Did I just screw up my chances for good.

Hi, I badly need advice. My ex and I dated for 3 years, this year would have been our 4th year. We had our own share of problems, one was the fact that she had never met any of my relatives, especially my mother. I have met her family, and the bond was quite nice, we are still close with the siblings and they check up on how I am doing after the break up.

The biggest damage was with me being suicidal. This happened a lot, once she saw me attempt to jump in front of a speeding bus, she also saw me take a knife to my self, there where several incidents where I tried overdosing and called her to try talk me out because I was deeply hurting. The thing is that she never talked about how much damage those suicidal attempts caused her, she would just say that she would be okay and tried hard not talking about it each and every time. Right before our break up, we had a fight and I got suicidal, she threatened to call the cops on me, but in the end we got back together, with rules.. we were together but she said she wouldn’t tell me ‘I love you’ till the day I made changes with myself. I started seeing a therapist. Things where getting better, we were happy, at least i thought so. The last time I saw her she was tired from chores, I cooked for her and did the dishes, we had a small fight that night, we both went silent for 3 days, I eventually broke the silence by asking if she was unhappy, and if she wanted us to break up? It took her a long time to say that she wanted out because she had many issues and they where all because of me. We would talk once in a while via text and facebook inbox(she had removed me from her friend list immediately after we broke up). This was the only way because she barred my numbers too.

During our conversations she would react with bitterness and the next she was kind. She would persistently say that she did not love me rather strongly, then say she did and she always would, only to say she did not love me again and it was because of my suicidal attempts. I thought I would give her space and not contact her as I fixed myself. I have made quite an improvement with my depression and I thought it was time to fight for her, I thought she was just mad at me for hurting her and she was taking out all the anger by saying she didn’t love me. I called her last week, she sounded okay till she heard my voice. Before I could tell her why I was calling she told me it was pathetic and she didn’t love me and that she meant it, I told her that I still did, and I was ready for her to meet my mum. She said no. Right after she told me that she was seeing someone and that it was serious and she wants it to work she doesn’t want to screw it up/ It hurt me a lot and I asked how she could move on so easily yet I hadn’t. It hurts a lot to this very moment. She was my best friend and the love of my life. She doesn’t open up with other people. I tried asking the sister immediately after if she was seeing someone else, she tells me she suspects so because she isn’t low like she was. My instincts tell me that it’s her taking oyt all her bottled up anger on me. In the past she once said she never loved me when mad because I had hurt her, she took me back after hard effort things got better. Am I over my head thinking she is just mad at me for my past mistakes and for not going over to work things out. She once took out her anger on me by being crude and admitted she wanted me to fight for her. I don’t want to lose her forever. I hope the guy is nothing but a rebound because I told her she was at times the reason I attempted suicide when she rejected me. I love her a lot.