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Hey everybody, I need a little bit of guidance with how to approach No Contact. My girlfriend and I were in a relationship for almost 3 years. The past couple months have been a struggle for both of us. She was constantly stressed and angry about everything going on in her life (school, work, our relationship, etc). Due to her being stressed out, she was very temperamental. It caused me to become more distant and neglect her emotionally. It was very hard for me to be close to her when she was in a bad mood. I was definitely too complacent with the relationship and didn’t realize how much I was neglecting her, which caused her to also become distant.
For the past couple weeks she has expressed to me that she’s very confused and that she doesn’t know what she wants any longer. She tells me that she still loves me and doesn’t want to leave, but feels like the relationship is over at the same time. Two days ago I told her that she needed to make a decision because it was killing me emotionally to not know what was going on. She discussed the situation with her mom to get advice and decided to break up. She was incredibly upset about it and didn’t seemed convinced with her decision at all. It seems that she might be even more confused now because she came to my apartment last night and stayed over. I think matters were made worse because we ended up having sex. It was extremely intimate and emotional. We then had an intense conversation and I apologized for how emotionally distant I became. We both decided that a break was more appropriate than just calling it quits.
Okay, now to the No Contact thing. Since she decided on the break, what should I do if she contacts me before 30 days? If I know her, she will try to contact me fairly soon. If she does, should I ignore her? What if she’s contacting me to get back together? Is the ball in my court or her’s? I feel like I’m walking a very fine line. I’m just confused about all of this because she still loves me. She cried last night and this morning about our break-up/break. I feel like this would be so much easier if she didn’t love me anymore!
Any advice is greatly appreciated!
Hey,
Its just a break. Give her some time alone. She definitely loves you.
Start with NC. And if she approaches you, see the situation and then act.
I would suggest not to ignore her as she was being already neglected and thats the reason why is she unsure of what she wants.
Give her space and time to think about.
My advice would be not to initiate contact but when she does don’t ignore her.And, read these article.
Signs your ex still loves you
And if you both end up in a breakup, read this article and re read it.
How To Get Your Ex Girlfriend Back in 5 Stagesyou might want to actually tell her something like ” i understand that the purpose of this break is to reelaluate our feelings and see if our relationship is worth continueing… so i think the best thing to do is to not speak for a few weeks while we find out what we really want”
This may be the wrong thing to say cause the site says not to tell your ex that your doing NC, but at the same time.. you dont want her thinking that youre moving on.
maybe a combination of the two?
Thanks for advice, guys! Divjun, that definitely makes sense. I don’t know why that never occurred to me. I guess my mind is just too screwed up right now.
NeverGiveUp, that’s kinda how we approached the break. We both agreed not to contact one another for awhile. We didn’t really set a specific amount of time though. However, this is definitely something she wants more than me. I feel like I should probably just stay away for awhile and wait for her to contact me. I will eventually have to hear back from her because we lived together and many of her things are still in the apartment.
My situation is getting more confusing. She called me crying very early this morning saying that she couldn’t sleep and would like to know if she could come over. I picked her up and we both went to bed. When we woke up in the morning we cuddled and kissed one another. She explained to me that she’s extremely stressed with school (she’s in nursing school) and our relationship. She told me that she hasn’t really slept in days.
I’m so confused now! It definitely seems like she doesn’t want to have a break. She kissed me and told me that she loved me before she left this morning. I texted her earlier to tell her that I understand that she needs space, but that I love her and it hurts to see her so stressed. I told her not to hesitate to contact me again if she needed to escape or stay over to sleep. Was this a bad move? I felt like I had to tell her that although she is overwhelmed, that everything will be okay.
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