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Hey everyone! With every post I make on here, I feel closer and closer to getting my ex back. 🙂
After NC and getting past all the post-breakup emotions, we’re talking again 2-3 times a week. However, he never texts me first! I have had to start all of the conversations. I’ve tried waiting three days or so, and he still doesn’t initiate. I have the Text Your Ex Back system but it doesn’t mention this issue. The only thing I’ve found is people saying end the conversation first and pretend to be busy and unavailable. Does this really work? Sounds like stupid high school “playing hard to get” tactics.. :/
How can I make him text me first? What’s worked for you?
Hi Alicia, I’m also following the text your ex program.
I’m at about day 14 of NC and starting to think about my texts.How have you found that program so far? Good to see you are excited it might be working for you.
This forum has been good, I’ve had some great advice.
End of the day, if your texting seems to be working, does it really matter who sends the first text? I don’t think so. And also, read this article by Kevin. It’s pretty darn good.
How to Text Your Ex Back – The Art of Using Text Messages to Get Your Ex Back [With 53 Examples]
Good luck!
Alicia, I don’t agree with Paulie. It does matter who sends the first text. Don’t initiate. Let him initiate. He will if he really misses you. If you keep texting him then he knows that he doesn’t have to put in any effort and knows that you are still waiting for him. So he can take his sweet time dating other people (if he hasn’t, he eventually will explore other girls since he knows you are right there as backup). Once he realizes that you aren’t texting him religiously like you have been, then he will wonder why not? Who have you been texting-could it be a new guy? Letting him initiate is the only way to know if he’s still interested. If you don’t hear from him, well then you have your answer. And in past breakups when I dumped someone, if an ex would text me on a regular basis without me ever initiating-I saw it as desperate. And that’s the last thing you want him to think.
Hi Paulie. I’m finding it works okay! I haven’t really had a chance to use most of the texts yet since he hasn’t responded consistently. I’m hoping I can start using more of them soon. Good luck to you as well. 🙂
Redvelvet, the problem is, I’m afraid he won’t initiate if I don’t because he’s really busy right now with work and other stuff. We went two months after the breakup without speaking because neither of us texted. That doesn’t really get me anywhere in getting him back, you know? He already told me he still has feelings for me so I know he cares. So I’m okay initiating, but I’d like to get to a 50/50 split. Any advice would be great!!
If he still loves you and still sees the two of you getting back together, he WILL text. A guy that is still into a girl after a breakup and thinks of her in a gf capacity, will take the two seconds it takes to send a text. Even the busiest guys will send a text to a girl they want back.
He may care about you but is it enough to get back together? And if you keep initiating contact, you don’t give him a chance to put in even the slightest effort to make the first move. He’s a big boy. If he wants you, he will make time for you even if it’s just seconds out of his busy schedule to contact you first. Give it a try-he may surprise you.
Well was your ex texting or calling type a person when you was together? because it so depends on a person what she/he does,some people even like talk face to face more.If he really wants to make time it to contact you anyway it should be easy now days, my ex gf send me a email for first contact after a year from breakup and over 6 months Total no contact from me and now we talk daily on whats app,skype,phone and see each other time to time,like today we spend time together over 6 hours..
Finland, yes when we were together we texted constantly and talked every day without fail. He initiated 90% of the time. I almost never had to text first.
Redvelvet, I get what you’re saying, but you have to understand if he thought of me in a girlfriend sense and wanted to get back with me, he would just ask me out and I wouldn’t be on this board. The whole point is trying to reconcile and get your ex back, you know what I mean? So obviously right now he doesn’t want to get back together. My goal (much like everyone else on here, I assume) is to change his mind there…so that’s why I’m saying I need to figure out how to have him text me first. If I just don’t initiate..and he doesn’t initiate..then nothing happens. No progress. No moving forward. Gotta try to change his mind – again, if he wanted to get back right now, we’d already be dating again lol..
Alicia, Duh!! Even though a guy isn’t ready to go back into a relationship, he would still be initiating conversations. Most worrisome in your situation is that your ex is going to use you to move on if you are always initiating. I’ve seen it happen to a lot of my friends. If he’s not making any effort to start a conversation with you by taking 2 seconds out of his day/night, then you are likely headed to the dreaded friends zone. The way you get him to text you first is to sit on your hands and not text him when you have the urge to do it. He needs to miss you a lot more. If you are always initiating conversations, then he doesn’t get the chance to miss you enough and he always expects you to start a conversation through texting. Take away that security that you are there as a backup girl and you will see how he will begin to put in more effort.
“If I just don’t initiate..and he doesn’t initiate..then nothing happens. No progress. No moving forward. “ Just because you initiate conversations with him doesn’t mean that you are moving forward lol.Okay, it’s been a week and he still hasn’t initiated? How long am I supposed to wait? I really don’t think he’s going to make the first move at this point.
He expects you to text him-don’t do it!! Wait it out. A week isn’t a long time. And you are improving the situation by not texting him even if it doesn’t feel like it. Be patient. He will reach out when he misses you enough and realizes that you aren’t going to text him. He’s going to be wondering why not and he will be thinking about you a lot more. How long do the conversations that you initiate last? Does he flirt with you in his messages or is more platonic friendly messages?
By not texting him, you are showing him that you aren’t desperate for his love. And that you aren’t always going to be there waiting for him to be ready to try again. And when you aren’t a needy desperate ex, that’s when he begins to have fears that he’s going to lose you for good.
On my experience with my ex gf during these 4 months now. (She send me a first email and did the first contact after over 6 months of total no contact from me) we talked first on few emails.then little later kik messenger.during that time she is the one doing most of the contact while i was doing my own thing and kinda little ignoring her(allways answered her text ofc but i was on my toe’s to see what happens next and is she worth of my phone number.she was the one asking to come see me like 80% of the time.one time she was visiting i gived her my phone number and sayed she is worth of getting it.she started crying on joy and hugged me.after it.it has been mix of phone calls.texts.skype calls and whats app messages ( one point she send only voice messages on whats app)all tough we dont text or call usually when she is visiting her parents but it has happened time to time.like today..so just enjoy your life i bet if you was something special and good for him one point of your life.text will come
i have like the same probleme after our breakup he texte me friendly like “nothing happen ” 2 week ago he never txte me back we see each other . we smile then we go Each one takes its way . one day he came to talk to me and stay with but i think i was so stupid i show him like i’m not interessting i smile with other guys and i act like i don’t want to talk to him enough pffff so after this day he never texte me everyday i enter in our conversation but I can not write a msg .. every song make me cry i always remember him but i just want to someone told me if he think about me or no no one i feel so sad plz tell me what to do 🙁
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