How do i stop being in denial and accept that she is gone?

Hi, i have recently went through a tough break up which lead to my girlfriend running back to her ex boyfriend. I’m not sure if they are dating, because he lives very far away, and they had a more broken relationship then the one i had with her. All i know is that they are contacting each other and such. We broke up about a month and a half ago (i think), and i have broken NC 3 times. She probably still thinks of me as that clingy annoying ex bf that begged for her back. First time breaking NC was only two days after the break up, i saw that she had been in contact with her ex on Facebook, and etc. I couldn’t help myself and i contacted her about it, and i didn’t sugar coat it, i told her the truth that it really upset me, and got me crazy jealous. She somewhat replied, didn’t show much affection or care, so i left a long goodbye message. Little do i know, i went to go work far from my home for the weekend, and i left my phone at home on purpose, because god knows how many times i would check for a message, but the thing is that she blocked me before she received the message, and i only figured that out when i got back 3 days after i sent the message. So she never read the heartfelt message, blocked me, and i proceeded by making a new account an confronting her about it. (I know this seems pretty bad. I had no idea that “getyourexbackpermanetly.com” even existed at the time, so i didn’t know what was best for me, but deep down i think my mind told me to just go to NC, without knowing the exact term.) So i talked to her about it, and she was pissed off mostly (i don’t blame her), and i said was still somewhat trying to convince her to get back with me, but then she stop replying and only kept reading my messages. So i stopped and gave a nice goodbye message. She did read it, and i went on 2 weeks and 2 days without contacting her. I used the time to work, go to the gym, and always be around friends and family. After that she accepted a very old friend request that i left her when we are on the very brink of breaking up. I didn’t answer it the day i found out, it took me maybe a day to rap my head around the idea that she did that, and it took me another 3 days to reply to her. I initiated, she replied, we said our hellos, i asked how she has been, we agreed to be friends, she told me what she has been up to, but when i asked why she added me she said “i forgot about the friend invite most of the time and because i felt bad” and then i left to the gym. I had no idea how to react to that message so i brushed it off, i didn’t want to seem like i was offended. Though i told her that if this is to uncomfortable for you, we don’t have to be friends and she took if very odd and said “ok bye then”, i immediately apologized, and didn’t mean to offend her (idk how i did though). The next day i tried to have another small chat (BTW the conversation we had wasn’t as bad as the others, she didn’t seem annoyed, bit she seemed like she didn’t care and was busy atm), she didn’t reply, so i stopped. She then replied an hour later saying she was out with her friends, and i replied shortly after, but again no reply. I haven’t bothered from there. It’s been 8 days since i have spoken to her. I probably pushed her away big time, she probably doesn’t miss me as much as i miss her, probably because i kept breaking NC. I really want her back, but i don’t to have my hopes up anymore. I thought that maybe since she added me she still cares or misses me, maybe she could have lied about the “feeling bad part”, why would someone feel bad for someone else a month after the break up? Like i know i did make a new account to add her again on the other social media account, but it was like two weeks and 2 days since that. Sometime did pass i guess. My problem is that, even though i have f*cked up so many times, i still have hope that she will come back, because besides of all the sh*t we have been through, she use to be crazy obsessed with me (she would get jealous at any girl that passed by me, there is a huge love story between us, and no matter how broken or bad our relationship got, we always knew that we loved each other and we could make it work), and we were really in love. Now we just seem like strangers added on one social network. I deleted her off every single one except the latest one where i contacted her.She knows that if she wanted to contact me, she could use that, i’m always online on that certain one. Though she has lately been offline a lot, she use to be online most of the time, even when we didn’t talk, and even when we were together. I’m going back to school tomorrow, and i have to see her almost everyday. I’m so use to holding her hand, and carrying her books, even just eating lunch with her, walking her home, walking her to class, and kissing her before we go to class. I’ve done that for two years, and it is going to be such a weird transition since i am so use to that, and the thought that she might do that with someone else is killing me. (She never really talked to many guys when we were dating, but you never know right? Some guys would love to have her…) She use to be the incredibly dependent one, and i use to be the stronger one but things have for sure changed this summer. ( We live in a small town, and she just so happens to live on main street, so it’s likely that i’ll see her there sometimes.) After all the times i have messed up in the relationship, and after the relationship, does anyone think it is worth it to keep trying to hold onto her? With a longer period of NC? Or am i just crazy in denial? Should i just let her go? Maybe i am being a bit over dramatic?(she really was crazy about me, but this summer was very stressful on the both of us, we saw each other less, close people to us have passed away, also important tests were taken and we do not receive our grade on it until the middle of the summer.) Any advise will help. Thanks!