I think I made a mistake

Yes nc is for you to heal at first place and to get over the break up. Be confident and feel good about yourself. Till then she will also get her head cleared up and then you can see what would be your next step.
But a text from ex in the process of healing could be difficult to handle. Some people find it difficult to ignore them and break nc and are back to the break up stage.
Its okay if she is the dumper. You broke up because there was a problem in the relation and to make it work you both gotta work on that and not just you!!

Your mum is right! Dont overthink about the whole situation. Sometimes its best to just let it go.

mrcat,
try to relax and not over analyze. your ex probably doesnt even remember what you said exactly. we can’t over analyze every word we say or action we take. the truth is these things are all so minor and wont impact whether or not you reconcile in the long run. if i were you i would just give her the time and space she needs and improve yourself. don’t set a timeline for nc and don’t beat yourself up if you slip up in the process. when you feel ready and confident, you will know when you feel up to reaching out and discussing things. it will probably take a few months but its really more of a personal, internal thing so don’t plan too far ahead.
my ex was my first love too and we were together for 7 years. i know how painful it is. i know people hate hearing this, but time will help you. when i think back to 5 months ago i was a needy, desperate, miserable person. i feel so much better 5 months later. you will get there. love yourself first before you can think about loving your ex again. be patient with this process and do things that make YOU happy. also always treat and reward yourself for getting through nc periods. hang with friends, try new hobbies, go to the gym. its just about taking baby steps. you wont feel like youre making progress day to day but when you log back on here in 6 months time you’ll feel like youre in a whole different place. hang in there!

Mrcat,
its true. you need to make the changes regardless so try to make changes with yourself in mind. its normal to miss and want to speak to your ex – the first 3 months after my break up i felt a constant pain in my chest. it only started to get better probably around the 4 month mark. the only thing that can really help you is time. you need to just be patient and do small things to make yourself happy.
theres nothing you can do to make her flush her thoughts away. I’m sure she will be thinking a lot about you in the coming weeks – the good and the bad. you can’t worry about what she’s thinking when because theres no way of knowing.
my ex and i have not worked things out, but our break up was extremely open ended. we dated from 15-22 and he ended things back in september because he thought it was “necessary” and “healthy” that we both take time to be single and to date other people so we have something to compare our relationship to and we can decide going forward if were best suited for each other. i haven’t spoken to him in about a month.
i do want him to come back but not in the same way i did before. before i thought i NEEDED him to be happy, but now i see that i don’t. i also don’t want to “get him back”. i didn’t really do anything to cause him to leave. he didn’t want such a serious commitment right now and felt he needed some time if he was ever going to commit to me for good so I’m giving him that time and space. if he comes to me after time passes and he dates others and he tells me he wants to be with me because he was happiest with me then i will evaluate how i feel at that time. but i also can’t wait for that because I’m not sure if it will ever happen or when – i certainly can’t put my life on hold for years! I’m really not sure what the future holds right now for me and my ex but i know i will be fine and happy either way and thats whats most important. in my case, i can’t really do anything to get him back except for move on with my life and be happy so if he comes back i don’t resent him. he will have to make the decision of what makes him happiest on his own.

you just have to kind of ride out those emotions. its an emotional roller coaster – you’ll feel completely fine one minute and the next you’ll feel devastated all over again. it comes and go. but it till get better in time.
it sounds like you need to get those issues under control regardless. its fine if youre doing it for her at the moment – whatever motivates you. you’ll reach a point where youre doing this all for you. it just takes time. as for her messaging you, you shouldn’t want her to. it makes everything way more complicated. i always feel better when I’m not talking to my ex. its too confusing when we do. when he tells me he loves me and well get back together in the future it makes it impossible for me to move on but when he tells me to move on and he’s not sure if we have a future i feel equally devastated. her not messaging you is a good thing. you need to focus on you and not talk to her until the dust settles and both of you are less emotional over all of this.

it doesnt mean that

yup – the unknown is scary! I’m turning 23 soon and have been with my ex since i was 15. he’s my first and only anything ever! its really scary to not know what else is out there and to not know what the future will be with me and my ex. but you can’t control whether or not she moves on to someone else so worrying about it wont do you any good. you need to only worry about yourself and healing.
we can’t stay in relationships out of comfort and fear of the unknown. challenge yourself to step out of your comfort zone. if its meant to be it will work out in the end but if not you will move on and be ok. this will pass. don’t stress about the things you can’t control.