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I’ve posted on here a few times but wanted to get everyone’s advice on my most recent update…
We’ve been dating for almost 2 years. I’m 27, she’s 24. It’s been 2 months since I’ve seen my ex and she abroad for school for most of that. She’s back and I’ve had a couple low moments where I begged to stay in her life. After learning about this website, I started using NC here and there. Basically I would try not to contact her and when she would contact me I would be brief and or wait till the next day to answer. This went from me begging her to stay in my life to her contacting me more. Finally, she got upset that I wasn’t contacting her and we set up a dinner date to get together. She expressed some jealously over the fact that I went out and “something must of happened”. I think it was this that finally made her want to go on the date.
I was so excited for the date and thought that we were finally getting back together. We would tell each other our feelings and try again. I picked her up and drove to the high end restaurant where we’ve always had a good time. I couldn’t tell what she was thinking for the first hour of being with her but soon started to realize that it felt like she was thinking this was a causal date almost with a friend. Soon I couldn’t hide the fact that this evening was turning out so much worse than I envisioned. I couldn’t take it anymore and finally came out and said it… “Do you see us getting back together??”
I switched sides of the booth so i sat next to her as we spoke. She said that she doesn’t know and mentioned that she was interested in other people, saw our lives going different places- and didn’t know our plans lined up together. She said she’s not emotionally in the same place as me. She brought up issues from our past relationship (where I had all the power, she was jealous, I broke her trust and definitely wasn’t on the same page as of feelings) again, I told her how I felt… Saying I wanted to start a life with her and that I loved her.
I started to hold her hand as I spoke, which she accepted. She said that the relationship has always been about me and that even now I was giving her the altimatum of “do you want to be with me or not?” She took this as me being selfish. She said she needs “baby steps” and that yes we are on a date but asked why I couldn’t just have a nice dinner and not bring up these discussions.
Why??? Oh because I haven’t seen you in two months, am desperate to find out what the hell is going on and can’t fake being happy when so much is running through my mind. I told her I can’t be just friends with her.
I ended up driving her home, she wouldn’t kiss me… I don’t know if it’s because she’s seeing other people or what exactly. I tried to plan another date with her but she said she needed some time to figure things out. It seems the only time I get any positive emotions from her is when I ignore her. I think she just doesn’t want me to move on. I told her I would give her back her teddy bear but she told me to hold on to it. Another way for her to force me to hold on.
Everyone,
It’s not healthy for me to be in this middle ground -free for all kind of gray area with her. I need to either move on or get back together. All in all, i just want answers. The things she told me hurt me to the core. Interested in other guys… That crushed me. I’m planning on leaving her alone again and just wait for her to come to me. My friends and family think she’s being a cold hearted, selfish person and that I shouldn’t even want to be with someone who feels that way. She’s very different from when the person I fell in love with.What are your thoughts?
Hey,
First of all you need to know that your a really strong guy.I think you are making the right decision.Kevin says most of the times moving on is the best decision but there are still some people who want to try and endure the pain.
You don’t have to try the falsefriendship and hurt yourself if you don’t want to.
You are doing the right thing.Just focus on yourself and enjoy your life.I know it sounds tough but you will get better and better really soon.
I’m pretty sure you will hear from her again.She will contact you.But you should be strong and show her the new strong and confident you.
It doesn’t mean that everything is over.You just need some time to get your normal life and your happiness back.
Be strong and everything is gonna be fine.Thanks a.z.
I know this sounds really pathetic but when she left me, my world fell apart. She was my best friend, my biggest support system and such a wonderful person. I have such a huge void in my life now and I’m having a lot of trouble coping. She is on my mind all the time and I haven’t been able to work correctly in my career. I don’t see how anyone else could be as compatible as her and I were. Moving on has been so difficult and I am seriously just trying to survive through this time in my life. I love her and still pray that we will get back together but my hope is like a candle in the wind.I understand you.Trust me, i’ve been there before.I understand every word you say and i know how exactly you feel.You need more time.Its tough but you can make it.
You should work on yourself and get your happiness back then you can take a step and be successful.Thats exactly what i’ve been doing and you should know that no matter what happens,you will be fine.You should believe this.Help yourself.Love yourself and do something about your own happiness.I was madly in love with my ex and i couldn’t even imagine someone could love someone that much.I want you to know that i was on the verge of suicide but i survived this and i’m sure you can make it.
And you know what? my ex kept contacting me for a long long time. (I couldn’t even believe that ) but i was ok with my life.I have become strong enough to let him go and i asked him not to contact me anymore.
And i’m still working on myself.You can get her back.You do have a chance but you should let things go for a little while.Its for your own good.
When you let go of things you become more receptive and you will attract everything including your ex in your life.Come here and talk to me anytime you want.I’m sure you are stronger than me and i’m sure you will be fine.
Az is right,
You’re not alone. Many of us are going through this exact situation. Stay strong. Don’t forget that time heals everything
I am glad to read this post. All of the comments are good and just what I need to hear. My situation is a lady that still cares for me. We dated 6 months and she was divorced only 18 months before we met. We fell hard and fast for each other but then she got scared. It was moving too fast.
We’ve been apart over 2 months and it has been hard for me becuase my life is not real busy but hers is very busy. Her Mom is sick and that demands her time plus the divorce has legal issues. I understand that she is stressed plus she is stubborn and doesn’t let anyone in too close. Likes to take it all on her shoulders. Her marriage left her empty and I don’t think she knows quite what she wants. Or i safaraid to try to get it. She simply says she doesn’t want a committed relationship right now, even though she misses me and I can tell she still cares for me. She is dating other people and that doesn’t bother me too much. But she doesn’t want for us to see each other as the feeling are too strong. I finally see that is the best because I need to heal too. We do talk occasioanlly about life stuff, not about the relationship. I tried to do that initally so as to fix things but she would just get mad and emotional.
As hard as it is to do, I know I must let go…but this other part of me keeps saying we will get back together. I just want to have peace of mind again.
The Dinner
I know it’s difficult not bringing up the subject about “getting back together”
But if you just stopped thinking, and just had fun, you would of gone home together that night.
She even said “why couldn’t you just have a nice dinner”
And even if you didn’t go home that night with her, she would of been left with a positive thought. That’s a fact. And probably would be happy to go on another date.
The first “after break up” date is waaay to soon to bring up the “getting back together” question or talk like that.
Especially if she didn’t mention any of it at all.
hi chris,
m sush frm nepal.m 29 yrs old… actually it started after i joined college, whn i was abt 20 .. i had a bf.. we were in passionate relationship.. for abt 2 yrs..we were class mates.. he was a very sensitive n stubborn kind of person n a bit introvert.. and after abt 2 yrs he had some family problems bcz of which we couldnt meet so often .. and he also somehow gave hints tht he wanted to end it, as he doesnt hav time n having some health issues of his parents n family problems
. n one day i broke up with him… i was mentally prepared…n hoped he was too expecting this.. then we were out of contact and i lost interest on him.. then i met another person thru internet n i got married at the end of 2010. things were fine for abt a year.. but after that my marriage was bad.. i was not happy… as my husband would not give me time n had other priiorities.. n slowly i drifted apart n no physical relation too…
all day i used to be on fb n talk with frens. n used to go thru my ex’s profile… he was in south korea then…one day i jus decided to msg him.. it was his bday n i sent him fb msg.. just wishing him bday…. then after that we used to chat daily .. on fb and other apps….at first i told him that my marriage is doing so grt n all.. but after sometimes i told him that im not happy n the way my husband treats me… im jus staying like an agreement n formality…. he was shocked to hear that… so he adviced me to hav a talk to my husband n settle… n he also adviced me to go abroad n have a brk… and all…. but we didnt know all this was bringing us closer….. we were in love again after 7-8 yrs…… we started having video chats too… n we talked abt love n things…….then i thought of divorce….by then my husband was not staying with me… i lived alone…. after 2 mnths he came back to nepal… n we met… he stayed almost for a year….. i lived in the capital city.. he went to our common home town.. but now n then we met…. n even got physical many times……. we were in love……then recently 3 mnths back he returned back to korea……..n things were going well… now m divorced n im also back to my home town.i live here with my parents..i left my job there..i knew tht he is very sensitive person.. so u left the city.. he might have insecurities as my ex husband also lived in the same city… i was so happy thinking that my life will b better.. i was so much in love with this person .. we had plans after his return….
but since 2 mnths… he has been fighting abt my sex in married life….. he was a virgin n i was not. . he keeps over thinking n has ruined the situation…
…… it had become serious… he fought me.. asked my details……n make me feel so bad.. he said he cannot forget that fact of me having sex wid another person before him..but i have told him several times that its not that i cheated on him… i had told him everything before getting in this relation.he was alsi ok with thiss.. i had not had sex with anybone since last 2.5 yrs.. except him…its my past.. but he finally . . he broke up wid me ysterday . he says he doesnt feel for me or love me any more… he doesnt care…
we were off n on… n broke n patched up several time…. but yesterday it was final.. i have tried everything… but he says.. its hurting fact n he cant overcome…..i really love him…. i have missed him for all these years.. pls help me…. i feel so broken…. we cant even meet.. he will come only after a year… pls help
me.. what can i do to convince him?????
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