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To give a quick recap, I lost my fiance a couple of weeks ago. We had an argument and I left him to it for the weekend. He begged me to speak with him so I did, on the basis we have a proper conversation and truly heal our relationship. He agreed, apologised but the next day he split up with me over whatsapp over a misunderstood conversation. He said I obviously didn’t care and he blocked me on everything.
It was fine at first. I did my thing. But after a time, I remembered how special he was to me, the poems we wrote to each other, the playlists we made for each other, the train tickets for where he proposed to me. I began sending him messages to give us a chance, to actually have a conversation. But I was blocked. After 2 weeks I ran into him on the cycle commute we share. I cycled home as fast as I could and cried all night. I sent him an email (I made a new account) the following day, stating that I think it would be beneficial to regulate our commutes so it wouldn’t be painful. I was met with a cold response. that we broke up, respect his no contact and never contact him. I got mad. When I got home I shoved all of his belonging, the notes, poems, postcards, clothes, dumped them by his garbage and sent him a final email stating that in order get respect you must first have to earn it, that he promised that we would work on our relationship and he broke that. I mentioned all the things that made us special were over and he made that clear and that he would never hear from me again.
Since then, I’m trying to get him back. I remember us. We got lost along the way, I know what went wrong and how to fix this and I’m more determined than anything to be that girl again.
So, the no contact rule is tricky with our shared commute, also with being blocked on everything. How can I make him miss me and how do I avoid not bumping into him?
How long were you a couple? How long were you engaged? Apparently you have trouble interacting well with each other and this last argument probably wasn’t the first that ended badly.
You’ve said and done hurtful things, maybe he has too, but this last episode turned toxic leaving very bad memories for both of you.
The only thing you can do now is just be polite whenever you see him during your commute. Don’t ask for a conversation. Don’t beg. And yet a simple apology might be in order..
You’ll have to give him lots of time to get over his hurt and anger! In time, he might miss you or he might be finished. Only time will tell..
Men hate arguments and too many will kill a relationship. And too much drama will send a man running.
Think about what part you played in the breakup and what you would say and do better and different if he wanted to reconcile. That is, if he considers reconciliation at some point.. You can’t force him to change his mind about the breakup. He has to figure out what he wants going forward.
Good luck and wishes for the best outcome for you both, whatever that might be:)
We were a couple since January, started off as long distance but ultimately moved down here to me. We’ve known each other for 10 years. We were engaged since Feb.
We really loved each other passionately. I know my mistakes, I stopped being as romantic as we were, and financially he was supporting me which made a strange dynamic that we both disliked. But I have an income now and I’m aware of my mistakes. We’re both in the wrong. He used to get nasty calling me names and talking down to me and I was subservient. But it wasn’t always that way.
I’m working on getting him back, more than anything I want this. To improve my self confidence and show him that he can rely on me. Its all I can think about. I know we can make this work.
Thank you for taking the time to respond. I’m going to be calm and collected if we cross paths and not plead or be desperate. I’ll respect his space and hopefully he sees what we had was special and give it another chance.
Do you know that reading these posts and responding are actually helpful to oneself. You are sitting on the edge of your chair, looking at your phone, waiting for it to ring or a notification that you just received a text from him. And BAMM you’re back together with him. I know because this what I have done over the past few weeks. I was involved with the love of my life for the past 7 years—5 of those we lived together. Over the years we both made mistakes and never healed or truly forgave each other. So I did all the similar non-productive activities…She broke with me, I moved out, I was going to be fine…I’m strong, but then the anxiety starting coming in, the realization of how deeply I love her, I started reaching out, begging, crying, sent her flowers, sent her emails (I naively believed that my email was going to be so powerful that it would win her back in a second…I express myself extremely we’ll and she always loved my words), at the end all I did was push her further away and made myself look weak and pathetic. I know without a doubt she loves me and I know without a doubt I love her. We met a last weekend and instead of remaining calm and confident, I want to cling to her…Instead of showing her strength I showed her weakness. Your relationship, my relationship didn’t just go back overnight so we shouldn’t expect it to be fixed over night, or with an email, or a look…it’s a process that needs to begin with YOU and with ME. After that horrible desperate day with her, I sent her one last message, told her I was sorry for acting the way that I did, that I realized that I needed to give myself time to heal, grow and become a better version of myself. I was going to not message nor call her and would give her space. And that I respected her decision to end the relationship and validated her strength for doing so. You think he blocked you? He didn’t, its his way of dealing with his own pain, his own failures and regret. There is love there because you don’t ask someone you don’t love to marry you and then that love so quickly fades…It doesn’t happen. BUT you my friend, need to back off, you aren’t giving him the space. You aren’t allowing him to be angry and go through the grieving process. You want validation right now from him but you need to first do that for yourself. I have done No Contact for less than a week. In this short time I have come to learn all of inner strength within me and realize that I had a great deal fault in the break up of my relationship….If we get back, I need to be a better version of myself for her but more importantly I need to be the better version of myself for ME. You can’t find healing until you find it in yourself. It’s a slow process but it needs to be focused. I truly believe if you give yourself time, if you focus on yourself, if you give him the space and time…he will reach out…but the question is who will you be when he does? He hasn’t completely blocked you, trust me…he wonders if you are going out, if you are talking to someone, if you are getting over him, if you are moving on…With Anxiety comes desire. Allow him the time to think of this and grow anxious.
During that horrible day with my ex when I went overboard with emotions…she stated that she knew she did the right thing by leaving me. I really thought it was over….
Yesterday she sent me a text: You cross my mind constantly and it really bothers me that I feel prepared for the silence…like its a normal thing.
I have been in No Contact for less than a week, after a horrible weekend and after her stating she knew she made the right decision…but I became silent and it bothered her.
I responded: I know I hurt you in the past due to my silence. I’m sincerely sorry. I know you need space and I know I need to work on myself during this time. Just know I’m here if you ever need to talk about anything…doesn’t have to be about us.
We have text back and forth short messages…Nothing significant but it is significant. I’m not going to pressure her, push or ask for a chance. Its a slow, steady but focused process.
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