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Hi, I broke up with my ex 7wks ago and I really need some advice . I told him that I didn’t think he loved me and he never said he did in his reply or contact me again. I saw him around 4wks after the text when he came to drop some jewellery back at my house. He stayed outside my house for about an hour talking but didn’t want to come in. We didn’t talk about the break up or relationship at all.
A week later I found out he was back online and he had a new gf. Another week later, he changed his fb status to ‘In a relationship’ but he didn’t say with who. I made the mistake of reacting to the status and texted him to ask if it was serious and yes I acted needy for the first time :-(. He told me its time for us to move on. I asked him if we could talk in person and not via text. He said ‘no hun, we need to give it time’. We had been dating seriously for 6mths before we changed our fb status to say we were in a relationship together and in total nearly 2yrs.
I started NC after this text. I am on day 8 now and I am really struggling to come to terms with his new relationship. So I guess my question is, is it too late to start NC to try and get him back? Is it possible he is in a rebound relationship?
NC is very difficult because we live very close by in a small village so I see him some days in the car and when I am out running in the evening but we are not even waving to each other right now. This is his hometown so he has lots of friends and family but mine are not close by and I am alone here. I don’t know whether to contact him after the NC 30 days is up if he is with someone new?
What do you guys think about my situation? Its a little tricky because I initiated the break up and most of the advice here is for people that have been dumped. I don’t feel like I dumped him though, I feel like he walked away from me. I gave him the chance to tell me he does love me and want to be with me but he didn’t.
Looking forward to some good advice soon to help me out here!
@therese – He told you “its time for us to move on”. You need to take him at his word and move on the best you can. He’s with someone else now and nobody knows if it will last or not. You could stay no contact and reach out in a couple of months to ask how he’s doing, but don’t get your hopes up too high that he would want to get back with you. I’m sorry this happened and I know you’re hurting, but try to focus on yourself. Spend time with friends and family. Please try not to obsess about him and do things you really enjoy. Later on, try dating again and someday you will meet someone who would love you the way you deserve..
Thanks Patricia, I know you’re right. We lost a baby too so this is really hurting because I feel
like he just moved straight on and I cant even think about dating right now. Most of my friends say he’s shallow and not worth my time. I’m at least his third Gf in 3yrs. Time will heal hopefully…I am going thru a very similar situation in a sense. I always think it’s best for 2-3months of no contact. I think if he was hurt from the breakup he just wanted to get over you as quick as possible and not go through the hurting process. With that being said it may or may not be a rebound. A lot of people do things out spite and in the moment just bc they are hurt and possibly want the person to feel just as hurt as they did and they start playing mind games. I say try 2-3months of NC but don’t wait on him continue to work on yourself and if when you reach out he wants to be friends or talk again. If not I say move on bc you deserve better.
Thanks shesjustmaria – Maria I guess? 🙂 I really appreciate your reply. He’s got a history of being spiteful to ex’s so it does seem likely. I realise it’s obvious I should move on and I’m trying hard to work on myself because I need to address my self esteem issues big time! I saw the warning bells a long time ago but because I’m very isolated where I’ve moved to for now, I let it go too many times. It seems that by being brave this time and trying to set my boundaries, its backfired in my face and he seems so much happier and I’m home alone. FB is a double sword I think, it can really upset people used in the wrong way. He is going out of his way to make this very ‘public’ whereas he hardly ever posted about us.
Here’s the thing though eh…what he’s doing shouldn’t be any of my concern. He has moved on, I need to try and do the same with time and focus on myself. What’s your situation?
I agree just take time and move forward. If he comes back great if he doesn’t I’m sure you’ll find someone better. For me I messed up we’ve been together since 08 and this past year we had some issue and we broke up during that time out of hurt and being stupid I slept with someone else. Stupid way to cope I know plus I was drunk. We ended up getting back together like a month or 2 later and I never said anything and when he asked me about being with any1 during our time off I lied and said no. Mainly bc I didn’t think it was his business. So to fast forward he forgave me and we seemed to move past it he was still mad but felt I shouldn’t have lied or kept it from him. To fast forward even more these past 2-3months I have been really busy with school and work etc and I feel bad bc he always wants to see me but I’m unavailable always busy making excuses. There’s so many details it’s hard to write now. But the gist is very much I took him for granted and I hurt him and he told me he wanted to see me more go on dates etc and bc I was so busy and out of town for spring break and w family I ignored the signs that he was hurting and begging for attention until it was too late. Now I found out Last week he’s dating someone else and put her on his fb. He told me to leave him alone and stop being jealous and to leave him and his gf alone so until Sunday I was blowing up his phone and texts now I’m blocked on everything. I had no time for him. I really think it’s a rebound. So basically I’m gonna do 6months NC then reach out obviously since I’m blocked on everything. I messed up really bad and I didn’t realize what I had until he was gone in a sense I guess I got wayyy to comfortable.
Sorry for the delay in replying. I’m sorry to hear what happened in your relationship. I think you know that you wished you would have spent more time with your bf but at least you recognise what went wrong and you want to correct it by doing no contact to give him space. The no contact is working for me. It still takes a lot of my self control to keep it up but I am on week 3 now and I am starting to put real things in place to hopefully become a better version of myself but for me and not for anyone else. I still love him and want him back but I am learning to accept that he has moved on and I must do the same . I think there is a lot to be said about giving someone you love space and you really do have to try and get on with your life because only your ex can decide if they miss you and want to try and reconnect with you. I wish you lots of luck and happiness 🙂
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