How do I know what my separated husband is really thinking

Hi Kevin,
My husband and I have been separated for almost 2 years but still live in the same house. I have my own room. For the first 18 months we still lived and acted as husband and wife then it all changed in Aug this year and he became cold and distant. I found out in Sept this year that he was seeing a woman that he works with but when I tried speaking to him, he just said none of your business and wouldn’t talk about it. He has tried to keep it a secret and secretly sends her text messages and rings her on his mobile. Every now and then he may go and see her and take her out for lunch but he has been spending all his time here at home with me of late and if he is going out somewhere, he asks me if I want to go. So I am really confused. I followed your advise in the daily emails I get and sent him an email telling him that I had moved on and when he came home that morning from work he was upset by it. I had also told him that if he wasn’t working the next night that I wouldn’t be home and he assumed that I would be out on a date and staying out all night but I was only going to see my granddaughters ballet performance. I sent him an email explaining it and advised that I didn’t have to clarify it with him but he jumped to the wrong conclusion. We have been together for almost 20 years and married for almost 13 years. He was also my first boyfriend when I was 15 for a year. Yes a first love.

Since I have told him that I have moved on, everytime I mention that I am going to go out, he wants to come with me and when he is coming home after working a nightshift, he has been staying awake and taking me out even if I was only going to do the shopping. On Tuesday we went and spent time with my dad for Christmas as my husband was working Christmas day and boxing day so wouldn’t get a chance to see anyone. After we got home and have something to eat, we were getting ready for bed. I went to my room and said goodnight to him in the hallway as I also do. He then said to me, that I could come into what was our bedroom but that it didn’t change anything. I took it to mean to sleep and as I have a sore back I said ok. I curled up to what was my side of the bed and said goodnight. He then cuddled up to me and yes one thing led to another and we slept together twice. When he woke the next morning for work he seemed confused and awkward. I got up made his coffee and got his lunch out of the fridge as I always do and said see you later have a good day. He then gave me a kiss on the cheek and said goodbye. It was like he didn’t know how to act.

As I had to go out, I left him a note incase he got home before me from work. I basically told him to relax and that I didn’t think anything of it and that nothing had changed. I also asked if it was ok for me to sleep in the bed that night as it was Christmas eve and didn’t want to wake up alone. When we were getting ready for bed last night he said that it was better I slept in my own room as he needed to get a good sleep for work the next today (today). I grabbed my pillow of the bed and said thanks and walked out. He then got up about 20 mins later and shined the torch in my room to ask if I was ok. I wasn’t but I said I was. I left him a note in his lunchbox for today, asking that he put the consent orders in as once they are in I would be moving out. I also said that he had taken something that was really good for both of us and made it feel cheap and nasty. He got upset and angry by this and said I was just trying to ruin Christmas for him and that I was acting like I was 9. I tried to explain that I just want things to be sorted. He left for work angry. He then rang me twice on the home phone to see how I was and apologise and that he doesn’t want to argue with me anytime especially today being Christmas day. I tried to explain that I wasn’t trying to argue with him, that I just want the orders in so we can both move on is all. He said lets just enjoy Christmas together. He has rang me another 2 times today to see how I am and that I am ok. Also to check that I am still cooking Christmas dinner for when he gets home and we will exchange presents then. I just said I am ok, it’s all good. He said you don’t sound happy. I said I am ok and see him when he gets home. On that Tuesday night he also suggested at my dads that him and I go to Bali for 12 nights and spend time together. He also asked my dad to come over also as it might be his last trip there as he is sick. My husband also said that he would pay for all our airfares and that we could spend time together.

I am so confused at the moment as I really do not know where his head is at. He became angry and upset when I mentioned to him that I had moved on from him and I have kept saying that this is our last Christmas together and that in June I would be moving out into my own home. He told me on that Tuesday night that I can’t predict the future and anything could happen. He said all that matters is the present here and now as anything could happen. He is sending mixed signals and I don’t know what to do anymore. I feel like he doesn’t want anyone else to have me as since telling him I have moved on he has been wanting to do everything with me and he got happy when I explained that when I was going to be out that night, it was too see my granddaughters ballet performance and not to assume. He got happy and in a better mood knowing it was because of my granddaughter and not out on a date.

Can you please give me some advise or insight onto where he is at and what I should do next. I have done everything you advise in the emails and have thanked his appreciation for all that he has done to make our last Christmas extra special, I have told him that I have moved on (I haven’t but I wanted him to think I had), I have told him that I am not needy or clingy and I accept we are over. I have spoken in the positive about me moving out in june 2015 and have never changed from that even after we slept together twice on Tuesday night. Even though I am hurt by his awkward behaviour since then, I have appeared positive and said I am ok with it all.

I look forward to your advise.