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My ex girlfriend and I were together for 2 years – I am 30 and she is 27. Two weeks ago she broke up with me stating that she had to figure herself out and she wanted to have more fun in her life. At the time, it seemed to me to be the “grass is greener on the other side” syndrome. I’m somewhat convinced this is part of it. All in all, it was incredibly difficult to let her go, but I did.
Since the break up, she has been out partying more, hanging out with people who are not on her level, and taking part in risky behavior. My ex girlfriend always had a wild side before me. She slept with many people, drank and drove resulting in a DUI, and ended up in many horrible situations. I know for a fact that she is back to staying out late, partying, doing drugs, and drinking and driving, which will impact her career eventually.
Once she met me, she toned down the fast life. She met me after her DUI, so she had a lot to lose. What confuses me is that she has a Master’s Degree and is an addiction counselor. I don’t understand what is going through her head. Have you ever seen the Tyler Perry movie “Temptation?” I feel like it’s my life right now. To her, I represent predictability and security.
After the break up, I went cold turkey on her, meaning I did not initiate any contact. However, she has initiated contact with me every day since the break up. She asked me how I was doing, sent me pictures, and then even spent time with me. We spent last Saturday, Sunday, Monday, and Wednesday together – initiated by her. We even slept together, which was probably a bad idea, but she said it was amazing – better than when we were together. On Wednesday, she sent me a text saying that she had a dream that we got married, and then when we spent the evening together she said she wanted to start over, but also date other people, but that she hoped I would stick around and wait for her. I said I could try to start over. She said she liked me better, that I seemed more edgy, and then I kissed her good night. Since then, she barely responds to my texts. She only sent me one to tell me that her dad’s seats to the baseball game were good (I got him tickets prior to the break up). What is going on? I’m hurting so much.
And she just told me she’s in love with someone else. So, I don’t understand why she wanted to hang out with me. And so with that, I am officially done.
Hi there,
I know what you’re going through and I’m going to give you advice based on my personal life experiences (which I never share with anyone I know but I feel like I must here). But before I say anything and if you want her back then I suggest you do NC with her follow the steps and hope for the best. However, I’ll tell you this and let you decide whether you want this relationship or not.
I met my first ‘love’ and got married to him, he was a very successful lawyer, I was young just lost my father and he became everything for me. I was married to him for a decade exactly. All I did in that decade was clean him from addictions. First, cocaine, heroin, smack, hashish, ice, and some softer drugs (I’m stupid with these things even today lol). Took me two years to clean him, NO ONE knew cos I wanted to protect his reputation and didn’t want to upset the families hence we went into complete isolation. VERY BAD CHOICE! Second, He became a gambler, black jack and mainly pokies to the point we didn’t have gas or food in the house. How does a partner in the largest law firm not have money to pay a gas bill? Again, I helped him through that addiction took me two years. Then, He became an alcoholic …etc… bla bla bla I WASTED TEN YEARS OF MY LIFE DID NOTHING FOR MYSELF BUT HELP HIM. I don’t regret that I helped a human being, I’m very proud that today he’s back on top and doing great again, even better than when I met him. But I came to a point where I said enough is enough and though everything was starting to get really good financially in our relationship, I got exhausted from him. He was a chore more than a human to love. Addictions ruin lives. And he was in his thirties when he decided to go clubbing, drugs,gambling, drinking and never come home. I started feeling ugly despite that I was a model and have my mum’s figure (who won a miss country pageant). I felt depressed. And after all this, he NEVER slept with me, only once and it felt like rape and that was after the honey moon 10 years ago. When I met my ex the first person I told was my ex husband because I didn’t see him as my husband he was like a room mate and because I ‘saved his life’ as he said, he started treating me like a ‘Princess’ and we built a ‘father-daughter’ relationship so I thought it was ok to come home and tell MY HUSBAND ‘I fell in love’ and happy. And because no one knows my story with the husband when I told my family that I fell in love they immediately thought of me as ‘adulterer’ though even my husband (now ex) didn’t see it that way and defended me. I ended up having my first love story, my first kiss even and a first of many things with my now ex (who’s not my ex anymore 🙂 )and wondered why in ten years of ‘marriage’ did I have my first kiss with my now ex. I left but it took me TEN YEARS because every day I was hoping he’d get clean and come home to me. BS!!! Save yourself the trouble my friend. She’s making her bed let her lie in it alone! Is it your job to fix her life? NO! Is it your job to teach her how to live right? NO! Is it your problem at all? NO NO NO! Unless you make it your problem which may drive you to suicidal thoughts cos helping someone out of addictions is worse than going through AIDS yourself, at least that way you know you’re gonna die and you’ll respect living more. But with her, she’s a lost soul and unless you wanna play the martyr or you have too much pride to come out and say to your loved ones ‘I failed in my relationship’ (like stupid me), you’ll ruin your life and future for her and end up resenting her in the end and YOU WILL LEAVE even after 2-3-4 decades, YOU WILL LEAVE HER because it won’t make sense to love her anymore. I’m really sorry but your relationship with her if not already over should be over. And you should break up with her. You tried to save her and you can’t because of who she is. You said she was that way before she met you so how do you know that she won’t keep going back to the way she is now every few years? Is that what you want to do in your life, run after her? fix her? Is that someone you want to call ‘the mother of my children?’ … Be heartbroken that’s ok, we all do and it makes us stronger and see things clearer… but confused? no, You’re not confused, you know exactly what to do. Good luck! My thoughts are with you xx
Rihanna,
Thank you so much for responding and sharing your story with me. Though hard, it really helped me put things into perspective. I cannot keep this toxic relationship in my life. As such, last night when she told me that she was in love with someone else, I sent her a no contact text. I asked her to respect my privacy and for her not to text or call me anymore so that I can move on with my life. She responded with a sad face and said, “but you’re my best friend.” If I were her best friend, she would treat me as such with love and respect. Also, she must be confused because she wants to keep me in her life and I don’t want the roller coaster ride anymore. Again, she kept texting me and then sent me a half naked picture of her. I told her to stop and said good bye to her. She has not responded since, but somehow, I feel like I have not heard the end of her. I hope you are doing well and happy now.
So an update…
My ex deleted my family and I off facebook yesterday. Usually, I would react, but I maintained my cool and I did not react. I did not text her; just casually went on with my life like I didn’t care.
So a few hours later, she sent me this text, “Can you come over?” I did not go over. She then told me “I love you.” I still did not go over.
What is happening?
Delete her completely from your life, she’s like poison. I’m really sorry I know how hard it is to hear this but save yourself, you deserve better. She deleted you and your family on FB that’s great! She initiated your detox, do the rest yourself. If you can change your number it’ll give you a fresh start. You need to burn that chapter from your life and never ever look back. The only advice I can give. good luck
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