Hey, together over 4 yrs. Broke up 59 days ago.

Hello, I’m 27 years old. I have never had my heart broke previously, I am usually the one to end it and move on.

We met at work and became friends for over a year, I was living with someone then whom I had been with for 7 years. I knew I had feelings for him within the first few days really. We had so much in common, he was a really nice guy (not usually the guy I go for if I’m honest) He’s funny and I just thought he was really cool.

Any way me and the guy I was living with mutually decided we were going to end it, I remained living there for a few weeks as we both needed to find our own places and were bound financially. We remained friends and there was no bad feeling between us.

I began seeing my friend from work we kept saying it was casual, but we both knew it wasn’t. Within a few weeks he asked if he could call me his girlfriend, which was lovely. I’m not saying we were blissfully happy with no arguments, every couple need to argue, it’s a healthy process. But he began getting outraged with me, over silly thing, it got to a point where I would just no say anything in a disagreement as I didn’t want to make it worse or make him fly off the handle any more.

We both have issues with opening up to others, but he found it really easy with me. I’m not judgmental at all and try not to push advice, just offer different options if they feel like they want an opinion but most of the time he just wanted me to listen, which was fine and I am good at it. I on the other hand, have literally no idea most of the time why I start to feel the way I do. He would just notice something was ‘wrong’ with me, with the way I would act. I’m pretty active, if a job needs doing I will do it. But I have noticed from him when something is bothering me I will just never relax. Even if I think I am, I’m not really. He really made me analyze myself and it was really hard.

I think he got sick of me not opening up to him as much as he thought I should have. I got sick of him constantly telling me that something was wrong with me!

Towards the end few weeks, I started to perceive his actions, his words and behavior as controlling. I tried to speak with him about anything and he would just twist everything and project his own feelings on me. I got to a point where I just felt really low. I love this man and just want to help him feel happy, but nothing I do results that way. I started being really passive aggressive and I’m not like that at all, it made me sad.

So being the grown up mature person I am I started to mirror his behavior, things he had said to me I said to him in similar situations. Needless to say he thought I was a complete b**ch toward the end.

A week before we broke up we were supposed to attend a mutual friends birthday (I can count on one hand the amount of times he has been out with my friends with me.) He cancelled a few hours before, I felt like crap and stayed home (friends have told me that’s why he did it). The next day when I told him I didn’t go he got really mad saying I should have gone to see him instead then continued to send me horrid messages all day.

I made up my mind I would break up with him to show him just how much he would miss me and that he should appreciate me more. It worked, the next day he rang me asking for time and that he would try but only if I would promise not to date and get back with him. I agreed because I was a wreck. Then got the feeling of once again he had ‘got one over on me again!’ So three days later a friend took me to the pub, I got wasted, rang him and gave him hell!
He wanted to see me the next day to tell me he needed to think and that we would probably not get back together after my outburst. He was kissing me telling me he loved me, didn’t want to loose me and that we could still have sex!
3 weeks later he ended it with me, saying we would never get back together but we could be friends.

I begged, I cried, I nearly crashed my car on the way home.

I immediately deleted my Facebook, I put my phone in a draw and left it there for weeks.

However he owes me quite a substantial amount of money so after a couple of weeks and reading this article and following the ‘what to do in NC’ I sent him a text asking when he was going to start paying me back I went for the first installment as he said his internet banking was down and he wouldn’t walk to the bank! Again with the control.

I really did feel happy in myself, for the first time in so long, but since I went to see him… I have felt shocking! So down I can’t eat, sleep my University work is really suffering and I’ve been doing so well!

So I sent him a nice this reminded me of you text… Too early… You do daft stuff when you feel rubbish. It had a good response then he just stopped, mid convo… It’s been 7 days with nothing. I’m doing the 30 days this time, despite slagging him off on here, he had really awesome quality’s and I love him, miss him and honestly see a future for us, even kids! I’ve never wanted kids everyone who knows me would be shocked if I said that to them. But I never told him any of that. I’m really scared that I’ve just messed the whole thing up by not telling him how I truly felt and now I’m not even friend zoned, just exiled.

Hoping for a bit of back and forth with someone that good at advice. Thank you for reading my life story haha, I’m sorry it’s so long! Just couldn’t stop typing when I started.