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So I’m pretty annoyed and frustrated right now and I am not going to contact him at this point. He was snacpchatting me and at one point I sent a pic of me and this Spock plushie and said “twins” and my ex goes “you mean your boobs, aka twins?” so I kinda laughed it off. He started responding shortly so I stopped responding to him. Then a couple hours later he said like he wishes it would have been a close up picture and I’m like close up? And he says “of the twins”
So I like say no and say something about preferring that be in person. Adn that I want him to miss all of me.
he just says “ok”So then I didn’t respond.
This morning he texted me on snapchat once again about my boobs aka “the twins”
He said “I guess you and the twins don’t miss me enough to send me a picture”
I should have ignored it. I tried to reason w him saying that’s like in person stuff etc
anyway this continued and he said like he thought when we began speaking again I would be smoother more affectionate and loving and compliant. I think there was another thing but i don’t remember. And it was annoying he said that bc I was extremely loving affectionate and if by “compliant” he means I will do whatever he wants. He is wrong. So anyways he still wanted pictures of my boobs, I sent a bra one and wanted a pic of him. So then I caught on and stopped. Anyway when he said the affectionate thing I said I didn’t know why he contactd me if it was just as friends or more, etc. And he said “we are friends” “until further notice”
That reply ticked me off as well as it is not up to JUST him to get back together and he clearly wants to… it is also up to me. Anyway when I wouldn’t reply he would say other things. He would go from being needy to trying to like give the ultimatum he eventually gave.*While I want him back I do not want him back if he will treat me like a doormat*
Anyways he wanted a pic of me in this like lingerie he had bought me just like a whole body pic. I’m not a fan of sending pics like that over technology in general bc you don’t know if it will end somewhere you don’t want it. Anyway I refused. I said I would IF HE sent me a picture of him with no shirt and in boxers (he thought I was saying no boxers and was confused and put O.o and I said that I just meant just boxers.)
Anyway this continued and he said stop asking him that he’s not gonna do it.
And I said I’m not sending the pic he wants then. (I mean I don’t want to just send stuff and him not send me anything, I’m not about to have 0 respect)So then he said he would give me until 4:00 and I can send the pictures if I want.
I did not do it.
I stated I had spend a month working on myself and believed he would too. And he just kept saying 4 min, etc. And he was like Bye. Or like Bye (my name) and he said it was nice talking to me and good to know I’m okay (wtf)
And then he deleted me off snapchat and within like 15 minutes had added me back and deleted me and added me back a few times. The last time he said he was going to block me so I couldn’t re add him. He did not block me.I’m so annoyed. He said he wouldn’t say he loves me until he knows I’m okay this was this morning before the craziness) and I was like what do you mean ? And he was like “nothing.”
And then when he was gonnaa delete me he said I made my choice (because I refused to send him said picture)
He gave me an ultimatum which reminded me of when I USED to give him ultimatums! However, I never gave an immature ultimatum like that. I even had said just come over and then he could see what he wanted to but he kept insisting on the picture -_-
So anyway I’m currently deleted but not blocked. I added him back and he didn’t accept it.
I’m not going to push it bc I know I was right. I did the right thing. I respected myself. If we are going to work we CANNOT fall back into him OR me acting like that! I knew that for US to have ANY chance in the future, I could NOT let him think that him acting like that was OK. So I stayed strong and didn’t send what he wanted. I’m annoyed but going Nc because he is way less ready than me. And in the past he’s wanted a selfie of me or whatever and has gotten upset when I don’t send it saying a girl that loves him would (this was when we were first together) so he can get over it. If he is going to delete me and not talk to me again bc I respected myself, he has no time. If he is being immature he needs time to grow up and apologize.
This actually was helpful to me bc I feel like my old self again. More confident and even though he was acting childish I was able to resist my old behaviors.
Also his affection thing was stupid like to have those expectations of me to jump back in his arms and shower him w love ?
Hey Brokenhearted, I see there’s been a sudden turn of events!
Your ex saying that he expected you to be more “lovey” is exactly as you thought. It’s guyspeak for “I thought you would do everything I say because I ignored you and now I’m talking to you”. Good job on standing up for yourself and not giving him what he wants! You should be really proud of yourself!! I can tell that you continue to grow as a person even though it looks like your ex is still stuck in immature land.
The ultimatum he gave you is bullshit-so is the way he is treating you. It’s good that you stopped contact and recognized what he was doing. And he sounds like he’s just trying to use you to take care of his sexual needs-tell him there’s porn for that. It’s very clear that he still wants you but by stopping contact, it makes him want you even more.Also I had told him I was no longer that needy girl and I wasn’t gonna blow up or fight for him if he was not going to respect me. I said I was beautiful genuine sweet and strong and if he deleted me it’s his loss.
Thanks so much for your response! 🙂 it really means sooo much that you think I behaved well.
And yeah I think he expected me to do whatever he wanted to get him back, and I will not. As far as the sexual needs go, I have no idea. Like I said in person he could see and he was being stupid and I also insisted before I sent anything else that he send me a pic of him in just boxers lol and like if he can say no why can’t I!?
And yeah I mean he deleted me but didn’t block me and I feel like maybe he is going to re add me? Not sure though but I do not plan on unfriending him then re adding him again (I did this a couple times today -.-)And yeah it is clear he is still stuck on me and wants me … And is being so immature. Why is he being so immature like expecting me to do whatever he asks??? I mean I was that girl before Bc I didn’t think I could be OK without him and now I know that I can.
And I even tried saying just come over and I would rip his shirt off lol and that didn’t work either he still wanted that stupid picture which he would only see for like 5 seconds Bc it’s snapchat… And he like had not said much affectionate to me. Well I know he loves me Bc I stupidly said that and that I was waiting for him to say it back and that’s when he said he wasn’t gonna until he made sure I was okay -.-
There were some points tho that I was like I want you to say you love and miss me and he went mmmmmhmmmThat was this morn before everything after his first text about my boobs I said I miss him and I suppose they do too.
Also the reason he’s so obsessed w them is Bc I’m like 5’5 , my weight ranges from like 130-142 right now is the upper range and my size is 32G lol so that’s why he’s obsessed
Should I just not respond for a week even if he adds me back? Or how to I navigate that if he were to contact -.-
And what if he doesn’t contact!? What should I do thenHey Brokenhearted!
You are doing very well with your circumstances!! And yes you are a genuine, lovely, beyond strong and as you continue to evolve-you are going to kickass in this world in all areas of your life!! And you are going to be able to create the ultimate relationship of your dreams because of all the things that you have learned through this breakup.
It sounds like he’s fighting you for control-that’s the reason why he didn’t want to come over. Good job on refusing to send a pic when he wouldn’t agree to do the same. That is how you gain respect! And he’s also trying to gain control by adding/deleting-repeat cycle. Don’t play his game. Let him initiate the add invites. And don’t accept him right away-let him wonder why you aren’t accepting. The thoughts that go through his head are—Is she busy with another guy? Who has her attention that she won’t accept my request? Does she still love me? Have her feelings changed? So you boost the amount he is thinking of you by not complying to his add requests. Remember guys like a challenge-they are natural chasers.
That’s awesome that you think you don’t need him to have a great life!! That is a major step for you!! He’s being immature because he wants to see how much he can get away with and how many things he can get you to do. In other words, he’s trying to take advantage of the reconciliation process.You are absolutely not the girl that you were before and I think he was expecting you to be. As you continue to gain self-control little by little, your confidence will also grow. Lol @ the comment you made about your boobs missing him. Yes don’t respond for a week-let’s see what he does. He will be back-we know he still wants you, that’s very clear. Guys that want a girl aren’t going to give up on her so don’t be afraid of withholding contact.
Hi @dragongirl,
Thanks for your reply 🙂
I’m glad you think I’m doing well. I feel a little disappointed in myself for sending some pictures and I didn’t do all the ones he wanted. For example he wanted a butt picture w no underwear and I did not do that. Maybe he was trying to see how much he could get out of me. You might be right about that. And yeah I told him I spent a month really working on me and i thought he would be too and How he was acting is unfair. Also said I waasn’t comfortable sending that which is why I asked him to and he usually asks me to send pics (any type even just selfies w 0 makeup, this was during our relationship too) And he really needs to get over that. But Yeah I said if he did that it would be his lose. I also said I love him despite how immature he was being.
But I guess I will just sit with it right now. I actually had already added him on snapchat.. he was still added on mine when he deleted me and then i deleted and added a few times -_- I could either delete him off mine now or wait. I also could make him wait if he added and messaged me though. So maybe i should do that option? Unless I just delete him? Which option do you think is better?And yeah I was surprised I stood up for my beliefs. Even sending the bra picture I did was something I didn’t want to actually do and one picture in the top of that stupid lingerie thing but when he wanted whole body and also butt w no underwear I stopped…also he probably would have wanted bare chest too. And I’m sorry but that’s just not me to send stuff like that.
Ohhhh. I never thought of that. How come control is related to not wanting to come over? He was asking me for stuff and I know he would only ask me that kind of stuff (as you may see now I like affect him a lot and I guess the reason I knew he wouldn’t be sleeping w anyone else is how hung up I knew he would be on me and how physically attracted he is to me/how desperate he is to have me in that way lol…lbs)
And yeah, it really annoyed me that he wouldn’t send a boxer picture and he wanted one from me. I asked him bc I was annoyed he was asking me and I said I would if he did and he didn’t. So yeah I guess he was fighting for control I just don’t know why. I don’t want us to have a struggle for control, I want us to be happy.
Do you think I lost any respect by being needy? Like I was so scared of not losing him I would do things? like beg, etc. Like this morning when he first said he would delete me i broke and sent the bra pictures and a couple others then I stopped and realized i didn’t wanna do that, thats when i requested the one from him. So even then it took a little bit of mental energy to not let that fear lead me to just letting go of just giving him his way.
I guess I’m worried that he may think I don’t miss him and have moved on? I did tell him I loved him though and he implied it but was stupid about saying it back -_- I vindictively talked to my roommate about telling my ex I thought about going on a date w another guy since we were just friends. lol it would be immature though and also a lie bc I don’t feel like dates w anyone else at the moment. And yeah, he used to chase me so much and then it turned to me being needy. I want to get to where we were before. He needs to realize he is acting like a child.
Yeah, I feel a bit more confident. My other ex (the one w a bad past w me) called me too today just randomly and I talked to him for a short time. He of course was wondering about new ex smh. And practicing my spanish doesn’t hurt haha. I didn’t feel as anxious after though just kinda bad bc I don’t wanna lead him on. A little anxious and annoyed though… smh.
Back to new ex. Why do you think he’s doing that? I know he wouldn’t get away w big things that are bad (cheating, etc) but he may want to get away w dominating the relationship and getting me to do things idk exactly or always being right… i don’t know. I though do not want that anymore which is why I stood up for me. His ultimatum still bothers me as does the comment “we are friends” “until further notice” lol that comment is the one that made me wanna tell new ex “okay i’ll go on a date then” haha
As much as I missed him and miss him now I don’t want an unbalanced relationship, I want a healthy one.
Thank you for saying that 🙂 I’m glad that I’m a bit different now. You think he was expecting me to be the same even though he said he was expecting me to be smoother, more affectionate, etc. -_- those comments annoyed meI’m glad it seems I’m gaining self control. I’m a bit irritated bc he wanted me to be less needy and now he’s acting like needy or controlling. Like he would say ok and i would stop responding so then he would eventually send more! -_-
Oh man. A whole week? Ahh! And I’m glad it’s clear that he wants me. I do want him despite how idiotic he was today. Do you think for sure he will be back? And haha I didn’t know what to say bc he kept going on and on and on about the boobs!
Took some catching up on these and I have to say that this is the most childis, teenage kind of drama this exchange that i have read for awhile. If I were you I would have stopped the convo immediately after he threatened to delete you in snapchat , I would have just said to him I have been working hard to improve my bad qualities and I see you are acting immaturely instead of having an adult conversation so feel free to to as you please, I will not answer these requests. He was trying to show how much of control he has over you and that does not speak of any respect towards your and it sounds like he still has resentment towards you about the trying to control him before. IT also shows he has done no work on him so to me that is not a good sign. It just reinforces the fact you need way more time apart to continue the work. If you want to gain some more respect from him you need to be a lot more harder to get. Like if he snapchats you , you can keep him waiting for at least a day or two like now the first time you saw you answered immediately despite not knowing when he sent it. It could have been several hours or only one. Also another this having a relationhip via social media is stupid. I mean do you want a real relationship via meetings and phone? It seems that nowdays all people do is that. This is why my breakup was also made easier that my ex was not in any of those so no spying, stalking possible. The only thing he was on was rarely in Linkedin and since I delted him no looking at him possible. It still comes down to what do you want in a relationship and what kind of relationship you want it to be for you. This one at the moment is still very unbalanced if he is playing childish games like that. Dragongirl gave good advice listen to that one : ) Also like her I am very proud you did not bend on his threat, leave him be for now. Let him chase you like she said, be harder to get because when you are instantly available that does make you look bit needy. You have already changed and made positive changes, use this time well to make more and respect yourself as you already did. Great job.
Lol. yeah, it was incredibly childish. Like a 12 year old not getting his way. My roommate and I were joking around because he shouldn’t act like a child bc he already has one. Yeah, looking back I wish I had stopped it there. I hadn’t yet come to my senses though, that look a little longer and hopefully next time I will be able to stop the conversation immediately.
Your reply example is a really good example that I could use in the future though! And yeah, i think he was trying to get control and possibly even more. That’s how we were before. I thought he controlled me and I think he thought i controlled him. And i want a healthy relationship, not the same cycle as before. Like I feel like if I had sent the pictures he wanted MAYBE I could have gotten him back tonight. HOWEVER, it was not worth the cost of my self respect! Yeah, I don’t think he was being very respectful either. He also does have resentment from before or some anger or something I think. Like I feel he contacted me before he was ready…And at one point he had just said “ok” so i didn’t respond and then he was like “you’re mean” -_- I was like “i’m driving” and said a couple more things. Like idk if I was mean bc I hadn’t responded or if i was mean bc I hadn’t sent him that stupid picture.
Yeah, He didn’t seem to have done much work on himself at all.I am glad that I was in a better place than I thought I was. Yeah I slipped up a little at the beginning by responding when he threatened to delete me and also I later stood my ground.
I know when we got really unhealthy the first time around I would threaten to leave him if I didn’t get my way…and he would react. I do not want that happening again. I know I did it bc I wanted to see for sure that he cared for me and blah blah. … but that is not a healthy way to do it. Not sure if he was doing it for that reason or not and also i feel like I have nothing to prove to him. He was the one who broke up with me, I don’t owe him anything.Yeah, you’re right about the snapchat. I will wait much longer next time. I’m glad I was at least able to stop when he would just say “ok” thought.
And no, I don’t want a relationship via social media or texting. I thought it was just leading up to a meet up. But I agree. I want a real relationship. I don’t know what’s going on with his phone. I don’t know if he didn’t want me to have the work number or if he didn’t have mine memorized and just remembered my snapchat name or what exactly. I’m actually off of facebook because of that reason. It isn’t helpful for me. Even linkedin isn’t the most helpful lol.
And yeah, I don’t really know why he was playing such childish games and acting so immaturely. I also told him I’m no longer that needy girl and was not going to blow him up or beg for him to get back with me if he didn’t respect me enough to understand or something like that. Idk.
Thanks so much. It makes me feel good that both of you are proud of me 🙂 I will make myself a bit harder to get. I know when I didn’t respond he would sOMG i got another text from him on snapchat.
He said, “You going to send them?”
Then 5 min later said “I guess not” “Blocking you again”Which is ironic bc I don’t think he blocked me…
But come on! He needs to get a grip. Seriously???? Like he is this mad that I haven’t sent them… and he didn’t even block me.
I am kinda giggling at this point bc he is being so childish. I can’t even imagine how it appears to someone older and wiser than us! We are both only 25 and I still feel it’s juvenile lol
I dont think you would have gotten him back despite sending the pictures, he is intend on keeping this going on until you bend which to me does not speak of really about respecting the person you love it speaks to me resentment. And this testing you so childish honestly 25 or not that is like 4 year old saying give me candy or I throw myself to the floor and scream until you do. But it is really good you see your value and do not do something that you dont feel comfortable with and once you said no he should not be pressuring you. He is still clearly resentful of the previous stuff that happened which tells the lack of work that he has done. So you continue good work and be proud and let him throw his toys out of pram if he wants to.
I mean come on… for saying stuff like I wont say I love you until I know you have changed or send the photos or I block you or or for now we are friends until…blaa blaah seriously? Do real friends treat each other like that. If the treats his friends like that he aint much of a friend then. It is like I will hold my affection until you break. I thought he wanted to see you be strong, independent, not controlling and blowing his phone and you have been working on that he behaves like this? Shows really where he is with maturity and ability to have an adult relationship. I know you want him back and love him but think very carefully because does not sound to me that this guy at the moment and give you that. It is as I said sometimes love is not enough i.e if you both do not work on yourselves the chances are slim. Do I believe that you will end up bak together yes, but do I believe it will last for very long at the moment seeing his behavior no. Look at that Brokenhearted now you are the one who gives better chance of making the relationship work and month ago it was opposite. All because you were serious about doing the work so you should be proud of yourself. Now what ever you decide to do in regards him just make sure you remember these things you have done so far and stay strong. Remember that love is not putting your partner down or making them feel bad or pressuring them to do things they are not ready for feel comfortable with. Love is not about threats but wanting the other person to be happy even if it means it is not with you. You know that he loves you but at the moment his love is not being expressed in healthy way and it is tampered by anger and resentment and by need of control. That has to change before you can have something better. So make your decisions based on that and not by a need of I want to be with him because you should want to be with him but not on any price.
@finntoga
Yeah, that could be true too. I guess we don’t know. Even if I had gotten him back by doing the pictures we can both agree it wouldn’t have been permanently.
I don’t know why he would be so resentful. He says he loves me and he also is not showing much respect. This is happened before like me doing it or him doing it like expecting the other to do something and getting upset/taking it personally if the other does not. He is not my boyfriend. I also told him to come over and he didn’t so he missed his chance. and LOL I love the analogy. sooo funny! Thanks for saying that 🙂 It means a lot.
And yeah I know! He wouldn’t have pressured me like this before I don’t think…he might have been a little down if I hadn’t done it but he wouldn’t act like this. So yeah he definitely needs a reality check and to work on himself too.
Also I think the guy from my old job really likes me…he just told me I have gorgeous eyes… O.O And what does throw toys out of pram mean?
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