I feel lost and hopeless, need help!

My girlfriend and I were together for almost 4 years, we are both 31 years old and have been living together for 3 of those years. We live in the same country (norway) but she is originally from another country. Before we met she was in a relationship with another man. They have moved from their home country to here because of his job. They were engaged and were supposed to get married. However, he cheated on her and she ended it. About 3 months after this she met me.

I asket her out on our first date and we really hit it off, I fell for her almost immideatly. I remember talking to my friend after our first date and telling him that she feels like the one i want to be with for the rest of my life. She was, understandably, apprehensive at first but I pursued her and did everything I could to make her my girlfriend. After about 5 months she told me that she loved me and we officialy became a couple. I had told her i love her a couple of months before this.

Shortly thereafter we moved in together and have been living together ever since. She has had a tough life after suffering a horrible tragedy in her family which left her alone. Also, she was betrayed by her fiancee and was feeling lonely and vulnerable. She was also trying to adjust to living in a foreign country without a lot of friends or a stable working situation. Because I love her so much I did everything I could to make her life as good as possible and to make sure she felt safe, protected and loved. I spent close to a year trying to help her find a job, looking for positions, writing applications for her, contacting companies and practicing interviews with her. In the end we finally found something. I also practiced Norwegian with her, paid for courses and helped her in every way I could. She also started taking classes at the university, in Norwegian, so I did my best to help her and make sure se would pass. When the pandemic hit us she was temporarily laid off and fell into a depression. I took responsibilty by paying for about 70% of all of our costs sp she wouldn’t suffer financially, because I wanted to take care of her and protect her. I also tried to motivate her and get her out of the house by taking her on long walks, on skiing trips, by suggesting we invite our friends over and asking her to go to the gym with me. Sometimes she would join, but things were up and down most of the time. She responded negativelt when I tried to motivate her to go to the gym because she felt like I wasn’t attracted to her. But, that was absolutely not my intention.

During this time I was working hard trying to get a promotion and a pay raise, and I succeeded. I also took some classes myself to improve my skills and knowledge. I did this to lay a solid foundation for our future so that we could one day get married, have kids and live a stable and happy family life.

I love her more than anything in this world and was always very affectionate with her. I would hug and kiss her many times every day, I would call her from work every single day just to see how she is doing, I would wake her up with a cup of coffee in bed every single morning. I also took her out on dates often, such as restaurant, the movies, I took her to spas, I took her to the opera and a concert, and I would occasionally buy her flowers. I truly love her. We also went on 6 trips abroad during our first 2,5 years, but this obviously ended during the pandemic. Traveling is very important to her so it became important for me to.

I got to know her family and her friends and I made sure to include her in my family as well and we spend a lot of time with them. However, she was never really interested in getting to know my friends.

About 1 month ago she told me she doesn’t love me anymore. However, she didn’t break up with me. I was crushed and became desperate to save the relationship, so I did everything I could to make her happy. She went along with it, but was not very enthusiastic and never initiated anything. Then, on July 10th she told me again that she doesn’t love and doesn’t want to be with me anymore. I had a complete breakdown and cried for several hours. So did she. That same night she went over to a friends place and stayed there for two days. She returner on July 12th and we continued living together until she left for a 3 week holiday to her home country on July 18th. During this time I suffered every day, I couldn’t sleep or eat, I lost about 3 kgs and cried daily. But, we lived together like normal, except there was no intimacy. There was no arguing and we were friendly. I tried to spend as much time as possible away from the apartment and sought support from my friends.

During this time I wrote her a 3 page letter, where I poured out all my feelings and thoughts about her and our relationship, explaining why I love her, why she is the love of my life and telling her I will do everything I can to make this work. I believe every relationship has its ups and downs, and feelings come and go, but you have to work through things to come out stronger on the other side. She appreciated the letter but it didn’t change anything.

Her reason for breaking up is that she believes that we are completely different people and have different personalities, and that she had a lot of time to think about this during lockdown and realized that she doesn’t love me anymore. She went to a psychologist to treat her depression, but also talked about me and our relationship. I was not included in this process and had no idea she was talking about us. I felt completely blindsided. I do not agree with her that we are so different. She is a very outgoing, spontaneous and adventorous person. When we first met I was the complete opposite, but she inspired me to change, and gradually we became more similar and I too became more social, outgoing and adventorous. However, she believes that the changes are minimal and that we still are completely different. She also believes that I only changed because of her, that it’s not who I really am and that she feel like she has to guide me through life. She says that people never really change, but I disagree! I am not the same person I was 5 years ago and people continue to grow and evolve through life. Other people that know me say I have changed a lot. She also believes that I am not willing to get married or move to her home country. But, I have said that I am willing to do both of these things but that it’s not a decision that can be made easily and a lot of things have to be planned and fall into place, before we can make sugh a big step. She doesn’t believe I am sincere about this. Finally, she said that I won’t or can’t take care of her. How can she say that when I have done everything in my power to help her and take care of her for years??

I january/february I made a mistake of flirting with a coworker. This girl started flirting with me and I went along with it. The flirting was innocent and we never talked about doing anything sexual together, nor did I ever plan on it. But, she sent me a couple of selfies of her self (not nude), which I didn’t delete. She also asked me to visit her in her hometown, but of course I said no. Eventually I put an end to it. This was a weak moment for me. I felt like I wasn’t getting enough intimacy at home. It was almost always me who initiated cuddling and kissing and always me who initiated sex. This made me feel like I was unattractive and unwanted, despite keeping my self in great shape. I guess I enjoyed the attention I was getting from this girl. My ex found these selfies and this hurt her and made her lose trust in me. Of course, I apoligized many times but the damage was already done.

She is away on holiday until August 6th. We have texted a bit during the first week, initiated by both of us. I sent her a text on saturday asking how her evening was going but she never answered. We haven’t talked in two days. I believe she has blocked me on Facebook and Snapchat because I can’t see her activities and she doesn’t show up as “seen” on my snapchat stories either. We still live together and own this apartment together. Before she left I texted her that I love her and that I am willing to do whatever it takes to salvage this and that I know she loved me before and that we shouldn’t just give up. But, she says it’s too late.

She is the love of my life and I want nothing more than to have her back in my life. She will be back next we week and I have noe idea what will happen. I can’t stand the thought og losing her.

Please, I need help!