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Hey all,
For those of you who have been keeping up he wants me back!
We had a long talk and I have decided we can only be friends for now. I didn’t ask him to wait for me or anything, I just told him what I wanted for us to have a future and he did the same with me.
Thing is, there’s this guy. I have been completely open and honest with both my ex and this guy and told both I want and need to work on my personal stuff prior to being in a relationship again. Nothing has happened with either or anyone since me and the ex broke up.
However since the breakup, the new guy has been very open about wanting to be with me. He has gone about it all in a very sweet manor and has thought about my every need (almost every need, sexy stuff takes a back seat right now in my opinion.)
I know I love my ex, but there are issues here! He was controlling, irresponsible, he is moving away in nine months and sometimes he was just down right mean with me!. This new guy however, has been nothing but compassionate, kind, caring and the majority of things I wish for in my future husband… But I do not love him. Not now anyway… Not like I love my ex!
I’m in a real dilemma here people and could do with an outside opinion, I love my ex but does he have the capacity to make me happy? If giving them both time to ‘prove’ either one could would that be mean on either one of them, even if I’m honest about it?
Bit confused here…
How did you do it? I’m trying to make it so my ex comes back to me, we’ve been broken up for 2 months and I’m trying to get do NC for 3 months…
Fantastic news!! 😀
Not only does your ex want you back, but you’ve got choices! I see the dilemma though. Just remember that you do not have to make a decision on the spot – you can take your time to figure this out. Your ex left you so its only fair he gives you some time to work out what you want now:)
I agree! Take your time. If you really do love your ex and you truly feel the issues are resolvable, might be worth trying to salvage. But if you don’t think he is great for you and find yourself starting to move on, starting fresh with someone might be fun and exciting! Take your time, as long as they both know the situation there is no rush. Make sure you really take the time to sort out your feelings
Hello everyone,
Thank you all for your input. It has been very much appreciated.
Although I have been giving a lot of time and energy into making a ‘good’ decision, I’m still at a loose end really.
I went out with my ex last week, after our initial meet up. We were supposed to go see a film, I thought it would be nice as we could talk in the car about things then sit in each others company and hopefully have a think. Then we could have been alright on the way home.
We didn’t do that. We went for a meal instead, it was well difficult, for me anyway. There were love songs playing and ones about being hurt after losing someone… I almost cried. I’ve been really badly wounded emotionally, it physically hurts still! I kept wanting to just hold his hand and hug him. I love him so much.
On the way home he asked if I had spent the money (that he owed me for a long time, and is still paying back slowly) to go away and that it pi**ed him off if I did. I was a little slow and told him I had spent some but by no means all of it on my trip. On reflection the next day I was furious that he had asked this! All the times he had money and I was skint, while he would spend it on drugs and games! So on our next meeting I need to bring this up in a non- confrontational way.
When I dropped him off he told me it had been really nice, I was honest and told him it was hard for me and that I never wanted to feel the way I did when he had left me ever again. He apologized and told me he would understand if we couldn’t be friends… I don’t want to be friends! I want the man I feel in love with to step up and treat me right!
I am going on an official date with the new guy on Saturday. He is honestly lovely, he treats me with so much respect I’m just still really hung up on the ex. The new guy contacts me quite a bit, checking how I’m doing and such. I have heard off my ex once since we met a week ago and that was to tell me he hadn’t put the money in my account as he said he would… I’m just setting myself up for a huge fall again, but honestly can’t even stop myself.
I honestly don’t know what I’m asking or if I need an opinion I just needed a good vent and wanted to update the mad ramble that is my thread.
Well, I have come to the conclusion that after the last email I received from the fab Kevin!
That even though me and my ex had love, we had no relationship…We went on for sooo long with no real support for one another, and he has in no way proved things would be any different in the last two- three weeks.
However I will still be going out on a friends ”date’ with him next week just to tell him things I feel now… Unless he gives me literally any reason not too.
It’s true women really do just love men that treat you like crap…I have an awesome guy, honestly chasing me about who is 100 x hotter than my ex… And all I can think about is my ex. I’m an idiot, this date on Sat had better make me feel totally different, I’m having a hair cut just before to make me feel different and am wearing new clothes. New me? :/
He is pretty fit though, has muscles, which he has been working on. He tells me these things… He does martial arts! and is learning to drive all since he met me… I’m not being big headed he honestly is, everyone has said who we hang round with. People have even tried to get us together but I’ve been like ‘nooo’ not into it right now… I’m horrid! He is really nice to me and I’m just like no I’d rather wait for this shit bag that may or may not be into me and maybe he’ll actually stick out uni this time… You know this third time, with all the dept and time… After he has moved hundreds of miles to actually go…
I wish I could just cut my emotion out and throw it away! That would be great.
You owe it to yourself to date this new guy.
Seriously. He sounds great and your ex has to wait now. 😉
Oh dear!! Dinner with love songs! I would have had a hard time not crying too.
I’m dealing with the same. The break up is one thing, but the other is all the immense hurt be put me through and how he behaved sabotaged my career. So he wrecked my future without even intending to be part of it. I hate him for tainting my love for him like this.
I didn’t really understand the part about the money! But I know all about relationships with a man who only wants to do drugs and play computer games.. And love games too.
I don’t know if I want to be friends with my ex either. Not sure I want to be demoted to that!!
Telling your ex how you feel may be a good idea, it may help you feel better knowing you were honest and said things as they are.I think the men who treat women like crap create the illusion of a really big contrast between the good and bad. So when they’re being good, we’re seeing it as them being awesome because they’re not being twats! We gobble up any crumbs they throw us and call them baguettes.
New you is good I think! I’m planning on doing something like that too, but not until I feel like I’ve shed more of my skin from all this.
It’s funny there’s a guy that’s really into me as well. He’s incredibly attractive, but like you I’m still pining for my ex, who wasn’t treating me well at all! I pine for the times he was, and for the strong bond we had. Sometimes I wonder if the bond being mutual was just an illusion though as he seems to be so fine without me.
I definitely think you should keep going out with this new guy, and maybe others too. Don’t try to compare them with your ex just see it as hanging out with guys!
I too wish I could wash my emotions off! I’m at the point where I realise rationally there is little justification to hang on, but my gut instinct isn’t letting me move on. And I can’t accept that this is real and how it’s gonna be. I feel stuck and I keep bouncing between missing him terribly/sadness/anger. I wish I was at a point where I couldn’t care less! Me and my ex were together for 10 years so I feel like this is only the start of my heartache still. I don’t want to endure this! It’s so unfair that I’m stuck with all these emotions while he’s probably thrilled to be pursuing someone new. I’m beginning to feel desperate to not feel, it really is torment.
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