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Hi everyone,
I’m new to this site, i’ll try to make my post as short and clear as possible. I really need some advice.
I’m 26 years old, she’s 24, and we’ve been together for 7 years. We’ve had a very stable relationship, and we even were making plans to move in together and get married.
Well, a week ago we had an argument and she told me that she felt like I wasn’t giving her her space, and that she gave me mine whenever I wanted to do something(she was right). She said that she couldn’t enjoy a night out with the girlfriends because of what my reaction could be. I never said that she couldn’t go out, but she told me that I acted cold whenever she came back from wherever she was. And to some extent I did acted a little bit weird, or cold/serious. We had those problems in the past and when I realized what I was doing. I tried and changed that behavior (it clearly was not 100%).So now she says she wants to be alone, and actually enjoy her time with her friends or whatever she wants to do, without giving anyone an explanation. I really understand her, and I told her that I had to respect her decision, and I didn’t try to convince her otherwise. I just apologized and told her that I acted wrong. Too late.
So I haven’t contacted her for a week now, because I want to respect her decision. But the thing is, I know it’s something that I can work on and fix, but I know she thinks that I can’t change. Aside from that, we had an awesome relationship. And I can’t let her go without trying to win her back.
As of now I haven’t contacted her for one week, and I’m planning on doing the 30 days NC.
The thing is, she seems pretty ok going out with her friends a lot, and she just unfriended me from Facebook and instagram.
I just want to know what you guys think about my situation, what else should I do? As i said, i want to try hard to win her back, and if it doesn’t work, then I’ll let her go.Please help me, and thanks in advance.
-Mike C-
Update: it’s been a week and a couple of days of NC. Some friend of mine that has her as a friend on facebook and instagram says that she’s going out a lot lately with this “girlfriend” that she had while we were still together (it was more of an acquaintance than a friend). So now they are going out at least 3 times a week, and it seems that they became beat friends, and my friend says that they use phrases like ” i love you baby, date with my baby, you’re so adorable I love you, it’s always date night with you baby, and that they even said something like there are no word to describe the feeling of touching you…no smiley emoticons, no ” hahaha”,
I dont know it’s just weird. She’s never been like that in the past (7years). She was always reserved with what she said, both in person and in social media. HELP PLEASE!!!! Should i still follow the plan, or should I assume they are a couple!!!! According to a friend of mine, the other girl is not gay, but i’m confused and terrified of the idea. I feel down and confused, it hurts even more now!HELP PLEASE!!!!
Hey mike,
Relax its okay. You did the righy thing by giving her her space.
Right now she wants to enjoy her life without any restrictions.
Let it be.
She still loves you but needs her space.
Continue with NC and don’t take stress. Everything’s gonna be okay soon. 🙂Thank you divjun,
I’ll try and relax, while I giver her and myself some time! Once the NC period is over, how should I contact her? What should I say ???
You think a little gift/detail is a good idea? (Brownies delivered to her job with a note)?Thank you in advance!
Thank you!!!
First see how is she responding to your NC.
How to talk after NC will depend on the situation at that time. Dont worry about that now.
Can you read my thread too? I would realy appreciate your views on it. 🙂Divjun,
As of now, almost 2 weeks of NC she seems pretty ok being by herself. I’m kind of confused, 7 years and all of a sudden you don’t feel nothing for the person who was with you 🙁
I have been though the phase of not feeling anything but it was with my best friend (8 years). Over time she will begin to feel regret and feel silly of why it happened. Its quite a complicated one even my self who has done it to someone its hard to explain.
Hi Nick thanks for your response.
It’s hard to understand how from one day to another you can feel just fine in a situation like this. Did you feel sad, did you miss your friend at least a bit? Did you think about your friend? Those are the questions i’m asking myself right now. I wonder if she misses me, if she at least thinks about me. I know that my behavior was wrong and led to our break up, but she’s gotta feel something.
I am gonna try to win her back and make her fell in love with me again, but as of now I have no idea if she’s gonna at least answer my messages when the NC period ends.
It’s frustrating, but I’m willing to fight for her, and fix the behavior that caused the break up.
But if she doesn’t respond, there’s nothing I can do. 🙁Yeah this is a strange one, I am trying so hard to try and recall it (was a very long time ago). I felt at first a sense of denial that I never had any good times, that it didn’t mean anything think at all. But at the same time I was feeling yeah I had a great time but was it what I really wanted to do, the answer was no I wanted to move on and do something else. In a way I got bored of him. I did get angry that he never made contact with me so I said some thing to his group of friends that I shouldn’t have.
After a few days I did feel regret but I wanted to see if he would contact me first but like I said above I got angry and did a stupid thing. But do not contact her as I was very unstable at this point I had a lot of anger as well as sadness running though me.
I did make contact with him after a couple of months when I began to miss him again, when we spoke it started out good, but I brought something up which I remember nagging him to do and it ended up in a big falling out. It has been 3 years since we last spoke and I do miss talking to him because we had some amazing times together. The only reason I never got in contact with him was, I was waiting for him to contact me first also I was a completely different person 3 years ago and I have fully moved on but like I said I do still miss him! (I am probably scared of going though that again that’s why I have never contacted him)
The best healer of this in my experience is time, which I always hate because it takes so long. But do something to take your mind of it. I recently started working out which I though I would never do and I feel great about it. Takes my mind of my ex for a good hour and I come out feeling happy and also feeling great that I had such an amazing time with her.
It’s been 10 days since I talked to her/broke up. 10 awful days, and it seems like it’s been a year now.
It hurts deeply in my heart. I am really trying to go out and enjoy, but I just can’t forget about her. Every single thing reminds me of her. And when I come back home, and see that she posts pictures with her “girl friend” where she looks super happy, showing her affection in a weird way, saying things like: “i’m all yours”, “love at first sight”, it makes me feel confused about her. And it’s like our relationship never happened. It makes me feel depressed.
I am really trying, but there’s always something that brings me down, and it hurts me that she’s like a totally new person, a person that I don’t recognize. 🙁
I need support to get through this.Thank you.
I can understand very well.
If you really wanna feel good about yourself then you need to delete her from all social sites. Don’t stalk her at all. It will make you feel more miserable about your situation. And the way she is acting is normal when a person starts going out and enjoying his/her space.
You should wait for your good time to come. Till then work on yourself, go out with your buddies.Divjun,
I am going out, I just can’t enjoy it. And she actually unfriended me from every single social network. It’s actually my friends who tell me what she’s doing :/ (she kept my friends and my family in facebook).
I know that I have to wait, but it’s really hard since I know how she is (stubborn, she won’t contact me even if she wanted to). Even harder the fact that she is a very strong woman, and very independent. That’s why I have my doubts on this NC rule, because I might be helping her moving on without making an effort in talking to her and figuring things out. I might be making it easier for her you know?
I dont know if this NC rule will help my situation.It will definitely work. And NC is more for you. Its for you. You should be feeling okay without her. I know how harsh its sounding to you, but you have to.
I still think about my ex and really miss him. Its normal after a break up.
You guys were together for 7 years. Come on!! Give her time and space. She will miss you.
Do NC for atleast a month.
Even if she texts you, don’t reply. Let her feel your absence. Absence makes the heart grow fonder. You guys shared a strong bond, it cannot fade away like that.
We all have ups and down In life but we don’t stop living,right?
It will get better with days.
Have faith 🙂Divjun,
Thank you for your words.
I really hope she at least give me a chance to talk to her, so I can show her that I can be the man of her life, and that we can overcome any obstacle together. But as you said, I have to start with myself.
For now, i’ll keep giving her her space. I just hope is not too late for me.
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