How is everyone doing?

I’ve met this girl back in September 2014. At first it was just a normal friendship conversation, since it was long distance, I didn’t really see it seriously. As days gone by, we’ve moved onto a daily private chat on facebook, and start exchanging phone numbers.

Starting October 2014, we started to text back and forth regularly … something like 5 days/week. By mid October we were flirting with each other on a daily basis. We even started to talk on the phone.

By November things start getting more serious, we were as people called “internet girlfriend/boyfriend”. For every post she would put on her timeline, I would have a comment, and immediately rewarded with “like” from her.

We were moving onto making more serious plans, like for her to come to the US, getting serious in the relationship. And deeper we go …

She even show me some text between her and her mom, stating that she was planning to move to the US soon. So I started to raise the issue of age difference between me and her, she stated that wasn’t a problem. So I asked what about her mom?
She said, whatever she wanted, her mom would bow to it …

So as the relationship progress through the month of November and December, she started to let me know where she was going, with whom, activities, etc … So I asked her why she was telling me all this. She told me that since we were in a long distance relationship, she wanted me to rest ensured that she was “faithful” to me.

By the beginning of December, I’ve decided to take a trip to visit her … since everything was going well and we were deeper in the relationship. We were connected.

By February I was flying over to see her. Everything went well, after couple days we were officially “dating”. Being a very reserved girl regarding her personal life, she never posted anything in regards to our relationship or any relationship in her past. not even a flirt or a sign of it! (trust me I went through a timeline) 🙂

She introduced me to her family, met her mom … talked with her
Everything went well, until one day at her house I received a private message from an unknown guy … asking if I was “and put a name”, I replied no. Then he inquire if there was something going on between me and my girl. I replied why you asked? He said he’s has known the girl for a while back already, and if there wasn’t anything he was sorry to inquire. I showed the private message to my girlfriend. She told me that the guy was an admirer of her, that wanted to go out with her and she wasn’t interested. Then she asked me to block the guy so that we wouldn’t see each other comments. Which I did.

So we continued our relationship up and down, with a few argument here and there like every normal couples (before and after the private message). At time she treaten to breakup, and I was giving in to whatever her demands were … Sometimes even begging and promising … sometimes she would say that we were incompatible, difference in age (from her mother). but everytime we would make out. On the last day we went around time so she can find a gift for me to bring back to the US.

During my long flight, we were texting back and forth (thanks to wifi).

Then we continued contacting each other like before … got into 2 little fights in 3 days. (she the type of girl that required space & time to depressurized before coming back to me). But I keep on forcing her to talk, begging, explaning, proving to her … so she got fed up and said she wanted to breakup, that she has been thinking over and over again. Also she said that when she’s made a decision, there was no turning back (but she did it couple times). The conversation would heat up, and become so intense … even begging wouldn’t work, so I suggested to her “let’s take a month, so I can do an introspection and find out what’s wrong” she agreed by saying “if you want so” … It was a Sunday, so I told her let’s start Monday and during 4 weeks I won’t talk to you, so we both have time to think, but I keep on bringing arguments to prove my case as of why we should no break up. She got upset, and told me if I don’t stop, she will block me and will never talk to me again. She even said that’s one of the reason she wants to break up is age (because of her mom), she doesn’t want to go to the US, she’s happy where she is, and that I don’t know when to stop talking and let her breath … So I stopped and say see you in 1 month. During this period give me some news would you, and she replied “yes” … and here I went …

During the first 3 days I was able to narrow it down … the “why” it didn’t work out and I immediately sent to her the explanations … telling her that I’ve been asking my friends, family, co-workers about my behaviour in general. They all agreed with her point of you. So I apologized to her, making promises … and telling her that she doesn’t need to reply since I said 1 month.

Then I stumbled accross your article and the ebooks from Ryan Rivers (Relationship Rewind). So now I’m performing the rule of NO CONTACT for 30 days.

While I’m doing that I’ve unblock the guy that she asked me to block and glancing at her timeline. At my surprise … right after the day we stop talking she started to flirt with him on his timeline (she’s not usually the type) … lot’s of comments back and forth between the 2 of them in open forum … (but I’m not supposed to see) 🙂

Meanwhile on her timeline … what I can see … are posts like

“Look at my face, do I look like I care?” – timeframe correspond exactly after I sent her my introspection about the problem in the relationship.

“We can’t change the past, but the future is in our hand, there are so manay things to think about. It would be great to have someone to drink wine that would be awsaome”

“Women are born to choose, and not to be chosen – Feeling Fabulous”

On the mark of 1 week, I’ve had 1 dozen of pink roses delivered to her place with a simple message “have a wonderful day” … but still no contact rule applies, not posting or comments from me to anyone on facebook, nor timeline.

“Don’t live like a fox and die like a deer, law of cause and effect will affect everyone, sometimes it’s too late, – Feeling peaceful” – the day after roses were delivered

“Come on, come on. Confidence, Confidence. Come on, Come on” posted one day after

and some other posting about food … eating food … while she’s suppose to be sleeping … how rotten the fruit were … etc …

My plan is to stick to the NO CONTACT rule. And also at the mark of every 1 week, I would send flowers to her place, each time increasing by 1 dozen marking the number of weeks since we “breakup” …

I also have a the “magic letter” as suggested by Ryan (from his ebook) in order to force her to open the channel. Thought is to send it to her via text on April 16th 2015 (mark of 2 months from the official dating date).

What are you thoughts about all this? Does it look like a rebound relationship?

Thanks ….

I am feeling like such a broken record with this break up so this thread is such a nice idea!! 🙂
I’m now 26 days into NC and to be honest, the urge hasn’t been there as much as I thought it would, until the last couple days!
i know I can’t contact him and I won’t but I can’t think about anything else! I guess I really expected him to have been in touch before now! Do people reckon if he hasn’t been, then he’s moved on? Or is he just struggling too?
I’m dying to know how he’s feeling!!
On a positive note, I move into my new place on Saturday which is my first step to a new start if he doesn’t come back..
Hope everyone else is doing okay, and my heart goes out to you all as I know the heart wrenching pain your going through!

@conundrum5 – thanks! I do feel pretty proud of myself for managing! 🙂 I do feel the longer he leaves it the less chance there is of him coming back, but I guess he says he’s been having doubts 3 months, hes gonna give it at least that long again to figure out whether he’s done the right thing! My theory is that you don’t know what you’ve got until it’s gone, and by not texting and calling I really am gone! Cold turkey.. 🙂 I will have some of his stuff come Monday due to the move and sort this weekend so I will have to get in touch to arrange that.. A good excuse I guess without seeming needy?

I honestly wouldn’t be thinking about him being mad at you, if he has broken it off then he has no right to expect contact, especially not so soon! If you want to reply I’d maybe leave it a few hours or a day or so so that you look busy and your not at his beck and call! Your on day 8, that’s great! The first few days are the hardest.. It gets easier for a while I promise as you get into the swing of it..

We can definitely do it! 🙂 people will say you can live without him, and let’s be honest, we all know that’s true, it’s just that we don’t want to have to!

@conundrum5
You will read into it! It’s normal.. It’s all I do! Analyse every detail and although it’s inevitable it can’t be good for us past a certain point!
Well done you! It soon flies when you think of it like that! 🙂
I’ll be 30 days on Friday I think it is but I don’t plan on making contact until I have the need to, so to arrange his stuff!
I’m really struggling to not be upset tonight, it’s definitely not one of the better days for me! I keep thinking of the look of awe and admiration and pure love he used to give me and only me.. I can see it like he’s in front of me and it breaks my heart! x