I am over the breakup I have no angry or sad feelings but I still want her back

Hey everyone this is my story it’s long sorry but please I need help

I am currently 18 years old in my second year of college, my ex-girlfriend is 19 also on her second year of college. It’s a long distance relationship. Not very long just 2-3 hours drive she always said it was okay and worth waiting. It started out as a friendship about 5 years ago we talked and liked each other. It turned serious when I went to visit her last year. We spent about a week together every month. She always loved spending time with me all shes smiles and happy. We had our first kiss and had each others virginity. She said this means a lot to her and she wants to make this last. Basically we were doing good even with the distance.

We promised to stay together no matter what that it’s worth waiting for each other. She always suffered from depression from the start because of her childhood and a month ago she had a mental breakdown. She told her mom she would kill herself. She went to a doctor and got medication with counseling. After she started taking the medication and counseling I noticed she stopped talking to me often and ignoring me. I told her what’s going on and she said she needed space and time to be alone. Then she said her counselor told her that she can’t be in a relationship with her state of depression and suicidal thoughts. I told her I’m happy she is getting better but she doesn’t have to leave me. She left me after being with me like 4 years and being happy with me I was confused.

I admit I got very upset and I didn’t know what to do I begged her to not leave I said I’d do anything for her to stay I will miss her too much. I never insulted her or anything but I got angry and said some weird things. Looking back now I see that is not a good thing to be and I’m not that way anymore. She said she still wanted to be friends because I am her best friend and she doesn’t want to lose that. So I said okay but she does not talk to me at all like she talks to her friends. If I talk to her she responds but if not she doesn’t start conversation. Last time we talked was yesterday I told her I apologize for acting badly and she said it’s okay she seemed happy and upbeat and called me a nickname she called me before when we dated. She also told me that she won’t be dating anyone at all not just me but no guy. She says we were drifting apart. She needs to be alone to find herself. I don’t know what to think anymore.

I’ve been improving myself exercising and being active. I am not desperate for her but I still like her more than other girls. I think she is not angry but she simply does not like me the same way anymore. She looks happy without me that scares me I can’t get her back. I don’t know what to do. Today will be the first day of NC I know I can do it. I’m not sure if I should stay friends and talk with her like a good friend or what to do. I have no bad feelings now I accept the breakup but I still like her more and want to try again with her. I know we are both young but we really loved each other we talked about a future together with marriage and kids and everything. If she liked me that way before she can still love me again right? Please help what do you think about my current situation? What advice I should do? Thank you