him he will realize that he has really lost me for good. I will move back to this country one day though. I’m going to live overseas only for a couple of years (Well I guess we’ll see what happens – I might fall in love with someone else over there). Time will tell if I contact him before I leave. As I said, I’m not leaving for a year or so. He could contact me in this time. I saw a picture on facebook that said something about someone’s ex texting them and they were like ‘Not today Satan.’ Which really sucks because I don’t feel that way about my ex and I would be really happy if he ever contacted me again :/ But I hate to think that he thinks of me as ‘Satan’. I don’t know. I don’t want to make him feel uncomfortable if I contact him. But then again, he might not want to contact me as he will think I’m getting my hopes up about getting back together. So I don’t know. Maybe I will never contact him again in my life. But that just seems so impossible right now!!
I don’t know any more about where he is moving, but I think it’s in the same area still. As he moved yesterday but he is helping my sister’s bf move this fridge on next Saturday. So he must be close still. I think he may even be still in the same town. If he tells my sister’s bf then that’s cool, and if he doesn’t say anything it’s probably because he doesn’t want me to know and I have to respect that as well. It’s just so weird to think that I won’t be able to picture him in his little house that he was living in. That was going to be the house that we lived in together :'( It’s also weird, because that fridge was the only thing that he had left to connect us. He has no pictures or letters or anything that I’ve given him to remind him of me. The fridge was the only thing left (I think). I did give him some notes that he tried to give me when I picked up my stuff from his house. But I think he will have thrown them away. Especially as he has moved and will have sorted out his drawers and everything. I don’t know. I still don’t know how I feel about him moving. I guess I don’t feel anything. I shouldn’t have to feel anything. Maybe that’s why I’m so confused. Because I kind of don’t care. I’m just curious where he is moving and I was hoping that he wasn’t 6 hours away which I don’t think he is so that has given me a bit of peace of mind.
I think that it’s the memories of my ex that I miss too. He isn’t the same person now that I fell in love with. I’m still in love with the past time. The one that was so sweet to me. He has been so polite to my mum about her picking up this fridge etc. which is good. That’s just what he’s like though. Which is why I was so sad and confused when he said nasty things to me. I really want him to feel as though he has lost me. Maybe he will ask how I am to my sister’s bf. I know that if he doesn’t then he will at least be wondering. But now that is the last thing that he had connecting us together. He’s not even going to be living at a house that I’ve been to. It’s very strange. I find it so hard to imagine how he finds it easy to make such big changes in his life so quickly. I wish it seemed as though I was moving on as much as him. I haven’t made such big changes but maybe I have in my mindset and way of thinking. It’s just that he doesn’t know that and he can’t see that. Maybe he will never see that. I don’t know if he will ever give me a chance in the future to see that I have really changed and that I know I can live without him, but still want him? Who knows. Time is the only healer and the only thing that will bring answers to me now. Oh my dear! Please keep focusing on your exam and your study! I don’t want you to be on here when you’re meant to be studying. Don’t worry about me :’) I’m feeling a bit better. It is really nice to hear from you but I won’t die if I have to wait a few days for your reply. It would make me feel much better to know that you are studying to pass your exam! It is wonderful to have you hear moonbunny! I can’t wait until you get my email! 🙂 <3