Found a note meant for me.

I think she’s confused. She misses you and loves you of course but she clearly ended the relationship for a reason and it hasn’t been that much time. Why did she tell you she wanted to end things? Also im sure she feels extremely guilty over hurting you. She knows how much you love her and how devastated you must be and I can imagine that’s weighing on her. Your response was good. Keep just being honest. No reason to play games. Let her sort out her feelings and do whatever you can to make yourself happy in the meantime!

patrick, i agree with your psychologist. she definitely does not love the other guy. if she did she would not be still talking to you or making plans to see you. she is just using him to fill a void. i also agree that she doesnt want you out of your life but am not sure if she wants you back or wants to be friends. i tend to think she is scared of getting hurt again. it sounds like you had some personal problems towards the end of the relationship and my guess is she has a fear of history repeating itself. i think hanging out with her and slowly showing the positive changes will give you some answers.

i don’t think you should go nc unless she explicitly tells you she just wants you as a friend. that would be your cue. but for now just go with it and see what happens. but i do still worry about the other guy being in the picture. i think eventually you are going to have to tell her if she wants to work on your relationship, she needs to end things. she also broke up with you so might feel guilty asking for a second chance. I’m not really sure where her head is at. i think she is definitely open to something but its not so clear what exactly. the only thing i disagree with is going in for a kiss while she’s dating someone. I’m very anti cheating. maybe a hand hold or a discussion but i think thats disrespectful of the new guy.

its definitely too soon to ask now but i do think eventually youre going to have to have a heart to hear with her to see how she’s feeling. my last piece of advice is not to push to hard. make sure she’s contacting you equally as much as youre contacting her.

Actually @atea1234 too right I’ll try to get her to cheat on him.

I hate cheating but in this case I’ll love it.
Because when I was still together with her he was trying to get with her. Writing on Facebook. Acting all cool. So I will try that. And someday I will tell him. And love telling him. And I’ll do more than just tell him.
Just thought I’d say that

First off Patrick don’t have her cheat on him. She won’t want to get back together until she realizes herself that the new guy is all wrong. And don’t confront him either. Girls like the mature response to things so you just have to play it cool.

And a little update from my story. So, last night she texted me saying she missed me so much and wanted to see me. She and her other guy have ended things and she is so not attracted to him anymore and after they had sex he stopped texting her. She got played by a player. And you have no idea how badly I want to confront him for taking advantage of a vulnerable girl. But, that won’t help anything you just have to accept what’s in the past is in the past. So, we met up and she said she realized how big of a mistake she made and how she realizes she wants me back. So we’re deciding to take it slow and just hang out for now, but we did make out last night. It just goes to show how much NC really does make the other person miss you. And rebound relationships work themselves out by themselves so you just have to be cool during it, which is extremely hard.

Well done Ryan. Delighted for you. Take it real slow. Enjoy it. She seems to have learned a lesson.
Good luck to you both

Hello nick.

It sounds to me that maybe you are trying too hard. Texting twice before she can answer etc. I know that drove my ex crazy.

Think this is one for atea to answer.

But I would maybe ease up with the trying to prove to her how much better you are. It just sounds a little bit pushy to me.
As for apologising for the letter, i would have said that I was bit angry when writing it. But you more or less told her you still wanted her.

To summarise; you have made some contact. That is good. Don’t force that contact. Let her reply. Give her time to reply. Don’t always text first. Be nice but not annoyingly nice. And don’tbe explaining yourself or apologising

Hi nick,
Sorry if this comes off as harsh – I tend to be a very blunt person and im not a fan of sugar coAting things or false hope. The bottom line is her words and actions both show that she doesn’t want to be with you right now. Im not sure if it’s her exact reasoning – it might be that she is really into the new guy or it might be she just outgrew your relationship and he’s just been a rebound. She probably doesn’t even know herself. What you’re doing is making yourself look needy and weak to her. You’re showing her that your emotions are all over the place. In my honest opinion, she wants time and space to figure things out but she’s a nice person and feels guilty for hurting you so she tries to be responsive. Girls like guys who are independent and strong and im afraid you’re behaving like a doormat.

Don’t beat yourself up over this. About 2.5 months after my breakup so about where you are in yours now, I asked my ex to meet up for brunch. It was nice and we had a nice time catching up and reminiscing but when I brought up the relationship he told me he wasn’t ready to reconcile, wasn’t sure what he wanted, and was happy having some space right now. I was really crushed. He offered to talk and meet up occasionally so we didn’t lose touch altogether but I knew I couldn’t handle it. I was incredibly emotional and distraught after I saw him that day as im sure you are now. Plus I was embarrassed at the way I behaved in front of him – crying, trying to remind how how great we were together. You have to remind yourself that Chelsey has the same memories you have and knows how your relationship was. She hasn’t forgotten but for right now she has decided that she doesn’t want to be in it anymore. That is he right. You cannot be friends with her and that is a fact. It is impossible to be friends with someone you are in love with. Maybe down the line in the future if you’ve both moved on and haven’t reconciled then you can form a friendship but you are honestly probably years away from that. What you’re essentially doing is allowing her to have her cake and eat it too entirely. So she gets to date and sleep with this other guy but know confidently that if it doesn’t work out with him that she has you to fall back on? That you’re still going to go to her races to support her even though she’s made it clear she doesn’t want to be with you and wants someone else?

What you need to do is toughen up. It was about at the 3 month mark that I told myself I had to. There’s really no other choice. She will never come back to you if she sees you waiting around in the background and is able to have you as a friend. She’ll only ever really know if she’s ok with losing you if you cut yourself out of her life and force her to decide if she was happier with or without you and that will most likely take her a couple of months to figure out. This will be te most painful thing you’ve ever had to do but you will be a stronger person because of it. I cut my ex out of my life completely about 5 weeks ago and this is the first time I’ve felt truly happy about myself since the breakup. Im not focused on what he wants and what he’s thinking because right now that’s irrelevant to my life and over analyzing gets me nowhere. and im proud of myself for realizing I deserve more than some mixed signals while he goes off to date other girls. I refuse to make any kind of contact with him. If he’s truly ok and happy not having me in his life after a few months then sadly he’s not the one for me. But if a few months from now he realizes he was happier having me in his life then I will feel he came back truly on his own without my influence and that’s truthfully the only way reconciling will ever work successfully. Im focused on me and moving on and what makes me happy right now. Maybe I’ll make contact some months from now or maybe he will but you have to live in the now and for right now it’s clear she doesn’t want you.

You can’t be friends with her and you have to stay in Nc so that she doesn’t see how emotional you are. Telling her you can’t be friends one day and showing up at her race another and telling her you want to work on your friendship just shows your grasping for any straws to be in her life but the truth is you won’t be happy settling for anything less than a relationship with her and so you need to respect yourself to walk away from right now to give yourself time to heal and show her you are a strong, independent guy who loves her enough to respect her decision.

Im sorry and I know this isn’t what you want to hear but believe me I went through exactly what you’re going through right now and you truly won’t make any progress unless you can let go. You have to let go for right now. It doesn’t mean you won’t have a chance in the future. In fact, letting go now gives you more of a chance in the future. Show her you don’t need her to be happy. You can do this! If you want any tips on how to survive Nc or how I’ve made myself happier feel free to ask but this is your only choice right now. If you don’t cut her off now then you are only prolonging either moving on reconciling. You can choose to do it now or later but it’s going to happen eventually. Don’t torture yourself. Focus on the positives you still have in your life and give her and yourself the time and space you both need to heal and evaluate properly. It’s the only way. You can initiate contact again in a few months when you are stronger and less emotional. Hang in there – you can do this.

working out always helps. a lot of people in this site might give me a lot of heat for this but i almost feel like reaching a point of feeling more or less “hopeless” is important. because i believe the true way to get an ex back is to move on and be happy on your own and then try down the line to reconnect. i believe first you need to look after yourself and do what makes you happy and not think so much only about what may ruin your chances. you should always have hope that you will be happy and things will work out how they’re meant to but you shouldn’t revolve your life around how to “increase chances”.