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Posts
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I guess I know how he is when he is single and also he really thinks of his son first and that also affects decisions he makes.
I haven’t contacted him today and haven’t heard anything and yeah I guess I did get defensive like even if I know something is true my fear still feeds on whatever it can getIt is not me you need to convince of it and this is what I mean. No need to get upset about what Dragongirl said because it was an what if question. Secondly if that is what you firmly believe inside you than go with it and trust it. You dont need to prove anything to me nor Dragongirl and we have not asked you to. What we ask from you is to work on yourself and to believe in yourself and to like yourself. To accept that there are things you cannot affect like what he thinks, what he wants or how he is in a relationship that you need to accept him as he is and not try to control him or your relationship. To live in this moment so that you enjoy it rather than spend time in anxious fear of things that might not even happen and if they do you deal with it when it happens not and not let it crush you. The only thing you can control is you and your actions and reactions and learn to get rid of the negative patterns that cause most of the issues you have : ) And this was the backwards way that my crazy mind got to the point ; ).
Yes once again agreeing with Finntoga-you seem to think that you know what your ex is going to do. But the reality is that you don’t know what he’s doing. He could very well have another girl that he turned to. That’s what you need to accept-that anything is possible and that you don’t have control over any of it. You can’t say that he’s not doing something because you don’t know. When you asked him last time about all of this, that was his stance on the subject LAST time. This time it could be totally different and you need to accept that possibility. People’s needs and wants change with time.
He could arrange hookups through different ways. It seems really strange for any guy to be without a personal phone for so long especially because he has a child so the more days that go by without his phone working, the more I’m thinking he has got to have a new cell. Those are all things that you need to relinquish control of in your mind. The truth is exactly like Finntoga said. Of course, he’s not going to admit to sleeping with someone during a breakup while he’s dating you. He’s not dumb lol. And he’s a Mexican guy so they do turn to other girls a lot of the time after breaking up. I know because I’ve talked to plenty of them.
Finntoga nailed it again when she talked about my goal in my last post and when she asked all about your relationship skills. Just because the situation isn’t what you want it to be, would you be able to work it out without going through a fighting/ignoring cycle? It seems like you are far from that point. You admit to not liking the fact about him sleeping with someone else. But what if he did? You don’t know what he’s up to. You may have known the kind of person he was then but time can change things drastically.
You have to consider all possibilities. So what if he slept with someone or if he is seeing someone? Isn’t your love strong enough that he would come back to you even if there was a new girl? Don’t you think it is?
I mean. I don’t know if he will come back the only thing I do know is he is not hooking up with anyone right now.
I know his stance on the whole subject and I know he’s not
And nah he’s using work cell as personal right now. And just bc he’s Mexican does not mean he’s booking up. I know he hasn’t and also didn’t last time and all the times before that.
I know I’ve freaked
About the cell but if he got the same company he would need to close his other line… And another company is more money which he doesn’t have. So he’s using his work cell to contact limited people. And please stop saying the hookup think. I guarantee he is not. I know him. I’m not in denial I just know how he works. He also doesn’t do things physically like that without attachment. And there’s so many other things I can say but I just really don’t appreciate the continuing to say oh these are why I think he’s sleeping w someone or could be etcBut what if he did hook up? Would you be willing to get past that and work on the relationship with him? You say that you love him and want him..well part of all that comes with accepting the events that happen during breakups. And you saying that you know him and that he wouldn’t do that is your mind trying to wrestle control over the situation. The problem is that you aren’t with him and he’s single. Therefore, he can do as he pleases and you have to deal with that like Finntoga said. Your mind doesn’t want him to have hookups with any girls therefore you throw reasons of why it’s not true. But he has a different mind than you do Brokenhearted. That’s what you need to understand. You can’t control his actions while he’s not yours. And even when he is yours, he still has free will.
Yeah I know we are different and I also know him so well and I know he is not doing that right now. Yes I know he could move on and do that at some point and right now, he is not.
I guess I don’t have anything to accept bc nothing has happened. I mean you could be writing him the same thing that I’m hooking up with other guys and he would respond the same way I am.I can see that you are not ready to see nor accept the point we are trying to make so for my part I will leave it now. It will become more clear to you what we were trying to make you see and understand but your feelings right now are too close to surface so you are not yet ready to be objective about what we are trying to say in relation to him. All I say it was not said to hurt you but to try to make you see that accepting the possibility of the fact that you knew him and his stance before compared to what is going on in his head and life now and I say possibility not an actual event that has happened or is going to happen and you cannot yet so let’s leave it for now. We care that you become strong and independent and more important happy inside yourself.
Concentrate on keeping the nc and not sending any more messages because those will push him further away even if you think you only send one and not mass messages but he is not ready to be in contact with you at the moment and that is the reason he has not responded. So continue with that and distracting yourself. The time when you are ready to think of our discussion today will come later. Try to distract yourself tonight the best you can so that you stick with nc. You are stubborn indeed ; ). I really need to go back to my books and am closing pc now. Have a great evening.
Wow. I am so sorry you are going through such a horrible time.
Trust me, I know the feeling of wanting to bombard an ex with
tons of texts and emails. We had it out big time in an email
argument and I told him I would never bother him again. I have
done NO CONTACT whatsoever with him for 2 weeks now. Not saying
that there isn’t a lot of things I would LIKE to tell him.
I hate him as much as I love him right now. But everytime I feel
like I want to send him an email or text, I just tell myself I
am going to make things worse and no matter how hard it is.
I WILL NOT DO IT. I think you really set yourself back by sending
soooooo many emails to his place of employment. You really need
to force yourself to leave him alone. Period. And, I know about
anxiety. I have it also, and I also know how much you hurt.
My now ex-boyfriend was a friend at work for 15 years, and we
were together for 5 years. He has not totally closed the door
on our relationship, but felt like “he needed to comfort an
old friend” going through a divorce. THAT hit me like a ton
of bricks because THAT is how we got together. I broke up
with him 6 weeks ago. He is the one that needs to figure out
what he wants. So does your ex-boyfriend. PLEASE stop yourself
from having any contact for your own sake. When he doesn’t
respond it only hurts you more. I really doubt that he read
50 emails. I’m not trying to be mean, but I am a realist.
Sweetie, please take care of YOURSELF. I promise that it won’t
always be as bad as it is right now. Hang in there, I’m going to..Thanks! I’ve had a busy day so I can’t respond throughly just yet!
Yeah the emails were the break up day. I then did one email the next day then 20 days NC which I recently broke then 3 more days which I broke again -.-
Did you see the posts I had put about his response etc too? Thanks for the kind words and I’ll respond more soon! And also to finntoga and dragon girl too 🙂Okay! I’m back! Crazy day yesterday. I went to allergist, found out I’m now allergic to oats, soy, milk, and onions. Which are all things I eat a lot. So this will be quite the change.. guess allergies can explain some physical symptoms though.
@finntoga
Haha yeah I checked last night with myself and had such a hard time not texting him. I guess right now my motivation is that if he is testing me to see if i will blow up/be needy/clingy, I want to prove him wrong. The text I sent 2 days ago was rather long and in the past I would have kept sending tons of text. I’ll have to look up the book. And yeah that is what I do. Especially about his personal cell. I just want to know when it will come back on if at all. It wouldn’t make sense for him to just use his work cell as personal now even though he’s able to, he doesn’t know he will always work there. I’m pretty sure he’s using work cell as personal bc when I texted last saturday he responded right after work (not the job w the work cell, his other job) and why bring work cell there if you have another one lol. My roomie and I talk about different things and Ialso do bring up ex a lot. It’s just hard. I haven’t told the guy from work about my ex and he also stopped responding to me. Lol so who knows. I sent him multiple texts like I do to everyone and he also doesn’t know that about me.. oh well. But yeah with my female friends I always come back to my ex. Trying to work on that though.
Thanks for saying that 🙂Yeah, I realize I attached on to those two things in @draogngirl’s post. I know she wasn’t saying that that Is the scenario. I also know she was just telling me possible situations to prepare me for everything. While I understand that, I also know my ex and am sure he is not doing that at this moment. With that being said, while it is extremely unlikely I understand wanting to prep me for all scenarios; however, with my personality it isn’t helpful. It’s complicated to explain why. I don’t even know exactly how to put it into words. Like I’ll know something isn’t true then come up with wayyyyyyy irrational things that no one else would ever think of in my head…
That’s true. I don’t know what he is like right now. However, I do know his character, values, and things like that. I also do know how he is when single bc I was his friend. I do understand though, I have no control over it at all. I need to relinquish that thought of control.
Haha! It’s so funny you said mature and adult relationship. I was talking to my friends and we all agreed my ex and I had like high school drama in our relationship bc I think we both are a bit emotionally immature. And yeah, the single thing is bc I know him in and out of a relationship.
Yeah, I am having a hard time accepting him not contacting me at this point and still looking at my stuff. It bothers me. Why look at my stuff and not contact me. Ugh. Maybe he’s less mad than he was and still mad and needs space.
Yeah I really do need to have more faith in myself and believe in what I say. It is like I do believe completely in what I say and still feel anxiety based off of fear and insecurity.
@dragongirl
yeah, I know what your intentions were, no worries. While I do believe our love is strong enough, I also believe it is strong enough that if he wants me back at all and has any small bit of hope, he will not do something like that. While we can both be immature he doesn’t act out like that. Rather, he shuts down, ignores, keeps to himself. Works out, runs, plays with his son. Not saying the not talking to anyone is healthy, bc it isn’t, but knowing everything about him that I do, when he still has strong feelings for me he wouldn’t act out that why.
I really hope we don’t get back into fighting/ignoring cycle. I feel like he is testing me and seeing if I really have improved/made changes… I so want to blow up his phone andsay all these things like i love him blah blah BUT i know that could push him away more.@texaschzechchick
Thanks for your comment. 🙂 I’m glad you can relate to wanting to bombard him, it’s so hard not to. Yeah, I have so much to tell my ex too. I sent him 50 emails break up day, then 1 the next day. Then NC for 20 days then I texted him, he said “who is this?” “i believe you have the wrong number” which I think was just trying to get me frustrated and blow up his phone, I didn’t. Then a couple days ago he viewed my linkedin but still hasn’t reached out so I’m rather perturbed lol.
Yeah I don’t want to make things worse either. I just want to know what he is thinking and if he just wants us to work on our issues or not. I’m so sorry to hear aboutwhat happened with you guys 🙁
Yeah it does hurt me more when he doesn’t respond. it’s like when I text him I feel a brief sense of relief adn then my anxiety is worse. Hah yeah those 50 emails were like a month ago now so hoping he didn’t read them all… lol. Thank you so much for your kind words 🙂
Also this morn when I updated my linkedin I viewed him -_- stupid, I know bc he will be able to see. Other than that I’m going strong and relatively calm 🙂 But also anxious bc I want him back
Brokenhearted-you missed the point of yesterday’s post. You are so certain that he wouldn’t sleep with anyone but like Finntoga told you-you don’t know that. And how would you handle it if he did decide to find comfort in between another woman’s legs? Breakups change people. Dont expect him to be the same person that you dated or that you were in a relationship with.
@dragongirl
No I got the point/intention of it. It was saying all possibilities in any break up.
I actually had answered, I don’t know if I would take him back if that were the case. Yes I love him deeply but if that was done and he still wanted me, that would be a big problem. I also do know people change and I believe I’m changing for the better. Also I don’t believe he would do that still. I am sure he would not. To my ex it matters to love the person to have real feelings. He could have gone so many times when he was single to different girls that liked him and he chose to be the bigger person and tell them he wAs not interested. I actually find it really admirable of him. Rather than going to anyone who shows him attention he values himself and others enough to actually want to be what someone that he loves.
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