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Me and my gf were together for 8 months. The first couple of months were pure heaven, we had fun, went out, did alway the romantic stuff you see in movies. Then we moved in together, it was cool at first but after 2 more months I was tired of her. She was a unorganized,lazy, she stopped keeping her self up and on top of that the sex wasn’t great. But we built a bond in the process, she has some mental issues but I accepted then. I wanted to protect her for the world, to keep her safe and happy. So I lived with the problems at home. But enough was enough and I broke up with her, it didn’t last because she tried to commit suicide and I took her back. It was a pattern of that for the other 4 months. But in between I started treating her like shit. I thought I could toughen her up cause she was so vulnerable, she seek validation from others and tried to be something she’s not. I tried to tell her to just be herself but I didn’t work. She put me threw so much a I still stayed and tried to make it work, but as time went on I started to resent her that’s when I started to be mean even though I don’t know why. So I treated her bad,I belittled her, embarrassed her at home and in front of her friends, abused her mentally, I made her sleep one her side of the bed with her own covers, I wouldn’t let her even touch me at times. I wouldn’t have sex with her, sometimes I would go masturbate in the bathroom cause I knew she wanted to have sex and I would go to sleep right after just to hurt her. I was wrong I know but in the process of the 4 months she drained me mentally, because I had to think for me and her. Around august I lost my apartment because I couldn’t do anything cause she took up all my time with problem. So I decided to break it off for good actually my family made me do it and she tripped out and ended up in the crazy house for about a 10 days. When she got out she started to do better so I took her back. I really loved her threw it all. In September I went to jail for 4 months. She was there for the for the first 2 did everything I asked and more. ( I forgot to tell you she lies about so much ever since we first met that I didn’t really trust her) So I’m in jail and she’s there for me, but I don’t trust her so I still treated her like shit even then. After 2 months I just stopped hearing from her she wouldn’t talk to me or write me or come see me. And I drove myself crazy trying to get her back, for once she stood up for her self and I loved that but I didn’t want to lose her. I wrote her letters everyday explaining that I’d change. Still nc with me. I get out and the first day I call back to back, she sends me to voice mail every time. So I call her job and she had her coworker hang up on me. So I went to her job and she still wouldn’t talk to me. The next day she finally responds to a text and we talk but she makes it clear she doesn’t want me anymore. I beg and apologize but it’s not working. Truth is I really changed because she finally change. So we could be perfect now, but she’s clear on it’s over. Then I get her to give me a chance not at a relationship but just being cool and see how things workout. I said I wasn’t going to text her the next day but I got drunk and texted and begged again then I started being mean again. Now I’m blocked! I text her off another phone and said I know it’s over now and good bye. Do you think I’ll ever get her back? And I know it seems like I did a lot of mean stuff but she did more I just put all mine because I feel bad about them. I tried to get rid of her for months and now that she’s gone I can’t function. If I give it time do you think we could get back together? And I know your like why get back if we had so many problems. But it will work this time because she’s finally confident in her self that’s all I wanted. Now I can be the perfect guy for here like when we first stared talking. I could never hurt her again. ( there might be a lot of spelling errors but I don’t fell like correcting them)
I don’t think she’s confident per se, I just think after being through so much she finally learned that she had to throw in the towel. I was in a similar relationship once, with a man who cheated on me over and over and over and for awhile I just dealt with it, until one day I decided that enough was enough. Sounds to me like that’s what she’s done here.
She seems to have been really hurt, and it’s going to take her a long, long time to get over that. For me it took over a year and sometimes to this day it still gets to me, and I still have insecurities and other issues because of it. So it’s in your best interest to be patient, I know that’s hard considering how much you care. I would do no contact for at least 30 days, but she may need even longer than that. I would say after 30 days try contacting her, either with a letter (as shown on this website) or a quick message/text saying you thought of her/hope she is doing well/etc. Based on her response, that should give you an idea on whether or not she needs more time.
From my experience, no amount of begging or pleading made me want to go back to my ex. If you step back and do the no contact, there may be a chance that she’ll begin to miss you. But during the no contact period you really need to be working on yourself, 1)to get your self-esteem back and 2) to make sure you change those bad habits to assure that you don’t go back to treating her how you did. It may even be helpful for you to talk to a professional, just to really learn why you acted the way you did and what you can do to cut those bad habits. The no contact period is really important for you improving yourself as well. Hope that helps!
From everything I just read, you are better off not pursuing anything with her right now.
You are emotionally immature, and she has problems that could never be fixed by your ignorance of how to handle said problems.
I sound harsh, but you were together 8 months and you have had the most toxic relationship I have yet to read about on these boards.
Your treatment of her could have caused to her omit or even be dishonest for fear of your reaction to anything she did.
Of course she stood up for herself, you weren’t treating her right due to your issues. Yeah, you need to really work on yourself because you have portrayed quite a few issues of your own.You don’t use others as punching bags because you think they should be a certain way. Love is accepting how a person is while encouraging (NOT FORCING) them to improve. And with love, it’s usually pretty easy. In my opinion, you reinforced her issues instead of helping in a productive and encouraging way.
You don’t deserve her.
I’m sure she did things wrong, but just from what you said… it was more you than her. You’ve played the blame game and made excuses for your cruel behavior.
Good luck.
Yeah I have to agree with LAbound on the whole blame game thing. And I must emphasize that you really should be working on yourself during the no contact if you want a chance with her. She’s probably going to be hesitant if she even considers at all, because she’s seen how you’ve treated her. And not only do you have to show her those bad behaviors are gone, but you have to make sure that they are gone FOR GOOD otherwise your relationship won’t last. That’s why I really would suggest talking to a professional because they can help you get to the root of the problem, as well as giving you ways to switch the behavior around. Any successful relationship requires recognizing bad habits and turning them around, so that eventually it’s much easier to just be good to that person. And while she may have done things wrong too, you really should be accountable for your own actions. The only person you have control over is yourself, remember that. And oftentimes how you react can encourage your partner to react the same way, which can be a good thing if you change your bad habits.
I would like to thank all of you for your responses they all make a lot of sense. Plus it feels better coming from another person. Ok well today I finally found out the true problem with me. I’m insecure! But I have to give that up and I am. And as soon as I realized that so much burden was lifted off of me. I’m actually happy, because I know I’m a better person now. I actually thank her for leaving me because it helped both of grow. I still want her back but at this point I can go with out her. Because I’m a new person and I like this feeling. I wrote her a letter and I want to send it off this week, even tho we’ve only had nc for 2 days. I want to send her the letter then start the nc all over.
I’m glad you can recognize your role in this and why you acted the way you did, that’s really important. Definitely remember that and make sure you really work on changing your behavior, because if you let it get out of control again you’ll lose her if she decides to take you back.
Your best bet now is to do the no contact, give her some time to miss you. And in that time really work and keep improving yourself. That’s this most important thing in your case.
Also keep in mind, given how toxic your relationship was, she’s probably going to need more than 30 days to take time away from the relationship and heal. In my personal experience, I was with a serial cheater and built up so much anger due to him continuously hurting me. I kept taking him back and I hadn’t even fixed myself, and it just resulted in our problems continuing. She’s probably going to need a lot of time. It may be frustrating but you’re going to need to respect that. Hope it helps.
Damn near perfect.
Keep up the self discovery and progression. And give her time and space.
Good luck.
If you feel that you need to send that letter, yes. And then immediately start NC. Even if she replies, just force yourself not to. Not talking to them gets easier after awhile. I recently started my second round of NC and, while it was hard, especially after physically seeing him and spending time with him again, it does get easier once you get into it. Good luck.
What ashley said, if you feel that’s what you really should do… then yes. After the breakup, I sent a letter apologizing for my end of things and then went NC. I got positive reactions.
The guy in that letter.. deserves that girl. 🙂
I keep saying it.. but good luck man.
Thanks, guess I’ll be back after nc. This is going to be ruff though! I think ima try 30 days. I don’t want to wait to long, my baby’s stubborn and might give up on me if I wait to long
Hang in there. I went through my first Christmas, what would’ve been our 9yr anniversary, first Thanksgiving, the first birthday (hers), and soon to be first Valentines Day without her.
It is tough, especially when the breakup is so fresh. Vent to us if you need to. We’re here.
Stay strong.
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