I didn’t follow the guide exactly, but we’re texting again. What now?

I just discovered get ex back permanently a few days ago and I didn’t do everything right according to the guide. I’m trying to correct course and get back with my ex. I’m not very optimistic about it, but I’m giving it a try.

I dated a woman for 4.5 months who had some serious mental health issues (schizoaffective disorder bipolar type) and it interfered with our relationship. The biggest issue for me was her lack of availability. Her medications made her very tired so we were limited in the types of activities we could do and the amount of time we could spend together. We could only see each other one day on the weekend and she had to leave at 5 pm to go home and take her meds. We took one overnight trip together and she was miserable, having to go to bad at 7 pm, complaining about my snoring, and having nightmares with screaming.

In addition to the schizoaffective, she could be manipulative, maybe bordering on abusive. At first, it was just about coworkers flirting with her and asking her out at work, but it got sick and gross. She would tell me stories about sleeping with men while she was manic/psychotic because voices were telling her to and about having sex with scary men in the psychiatric hospital. While she was doing this, she thought all this disturbing stuff was funny. I told her to cut it out and she said I was “jealous” and “possessive.”


She was never able to take anything seriously and turned everything into a joke or a game. She thinks her mental illness is cute and funny. When I tried to talk to her about how my needs weren’t being met in the relationship, she just tried to smooth things over with jokes or would change the subject. The last time I saw her she was acting terrible and I just broke down crying. She started making fun of me and laughing at me for crying and said she used to do the same thing to her ex husband.

Despite all of this, she had some good qualities and I was happy during the good moments of the relationship. I enjoyed some of her wackiness.

I broke things off with her on Oct 2 over text after the in person argument earlier in the day where she made me cry. I felt relieved at first that it was over. After the reality of what I did settled in, I began to regret it. I stupidly texted her two days later that I made a mistake and apologized. She thanked me the apology, but said she needed to focus on herself and her mental health. I responded that I accepted the relationship was over, but I felt wronged by the bad stuff she did to me.

Around 3 weeks later on Oct 19, she initiated texting. We made some small talk, nothing to do with the relationship, and we agreed to keep in touch as friends. The texting lasted a couple of days.

The next time I had contact with her was a few days later on Oct 26. I woke up a 3 am thinking about her and in a moment of weakness, I texted her “will we ever see each other again?” She texted me later that morning saying she was doing better having more alone time.

I went around 3 weeks with no contact and initiated texting again on Nov 12. We engaged in some small talk and since then we’ve been regularly texting each other every 3 or 4 days. Sometimes I initiate it, sometimes she initiates it.

I’m not sure what the next step is from here. When do I send the “elephant in the room” text? Or is it too late for that? I would like to move from texting to talking on the phone or an in person meeting. I don’t know how to go about it and don’t want to do the wrong thing.