I failed at no contact, and there’s no way she’ll give me another chance.

She has told you to give her space, she has told you all the things you did that made her unhappy…but instead of truly listening to her words. You do the opposite. It’s natural, you’re currently having separation anxiety and I completely know the despair that comes with it. You didn’t see her before and now that she’s not there…YOU SEE HER!!! but she’s absolutely right. She cried herself to sleep because of you, she wanted you to change or make some attempt and you didn’t…why is she suppose to believe you now. Seriously, remove yourself from your pain and sadness and put yourself in her shoes…would you believe your own words if you were her? If you are honest with yourself, you’d probably answer no. I don’t say this to preach down to you because the truth is I’m in the same situation. I said the same things, I’ll change, I’ll be better…I finally see you…I went down the list and said I’ll change x,y and z…Her response was why now..why after all this time are you going to change? I tried to explain because I finally truly realize what I had with her. Your words and my words may be 100% sincere…but my friend they are mere words. She has put thought into this decision and if she loves you (don’t know more details about your relationship, the time etc…) but let me assume she loves you, then love doesn’t just end. It takes time to completely go away but even then it never diminishes. She is grieving, she’s angry and resentful…and she has every right to feel this way. Think of it this way…in the relationship she begged for changed and nothing…you didn’t respect her and thus didn’t love her. She struggles with this decision and breaks off the relationship. I actually have a lot of respect and admire my ex’s strength for ending our relationship. I know it wasn’t an easy decision but she found the strength to do so (that is courage, that takes strength). So you ex breaks it off and then you finally see!!! and you tell her I’ll change…Can you actually see how those words can be hurtful and disrespectful…You waited until she had to make this painful decision for you to wake up!!! Again I did the same immature mistake. So you keep texting, trying, and you keep pushing her further and further way. You grow more anxious and with anxiety comes fear and the desire for her increases and so you push harder and she pushes back harder…do you see the cycle? You’re fearful that she’ll find someone new. Reflect on that…really think about what you’re saying. Are you saying she’s the type of woman that will jump from one relationship into the arms of another man so quickly? Are you saying, I don’t want her with anyone but me even though I’m not worthy of her and wasn’t willing to make the relationship work? If so, you have control issues…Even if she should go on a date, talk to a guy whatever…it doesn’t mean you are completely out of her mind. It doesn’t mean there is no chance. AND if she does and if there is a Chance that you both get back…YOU NEED TO NOW prepare yourself that you will NOT question her, not concern yourself with what she did. It doesn’t MATTER.

My suggestion is this…STOP, back off and go to NO CONTACT completely. She’s telling you leave me alone and you don’t, you’re only allowing her to grow more resentful. Don’t promise her you’ll change, don’t say I’ll leave you alone for 2 weeks (WHAT makes you think that 2 weeks is what she needs, or that in 2 weeks you can really change…That’s immature thinking). You need to spend time on YOU. You really need to get therapy NOT for her but for you. You need to learn what issues you have and how to address those issues to make you a better man. It doesn’t take two week!!! You deserve to be the best you can for yourself. And if you get back with her then she deserves the best from you…if not, any future romance deserves the best of you. The most important relationship right now isn’t her but the relationship you have with yourself. YOU need to not see her but YOU need to see YOU. So stop, bite the bullet and stop contacting her. Don’t even text and saying, I’m going to stop (ugh you aren’t stopping by telling her you’re stopping and she already asked you to stop…see the craziness of this). Don’t text, don’t send snap messages, flowers..any cute romantic gestures are just going to make it more difficult for you. You need to vanish from her life. If she loves you (and I’ll assume she does), she’s going to wonder what are you doing? Are you going out? Are you moving on? It may take weeks or even months (there’s no set 2 week universal law), but she will think and wonder…this is the beginning of her Anxiety, with anxiety comes desire. In fact as time stretches and the anxiety rises, the negative memories begin to fade (Called Fading Affect Bias FAB) and what remains are the positive memories. She might start thinking she made a mistake…he wasn’t that bad because he did this or that for me, or he really did make me happy. She might start focusing more on the positive as the negative fades. While she goes through her own Separation Anxiety…You are focusing not on her but yourself, getting therapy (WE ALL NEED IT), you’re doing things for yourself, working out, meditate, go to church if you are a believer…What do you want to improve about yourself and then DO IT!!! I would suggest not to go on dates (you’re not ready), don’t go constantly clubbing and drinking…you can but in truth if you post on social media that you’re out there partying it up it can actually come across as pathetic. Let me give you an example: What shows more strength, more growth, more maturity…If you go out with friends to the club and post pictures of you drinking, dancing, hanging around women…or…You go on a road trip alone, go out to the mountains for a hike on your own, go the movies by yourself. Doing things you want by yourself not only helps you discover who you are and what’s important to you but also portrays a confident and growing man.

I know its painful to wonder what she’s doing or who she’s with or if she’ll ever come back. But you need to stop and starting focusing on yourself. You need to grow and discover who you are and become the best version…NOT just words or promises but true sincere effort that has no timetable. Maybe just maybe you’ll discover that she really isn’t the one for you or maybe if she is, you’ll be the best version of yourself when she does reach out. She will reach out…I’m more than confident she will but you need to stop Now.

Also slowly prepare yourself when she reaches out. You don’t want to sound pathetic, desperate, needy. You can’t just jump right back into this relationship. Neither one of you are the same, the relationship is different. It’s a time to slowly…rediscover each other without pressure, without stress….Maybe you can ask what to do when she does reach out. Good Luck…Keep us posted.

Hi, I know how you’re feeling. I’m on the kind of same situation… except I have made a lot of mistakes… i have begged, pleaded for 2 months… and now I think it’s too late. I have already apologised for my behavior and he said it is ok, the break up wasn’t your fault. (He is an autistic boy and I have giving him during the relationship a lot of stress and I’m not proud of that. And now he thinks that he can’t handle a relationship and he said to me: maybe after a couple of weeks, but please leave me alone. I need some time). My story doesn’t matter in this case, but what I’m trying to say: please go in no contact. Before it’s too late. I have screwed things up. Don’t make the same mistake as I did. I’m doing no contact for 10 days and it’s difficult. Every day I’m fighting against myself for not texting him. So please, you’re not alone.
What i’ve learned is we all make mistakes and we can’t turn back the time (sadly enough). So we can learn from it and that’s the most important thing. We are standing in this together, you’re not alone. We will get through this, i believe in it. Even in my case, i’m still believing in the future that he will come back. You have to set a goal up for you. Be the best version, enjoy the little things and be crateful for all the chances you get and all the good memories you’ve had together. Keep on that, you can do this.