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Posts
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@keifer2993 yep. that has me written all over it. But we must do as atea said. Think of the now. Just focus on the now. And remember, our exes don’t want to be with us NOW 😉 So who knows what the future may bring.
I am gonna tell you guys a quick story. 5 6 years ago I had a relationship with a person I thought was the greatest person I had met. He was, until then. I was crazy jealous and obsessed. He broke up less than 6 months in. It totally reminds me of this situation, just I wasn’t that crazy this time, and wasn’t jealous or obsessed with him. Yep, I learned. Also, I was 17. He had 2 3 things I valued and still do to this day. Nothing else. And I knew that so I moved on, and after a few months I was moving on and not trying to get back at all. Unlike now.
But still, for some time, I thought he might be the one. Because he was the best I met so far at the time. I had another BF for 2 years and when we broke up I thought the same thing. Maybe my ex was right for me. But I didn’t do anything related to that. A year or two after breaking up with that ex, I added that first ex on facebook. We started talking. He said he was working out now (wow, soemthing I value in a person), and wanted to travel thru Asia and photograph (what again? more things I want in a person?) ahah. I was like whhaaat. And he started talking a lot, and he actually got into me. But surprise surprise. I didn’t. We can’t communicate. He is too crazy and depressive (artists mind maybe).So bottom line. No I don’t think I will ever not be into my recent love. We are grown up adults. We would have both to change a lot in opposite directions for me to feel that way. But, the thing is, time passes, the world turns. Who knows. Any of us might not get with them now. But later in life who knows? Unfortunately I also think this guy is too amazing to be single for long x) It seems to me the good guys are mostly taken. I have been thinking that the last months I was single before him. i just happened to cross his path shortly after he got single :/
Yes you are right I do need to worry about the now and worry about myself. I also am nervous about her not being single for long because she is so amazing and it won’t be long until someone else realizes it like I did. But I’m gonna try to do better to worry about the now to better myself.
im getting my masters in elementary and special education.
for me the hardest part of all of this, was not really having control over any of it. i am the biggest control freak in the world so not being able to figure out my ex was driving me insane. he gave me VERY mixed signals. what really helped me was focusing on things that i can control – my grades, my eating, my social life, etc. at a certain point i think you just need to decide that you want to be as happy as possible based on your circumstances. i never wanted to be without my ex but this is the situation im in so i can either stay in by myself all the time and cry and be miserable or i can try to make the best of it. at a certain point from within you just need to decide to stop being addicted to the sadness.
a goal that i set for myself was not to say “no” to any invitation. anytime someone asked me to get coffee or get lunch or go for a drink, i went. i went out with my girlfriends every weekend even though i usually had to force myself and didnt have a good time. slowly I’ve been starting to have more fun. its all about pushing and challenging yourself.
my ex has been a huge part of my life for the last 7 years and i would be lying if I’ve accepted we will never be together again. but I’ve accepted for right now, we are not going to be together and i need to make the best of my life without him. down the road, we will see what happens between us but for now all i can do is try to be happy. if youre having a hard time, i would suggest doing at least one small thing to make yourself happy everyday – it could be going shopping, going for a walk, going out for a cup of coffee, or having a good workout. but try to make sure at least one thing youre doing everyday makes you happy.
Being as happy as you possibly can in the situation you are in. That is great advice and I will definitely keep that in mind.
I also had that rule before. Never say no to an invitation 🙂 I think I will start doing it again. But I actually have been saying yes 80% of the time. I don’t get that many invitations so… Tomorrow I am going downtown with a friend. We are going to a few markets and stuff I am sure it will be great 😛
I am also a total control freak, and I just want to microanalyze and control everything. But when everyone is telling me to do no contact and let some time pass by, well. All I got to do is nothing. I still check his profile 5 times a day at least. Lol.
I will try to do the same as you did and focus on the now. I think I will have you and your words in mind 🙂
Atea do you read any books or anything that has helped you get through this?
I wanted to give you advice but I think you are 100% on the right track. The only thing I can do is to encourage you to keep going and to let you know I read every single word of your posts and if you need to talk post it, tag me, I will be there supporting you!
yes – I’ve found reading to be really helpful! i read one self help book that was ok but to be honest I’ve found it much more helpful to read books about things non break up related because when youre absorbed in a good book it can help keep your mind off the situation.
thanks for the support! i feel like right now theres really nothing for me to discuss in my situation anymore. my ex is always willing to hang out/talk to me when i want to but i just was feeling stuck in limbo and he wasn’t going to commit to me anytime soon. i know i wasn’t perfect in my past relationship but i was always a really great girlfriend and we had a great relationship overall that lasted 7 years. he left purely because he told me he didnt want to end up married and years from now wonder “what if” since we got together at 15. so its really out of my control. either not having me in his life for a while and dating other girls will confirm he wants to be with me or it will show him he’s happier without me and wants to move on. its been almost 6 months but compared to 7 years thats not really a long time. i knew going into this that he would really want to spend time dating other girls and that this would take him more than a couple weeks to figure out. i feel like maybe in may i would want to maybe sit down and talk to him and discuss what he’s been thinking but im not really ready for that right now. i haven’t seen him since december. in my situation i just know a letter or faking being friends wont work. were always all or nothing so unfortunately right now it needs to be nothing. it sucks but it is what it is. i think the biggest piece of advice i can give is to focus on you and not what the relationship could be. its ultimately his choice if he wants to come back or not and you unfortunately can’t really force him into a decision.
my ex and i had a great relationship – we got through many ups and downs together, always had fun, were best friends, great chemistry, great compatibility, etc. his family is absolutely devastated. his mom texts me all the time telling me she hopes one day we will finally be family and she thinks about and misses me everyday and really hopes this time apart will strengthen our relationship. thats something he’s told me a lot. that he hopes this time apart will be good for us. but i truthfully don’t know if we will reconcile. i can’t predict at all!
i appreciate your support though and i mainly stay on these forums to help. the support of people on here got me through the most horrible first 4 months and a lot of the advice helped me get to where i am now. in 6 months or now whether or not you reconcile you will look back on these posts youre writing now and be in a whole new place – i promise that!
Atea I really feel you are going great and that everything will go well with you. You are such a smart and mature young lady. Even his family loves you so I am feeling positive about your situation. Anyway keep doing what you are doing. I already feel much different than a month ago. I have been having somewhat good days. The first month I had them as well. I was affraid, very very depressed. But I knew we needed that time apart. Now I am not so sure if this time is being good for us or just pulling us apart. I am afraid of that. But in two weeks or maybe a bit less I am thinking of contacting him. So not worth thinking of it now. It scares me that we have been together for just 5 months, and already half of that passed since the break up. I don’t want this time apart to overwrite our relationship, you know?
I felt really good today. I was out with friends and for chunks of time I barely thought about him. This site has made wonders to me and I am even getting some of my confidence back. Hell I might have made a mistake, didn’t know better, and I might have a long way education and career wise. But I am sweet, caring, fun. I am genuinely a good person and do a lot of mistakes out of distraction or being naive, but I never do any bad. I am open minded and accepting of people. I care about the world. I am smart and mature in most things at least. He is totally missing out too.
I really need to take these two weeks and work on myself. I need to heal and focus on my college and getting a job and getting a right meal plan done 🙂
I would like more people to join our conversation. I wanted this thread to be a place for everyone to share their struggles and wishes to improve. I created it but I don’t want it to be about me, but about us helping each other to improve
10 Tips For a Successful Relationship – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F6fXUPhrq7I
For those of us that need a little help and growth 🙂
Hi guys, seeing as this has been 4 years since you last posted on this forum- I was wondering what your lives are looking like? did you guys get back together with your exes?
I am 19. I started dating my girlfriend when I was 17, we were each other’s first everything and I love her dearly. We lived together for over 1.5 years, we lived in the dorms together and lived in an apartment together. I think our living situation made our relationship a lot worse than it could have been. I am now, at this very moment one full month no contact. but we broke up about 2 months ago (we were living together while broken up, it was very painful to go through).
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