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Well, I said I would update my situation. So here it is…
Today was her birthday. I sent her a birthday text message, very simple and very short. Then I sent her a fb friend request. I know I shouldn’t have, but I gave in. Well, this time she confirmed it. Surprisingly…
Anyway, first thing I saw were a couple of pictures on her timeline, of a birthday present she gave to a guy a couple of days ago (not sure if only a friend, but I’m pretty sure he’s something more – the “new” ex). Very personal, something she baked and it was gift-wraped in a personalized paper foil with his name and his truck type on it (he’s a truck driver). Which makes me wonder – considering he’s from a city about 40 miles away, and is constantly on the road… How the hell did she commit to him so fast!?
Now, I am not going to analyze anything, but maybe she even confirmed my request only so that I could see the gift she made. The weird thing is, she also hasn’t removed some of the pictures we took together, they’re still on her profile.
I want to do this right! I haven’t contacted her yet, and even if I do, I will not mention the new guy or talk about him in anyway (assuming she would even answer me if I initiated contact).
So the main question I have now is: how DO I initiate contact? What can I even say after the last time I wrote her, and she called every name she could think of?
Does anyone have any ideas? Please.
Ask her to come have coffee with you. Tell her you’ve got something going on in your life and you would love to tell her about it. Be nice and genuine. Don’t try to say a single thing about how you miss her/love her or how you wish you could have a relationship. Just act like a friend. She obviously is softening up to you if she would confirm the request. Don’t pressure her into it. Throw the offer out there and let her think it’s all her idea to come to coffee/lunch.
@kaila
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@Jasminka86
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@lizgrimWell, this is what I decided to do this morning, sorry for the long post.
1. I sent her a message of peace offering;
2. She asked me what I want from her;
3. I explained how sorry I am about the way things went down. I told her that I only want her to be happy and I don’t want to stand in the way of her happiness. I also said our memories still mean a lot to me;
4. She responded and asked me if I want to be her friend or something? She followed that up by telling me it wouldn’t be a good idea, because it would end up hurting me, as she has a new man in her life now… I think she rubbed that in quite a bit;
5. I answered her that it wouldn’t affect me. I said I have tried absolutely everything I could to save our relationship and nothing worked. I said that I have now accepted our breakup and I only wish her happiness and I wouldn’t stand between her and the new guy. I wasn’t rude or anything, I acted very politely and I was calm;
6. Then… She got angry. She said that I annoyed her and she could never be friends with me. She told me to get a life already, go out and just forget her. She said that I have absolutely NO CHANCE with her anymore! (even though I never mentioned us getting back together in the first place)Then she unfriended me. A couple of minutes later she sent me a new friend request. Then a couple of minutes later she deleted the request and decided to block me again.
Anyway, I think she was surprised by the way I reacted when she mentioned she has a new man in her life. I suppose she thought I would be begging or crying.
I think I reacted in a gentleman-like way, I was polite and wished her luck. I tried to reach out with my hand to at least be friends. I can’t do anything more now. I hope she will be happy with the new guy, but somehow I don’t think it will work out. He’s on the road constantly, so she’s in love with him now, because they don’t see each other too often, so it gets hot and steamy when they do. We, on the other hand, practically lived together and hung out constantly. I could be wrong on the other hand though, I don’t really want to worry about it anymore…
Sorry everyone, this is starting to look like a screenplay for some cheesy soap opera. I am going to leave her alone now. My doors are open, but my NC will be permanent, unless she breaks it first. I will either get her back or heal my heart. Either way I’ll survive 😉
Thanks for everything guys, your love and help on troubled days. Love you all <3
You did your best, don’t blame yourself for anything. I think you’ve acted like a gentleman and did nothing wrong. It’s her fault for acting like this.
And you’re right, you will either get her back eventually or heal your heart. I think the best thing to do right now as you said would be to stop contact with her. I believe she’d eventually regret it but then it will be your choice whether to get back together or not. Stay strong! I believe things would turn out fine.Yeah, you’re right, that’s the most important part – I have to stop blaming myself for everything.
I’ll stay strong this time 😉 I feel pretty good because I really did do my best and when it didn’t work I still wished her luck. So I guess I am at peace, and whatever happens will happen…
Thank you, best of wishes to u 2 😉
I know you said her guy is on the road a lot.. But could it have been him that was sending those messages to you? It just seems a little bizarre from the last contact is all. Unless she truly is just dealing with her emotions and having a tough time of it.
No I don’t think it was her new guy, it was all her. It’s just like you said, she is having a very hard time dealing with her emotions.
She is a very emotional person, even though she denies it. It’s strange, she can be the sweetest girl I’ve ever known – kind, loving, funny, cheerful. Then in a split second she becomes unrecognizable. She is extremely impulsive, and a lot of times her emotions get in the way of logic. And then she can say just the most horrible things. After that her pride also gets in the way, so she never apologizes for her behavior.
The only solution I see at this point is unlimited NC and working on myself for my happiness.
1) She is going hot and cold with her emotions, can’t decide what is good for her and it is very hard for her brain, emotions and feelings.
2) She still have feelings for you and by adding you on Facebook.. she confirmed it and when she got mad it shows that she got pissed as of her feelings towards you,reasone you stayed calm when she mentioned about other guy.
3) But you could NOT resist as any guy and started conversation,which was not required. So you did jumped early and wanted to get resolved quickly,which was not good approach.
4) Take it SLOW and do NC,she will be back,give her space and do low communication once you hear back from her.Dont pressure her at all.
5) Wait and keep calm,patience
**** Again after the break up chances are 50/50….I have been trying with my ex for almost a year and still she is not back.But I started doing NC jan 13th this year and we are talking on email once in week.She came twice to see me,next week I will ask her for coffee ? I hope she comes for it.
Hey.
I agree with you. She still has feelings and she was surprised by the way I reacted, because I didn’t beg at all. I think by doing so I showed her that I am no longer “addicted” to her. I do agree however, that maybe I shouldn’t have been so direct and should have waited a little longer. Well, at least now I know where she stands.
I should have listened to your advice when you told me to disappear from social media and leave it be for a while. This time I’ll follow that 😉
I’m really happy for you that you’re talking with your ex 😉 Any communication that has a “positive” vibe is good. Considering the fact that my ex has been literally toxic towards me the last four or five months.
I think she’ll agree to the coffee invite. Just remember to be cool and confident, and try to make her laugh 😉 It worked with my ex the first time we got back together. Also, when you break the ice, try to invite her for a nice trip. The first time I asked my ex to come with me to Ikea, because I needed to buy some new stuff (well, actually it was her idea). She was more than happy to tag along and it went great! We finished the day with a nice dinner, and when I dropped her off at home, I gave her a nice kiss on her cheeks and thanked her for a lovely day (she was holding some stuff and her hands were full, so I took a chance, haha). After that I came home and we texted all evening, so all in all it was a great day 😉 I hope I get a chance to repeat something like that with her :/
HiB86 !,
You should be really proud of yourself ! You acted correctly by telling her you just want her to be happy. I believe your thoughts were genuine and it touched her heart…
And you are right. she became agressive because you showed no signs of jealousy or started begging her.
You can only do your best but can not push her…so now you have done your part and you will not feel regret for not trying. and trust me it will help you move on in your life.
I also have to say it was very wrong of her to mention about the new guy to you just like this…She was obviously just trying to hurt your feelings and she was testing you to see your reaction. As you said there is no need for such games…she already broke ur heart. She should just let you be.If i were you i would completely stop checking what she has been upto in any social media…in that way you will avoid trying to understand whats going in her world and focus on yours…
My gut feeling is that she will eventually come back to you. And when this happens it will be all up to you if you will take her back or not …
I wish you all the best and i hope by time things will get better and better for you with or without her …
Thank you dear! I really felt that way. I genuinely wished her luck because I want her to be happy. And I suppose that it’s driving her mad. I won’t push her or contact her and I gave it my best, so I’m pretty calm now.
It still hurts, but I know it will get better with time. I’ve never had my heart broken this badly. And I agree with you. She knew I would contact her and that’s why she confirmed my request, to try and “test” me. And I know for a fact that my reaction wasn’t what she expected at all. So she over reacted again.
Well, I’m blocked on fb now anyway (again), and I’ll make sure not to check her Instagram. I’ll leave it be, and I know I will heal easier. And if our memories (the good ones at least) mean anything to her, she will eventually contact me.
I really appreciate your kind words 😉 I wish you the best of luck too! How are you holding up?
Hi, thanks for asking 🙂 I am doing fine. I feel better and better.
Making small plans and working my way up slowly slowly 🙂Hey Jasminka86 don’t mention it 😉 That’s what I like about this site, I think everybody here truly care about each others struggles 😉
And that sounds like a good plan to me! One step at a time, and slowly it gets better and easier 🙂 I mean hey, what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger, right? 😉
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